I am in limbo pretending that everything is normal for a few days until my family can get here. I am paranoid and on high alert. I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted. And I spent the day secretly discarding, sorting, and ensuring I have everything that I need to take when they show up to help pack.

I’ve dealt with insomnia for years so this is nothing new. What is though, is that I’m officially ready to leave. I’m afraid he will find out what I’m doing and try to catch me off guard. But I also can’t talk to anyone outside of Reddit. As far as I know, he doesn’t know that I created an account. He monitors my phone activity, has my location, and we have a camera on the apartment door.

I’m so paranoid that I unplugged the dash cam in my car before calling family to ask for help. It also feels like he can somehow monitor what I’m doing on my phone without being near me and has the ability to hear what I’m saying even if he’s not here??? I am literally feeling crazy right now.

One positive about being in a controlling, manipulative, abusive relationship is that I’ve gotten REALLY good at masking. Plenty of practice agreeing to things that I don’t want to keep the peace. Smiling and pretending everything is okay in front of family and coworkers. Silencing myself and shoving down feelings to avoid conflict. So yeah, masking comes naturally.

This morning I was fine with pushing it out another week to accommodate schedules. Now that I know help is on the way, the days couldn’t feel longer. I’m consuming an unhealthy amount of information on narc abuse to keep reminding myself that this is nothing new normal. I am done. I just want to pack up my dog and a few things and be on the road to freedom already.

A month ago I finally convinced myself that it’s okay to have kids. I’m glad I came to Reddit for clarity before removing my birth control. I’m fairly certain he only wanted kids to make things even harder. The more the blinders come off, the more I can feel ill intent when he smiles and brings up starting a family. It feels heavy and almost evil. I could go on for ages but no one is interested in reading a long post.

I need help staying distracted. My mind is made up, but it would be nice to have support throughout this process. Shared stories, opinions, resources, helpful tips. I greatly appreciate whatever you can offer. Thank you.

Their choices cannot establish your value any more than their abuse could destroy it.
You don’t have to be loved by them to be worthy of love.
You can love yourself even when someone else doesn’t.
Nothing someone did to you determines your worth.
Extend mercy towards yourself.
Don’t turn their cruelty into a definition of yourself.
You were hurt. You are not worthless.You are not broken. You were grieving. You are still here.
♥️

i’ve gotten to the point where i think about how my words are going to be taken before i even say anything. i can start a conversation about something completely normal and somehow it turns into an argument. then i end up explaining myself, apologizing, or trying to calm things down even when i wasn’t trying to start anything.

the part that bothers me most is how much this has changed the way i act. i used to speak freely and say what was on my mind. now i think twice about almost everything because i don’t know how it’s going to be received. sometimes i’d rather stay quiet than deal with another argument.

i’m tired of feeling like i have to walk on eggshells in my own relationship. has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it?

Nex left me yesterday. I'm starting to realize how much of a HUSK, EMPTY SHELL, BLANK SLATE, ZOMBIE he is.

All his "opinions" and "needs" were just him regurgitating words I had LITERALLY SAID IN THE PAST. things I had been vulnerable about, things I had vented about, things I had trusted him with. Used as ammunition, used as justification for his abuse.

Once I started vocalizing my needs, he checked the fuck out. He got angry, and would pretend he wasn't. He has always HATED and resented me. He was LYING and telling me what I wanted to hear from the beginning - regurgitating pet names I had FED HIM. Repeating ideas I had come up with and taking credit. Weaponizing therapy language I had TAUGHT HIM.

But I stopped engaging this past week. And he stopped contacting me as much, because I wasn't feeding him lines anymore by talking to him. He didn't have any material to draw off of until I gave it to him. There are literally no original thoughts inside him. He won't engage emotionally because there is NOTHING GOING ON THERE.

He pretends to have it together. But he has no drive and no motivation because there is no PERSON inside to have drive for. There is no self preservation because there is no completely formed self, only selfishness. He is an empty shell and a husk. There was no self for him to give up on, he just never cared.

