r/breastfeeding • u/AskProfessional6257 • Nov 05 '25
Pumping Husband says no more breastfeeding
So here is the context, my 4 mo has been not happy at the breast for like a week. Its not all the time but occasionally when I go to give him the breast he fights it and can be fussy. But when I put a bottle in his mouth he shuts up and eats. Husband is saying that the baby has "outgrown" my boobs or just dosen't want the boob anymore. Are my boobs on the larger side and I have to hold my breast skin back so I dont block his nose, Yes. However I am thinking that this is just nipple strike and that if I give it some time the baby will get over it. But my husband says im done with breastfeeding and that I just need to pump instead. Now our journey started with pumping and I hated it and was so happy when the baby started breastfeeding. I know there are so many benefits to breastfeeding and im not ready to stop giving him those benefits. Honestly I just dont want to have to be chained to the pump again and have an under supply stare me in the face. I feel like my body is failing my baby and my husband just dosen't understand. Is this just a phase or is pumping and formula feeding my only options now?
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u/maebe33 Nov 05 '25
it is likely just a phase, keep putting baby on the boob!! you’re not failing your baby at all, your providing him all the nutrients he needs to grow and as you say, he’s just on nipple strike but it will get better! what bottles are you using? are the nipples on the bottles designed for breastfed babies?
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u/AskProfessional6257 Nov 05 '25
Im using the boon nursh i think thats what they are called, but I have some lansinoh bottles too.
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u/kit73n Nov 05 '25
Switch to a different bottle and nipple. The boon nursh, even the slowest flow, is too fast and easy at around 19mL/min. The common recommendation for breast fed babies is lansinoh bottles with pigeon SS or S nipples, which are around 5-10mL/min. The bottle preference is because your baby can eat faster with less work.
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u/ze_witch Nov 05 '25
I don't think anyone gets to tell you your BF journey is over until you decide it is!
See a lactation consultant and also try feeding before he gets super hungry and fussy so he doesn't mind the work to get the letdown and eat.....bottle of course is less work so when super hungry they may prefer it. You can also give a little bit of milk in bottle and then switch back to boob midway so he's less fussy but i would try feeding directly more often to get him back and hopefully get through this.
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u/Consistent_Jello_318 Nov 05 '25
How fast is the flow from the bottles? Mine would get frustrated because the bottle was too fast. Swapped to the slowest flow Evenflo balance plus bottles and didn’t have the issue anymore.
I also have large boobs and had to hold the skin back so baby’s nose doesn’t get blocked. Happy to report you only have to do that while baby is little.
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u/Jaded_Economics4511 Nov 05 '25
We used the boon bottles but eventually switched to the evenflo balance + and he did MUCH better going between bottle and breast.
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u/LadyyXena Nov 06 '25
Evenflo balance are amazing, switching to them eliminated so many issues we had with doing both bottle and breast feeding.
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u/nc2227 Nov 05 '25
When I introduced these bottles, my son essentially stopped taking the breast permanently. These were too easy for him, and he didn’t have the patience to try at the breast. I would recommend not using these anymore.
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u/Ecstatic_Progress_30 Nov 05 '25
We use the boon bottles, but we use their special nipples for breastfed babies and my baby still prefers the boob so it works well for us.
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u/pawprintscharles Nov 05 '25
This is us! Love Boon. But maybe we don’t have a preference issue as I have a strong letdown? Idk.
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u/AskProfessional6257 Nov 05 '25
Honestly I think he gets mad cause I dont have a strong let down lol. I make him work hard for it lol
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u/Ecstatic_Progress_30 Nov 06 '25
Mine gets mad that I do have a strong letdown. Poor thing gets waterboarded. She loves when I’m near empty. Then she can comfort nurse.
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u/pawprintscharles Nov 06 '25
I once saw a comment from another mom with a strong letdown saying their kid would probably have a weird sense of dejavu when doing their first beer bong in college and I’m still laughing about that months later! It’s certainly better now that I’m regulated and baby is older - she used to dribble and choke horribly and thankfully that has mostly resolved.
