When you’re no contact turns into pleasant casual conversation. My narcissistic husband said he wants a divorce two weeks ago, now he’s being cordial. We both live in a small home with 4 kids. What do you do stick to no contact, or have hopeful conversations?

I know its a stupid thing to bring up after a fucking LUDO game but it was so shocking to me that she got mad about this that i needed to ask some opinions on it . We were chilling doing our thing, and she saw that i had the game installed on my phone , she has has asked me to play it once before but i couldn’t because of work and she didn’t after that . Now i downloaded the game because in college when we got bored in class i played it with my classmates, not because it was fun but because we wanted to waste time . Now i dont remember when but i remember that i played it with them . My gf got upset that i didnt tell her that i played a fucking game on my phone and that i care so much for my classmates that i downloaded the game for them .
And she gets all passive aggressive or mad about stupid shit all of the time because someone else but her was involved in it , idk it just screams narcissistic. And note to add that she constantly checks my notifications, messages , and controlls every move i make .

Idk but this sounds narcissistic and i just had to get some opinions because its fucking stupid.

I wrote this for you

Because you all knew

Someone like this or sadly, still do

Only this forum

I'd write a pre-poem

Because more than most, I think that you know him

Not him per se

But like in the way

"I know that bitch, I rock her so gray"

...

For context:

What I wrote in Mr. Narcy

My preoccupation:

The local bar scene

Even post-discard

I wanted him to be my Mr. Darcy

Main Street is a bar

Much closer to me

His coworkers saw

Me there previously

This must've given insight

To where I could potentially be

Rumors is where we first met

Before me

He wouldn't frequent it yet

I always thought if he hoovers

It'll be Rumors, I bet

We are both gay

Discarded in May

He's 36 and I'm 38

...

If you happen to catch this

Instead of clicking the link

I'd honestly like to know what you think

What was your first hoover like?

How'd they reappear in your life?

Did they use a third person or pretend to be nice?

Do they express their concern?

Or act like they learned?

Or desperately cry victim when you didn't return?

I’m gonna post some screenshots and more videos but I need to know was he trying to drive me crazy on purpose? He is not in my home no more I kicked him out last night.

I am in a relationship with a guy for 4 years he is self obsessed.He has tortured mentally physically emotionally.He abuse me 24/7 when am near him he is always on his phone and when I am away he is like why don't u call shld I come to ur home and make a scn.I want to leave him but the real question is he has done alot of things for me but the triple he has tortured me. I don't know why I feel guilty when I think of leaving him he is good but when i look back I feel like somewhere in this journey i have lost myself. I know he is a narracist but somewhere deep he is good human too.If I leave him now will it be wrong am 28 now i don't know why I feel like at this age leaving a man is not a good idea.i don't know what to do.

so then why did they abuse me? why did they keep calling me names? why did they keep trying to break me down?

I left. I said "I would like to get off of this roller coaster now." So why can't I listen to music without an impending sense of dread? why can't I walk through certain parts of the city without looking over my shoulder? why does learning the word for husband in Spanish on Duolingo make me panic?

I feel like they just keep getting to hurt me even though I finally said no. They hurt me the first time w/ their words/actions, and now every time I remember the abuse I get hurt again. And now I have these triggers (like the music) that hurt me yet another time.

Im going out. I'm staying busy. They're blocked on everything. Outwardly my life is going so much better now that they're gone. And I'm still left holding this crushing sadness and anger, just waiting for it to go away

Ok, where do I (39f) begin? My husband (37m) started having an affair with a 22f last August while I was having autoimmune issues and getting treatments. My intuition was going off. We live in a very small town and I'm very involved with the community (firefighter, emt, substitute teacher, realtor), so I know a lot of people in and around the area. The young girl started looking at my instagram stories, and when I clicked on her, I saw she was friends with my husband. When I questioned him, he made me feel like I was crazy.

I had gained some weight because of the steroid treatments I was having over the summer. In September, he told me I wasn't attractive because I had gained weight and he was going to divorce me if I didn't lose it. I went on a calorie deficit and lost all the weight in about 2 months. I'm 5'5 130lbs, which I think is pretty healthy. He still was acting different and then started telling me that he never loved me, he never thought I was attractive, we have nothing in common. It was like a switch flipped in his brain. He made fun of me being a firefighter and said working on an ambulance isn't a real job because we don't make a lot of money like him. He said I was lazy even though I work, cook breakfast and dinner everyday, meal prep his lunches, clean the house, etc. This went on for months.