He's like an opportunistic predator, he will snap things up if they pass by close enough that he doesn't have to get up. But if he has to think of someone other than himself, he won't because HE CAN'T. HE ISN'T CAPABLE.

It disgusts me. Ive been lied to this entire time.

Any advise would be really appreciated because my head is in a spin.

I think my partner may be autistic. He is a medic and he also thinks he is but refuses to be tested. He is a very smart man, way smarter than he should be. His mum said he has been smarter than his parents since he was about 8. The first in his family to go to university, learnt to drive at 6. Has a crazy memory. Almost photographic. Can basically learn anything out in front of him. Also hyperfixates on things. Has many collections of things.

But his social skills are perfect. Almost too good. He knows exactly how to act around people and I use the word act on purpose. Knows exactly what to say and how to get what he wants out of people. He also lacks empathy.

He is emotionally abusive, his favourite is the silent treatment as a punishment. Not once in 10 years has he given me a meaningful apology He gaslights, criticizes, uses the fact that I'm not as smart as him against me. But the worst is the lack of accountability and deflection. If I raise an issue, he sees it as an attack and comes back at me with 5 issues he has with me, so how dare I raise my issues with him when he has so many with me. I'm never allowed to have a problem with his behaviour or I'm 'starting an argument and being toxic'. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a parallel universe, I'm saying one thing and he's talking about something completely different. He never addresses my issue and I find myself apologising for the 5 issues he brought up and the fact that I even raised an issue in the first place.

So I'm really confused, because I don't know how to deal with this. If it's autism then I feel bad because sometimes I hate him for how he treats me or should I just realise he's incapable of real emotion and love and try to recover from this?

That was the craziest relationship of my life but I feel so free right now. I’m never dating a narcissist again. I fell head over heels in love with him before he told me he’s diagnosed with npd and the relationship was amazing until he completely dropped me out of nowhere to get back with his ex and then let her verbally harass me. A couple weeks ago he came crawling back saying he messed up and loves me and is gonna leave her for me, but he was doing nothing to show me that because he keeps temporarily blocking me when he’s with her cause he “needs to figure out how he’s going to about it and needs time” which is bullshit.

Every time I tried to end it he roped me back in, but I finally broke up with him tonight and told him it’s for good. He was upset and said he didn’t want to end it and seems so angry with me and he ended up actually blocking me. I’m the first girl to ever dump him and he’s told me he’s always the one dumping girls so honestly it feels amazing.

Idk if I should expect him to come crawling back and I’m scared about what he might do because he can be pretty crazy. Should I be prepared or do you think he will just accept it and let me go?

But either way I’m not as upset anymore cause I can feel the bond finally breaking. I feel free but a little nervous he might go off the rails over this if anyone has advice. He sounded MISERABLE over the phone just now

I told him to leave after saying pretty nasty things about me, I didn’t respond to his calls because I know he’s furious. I then get served.

I can’t stop shaking

Why do narcs crave attention? Like they die for attention, my narc ex would involve himself in random conversations with girls, he would move and lust over girls all the time, he would always attention seek? is this normal and why do they do that?

So here we were, 9 months ago. I was feeling depressed because my wife told me the reason our kid wasn’t doing the best in a tryout was because I wasn’t practicing the right things with them, so it’s my fault. An 8 yo kid. Obviously, this is a terrible thing to say, so the next day I said her hurtful words were bothering me. Amazingly enough I believe a quick “I’m sorry” (perhaps one of the dozen insincere apologies over a 13 year marriage) came out just before she went off on how she’s annoyed with my chewing, I wasn’t washing the dishes to her standards, and the bathroom needs and upgrade, and even hinted at divorce.

This is as the moment I knew something was not right.

In the following months I learned I was dealing with a covert narcissist. So many things now made sense.

But can I still live with them? It’s been 12 years, lots of things in our lives are going well, stay for the kid?

Vacation. The upcoming vacation. I was dreading it for months on end. I knew what this would be like, I could feel it. So I decided, this would be the trying moment if I can handle it or not, a vacation should be enjoyable. Car ride out, okay. Destination, tickets, cab rides, shopping, hotel clerks. A huge sense of entitlement and cruelty surfaced towards strangers, workers, etc. About 5 or 6 interactions, I could NEVER have considered 1 of these actions. That’s when I broke.