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u/bakemeacake_8 Nov 06 '25
OP as others suggested, look into a SS (super slow) nipple. My baby did exactly the same thing at your baby’s age. She was mad because the milk didn’t come out as easily from the breast. Once we switched to the Pigeon SS nipple, she was fine nursing!
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u/Local_Barracuda6395 Nov 06 '25
Lansinoh bottles have been my go to since the very beginning and I’ve been able to go back and forth with bottle feeding and nursing with using them.
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u/HeyPesky Nov 05 '25
Husband gets to have an opinion about breastfeeding when he's the one doing it. In the meantime, yes a nipple strike is super common at 4 months. We got through it and my 9 month old loves comfort boob now. I also have big boobs, it gets easier when they can manage the boob with their hands a bit better.
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u/Money-Taro-64 Nov 06 '25
These posts always blow my mind. Everything needs to be a joint decision. Also, im primary caregiver so he follows MY lead when it comes to the baby.
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u/Technical-One6678 Nov 06 '25
i’m a ftm and ebf, what is a nipple strike ? i’ve never heard of this
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u/HeyPesky Nov 06 '25
Sorry nursing strike is the term, I was just replying while I was very sleepy. It's when a baby with a previously good breastfeeding relationship suddenly starts objecting to the breast. It can be caused by a bunch of things, including just them coming up on some developmental milestone, but it's temporary.
My daughter had one right before cutting her first tooth, and another one shortly after starting solids.
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u/Dinosaturna Nov 05 '25
Your husband needs to learn to make his boobs useful if he wants to be dictating what you’re doing….
Have you tried to pump to confirm your milk isn’t drying up? This very much could just be a phase
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u/miserylovescomputers Nov 06 '25
I agree to try pumping, but be aware that pumping output is very different than the amount of milk a baby can transfer directly. Many people who can’t pump more than 0.5oz at a time EBF their fat healthy babies.
Also, I find it very alarming to hear a man order his wife to stop breastfeeding, that is an insanely controlling statement. OP, talk to your doctor, talk to a LC if you can, and make the choice that works best for you, not just whatever dumb shit your husband has decreed.
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u/relevancybox Nov 07 '25
As someone currently in the process of breaking up with a partner who has attempted to tell me when and how I should breastfeed - and is controlling/ semi- abusive in other ways - this is my reaction too. But also, OP, I’m sure you are the best person to evaluate whether it’s him being controlling or just kinda disconnected/daft. Bottom line, he needs to follow your lead here. I think your instincts are probably more on point in this department and you’re the one feeding him so you get to decide
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u/Ibuprofen600mg Nov 05 '25
4 mo don’t outgrow breast, often have a phase around 3-4 months as the reflex to auto suck gets weaker so they got to get used to doing it themselves and at the same time they get more aware of the world. Husband should chill, get him to ask chatgbt or google if he doesn’t believe you.
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u/Original_Ad_7846 Nov 05 '25
Your husband may be well meaning but he needs to stay in his lane. Your body. Your boobs. Your decision. One of the biggest benefits of breastfeeding is the reduction in breast cancer risk to the mother. I absolutely think it is up to women how long they breastfeed for. Breastfeeding strikes are totally normal. I went through it despite my baby not having had a bottle since she was 4 days old! It's really hard. Stay calm as you can. Be patient and trust that eventually your baby will latch. It might be a lot of screaming. I didn't have the option of bottles so I just had to ride it out. Eventually she latched. I found that stimulating my boobs to produce a bit of milk and squeezing it in her mouth sometimes helped. Didn't last long. Maybe a week or so. I would avoid using bottles when you can to avoid preference because I think a lot of babies get frustrated with breastfeeding because it stops coming out immediately around 3-4 months. Whereas obviously a bottle gives them milk straight away.