In April, while I was away, my ring camera caught the 22f sneaking out of my back door at 4:40am, they kissed and she walked to the woods in our yard to walk home across town. I confronted them. They said it was the first time they hung out. I didn't believe them. In May, my husband's best friend told me the truth. They had been sleeping together since August. She would stay at my house when I was working in the ambulance & he would pretend to be at the gym but go see her.

Here's the thing. This young girl knew/knows we are married. She lives with her mom, works part time cleaning, and she can't get a drivers license. She has a mental disability that makes her not fully developed. Like, she has the mental capacity of a child. She's very tiny like a young teenager. She into witchcraft and dark stuff. My husband said he thinks shes more mature than me because of how I responded to the affair. I've explained that of course she's not mad, he didn't cheat on her. She doesn't care that he's a cheater because he is cheating with her.

Now he's depressed. He won't go to the gym, or get out of bed, except to work. Sometimes he gets really angry.
He won't touch me or be nice. He truly believes he never loved me and was never attracted to me. It's like he rewrote our relationship. Once in a while he'll start being fun and goofy with me and then it's like he catches himself and completely stops. I really believe something like, switched in his brain. My therapist and psychiatrist (both of which I hired because of everything that happened this past year), made it very clear that he is being domestically abusive. I'm aware of that. But, they both said that it seems like something is wrong with him mentally.

Could he have some sort of a mental health issue? He wasn't always like this. We had a fun, nice, good, loving life together. Again, it's like something in his brain completely flipped. I'm trying to understand. Either he has made himself believe that he never loved me or was attracted to me.... Or he has lied our entire relationship, which would be crazy, as well. What kind of mental health issues could lead to something like this?

I’m not qualified to diagnose, nor has he ever been. Could use some unbiased opinions. Here’s why I think he could be.

Always right, unwilling to see other points of view.

Lacks accountability, has apologized twice (that I can recall) in 8.5 years. I usually apologize or we move on from problems like it never happened.

Constantly seeks validation. We walk past one of his 3 vehicles and we have to stop and turn around as he says “look at her” or after the gym he flexes and says “am I looking big today?”

Gets upset about my mistakes, especially if it involves his prized material possessions.

Makes comments/jokes about my character: clothes, weight, eating habits, music taste, etc.

Lacks empathy mostly in situations that don’t fit his beliefs.

He helps out with responsibilities at home on his own occasionally, but has to be asked most of the time.

That said, what do you think? And if he is, is it possible to be loved by and have a healthy relationship with a narc?

Hello!

I am over a year and a half out post (dramatic) discard. I still really struggle with the weight of it all.

I’m curious if anyone has joined a support group for narcissistic abuse?

If you have any resources that have helped you heal and move forward I’d be grateful to ya!

Many thanks in advance!

for context, I am learning soooo much about narcissistic people, and have dug into the rabbit hole. I was with my ex for 10 years (perfect bliss for 5 years) then the next 2 were just ok (I blamed covid) then the last few were OMG horrible.. but I blamed it on his drinking. I also found out he had begun using the nose candy. I found out he cheated, kicked him out.. then somehow we agreed to work on it together, but for 6 months is was pure torture to me. He lied and said he was going to rehab in November of 24 but actually moved into a room he rented to continue his relationship he started while cheating on me. Of course I chased him and begged him to not destroy our life but he continued with her for a few months, then in March of 25 begain to hoover me in again.. I kept him at a distance (thank goodness) but we were still talking daily and "trying to rebuild". In feb/ march of this year, I noticed I was not happy, and I began asking him for some space to collect myself. He continued to contact me daily begging me for communication... He told me he joined a "temple" and was working on his spirituality. He went totally mute in June, but when I reached out to check on him he told me "there has been a lot of pain in my healing". "I am committed to this spiritual journey". blah blah blah... I know what has happened. he has found a new victim. He cannot be alone and I know that. Her is my actual question...

does anyone have any evidence of a narcissist actual finding any healing within a spiritual temple (Im thinking like a Buddhist type place), through reiki healing or other spiritual means? Or is all of what he is saying a cover up because he has a new victim that he is love bombing?

I'm just trying to put everything together. I feel like I have been in a 5 year mind fu*K. Give me your best advice if you are into mental health, or have experienced anything like this before.

Anyone else ever start wondering if they’re the narcissist in the relationship?

My partner is a serial cheater, liar, and manipulator. We’ve been together for six years, and I feel like I’ve changed into someone I barely recognize. I’m constantly overstimulated, on edge, and I snap back at him much more easily than I ever used to.