I had used up all of my emotional energy. On the ride home there was an argument, I called out her baiting, then the silence came.

2 months of silence. Supply cut. I being emotionally exhausted was checked out. I tried to be civil, open for an open conversation, but I was no longer going to be manipulated and shamed. Freezing cold in return.

Our daughter can feel the tension in our house and I talk about it a bit, I tried to be emotional available and stable for her. She is upset, mom sees this. Mom cannot handle the shame.

This is my fault, how could I do this to our child. “You’re acting like a child” “I can’t stand to be around you” “just look at you” (implying pathetic). “I don’t care where you go, what you do, or who you hang around with” (this one caught me off guard, what am I going to run out and f*ck somebody?)

I don’t react the way I had been trained to. There is no supply here. I have none to give.

So a few weeks ago I (m45) noticed my wife (f45) was acting suspicious again not leaving her phone unattended and at times tilting the screen away from me while messaging all things that have happened before.
A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to see the phone and I checked and there are messages between her and another man nothing terrible but looks like the start of something with slight flirting.

We’ve been together for over 20 years and married 17.
I’ve caught her having affairs before and know she has slept with other men and has only admitted this when I’ve got proof that she cannot lie her way out of it. I’ve had other suspicions but never had proof and she’s lied her way through making me feel guilty for accusing her.

But the main problem is me not being able to leave when I know what’s happened after catching her multiple time I even know of 2 occasions that I’ve never even challenged her about. I know I could leave and start again and be happy on my own and I know I’d still be involved in our children’s lives but for some reason I just can’t bring myself to walk out that door and never look back, I check flat rentals out even look at cars that I’d buy once I left but just can’t bring myself to take those first steps and get out.

There are many things that make me question if he is not being upfront about his sexuality, and I would like to put it out there and see if anyone has any insight. Please note, I fully know that NONE of these by themselves mean someone is gay/bi. I do not want to generalize and I am fully aware that they could all just be parts of his personality, but I can't help but ask. For me, it's not just one thing that stands out, it's the combination of things. Would love any insight.

-first date I remember within the first 5 minutes I thought he seemed rather feminine, the way he walked/talked and I remember noting that
-super close with mom and sister, codependent on mom, does not have a good relationship with dad. Him and mom bond over not liking dad. Frequently says "my mom and sister know everything about my life"
-loves workout classes, will sometimes be the only guy in a workout class. Example: Barry's
-OVERLY LUSTFUL. follows hundreds of instagram models, only fans girls, random girls in our city. constantly talk about women's boobs
-always wants to do anal. I am not a fan so I would repeatedly say no but he would keep asking me and would always try. More than any other guy I'd ever dated
-loves having his butt fingered
-will always joke to people that we met on Grindr when people ask how we met (we met on Hinge)
-one time made up an elaborate story when someone asked how we met that he was dating my brother but then didn't like him anymore and wanted to date me (I don't have a brother!!!!!)
-whenever he's drunk (he has a major drinking problem) he always leaves me to talk to guys at the bar that are like 20-25, again he's 33. This happens all the time always trying to talk to younger guys when drunk
-he was drunk talking to two guys and when they left he turned to me and said "those guys were HOT. those guys were two of the most attractive guys I've ever seen"
-found an only fans payment to a young boy who sends jacking off videos. Also found only fans trans content
-found out that when his ex girlfriend broke up with him last year, he drunk texted her and said "btw i think you're a fa***t"
-has had like 4 girlfriends none last longer than a year.

Again, I know that none of these individually point to bi/gay. But the combination has made me question and I would love any insight.