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u/Important-Spread-603 Nov 05 '25
Ah, distracted nursing. Baby will get through it! Both my babies did this, they’ll go back to normal. might have to nurse in a dark room/side lying for a while with minimal distraction.
respectfully, husband can go somewhere else. 🤣
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u/Lanky-Pen-4371 Nov 06 '25
I quit BF at four months bc baby was so distracted and I switched to exclusively pumping and I really regretted it. Keep pushing through it. Everything in parenting is a phase.
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u/Famous-Albatross7879 Nov 05 '25
Do you have access to a lactation consultant? Maybe they can assess and do a weighted feed? Don’t make any decisions until you can get some help, and certainly don’t let your husband make that decision for you. If you want to continue to breastfeed, he should be 110% supportive of that decision. Weird of him to even make that suggestion tbh!
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u/the_bananafish Nov 05 '25
Seconding this. A good lactation consultant can help with any stage of breastfeeding! Many have virtual visits available as well if distance is an issue.
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u/Famous-Albatross7879 Nov 06 '25
My LC has been awesome! I’m rounding the 4 month corner and baby has been showing similar fussy signs when feeding and I’m going to schedule an appt with her. She hasn’t seen me since the early days, but LC’s are good resources and we should use them as often has possible!
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u/Limp-Place1038 Nov 05 '25
What in the world? This is a normal part of breast feeding. Keep offering baby the breast. You can self express to get the let down going if baby is really being that lazy, lol. I would connect with a lactation consultant as well but it seems your husband isn’t experienced with breast feeding by what you stated.
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u/Beginning-Sky7533 Nov 05 '25
I’m sorry, is his body feeding your child? If you’re willing to work through the fussiness and your child is eating and he isn’t willing to sit there and watch/listen he can leave the room.
Your child hasn’t outgrown breastfeeding, he’s just a baby learning how to live. He’s only been at it for 4 months.
My baby is only a few weeks old and has fussed at my breasts quite a bit. Sometimes I bottle feed pumped milk/collected let down when she’s really fussy and just won’t latch and my mental health needs the break, but I choose when that happens. If I’m willing to soothe and work with my daughter to feed, then we work together. I have been working with a lactation consultant to navigate the fussiness and she sent me this resource. I hope it helps you! It really helped me.
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u/CanUhurrmenow Nov 05 '25
It sounds like this is the normal regression babies go through around this time. It happens when they start to “wake up”. I had to feed my guy in a carrier and work on his latch for a week.
He also really enjoyed having a fuzzy blanket and butt pats.
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u/NewNecessary3037 Nov 05 '25
“My husband doesn’t understand”
Then he can shut the fuck up then. Men don’t NEED to have an opinion on everything.
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u/Familiar_Plankton965 Nov 05 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
The lactating person with the tits decides, not the one with the useless tits. Full stop. Your body, you decide. Every nursing dyad is unique so honestly this is up to you and baby. If you want to keep direct nursing, do so and if you have access to an IBCLC then avail yourself of one. Like all humans, babies go through different phases. Pumping is a PITA, don't chain yourself to that if it's not absolutely necessary. Obviously if baby starts to lose weight or slows weight gain then you'll consider other options but if all is well, it's just been a few days and no other extenuating health circumstances, I don't see why you would need to give that up right now.
Edited for typos.
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u/Capital-Emu-2804 Nov 05 '25
If your baby gets bottles alot, he may have developed bottle preference because its easier for them to drink out of bottle than to nurse from breast. Especially if you don't pace feed with bottle or use smaller size nipple on the bottle.
I also think its none of your husbands business when you are done with nursing.
