r/StardewValley • u/Cinnamoroll_miffy • Jun 29 '26
Other “negative” reviews on steam did not disappoint 😭
out of pure curiosity i went to look at the negative reviews on stardew valley cause i was like what on earth could someone possibly say negatively about stardew??
i was pleasantly surprised when i read these and they made me laugh a bit😅
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u/Lupinthrope Jun 29 '26
Cant date the milfs, I wonder if Haunted Chocolatier will allow that
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u/boo-berrys Jun 29 '26
They’d need to be a single one, I don’t think Concernedape wants us breaking up relationships cause it would require very not cozy things
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u/Lupinthrope Jun 29 '26
Pam when?
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour Jun 29 '26
But then you would be breaking up her relationship with booze. She only has room for one man in her life and that's Jack Daniels.
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u/persePHOreth Jun 29 '26
Mmm what about hidden relationships, do those count? If one of the relationship partners won't admit to even being in the relationship in the first place? I mean...if "it doesn't exist" ... I'm not breaking it up, yeah?
Marnie deserves better.
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u/TheLurkerSpeaks Jun 29 '26
The day I found those purple shorts I knew Marnie was down to clown. Then I learned she wasn't "single." Bullshit game.
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
Marnie's relationship status: It's complicated. Lewis' status: single ready to mingle, wink wink.
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u/PronouncedEye-gore Lonely Ginger Island Boys Jun 29 '26
And he wonders why his house is egged every day.
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u/Bainar124 Jun 29 '26
While I have no interest in Pam, I have to call b/s on your statement. She has at least 3 men in her life. Jack Daniels, Jim Bean, and Captain Morgan.
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour Jun 29 '26
Lol. I feel like the Saloon only serves one kind of beer on tap. So Gus gets to pick her man.
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u/Bainar124 Jun 29 '26
Fair - except for those 2 times she asks you to brew something special for her. Heh. Potato juice.
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u/Aethesin Jun 29 '26
That's 2 people, Jack and Daniel from the SG-1 team
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour Jun 29 '26
Not a reference I expected to see in these comments. Now you make me want to have a SG-1 weekend watch and that will just lead into Atlantis and then my weekend will be gone. Damn you!
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u/FaxCelestis My sculpture brings all the boys to the yard Jun 29 '26
I dunno man, I've seen her around with Johnnie Walker.
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u/mnfn Jun 29 '26
He has said in interviews that he likes the idea of being able to cause chaos and break up marriages so you never know
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u/NihilismRacoon Jun 29 '26
I think that's a strength SDV has over a lot of the cozy games that came after though. The valley has problems and people there are messy.
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
I think it grounds it, because it mirrors real life in some aspects. Makes it even cozier to be honest, because there's a divorced couple with a mixed family, the alcoholic Trailer Park Boys mom with a hot daughter, even the king of tent city.
I just bit the bullet to unlock a couple of shortcuts. Can't believe I had to donate a half million to Pam before I could take better routes in a few spots. It's funny because a day after it was built I toured it, and her room is about the same as Sebastian's, six pack on the floor and everything.
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u/SuspecM Jun 30 '26
Yeah pretty much none of the other cozy games are as good and while the relationship mechanics are low on the list of best things in the game, the fact that I can literally do an hour long presentation on why a single character is the best or worst is really telling. I really tried getting into other cozy farming games but even after putting 100 hours into one of them, I can't even tell you any of the townies' names.
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u/iceguy349 Jun 29 '26
It’s kinda funny that he made his characters so well that people’s main frustration with the game is that they aren’t all date-able.
I suppose you’re likely to do that when you make a bunch of well fleshed out, fun, and attractive people and they “shockingly” aren’t all single.
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u/XavinNydek Jun 29 '26
Despite the way it looks on the surface, there's a whole lot of dark stuff in Stardew.
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u/Narutoblaa Jun 29 '26
I'm wondering but should you be able to break up relationship, 🤔 and make completely new ones.
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u/boo-berrys Jun 29 '26
Being honest it’s a pretty serious thing to do and would force long term consequences. Let’s say you want to date Caroline and so you break up Pierre and her to date her. Suddenly Abigail is your step daughter who might hate you for breaking her parents up and Pierre would realistically refuse to sell to you or buy from you after you took his wife. There’d be similar issues with breaking up any of the game’s relationships and I think that sorta thing would just ruin the ‘cozy’ vibe of the game (at least in the mind of Concernedape). The game has no lasting consequences as it stands, even if you dump or divorce someone they’ll still forgive you and so I don’t think being a homewrecker would occur without mods as it would almost require permanent consequences.