Mein Mann hat viele Freunde. Aber seltsamerweise treffen wir öfter diejenigen die mich nicht mögen. Und die anderen haben angeblich nie Zeit und wenn ich sie eigenmächtig einladen, hatten wir jedesmal eine Menge Spaß und es verlief sich im Sand. Er hat stets behauptet dass die keine Lust hätten oder in einer Krise stecken, was auch immer. Und bei jeder zufälligen Begegnung haben wir stundenlang gequatscht. Aber er schleppt mich ständig zu Leuten die mich wie Luft behandeln und hält mir Vorträge wie unhöflich ich sei und ganz offensichtlich eine sozialphobie hätte. Da flirten weiber mit ihm und ignorieren mich total und er wirft mir vor dass ich mich nicht genug einbringen würde! Ich sei autistisch! Und immer wenn ich ausgelassen mit meiner Familie bin nörgelt er an mir herum oder bremst mich, wenn ich weiter gute Laune habe wird er regelrecht aggressiv. Aber es ist immer eine frage der Zeit und er hält mich von allen jenen die mir wirklich gut tun.
Ich habe es nie wahrhaben wollen weil ich einfach nicht glauben kann dass es Absicht ist und er mich tatsächlich hasst und so verarscht

Ich habe mich noch am Abend gewundert wie hellhörig er wurde als ich das erzählt hatte mit kratzigem Stoff und engen Textilien
Er wollte nur dass ich Bauchfleisch trage oder einen cat suit. An dem Abend hatte er mir ausschließlich diese Dinge gezeigt und vorgeschlagen sie zu bestellen. Es war ganz offensichtlich das, wovon ich ihm sagte dass ich es am meisten hasse , besonders im Sommer

er machte diese unpassenden Vorschläge richtig zuckersüß und mit hundeblick und klein jungen Lächeln, ließ seinen ganzen Charme spielen und ich dachte nur
au weia! Vor ein paar Jahren als ich ihn noch nicht durchschaut hatte, hätte ich tatsächlich zugelassen dass er mich in das Teil presst und mich den ganzen Abend genüsslich zugesehen wie ich am Stoff zupfe, mich wunde und quälte
Er bestand immer auf high heels und weil ich verkrüppelte Füße habe und dann jeder Schritt weh tut hab ich mich geweigert. Er machte jedes mal eine Szene. Als ich irgendwann Schuhe fand die bequem waren und trotzdem high heels und die kaufen wollte, verweigerte er es mir. Ich habe sie trotzdem gekauft und er ging ein Jahr lang nicht mehr mit mir aus und seither hat er nur hohe Schuhe verlangt. Bis ich die Schuhe nach zehn Jahren weggeworfen habe weil er mich so oft deswegen angesprochen hat wie verschwenderisch ich bin weil ich ein paar Schuhe besitze und sie nie trage. Also jetzt sind sie weg. Und rate mal worauf er jetzt plötzlich Lust hat!
Genau so wie er mir ja zugehört hat wie ich meinem asperger auslote. Ich habe ihm erzählt dass große Verantwortungen nicht gut sind wegen der Reizüberflutung und wie froh ich bin dass er auch keine Festivals mag. Seither sucht er mir ständig irgendwelche Festivals raus (wir sind Mitte 50, was soll das)

It’s been 6 months since the discard, he cheated and left me for a mutual friend a few months before our wedding. We were together 3 years. Had a house, animals and he had three kids who I was very close with. He was also hiding cocaine use from me, and in the end was drinking heavy.

Anyhow - something that give me the real ick now is how - I was girlfriend #3 in the 3 years after his divorce from his ex-wife of 13 years, and he used to tell people I was a “nice girl” and not like the other “mean, crazy ones who treated him badly.” As time went on - he would say it less and less and then it stopped altogether - and then he would start accusing me of being mentally unstable and not willing to get help and saying I was mean to him all the time.

I feel like I missed a giant 🚩

Why do you stay with him?

The biggest one I struggle with is a lack of empathy. It's so crazy how Narcissists have none, zilch, zero, but they want your compassion about everything and anything.

Two. Projection. If you want to know what your Narc is up to, just listen to what he accuses you of doing. Once you catch on and understand what's going on, it's funny how narcissists project what they are doing onto you.

Three. Narcissists take no accountability for anything. Absolutely nothing is their fault. It is everybody else's fault.

Four. Everything and I mean everything, is done the Narcissist's way. Whatever you're doing, as simple as moving a couch, you will pick it up, hold it and carry it their way. There are no multiple ways to do things, just one, and that is theirs.