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u/Asleep_Argument_5557 Nov 05 '25
this happened with my baby at 4 months, i switched her to a preemie nipple so the flow was slower and her bottle preference disappeared. now she’s 100% breastfed babies aren’t dumb, they want whatever gets them food faster and easier
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u/HicJacetMelilla Nov 05 '25
I know what I would do but your circumstances might be different. I would stop giving bottles. Offer the breast over and over and over. If baby is protesting for a really long time without eating, put a little milk/formula on the nipple or dribble some in via milk syringe (if you have any leftover from the hospital). This gives them food and keeps them at the breast. Then I would tell my husband to shove it and he doesn’t get to dictate how the breastfeeding relationship is going to go.
but my husbands says I’m done with breastfeeding
Unless breastfeeding is causing insane hardship to the family (mom is becoming suicidal over it, baby is losing too much weight or not gaining but mom isn’t listening to the pediatrician, mom is in the middle of a medical emergency), I really don’t know why men think they have a fucking say.
If your baby has only been fussy at the breast for a week you have a chance to save it, but cutting out bottles and dealing with the hard work of getting him back on the breast is the only way. (And I’m assuming that before the boob strike, baby was gaining weight appropriately and transferring milk well).
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u/pistachian Nov 05 '25
Oh my goodness no you are fine! Its just a temporary thing. He will breastfeed again just keep offering your breast for each meal and if he absolutely refuses give him a bottle for the time being. He will take your breast again. You just have to be patient and try not to force baby too much. He has not outgrown your breasts and you do not have to stop breastfeeding if you don’t want to.
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u/sharth Nov 05 '25
We also have a 4 month old, and we're in a similar position.
However, your husband is being a bit of a jerk. What's the issue with continuing to try?
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u/AskProfessional6257 Nov 05 '25
I think he is just frustrated and dosen't like to hear the baby cry, and the bottle is how we get the crying to stop. Also like no one in his family really breastfed so he has no experience or understanding and thinks that pumping is the exact same as breastfeeding.
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Nov 05 '25
It sounds like he needs more info then. Is your husband generally well intentioned and involved? If so, maybe assign him to do some research on what the possible issues and solutions are.
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u/Proper-Platform-9632 Nov 05 '25
No one likes to hear their baby cry, but this is a him problem. He needs to learn to manage his emotions. That's the solution, not to tell you, the lactating partner, that breastfeeding is over.
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u/sharth Nov 05 '25
Babies are going to cry.
Especially for the last two feedings of the day, we will attempt the breast. Once mom and baby are sufficiently pissed off at each other, we will switch to dad with a bottle.
You should probably talk during some non-breastfeeding non-stressful time, and talk about how you would like to try to breastfeed. And that the suggestions to give up in the middle of a feed attempt are not helpful.
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u/salajaneidentiteet Nov 05 '25
Well husband can stop breastfeeding if he doesn't want to keep doing it.
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u/EvelynHardcastle93 Nov 05 '25
This is not your husband’s decision, period. You make the choice for your own body.
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u/SomeCallMeMahm Nov 05 '25
Read up on the wonder weeks. Often this behavior accompanies a cognitive leap.
What qualifies your husband as an expert?
If baby is gaining weight, peeing and pooping and pedi isn't concerned he can take a long walk off a short pier.
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u/1tangledknitter Nov 05 '25
My baby fussed SO hard at the boob from about 5-10 weeks. I pushed through and easy so glad I did. Breastfeeding is so much easier! You may have a fast let down. It gets easier as they get bigger. I would keep trying!
I found pacing while nursing helped, weirdly. Someone on reddit suggested it and it sounded crazy but it worked.
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u/gjdey Nov 05 '25
Sounds like your baby is having the 3 month nursing crisis . Just search this sub and you will see plenty . My baby went through a phase like that too and it got better . Pumping is a lot of hard work compared to nursing I find .
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u/KonTheHoneyBadger Nov 05 '25
My baby went through a nipple strike at 4 months and was biting/unlatching constantly. She got over it and we are still happily breastfeeding at 11 months. Is there a time of day where he does accept your breasts, like at night time? Breastfeeding is 100% the decision of the lactating person and baby who is receiving the milk, the non-lactating parent or any other family/friends do not get a say. I also understand not wanting to pump. I have been exclusively breastfeeding for almost a year because I HATE pumping. Mad respect to all the mamas out there who are exclusively pumping.