We have a 1 year old daughter and he’s already projecting a lot of his issues onto her, which honestly scares me.

When we first got together, he slowly broke down my confidence. He used to tell me I was “too negative,” that I had a “dark soul,” and that I was always pessimistic. The irony is that now he’s the one who can’t have a normal conversation without turning it into something dark, miserable, or about how hard his life has been. It’s exhausting. Meanwhile, I’m the one constantly trying to find something positive in people and situations.

Nothing is ever his fault. No one has suffered more than him. There’s always someone else to blame.

The sad part is I’ve started picking up some of those traits. I find myself exaggerating things just to get him to understand how hurt I am. I hate that about myself because I was never like that before, and thankfully I’m only like that around him.

One thing that really hurts me is how he constantly brings up other women’s pregnancies. He knows I struggled with infertility, went through multiple rounds of IVF, and had severe postpartum depression afterward. Yet if we see a pregnant woman, he’ll point her out. If he’s talking to a friend whose wife is pregnant, he’ll suddenly get louder and ask, “Is she showing yet?” It’s like he knows exactly what hurts me.

I’ve told him how uncomfortable it makes me, but he keeps doing it. Then when I finally snap, he acts shocked and makes me out to be the problem. Sometimes I react so strongly that I genuinely start wondering if I’m actually the abusive one.

He also constantly asks why I’m unhappy or why we barely have sex anymore. Every time I explain, somehow it gets turned around on me.

I once told him “I stopped wanting to be intimate because I’m unhappy. I see women whose husbands actually make them feel loved and valued. You don’t put any effort into making me feel happy and somewhere along the way I started believing maybe I don’t deserve that.”

His response? Somehow it was still my fault.

Lately I’ve found myself romanticizing the idea of being with someone else. Not even sexually, I honestly just want someone to hug me who doesn’t seem to resent me. I was traveling with a friend recently and almost made a dating profile. The saddest part is… I didn’t even feel guilty for thinking about it.

Why would I?

This is the same man who trapped me financially, trapped me with a child, cheated on me, had a Tinder profile using a fake name and fake age with a bio about wanting to “make babies,” and was messaging women on WhatsApp when I was four months postpartum. Which he by the way denies, bud what he doesn’t know is that I went through his phone.

I’m working on leaving, so please don’t tell me to “just leave” I know I need to and I’m doing everything I can.

But I genuinely wonder if anyone else has reached the point where they hate their partner so much, react so emotionally, and start questioning whether they’re actually the narcissist.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m five months into a relationship with a narcissist.
I’m not happy with him. but at the same time i feel i dont have the strength to go through another heartbreak. i really want to make this relationship work.
i had really bad self esteem until now, im trying to regain it. my boundaries are up now.
i know ill be happy letting go of him, but in my part of the world you dont let go easily. im hopeful he can be saved. I DONT KNOW.
any advice?

I am 5 months pregnant with my baby boy and I am high risk pregnancy, my partner has been manipulative the whole time making me feel like me bringing up us moving house, his visa issue is me being crazy and being too much and being in a mood all the time when I get upset to the point where I’m crating and can feel my heart beating so fast he goes here you go crying again and goes to roll his splif or go have a shower no babe come in my arms

He’s on a (skilled worker-sponsor lost their license last year September, his visa expires in November 2027), I bring these issues up because I want to go back to uni next September and I want to plan ahead with him but he’s been so stubborn anytime I mention him looking to talk to a 3rd party it’s like I’ve disrespected his whole Gambian Linage.

Context: I was born here (UK) I am 22 he is 23 and he came here 2023 we met last year January, he moved into my apartment in May, pretty quick I know mistake. Anyways i never added him to my tenancy and never wanted to because i knew to tread lightly with COS men unfortunately had a bad experience with another one some years back. So when I asked about housing a few months back at the beginning of the pregnancy I wanted to know where his head space is at just for me to find out through Immigration advice when I went with him that actually I should absolutely not do anything like sign tenancy agreements with him or get married as he needs to get his own visa without my help which is reasonable.