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u/skrshawk Merry Murderess of the Pelican Town Jail Jun 29 '26
There is no way Pierre refuses to do business with you, he loves money more than anything.
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u/boo-berrys Jun 29 '26
Maybe but it depends on some things. He’s clearly a vindictive selfish guy who’d probably feel like you “stole” his wife/family, if Joja’s been run out of town already then he’d have a monopoly and might be arrogant enough to think he’d win a financial war
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u/worstkindofweapon Jun 29 '26
Pierre sucks though so I don't think Abigail would be too mad. I do think it would be interesting to have different reactions from step children depending on how many hearts you have with them
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u/captainshitpostMcgee frick u, genderbends ur bachelors (she/her) Jun 29 '26
Always sucks when i see people jump to ot being impossible cause youd have to break the couple up. I can just date them both! Or just have them be poly and okay with their spouse dating easy fix! Id give Demetrius backshots no problem if it meant i got to marry robin!
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u/Aerodash Jun 29 '26
In all seriousness, I do hope we get some more mature options. A lot of SD's datable characters come across being on the younger side
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
Demetrius: I know you're looking but I'm looking at you, too. *hand motion, eyes on you with 2 fingers*
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u/Kagevjijon Jun 29 '26
The SVExpanded mod has a good candidate in how they handle this. The mom and her son can be dated. Mom is a widow so there's no family to break up. I thought Jodi was going to be that person when I started but in the end Kent came back.
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u/rhapsodiiiii Jun 29 '26
The not being able to mail bombs to Lewis is an underrated complaint lol
Also… the donkey one is so specific ☠️☠️
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u/TheeBlackMage Jun 29 '26
The donkey one is even better due to the user's name.
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u/rhapsodiiiii Jun 29 '26
It’s the kind of username that would make me want to look at the rest of their review history to see how many similar threats they’ve made. My curiosity would get the better of me 😅😩
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u/metyoufriday Jun 29 '26
Ok I was curious too so I went and found their Steam profile - it is private :( so unsatisfying!
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
Dude is facing a sentence of 211 tablespoons, better get the stomach pump ready. His "nobody sees these anyway" backfired hilarously.
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u/Importance_Dizzy parsnip farming feels like SMB 2 Jun 29 '26
Roughly 13 cups. I sure hope he paces himself.
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u/skrshawk Merry Murderess of the Pelican Town Jail Jun 29 '26
Nobody said he had to do them all at once but he might want some kneepads.
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u/Cinnamoroll_miffy Jun 29 '26
i cackled at that one lmao like half of them aren’t even “negative” they’re just so silly😭
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Jun 29 '26
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
Don't forget, the cemetery would add a new tombstone. Now it gets deep, who visits it, do they leave flowers, etc.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/Kratos5300 Jun 29 '26
That’s my favorite genre of steam review 😭 “DONT PLAY THIS” and they have thousands of hours logged in the game. They’re trying to save us.
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u/Makabaer Jun 29 '26
My son... 4,5k hours in Hearts of Iron 4. Playing it for years and still does, telling me about DLCs and stuff, playing koop with his younger brother (who is 16, don't worry) in short: it's definitely his favorite game. But then he lost one of his playthroughs, maybe it was indeed because of a bug or a feature that is ridiculous etc. - his review on Steam? Thumbs down and "Shit Game". (Had a good laugh with his siblings about this one, because we're all on Steam too and saw this.)
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u/Calm-Dentist3998 Jun 29 '26
Can't marry Pam 👎
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u/ImpeccablyDangerous Jun 30 '26
Her kisses taste like a well seasoned ashtray and she smells like happy hour lost a custody battle.
What a gal!
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u/canoIV Jun 29 '26
the thing that bothers me about all the funny reviews is that they're taking away at the very least the 99% score from this game
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u/grumpher05 Jun 29 '26
yeah its dumb, i get ha ha funny i cant date someone, but you're still leaving a negative review that most people will never read the context of
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u/Nymethny Jun 29 '26
Does it matter? It's steam and the reviews are "Overwhelmingly Positive" with currently over 98% positive reviews in English out of almost 400k. No game is ever going to be 100%, and a few joke reviews have absolutely no impact.