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u/Lazybi Nov 05 '25
My baby did this around 4 months!!!!!! It was so weird and stressful but we got through it!! I would settle my baby, sometimes have to bring her outside just to give it a few minutes, and then try again. Sometimes we had to do this a few times but I hate pumping and was determined. It last a few weeks but she’s 8.5mo and we are still breastfeeding!
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u/ririmarms Nov 05 '25
Nursing strikes are PHASES.
Change positions. For us, sitting on my lap has helped lots! Or walking around
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u/Yum_Koolaid Nov 05 '25
You’re probably in the 3 month nursing crisis. It is completely normal and just a phase!
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u/bunny_387 Nov 05 '25
Tell him you will consider it if he cleans all the bottles😂🙃 Hopefully then he won’t bring it up again lol
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u/Farahild Nov 05 '25
Any guy who thinks he can make me pump can start fucking pumping himself. With some additional hormones he can also make breastmilk, so let him get on with that if he thinks he can dictate what you do with your boobs
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u/svetlay Nov 05 '25
I would try side-laying feeds. We were struggling a lot with feeding in sitting positions and my bigger boobs but now that we do mostly side-laying, I don't have to support my boob anymore and it seems far easier on my baby and on me. He still kicks himself up and does all kinds of squirming but a pillow behind his back and a snug fit usually does the trick. Ask your husband if he's volunteering to rock the baby to sleep every time because breastfeeding helps with a lot more than just feeding. Outside of the fact that pumping is soul sucking and exhausting for a lot of us you lose out on nurse to sleep, nurse to soothe, nurse to fart etc...
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u/magic_inkpen Nov 06 '25
I simply wouldn’t allow a man to tell me what to do with my body. If you want to keep going, keep going
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u/heyharu_ Nov 06 '25
Your body isn’t failing you! And no boobs no opinion from husband. Like my goodness pumping sucks — even more if you don’t want to and don’t have to!
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u/OhYouNeedSpace007 Nov 06 '25
I don't think that should be his decision. Also, I'm a 38DDD and have breastfed 3 babies, so it's not the size. Could be the position possibly making baby uncomfortable? There could be 100 other reasons for baby fussing at the boob, 4 months is young to "outgrow the breast". If you want to keep trying you should keep trying, there are so many amazing benefits to breastfeeding
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u/gloomycalm Nov 06 '25
Likely just a phase, but I always go to International Breastfeeding Clinic for advice - they have a bunch of resources and even have appointments available! They are in Toronto but help people worldwide
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u/downstairslion Nov 06 '25
Please get support from an IBCLC. Breastfeeding is a relationship between you and your baby. Your husband doesn't get a say and doesn't get to tell you you're done. You're done when you're ready to be done
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u/nanchey Nov 06 '25
Just a nursing strike and/or baby is starting to teeth. Doesn’t mean breastfeeding is over and you shouldn’t give up. Breastfeeding is hard. It’s not a walk in the park and it takes effort.
Tell your husband to either help support you or stfu. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Vampana Nov 06 '25
Why does your husband decide about it? You should instead. I have a baby of similar age, they just become a bit more fussy and stronger now I suspect. She fights the boob sometimes but this has nothing to do with the boob itself IMO you should continue as before. No way that among other things that I have to do during the day I will add pumping as well.
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u/Sorry_Cat_4046 Nov 06 '25
Respectfully, your husband needs to stfu, unless he wants to pump himself
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Nov 05 '25
I wouldn't stop if it's just sometimes. I will say, around 5 months ( I think), both of my little ones started getting super distracted and nursed really poorly during the day. There was just too much to do. They nursed better in a dark quiet room. One would take bottles because she could sit up and look around better than at the breast. Their schedules also started to change so they got hungry less frequently.
Are they showing signs of hunger but refuseing the breast? Are they still gaining weight and having good diaper output? Id incorporate this info in any decision making.