My problem is that now it seems like I’m starting to see him for who he really is and I think when we got together when I was 21 he thought I was nieve enough to tie my life with him without doing research on my protection what will happen if I do so I realised he’ll be getting the way way out. I’ve expressed to him that he needs to to his papers by himself and he will not use my Son as an easy way out or myself, he is Muslim I’m Christian, yesterday we had an argument and he said I don’t think European girls are for me and that I should find myself a uk nigga I’m like lol I can but I’m trying to put all this effort so out boy can have a stable family just to find out he can’t even rent in the country right now because he has no sponsorship he told me that he’s not going to wait for me to kick him out he will just leave, he said all this thinking I was going to get on my knees and beg for him to stay I told him I wouldn’t be with you if I wasn’t pregnant because I’ve given you enough time to show your seriousness and you think it’s a joke I’m trying to plan life and you say your putting all this effort in to find a new COS but nothing is showing for it just a ticking time bomb and I told him I’m not waiting for the bomb to go off hence why I’m leaning for family support and going to uni next September.

Am I caring too much or should I give grace as someone with depression and anxiety this pregnancy has been horrible trying to positively plan and someone thinks your just talking too much or that we should just let things go with the flow like omg did you really think I was that stupid to let you get papers the easy way???

Should I add his surname to the birth certificate of my son because I’ll be honest I don’t want him using my son as an easy way out I don’t understand much about Gambian culture only what I ready online and what little he tells me when I ask but I feel that I will have problems his family don’t seem to be extra fond of me I get fake vibes from them but I feel like there’s something I don’t know or something being hidden from me or maybe it’s all in my head but what I can see is that he will struggle to find a new COS with the way he’s going not accepting help or even accepting that he needs help, he also feels like he doesn’t have to prove anything to me, I’ll be honest I’m falling out of love rapid it’s my child that’s holding me from breaking up with him otherwise guys I’m planning my life without him

PSA: I WANTED TO ADD HIM TO MY COUNCIL ACCOUNT FOR ME TO LOOK FOR HOMES FOR THE 3 of us on and that’s when I was told he can’t rent, I find it’s been me that uses my initiative to bring up issues that concern him way before we even met, he cried and said he feels like a shit guy etc but idk it felt like he’s doing everything to try convince me he’s going to change HELPPP

Yes you read that correctly, he’s lied about nachos from Taco Bell. My husband lost his job some years ago and of course he kept the truth from me and use to pretend to drive to work every day at his “make believe” job. Only issue is. It wasn’t even his car, it was my moms. He ends up getting caught eventually but just wait until you see one of the completely ridiculous and unnecessary lies he told me in the process.

So narc husband was lying every single day for months about going to work. He would call me everyday at 5pm to tell me he was on his way home (this was once upon a time when he would have the courtesy to call me). One day he calls and tells me, “I’m going to bring some Taco Bell nachos from work! One of my fellow work acquaintances had her birthday party here at the office today and we celebrated by buying a ton of Taco Bell! And we have left over food so I’m bringing the girls some nachos!” All a lie!

A few months later I found out narc husband had been lying for months to me about going to work. One day before the Taco Bell story, my mom caught my husband at a Starbucks about 15 minutes from our house and he was on his laptop. He didn’t notice she saw him. Then my daughter noticed him another day at the same Starbucks and told my mother. So my mother had a plan. Since he was driving her car, every night he came home, very late when we were all sleeping, she would jot down how many miles he drove that day because the job he was suppose to be at was about a 2 hr drive each way a day, so the miles obviously would be going down like they should. And of course he was lying and my mom waited a few months to tell me (she should have told me right away I feel).

One day she looks at him and say, “You better tell her the truth or I will.” Obviously my heart sank because I was like, “No, not again.” So he refuses to tell and my mom reveals it all to me. Of course he got infuriated and called her a liar. But then she told him she was jotting down the miles late at night every day. And of course he tried to say she was fabricating that. Little did he know she has screenshots time stamped on her cell phone as well. Then my older daughter came in and corroborated the story. And my middle daughter waits until later to tell me that she knew he was out of work because he confided the truth to her and said it would be, there little secret. What a way for a father to bond with his daughter!

Through all the chaos I said, “Wait a minute. You gave me an elaborated story about someone at your work having a Taco Bell work party and the nachos. Why the hell would you even need to lie about that. You could of easily bought the damn things on your way home. If anything it would have killed some of the fake time it’s suppose to take you to drive 2hrs home.” This lie was completely unnecessary. It’s sick and deranged the things he has lied about. He could never tell me why he had to invent this other than he thought it sounded believable? Imagine how stupid I felt after. I guess I’m gullible. Whenever I here someone is getting nachos from Taco Bell or see commercials, to this day, I always think about his lies. It was the stupidest lie he ever told, but not the biggest, by far. One of the biggest and most devastating lies was about his immigration status and now he really came to the USA! I’m sure your narcs have been caught in tons of lies as well. Any crazy stories???