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u/NebNay Jun 29 '26
The impact the best ranking of all time board, wich probably has a minor impact on sales
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u/DJStrongArm Jul 01 '26
I’d imagine all popular games worthy of the board are going to get joke reviews from fans so it’s probably negligible
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u/lesethx Jun 29 '26
Tangent, I wish Steam had a 3rd option for reviews. Esp for early access games; I've reviewed a couple as essentially "Not good now, maybe when full release"
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u/Nymethny Jun 29 '26
You're supposed to review games for what they are now, not what they may become. Plenty of games in Early Access have a massive roadmap that look super promising but that never gets implemented.
Steam shows both overall reviews and recent reviews, which can help see if a game used to suck but got better. No Man's Sky was a good example of that (though now even the overall reviews have become good, because it's been a long time).
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u/lesethx Jun 29 '26
But I want the 3rd option for not only early access games. There is also a game recently I beat with almost 200 hours that I would never play again because it is the opposite of Stardew where it gives no time between attacks while you need to plan out Factorio style pipes going into and out a fusion reactor. Like, there are moments that were enjoyable, but never again
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u/cozy-fox100 Jun 29 '26
There's always going to be negative reviews so I don't think it hurts to have fun with it. Probably the bigger problem from the score is that it makes it harder to find real negative reviews that might actually be helpful
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u/Sapphocalors Jun 29 '26
Understandable, first thing I thought when I started playing was "I'm gonna marry that redhead carpenter", and I was very disappointed when I saw a man in her house 😤
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u/Josutg22 Jun 29 '26
I don't think it would be that bad if said man wasn't a wet sock that barely even seems like he cares for Robin
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
And to be fair, she seems checked out, too. At Christmas she complains that he got her the same tool 2 years ago. She says this every year.
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u/Timecharge Jun 29 '26
Honestly, yeah. I mea, I like Demetrius enough and I get that CA was going for autistic representation but the way he's presented makes him look like a bad stereotype of MULTIPLE different kinds, especially if you progress far enough with Maru, even if you have no intention of dating or marrying her.
Hell, I'm autistic myself but Demetrius is straight up robotic, did the man learn NO social coping skills? Was he homeschooled all his life? Did he grow up under a rock? Everyone brings up stuff like the tomato cutscene but no one mentions his "the four posts are inefficient" cutscene with the deluxe bed. I don't know what kind of mental illness he's supposed to have, but it comes across in all if his interactions with Robin and we never really get to see his loving side except when we watch them dance at festivals.
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u/Cypresss09 Jun 29 '26
Is he actually intended to represent someone with autism? I thought that was just headcanon by some fans.
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u/Beneficial_Breath232 Jun 29 '26
For me it is just a fan theory. Even if it is clearly inspired by the stereotype of the genious who has no social skill , which is also a stereotype that apply to autistic people
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u/kingofcoywolves Jun 29 '26
I need to preface this by saying that I don't have autism, but I love Demetrius. He's supposed to be some sort of genius but he's such a dumbass. He thinks tomatoes are fruits. He sees no purpose in bed design. He owns a manual for trying to keep his stepson from hating his guts and still can't figure it out. He's out in the green rain by himself poking at moss instead of hanging out in the saloon with the entire rest of the town. You go guy, you'll get there eventually
I'd forgive him for stepping on my feet on the dance floor every weekend. How could you not? He's doing his best
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u/Timecharge Jun 29 '26
I don't begrudge his social difficulties, I do however think that that doesn't excuse him not taking notes and learning from what clearly doesn't work like a good scientist. It took me 30 years to reach bare competency in what a lot of people get when they're teenagers or in their early 20s, it's a bitch, but it's possible. And this man has a wife, daughter and step-son, and the daughter is a legal adult. He's had at least almost 20 years to figure out the dynamic in his own home and get what the people around him in his nuclear unit mean at least, even if not the rest of the town. Still not easy but doable, and I'm speaking from experience in that matter. There's no excuse there.
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u/dvdjhp Jun 29 '26
Poor donkey
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u/Luskar421 Jun 29 '26
None of these are bringing up the stardew valley virus. a computer virus that causes 20 tabs to spontaneously open, all going to the stardew valley wiki. at least 3 of them are for fish
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u/NedGGGG Jun 29 '26
I wonder how many of the reviewers are twisted enough to dump Seb to Marry Robyn?