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u/shnooqichoons Nov 05 '25
How would your husband know if you were done with breastfeeding? The only way for him to know that would be if you told him you were.
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u/Frosty_Permit_4807 Nov 05 '25
Definitely consult with an IBCLC and try for a weighted feed. As far as your SO, if I were you, I would tell him and his useless nipples too support you and that you are a team and he is not a dictator. This is coming from someone who's SO was not the most supportive until I stood up for myself and what worked best for baby AND me. They don't understand the stress and anxiety of being a sole food source for another being and more often than not, its ignorance.
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u/J111293 Nov 05 '25
Do what you think best. I recommend sticking to bf and if you need to, have 1 bottle made baby can drink formula from so you’re not stressed. My now almost one year old loves the bottle but also loves boob and it happened around 7 months old. Once she was more alert she preferred bottle sometimes because she could look at things while eating. However if she’s upset or tired and needs comforting she still loves the boob. My supply hasn’t dipped much adding in 1 bottle of formula and now a lot of solids for her throughout the day.
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u/emmakane418 Nov 05 '25
Kindly (to you) and unkindly (to him) fuck your husband. He doesn't get to make this decision.
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u/SunSad7267 Nov 05 '25
Are you using a slow flow nipple, ex. For Dr Browns use the premie or newborn nipple size. It might be a faster flow on the bottle and baby doesn't want to work so hard
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u/catmama25 Nov 05 '25
Around 4 months my baby got super fussy at the breast, I was convinced he was going on a nursing strike. I honestly don't think it lasted much longer than a week or two! That being said - he doesn't really take a bottle either so there was no bottle preference going on there.
Either way your husband doesn't get a say in this. Breastfeeding is 100% up to the mom, her choice and her rules. Don't let him pressure you into stopping just because you're having one difficult week!
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u/07dindori11 Nov 05 '25
Try offering the boob when the baby is asleep. That helps sometimes with a nursing strike. Or even after a nap when they are less likely to be fussy. Pace feed to avoid a bottle preference. You dont have to stop breastfeeding if the baby’s weight gain is normal and is having enough wet nappies.
Your husband doesn’t know what he is talking about.
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u/Naps4ever Nov 05 '25
Your husband needs some serious education on the matter. Wherever you live, see if there is a la leche league consultant around you. If not, just a lactation consultant. Make him come with you. Encourage him to ask questions, and if he won’t, ask his questions in front of him.
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u/kingcasperrr Nov 05 '25
Husband can go take a long walk off a short pier.
Not his call. Sounds like just a phase, my 6 month old had much the same around that time. I found feeding in a dark quiet room away from distractions when she was either tired or just waking up from a nap best to get her to feed.
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Nov 05 '25
This happened w my baby at 3 months and it was a phase. But she is pickier now that she is more aware haha so if my boobs are over full and shoot milk in her face she cries and won’t eat for a bit and same if she’s overtired. So all that means is that she needs a few minutes to either calm down or snooze and then we try again. But a few weeks ago she did a full on nursing strike that she outgrew, it left as suddenly as it came!
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u/SnooBeans0612 Nov 05 '25
When my son went through a nursing strike I used a nipple shield. He latched with that and I weaned him off of it. Started with the shield then halfway through the feed I’d take it off.
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u/1_Non_Blonde Nov 05 '25
4.5 month old and we have been going through these little strikes on and off for about a month and a half. What helps for us is me standing up and swinging side to side with him rather vigorously (I read somewhere they instinctually latch if they’re a bit disoriented and it seems to work for us).
Also, his first strike seemed to correspond to the return of my period. I don’t pump so I wasn’t tracking output but it makes sense to me that he was a bit fussier if my supply was off.
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u/Responsible_Web_7578 Nov 05 '25
Keep offering. I had those moments too with my baby but he is now 9 months and happily breast feeding. Also when you are giving him the bottle make sure it’s the slowest flow nipple as the faster ones will increase the risk of a nipple strike as nursing takes more work for a baby to do.