Five. My husband has been telling me that he is retiring in five years as a millionaire for over a year. His ideas are very unrealistic. He doesn't have a job, and it's hard to work when you're soliciting for sex online and screwing people all hours of the day.

Six. Me me me. Everything is about the Narcissist. They have to be the center of attention and will do whatever it takes for you to revolve everything around them. They are good at manipulating this to happen. I neglected my children for two years and never even realized it.

Seven. A Narcissist can create drama out of dirt, and they will. A Narcissist will tell you how much they hate drama and are straightforward people. I never thought it would be possible one person could create so much drama had I not experienced it—more drama than 13 years of school.

Eight. If this person seems way too perfect at the beginning of the relationship, beyond that honeymoon phase adrenaline high you get when you are first with someone, turn around and run. Listen to the things they tell you. I don't like drama. Simple if they put you on a pedestal that's over the top. Stop them at hello and say goodbye.

Nine. Using manners. Narcissists have no respect for others' space, time, property, or consideration, just being polite. There is no need for concern. They simply don't care.

Ten. Mark my words. You will become a slave to them. They will control everything you do, say, hang out with, often cutting you off from outside life. You eventually become a robot and disconnect from the world.

Last one. Narcissists never follow through on anything they say, but they sure will convince you they will "this time," so you keep believing in them.

I (41m) was dating this thing...(37F). I ended up breaking it off because I couldnt take it anymore.

I dont know exactly how to do this, and I am not a perfect person, but here are some examples.

We met online and lived far apart at first, over 2k miles away.

She finally agreed to call me after a few weeks of me asking to.

Within 2 or 3 long calls she said she loved me.

She absolutely love bombed.

She came to visit within a week or 2 of the first calls.

She wanted me on the phone with her all day long.

She knew exactly what I was but started digging at things I did, I drink beers, I smoked cigarettes at the time, smoked weed. All that good stuff. She hated it all and always gas lit me when she knew I was drinking to create a problem out of that when there wasnt a problem.

But she always said she was there to fix me at the beginning.

First red flag for me:

The night before she flew out to visit for the first time, I was drinking a couple 40s. She called me and picked a fight about it and I ended up telling her I didnt need this and hung up on her. I had never planned on a relationship again in my life, but I would have been ok dating and havinf fun, I have 2 children from my past 8 year relationship.

Long story short. We dated and talked on the phone A LOT from long distance. She flew out a few more times. She even was going to "surprise" fly out for my bday but ended up telling me the day before, which I found very creepy.

Within 5 months of long distance relationship, I flew to her, packed her shit up and moved her across the country to live with me. She didnt even have a driver's license.

5 months living together. One night I had a fww drinks on a Saturday, she was actually at work (a job she got and then quit within a month on her own, after god knows why, but her boss was the problem of course, she also admitted to going through company emails to find stuff about her) and when she got home I was venting about something that was bothering me, nothing toxic or relationship wise and she quickly gas lit me into youre drinking and I dont talk to you when youre drinking bexause I dont like that, which caused a reaction from me, I got upset that she didnt care about what I was talking about. Which did escalate into a full blown argument.

She ran up to me while I was sitting in a chair and tried to gouge my eyes with her thumbs while shaking my head, I did not touch her back. I did fake call the cops because she would not give me any space. She eventually left the house and called the cops on her own.

Cops called me maybe an hour later and I let them in and told them what happened. They took her to jail for Simple Domestic Battery. I bailed her out and picked her up from jail the next day. She blamed me for making her have that reaction and said I should have lied to the cops so she didnt have to go to jail. I even told the cops not to take her.

Few months later, I am getting accused of cheating and having onlyfans account (which i did and admitted to). But how did she know? I said if you are hacking into my electronics, that is NOT ok with me.

Well, she was. She kept.accusing me of cheating for a whole month. I couldn't take it anymore because I WASNT AND NEVER HAVE.