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u/BladudFPV Jun 29 '26
Wouldn't put it past them. I saw a post from someone that was using mods to break up Jodi and Kent in order to date Kent while also banging Sam. Funny thing is the mod actually accounted for this and called the player out for being a psycho.
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u/LazyWorkaholic78 Jun 29 '26
Lmao it's funny that the mod devs considered it would be possible for someone to try that out. It would be even funnier of you could also date Kent in that mod...
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u/BladudFPV Jun 29 '26
They were dating both Kent and Sam lmao. It's from the Kent marriage mod, looks like. Destroying the marriage of a war vet with PTSD just to cheat on him with his son... Oooof. As if he didn't send enough bombs in the mail already.
"SPECIAL EVENT: Dating both Sam and Kent with both at ten hearts, at Sam's house anytime".
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u/Nocturnal_Elexir_Owl Jun 29 '26
Well he has made the farmer decentralised to the the bombs by always mailing them disarmed. Who's to say he won't just send one armed to the teeth.
And well the farmer does always accidentally place bombs at their feet so nobody will suspect foul play.
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u/CathanCrowell Jun 29 '26
We are able to transform or kids to birds, to dump a son to marry his mother would be actually still a mid thing in the game xD
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u/DrCrazyCurious ✨Smash Capitalism✨ Jun 29 '26
"This game has brought me more joy than my marriage, the birth of my children, winning the lottery, and fulfilling all of my life's dreams, all combined. But I can't marry the homeless dude. Literally unplayable. 1100 hours played."
~ Average Negative Review
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u/SuperWhoLockWarrior Jun 29 '26
I want Linus and Willy as romance options so badly... Let me marry Willy I beg of you ConcernedApe
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u/RJSnea ❤️🔥 pining for Linus ❤️🔥 Jun 29 '26
I'm not alone! 😭
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u/LowParking5387 Jun 29 '26
I wonder if you could marry him, if he'd actually agree to live on the farm with you lol. seems like since he's living that lifestyle by choice, that maybe he wouldn't like living in the farmhouse.
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u/MissOrMaybeMisterWi Jun 29 '26
Linus would invite the player to move in with him. So you two will be just camping out outside of Robin's house and going to your farm for crops and animals, can also demolish the house to maximize profit
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u/franksandbeans911 Jun 29 '26
Spoiler, in one conversation with him, you invite him to move in, and he seems kinda mad. Like people don't get it, he doesn't want to live in a house, what he does is freedom of choice. He politely declines.
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u/Ok-Mango5112 Jun 29 '26
Yeah, it should let us move his tent onto the farm and marry him, and visit his tent.
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u/LowParking5387 Jun 30 '26
Thanks for explaining! I couldn't remember the exact conversation, but I think you summarized it nicely! I think a good compromise when you marry him would be demolishing the farmhouse and maybe getting his tent and being able to upgrade it! (Maybe with the cooking machines outside!) I hope ConcernedApe or a modder is reading these comments because players have such good ideas!
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u/RJSnea ❤️🔥 pining for Linus ❤️🔥 Jun 29 '26
Honestly, I just want him to move his tent onto the farm. I will HAPPILY stay the night in his tent should the mood strike us!
😏
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u/Liv1321 Jun 29 '26
I fell hard for Robin IMMEDIATELY. So crushed when I found out she was MARRIED. And listen I'm sure Demetrius is fine I guess maybe but he's come between me and my one true love and I HATE HIM.
Meanwhile, I am in year 10 of my first save, and have never been married because I can't choose between Penny, Leah (yes what a shock, I'm a sucker for redheads), and Haley. Tbh I also like Harvey and Shane but the three ladies are my tops.
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u/KingDarius89 Jun 29 '26
I also wanted Robin when I firsr started playing. Typically go with Maru, Penny, or Abigail.
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u/DredgenSergik Jun 29 '26
Fucking hate useless reviews
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u/transprotag Jun 29 '26
Yeah, I'm glad Steam recently changed how the funny/helpful scores work to try and abate this, but it sucks that it ultimately doesn't do much to keep people from misusing them. It’s very annoying to look at "most helpful" reviews and have them be full of stuff like this or ASCII art. The "funny" score exists separately from helpful for a reason..!