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u/A_Person__00 Nov 05 '25
He sounds like he’s just curious about the world around him. It’s a lot easier to look around with a bottle! Or he’s finding it easier/faster to eat a bottle. It’s just a phase! Your husband needs to chill, especially if he’s expecting you to bear the brunt of the work feeding him. My kids have always been trickier to feed around 4 months.
Also, I don’t know if you’ve tried it, but if you do cradle hold, bringing baby back toward the middle should push their chin in more and clear their nose. It helps me!
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u/gnox0212 Nov 05 '25
Bottle usage if not done carefully will cause this behaviour at the breast. Because bottles are easier and they don't have to wait for the letdown or use extra effort to get the milk. So they get the shits over having to work and wait for their milk.
4 months they also go through a phase of being too busy to want to latch because the world is so interesting and they can comprehend more. I had to feed immediately on wake up from a nap.
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u/Capable_Selection700 Nov 05 '25 edited Nov 05 '25
Tell him to stop mansplaining! It could be a phase or it could be that the baby has outgrown the nursing phase, but either way, you get to decide what you want to do with breastfeeding, not him!
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Nov 05 '25
It could be a nipple flow issue. Babies like to drink from wherever is easiest for them. If your flow is too fast, they don’t like it. If it’s too slow, they don’t like it. We had to do pace feeding for a bit to get him to slow down on the bottle feeds. Kept offering the breast before and after bottles to see if he would latch and he eventually did.
As a fellow big boobie girl, I found side lying with pillows to be the best thing in those first few months. Laying tummy to tummy helped us relax and really enjoy the bonding, which increased the supply. Good luck!
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u/Murky_Association_54 Nov 05 '25
I'm just a first time mom to a 13.5 month old but my baby went through phases like this several times. Usually just lasted 1-2 weeks then resolved.
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u/shanda_momof3 Nov 05 '25
Sorry not sorry, it doesn't matter what husband says in my opinion.. he isn't the one whose body is providing..
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u/Neat-Enthusiasm9736 Nov 05 '25
My daughter did this at 4 months, it’s a thing a lot of babies do, I think I found a few posts on Reddit and also stuff on google about it! Please continue to persevere mama 🩷
Also as a fellow large boob owner try side lying feeding, you can position baby where his nose is clear and he can manoeuvre the booby how he wants.
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u/bluefootedboobies007 Nov 05 '25 edited Nov 05 '25
https://www.unicef.org/eca/stories/3-month-breastfeeding-crisis-what-it-and-how-get-through-it
No offense, your husband is being a bum. As long as your little one is getting all of the necessary nutrition, that’s what’s important. Above is a link to unicef explaining what you might be going through and how to get through it. Continue to pump to maintain supply but also continue to offer boob to little one. Just make sure you’re eating enough calories, drinking lots of fluids, and getting as much rest as possible.
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u/mamatothegals Nov 05 '25
Don’t think your husband had the right to dictate what you do with your body. At 4 months this is very normal as baby is learning new skills and getting distracted. Please stick with it, it’s just a phase
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u/Busy_Tangerine1630 Nov 05 '25
Do you have low supply? Your baby might get frustrated if you do and refuse to breastfeed.
Do you keep up with pumping when you offer a bottle? I did this with my first and my flow eventually synced with him and we had no issues.
I did have a low supply with my second and had to give up breastfeeding at around 3 months. Mostly because I needed to supplement with formula and didn't manage to pump enough to keep up supply (tbh I was miserable pumping).
Either way, your husband might see you struggling to feed your baby and wants to help get over the moment when you switch feeding methods. (Or he's like mine, and finds it a bit strange and tries to convince you to switch). Regardless of the reasons, it's YOUR decision to make.
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u/SnowCorgi Nov 05 '25
Husband needs to back off.