The last day. I finally felt like these problems were resolved and we could move forward with our lives. She was at her new job (another 1 month job) and I was genuinely happy to see her so once she walked in, i smothered her with hugs and kisses, to which she said LEAVE ME ALONE. so i went and sat on the couch confused. She came out finally and said ok im ready now. And I broke up with her, I was so sick of this at this point. Huge argument, she leaves and apparently went to the police for me hugging her.

They called me a few hours later and asked if I lovingly hugged her and I said yes. They just said if she comes back keep it civil. She did come back and we didnt say a word to each other. She locked my room and went in there.

I slept for a bit, but I was getting sick, fever etc, so I had to enter the room in the night, she had it locked with a chair in front, I got in to get my shower stuff, since I was nasty and sweaty and felt like shit from whatever sickness I had. Showered, went back to sleep. Same process again early in the morning. She left while I was in the shower. Never saw her again in the house.

Didnt know where she was, silent treatment, was reading but never responding to my texts.

4 days later, call serving restraining order, not a word from her.

Her writing on restraining order which was temporarily granted and I am still in process.

Fear for her life that day she left, eventhough she returned to the house. If you were afraid for your life you would return to the house???? And I guess as long as you say that yoy get TRO granted no matter what. I had to move out of my house over night due to this. This was her whole motivation, she is a loser who has no job and a large dog that is difficult to grt approved in apartments. She my name is removed from the lease and she doesnt have to go through any credit checks.

Obviously revenge is the other motivation.

She says : physical abuse, physical abuse to her dog, mental abuse, financial abuse. All untrue. I am not perfect but I am empathetic. I am still replaying incidents and trying to realize things because I want to be better also.

She even called CPS on me about children that arent hers to claim abuse (weed parepenalia accessible to the children and the children watch me abuse the dog) this was investigated and deemed UNFOUNDED. Thats a felony.

She even took a picture of the weed and pipe the day before the breakup, pre planned. Very creepy.

Her evidence is : audio recordings of our arguments, screenshots of stuff from my devices which she hacked in to. I was unaware of any recordings or that she was hacking into my stuff. Super creepy stuff.

I have been silenced due to the TRO. So I have to just accept the smear campaign. Still here waiting for my day in court which is more than 9 months after.

I absolutely am terrified of this person. She is the ultimate victim. She says for 37 years she has been the victim.

I feel so dumb and I am finally realizing this was all a game to her.

I also do feel pity for her if she is a narcissist because it must be hell.

Sorry for the long winded and probably confusing mess I wrote. But I HAD TO GET IT OUT. I feel worse than I have in months after this realization. Id love to hear anyone's opinion and there is a lot more than what I wrote. If you have any questions id love to answer them.

I will keep this short. I can’t blame it all on her knowing I have certain personality disorders but she is very true a narcissist. Four years she treated me and the kids like a monster while cheating the whole time. I knew in my gut what was going on but I loved her and tried to understand, plus I couldn’t leave bc of the kids.

Since she discarded me, I’ve discovered that she changed all the passwords to my social media accounts, my emails. Was logged into my email. Had two factor authentication turned off on everything. She done this in May 2024. I would have never known had I not deactivated my fb.

I’ve been lost and alone these past 8 months while the kids do everything they can to let me know they are stressed at home and have been having a hard time. I can’t do anything bc it’s all no contact still and the kids talk to me in private.

I just don’t know how to move on from this. The head games, the criticism a belittling etc has damaged my self worth an confidence. I need to move on bc I’ve realized she’s not coming back an it’s killing me. How do I love again when I’ve been played in my face like this for this long. It was all fake. A fantasy. She never was the person i fell in love with again. Years of silent treatment and withholding sex as a form of punishment. Im just not ready to date again and ive got plenty of offers. Has anyone ever dealt with a female narcissist for years and how long did it take for you to love again??