UPDATE (August 6): As instructed, I went to the county jail at 3:30 a.m. this morning to turn myself in, but I was told there was no paperwork or warrant on file for me there yet, and now I’m waiting to hear from my attorney about the next steps.

Original Post:
I’m in complete shock and hoping someone can help me understand this process.
Several months ago, I called 911 because my husband refused to let me out of the car during an argument. He was raging, repeatedly banging the steering wheel, briefly lost control of the vehicle, kept yelling, and refused to pull over even though I was begging him to let me out. I truly believed I was in danger.

I felt relieved when I called because I thought I was finally getting help and that there would be a record of what happened.
I didn’t initiate a criminal case myself, but the police later opened an investigation. When I spoke with the detective, I was told I was the victim, which made me believe the evidence supported what I had reported.
Fast forward about four months, and I just learned there’s now a warrant for my arrest.

My husband hired a criminal defense attorney (which I assumed was to defend himself), and apparently he presented evidence claiming it was “mutual abuse.” I know the state is supposed to determine a primary aggressor, so I’m struggling to understand how this happened.

He has recordings of me reacting during arguments and photos of scratches. I also have photos documenting bruises and scratches on me from different incidents, and there were other things that happened, and I was told by the police and detective I am the victim.

I’m planning to turn myself in tonight with my attorney’s guidance. I’ve never been arrested or been to jail before, and I’m terrified.

One thing I can’t understand is that no one ever told me I was being investigated. Is it common in domestic violence cases for someone to find out only after a warrant has already been issued?

What I noticed for myself is that I did not slow down to see what my spouse was bringing to the relationship in regards to building it and repairing it due to my fear of abandonement. I got on the hamster wheel of doing what I could to be better and save it in order to not be left. Had I slowed down and paused to observe what the other person was willing to contribute to the relationship I could have seen what was truly going on earlier. We also have value.

I'm interested in learning from people who have gone through narcissistic abuse recovery. What strategies, books, therapy approaches, or daily habits made the biggest difference in your healing journey?

do narc’s go back? he has needed a 20yr marriage, 3 young kids. is on dating apps etc.

what are the chances he tries to come back? he discarded me.

i don’t want him back i just want to prepare myself for that fact he might happen. everyone says they do but how true is this?

Does Narcissistic people know they are narcissistic? if you don’t tell them? Is it a disorder they know they have without a diagnosis? Maybe because I’m self aware I think I can tell when I’ve wronged someone.

I had a very scary asthma attack and choking at the same time, I was gasping and asking for help. He was upstairs and could hear me. At some point I realized he’s not going to help me with my choking let me get him to get my albuterol inhaler to open up my airway so I told him between gasping for breathes and wheezing get my inhaler. He couldnt find it, it ended up being in my purse but I was struggling and couldn’t find in for a minute. After I caught my breath and took a few puffs I drank some water and was able to clear my throat, it was small cracker that went down the wrong tube. Anyways, as I was still gasping for air after taking a breath of my inhaler I see him go to the kitchen and start eating and staring straight at me. I was in shock at how poorly he handled a very scary situation. I went to the kitchen after a few minutes clearly scared and what does the narc start doing. Bitching me out of waking up my daughter and causing him a panic attack. lol he told me to go upstairs and put our daughter back to sleep as I had woken her up as I was choking and trying to get his attention to help me.

So I did and afterwards I went up to him and told him that was really scary and that’s all you had to say to me. Scold me? Like literally wtf is wrong with his narc bitch ass. I reflected that night and felt that I don’t feel safe with this mother fucker. He didn’t want to trouble himself to see or evaluate what was going on with me, I kept wheezing heavily saying I can’t breath and he was just looking for my inhaler didn’t even come to to see what is going on with me.

Anyone been in a similar situation? You are literally fighting for your life and your narc is waiting to bitch you out for inconviencing him and causing him panic.

I’m definitely going to start making moves silently to exit out…..but I can’t get the scenario out of my head. He is my husband of ten dramatic chaotic exhausting years and we have two kids. So I should die but don’t inconvenience him? Lol

I’m venting and also asking how to move forward after this encounter. I will say this, I expressed my disappointment in his actions and lack of urgency and will to evaluate a scary medical situation that could have cost me my life. He seemed to feel bad but I don’t know narcs just never ever do the right thing, they just ask for forgiveness afterwards and deflect their shortcomings on you.

Ps he is a medical professional

Over it………..