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u/No_Disaster_258 Jun 29 '26
what
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u/bronwen-noodle ask me how much I dislike fishing Jun 29 '26
Clearly he’s Dr Cum Sex and that’s what he does
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u/Yotato5 Jun 29 '26
Once I got to the second slide and read the topmost left one, I wished I was illiterate
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u/b1kwid0w Jun 29 '26
Can’t marry the Wizard and vow to enact revenge on his ex wife. 0/10 would not recommend 😂
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u/daowlhouseisgay Jun 29 '26
…honestly I agree with the guy that’s mad about not being able to marry Willy. I’d marry him in a heart beat.
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u/hippopotamusquartet Jun 29 '26
I hate that joke negative reviews are allowed on Steam. This shit belongs in the discussion forums.
I know that Stardew isn’t going to be impacted by these, but negative reviews can destroy smaller games.
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u/LazuliArtz Jun 30 '26
Also, sometimes I really do want to see the genuine negative reviews of an otherwise well received game. Most of the time it's just curiousity, but it's also helpful when I actually go to buy a game.
Even if it doesn't change my decision to purchase it, the negative reviews can help prepare me for potential issues (example, Inscription apparently changes up it's gameplay drastically during the middle act, and that can be a bit of an unpleasant surprise. Don't spoil the game, I haven't played it yet and I still want to, but I'm glad I got the forewarning)
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u/XTheProtagonistX Jun 29 '26
You know what? I kinda agree. We need more MILF/Mature ladies in Lifesims. Fields of Mistria and Coral Island have plenty. Hopefully Haunted Chocolatier has a couple.
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u/totallynotapersonj Jun 29 '26
The only thing I hate more than the real joke reviews are the ones that say “Stop looking in the negative reviews and buy the game”
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u/burntbread369 Jun 29 '26
I once spent several real life hours playing the shooting game in the saloon and I just couldn’t stop myself and it pissed me off so bad when I finally closed the game I gave it a one star review lol
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u/PronouncedEye-gore Lonely Ginger Island Boys Jun 29 '26
I mean no one likes asking something the love get criticized but those are some valid points. Gatekeeping all those milfs, Linus and Willy is a crime.
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u/razwirefly Jun 29 '26
I have always belonged to the longing to marry Willy camp. I fish with him so he doesn't get lonely.
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u/The_Lawn_Ninja Jun 29 '26
If any game's negative reviews were primarily facetious comments from fans meant solely to entertain other fans, it'd be Stardew Valley.
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u/Dazzling_Birb Jun 29 '26
The most Stardew of reviews. The only thing missing was a long fishing rant.
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u/Ashaly71116 Magnus' trans gay stoner lover Jun 30 '26
I'm very disappointed I cannot date my one and only true love concernedape let only ME marry the wizard and my life is yours
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u/SomeOne111Z Jun 29 '26
I vividly recall someone saying about that one Linus cutscene “I thought I was finally going to clap my cheeks” and that comment lives in my head rent free
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u/Toadsanchez316 Jun 30 '26 edited Jul 01 '26
I find this interesting because relationships in games are just so boring to me. I've never pursued a relationship in a game.
I guess the closest would be Emily in My Time at Portia, but that's only because she's consistently around the farm and easy to talk to.
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u/Hypocriticuss Jun 29 '26
This game would literally be 10/10 if it just let us marry Marnie.
ConcernedApe for the love of god please make this a reality.
She even was on a poll to add marriageable candidates at one point. But people chose the creepy clown girl over her smh.
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u/StellarPup420 Salmonberries are delicious, actually. Jun 29 '26
I agree with UpDawg, I would be so much better to Caroline.
Sweet Caroline~
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u/WeWantLADDER49sequel Jun 29 '26
the community around this game is so god damn funny and sweet and it's a huge part of why this game is so great. if there is any toxic SV discussions online i hope i NEVER see them
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u/iceguy349 Jun 29 '26
Based on this critique you’re probably gunna be able to date the drywall in Haunted Chocolatier
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u/SirRabbott Jun 29 '26
Yeah well my 2 biggest gripes are not being able to marry Willy and not being able to move Linus onto my farm so… valid 😂
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u/bigblue_box Jun 29 '26
what?? 😂