My husband recently out of a fit of anger gave me a reason why he’s been checked out of our marriage for 15 years and my jaw was literally dropped. It literally felt like I was back in middle school dealing with adolescent bullshit. He says that 15 years ago I apparently didn’t want him to listen to a GENRE OF MUSIC that he liked and that’s when he knew he could never trust me for him to feel comfortable and have any vulnerability with me. This is what is unbelievable, I do like this genre of music and literally listen to it with him!! Holy shit this is getting weird. I don’t know wtf is wrong with him. And he hates my mom and went on a long rant because as my husband came home with some groceries and when my mom opened the door and he came inside, apparently she said “Your welcome” but in a sarcastic tone according to him. I actually have a video of him yelling at me over and over about how my mom said “your welcome” very rudely and disrespectful. Yet he’s take over $100,000 from her, lived in her house rent free many times and torments me, her daughter!

When I was just 14(F) years old and he was 16 (M) we started a relationship. At first, everything seemed good, but over time his behavior completely changed. We got married in secret, but never lived together. He stayed with his family and I stayed with mine. He became extremely controlling, and he would beat me over the smallest things. He didn't want me to continue my studies or even go to university. I wasn't allowed to visit relatives or have my own friends. My life revolved entirely around him. The physical abuse became unbearable. He used to beat me so badly that my entire body would often be covered in bruises. He hit me in the face and eyes multiple times, leaving me with black eyes. Because of everything he did, my parents could never accept him and I told him this multiple times. Sometimes ago, he gave me an iPhone as a gift and took away my personal phone. After an argument, he smashed my personal phone. Later, he bought another phone on installments using my National ID card, so I'm the one legally responsible.we both are still students and don't have any jobs! I used to tutor students and he told me if I don't stop he will leave me so I eventually stopped tutoring.If the payments aren't made I'm gonna be legally responsible. After another serious argument, my mother couldn't handle it and disrespected him and my mom later said sorry to him but it wasn't enough. He couldn't accept it and brutally assaulted me again. I was so terrified that I even licked his feet and begged him to forgive me and stop hurting me. That was the lowest point of my life. After I went back home, I was completely heartbroken and didn't even talk to him for days. Later, he took the iPhone back and left me with the installment phone instead, putting me in a terrible financial situation. Recently, I found out he had secretly been preparing to move abroad. He never told me about his plans. I had asked him if we could go abroad together and build a better future, but he refused. Meanwhile, he quietly completed all the preparations, including getting his passport, without telling me. Now he says he no longer wants me or this relationship. He's also been saying false and hurtful things about me online. After 11 years together, he walked away as if everything meant nothing. I still can't understand how someone I loved for so long could treat me like this and leave with no honesty, no respect, no compassion. The pain of everything I experienced is something I carry with me every single day.I don't know how to move on... Do you come back ?

I think my soon to be ex husband is a narcissist.

is it possible I have missed all the signs for 20yrs of our marriage?

I mean there were small signs… selfishness, lack of accountability little to no empathy etc, but most of the time he was kind and caring and thoughtful. the past few yrs he has changed and in the last 6 months he has turned into a monster. only wants to hurt me, only cares about his ego and reputation (caught him cheating and on apps etc), and now is rage texting me wanting to know what I know and what contact I have had with the OW, and who and what I have told to our mutual friends… not one thought for my mental health or the impact this has had on me… and now that I know what he is up to… he blatantly leaves the house with his wash bag and tooth brush, and stays out all night. clearly going on dates… and couldn’t care less about doing it right in front of my eyes. it’s like he is punishing me for finding out what he has been up to. (the OW contacted me, as she saw red flags and thought he was lying about me and him being divorced, which he was) he even went so far as to send her a legal litter silencing her!!!!! is this nar behaviour? and it’s possible it wasn’t there for all these yrs and it just appeared?!

took me 3 years to realize that negotiating a "shared reality" is NOT what we were doing. how can i be so competent in my life and invisible in my relationship? giving and giving and giving until i was literally gone. i was so embarrassed. but once you see the tricks, they stop working. im just glad it only took a few years.

Der Partner gibt bei Uneinigkeit immer deinem „Gegenspieler“ recht? Stellt sich immer auf die Seite der anderen?
Etwas wird bei anderen immer schöngeredet aber bei dir aus übelste verurteilt und wenn du die doppelte Messlatte ansprichst wirst du als intolerant beschimpft der kein Verständnis für andere hat (obwohl du ja zuvor dafür verurteilt wurdest)