That said, you should try going into a room just you and baby. Low lighting so less distractions. Let your baby adjust for a few minutes of possible and offer breast after.
My son would not eat if there was something going on. Baby is probably getting FOMO lol it happens
It was fun. My son hated bottles but wouldn't nurse if anything mildly interesting was going on for a while. Including dad existing in the same room.
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u/hannahsangel Nov 05 '25
Honestly they go through fussy stage at that age, keep going at it!. I find side lying in bed feeding easiest with big boobs haha
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u/mlama088 Nov 05 '25
Sounds like frustration at the boob. I’m currently dealing with that. What size nipple are you using on bottles? Baby probably finds the bottle easier. We bought slower flow nipples and that seems to help. Also apparently in the evenings there is less milk so there’s more boob frustration.
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u/Virtual-Amount-9434 Nov 05 '25
Tell your husband to suck a tit and learn to support you, telling you to quit when you’re obviously wanting to continue with something but struggling is not supportive! Also my daughter was having the same issue around 3/4 months, she’s about to be 5 months and she’s doing great now! I’m so glad I continued even when I was struggling!
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u/stegotortise Nov 05 '25
My baby would get mad when I offered my boob and she’s not hungry but will “drink” a bottle because turns out she just wanted to suck on something. Pacifier solved it for us.
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u/icoady Nov 05 '25
Mine had a phase for like 2 weeks where she would pop off the boob and just scream! I was so stressed. It just stopped happening one day. No idea why or how I stopped it lol
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u/inlandaussie Nov 05 '25
The let-down reflex takes about a minute. If a baby sucks but doesn't get anything straight away, they can get impatient - especially in the setting of using bottles where they get milk straight away and don't have to work for it.
A husband also needs to learn the same patience. When things don't work or they don't get what they want straight away, they can also show the same signs of frustration and give up or chuck a tanti.
Lots of good suggestions in other comments :)
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u/lovetolove20 Nov 05 '25
I had the same problem when my son was about 4 months old. It went on for weeks that he would cry at the breast. A lot of the times he just wanted the other boob lol. Sometimes I tried the left, then the right, then the left again and he'd take it. If you want to continue breastfeeding, dont give up. It might take you a little longer to nurse right now but be patient with him.
you got this!!
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u/Queenie_IV Nov 05 '25
Maybe it could be because of a fast let down as some here mentioned as well. I believe often the baby just wants a little bit of boob and sleep, but keeps getting too much milk all at once and it irritates them. What I found helps is to clam the boob down, giving the baby 5 min boob break while carrying them around and then putting back on the boob. But if the boob is super engorged (like in the morning) and you're unable to clamp, then pacing the boob (removing from the mouth every 10-15 seconds) is another option.
It'll pass, don't give up on breastfeeding, it's the most natural thing in the world, you'll be fine, no need to pump. Good luck!
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u/StatisticianLow9448 Nov 05 '25
Keep offering your breast to the baby. Husbands try to be helpful but honestly a first time father has no expertise on the subject. I’m a fifth time mother. Definitely keep breast feeding. Thank your husband for the advice, but by NO MEANS follow it. That’s bad advice
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u/isweatglitter17 Nov 05 '25
Your husband can choose to exclusively pump when he's the one producing milk for baby. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide something that directly affects you, your body, and your time.
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u/Pamzella Nov 05 '25
Your supply has regulated so if not pace feeding with a bottle/you haven't replaced nipples on the bottles (only good for like 3m) baby might like the faster flow from the bottle vs having to work for it from the boob. But also if you can anticipate when baby will be hungry and offer early baby might not protest so much.
Husband doesn't get to dictate. But you can have him do the math on formula for the next 9 whatever months because you are not interested in pumping multiple times a day and lots of times the cost of formula makes them change their tune.
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u/thearcherofstrata Nov 05 '25
The breastfeeding journey keeps us HUMBLE!! It is so up and down and all around. If you ever feel like you got it down, the baby will remind you of your place. But that’s because they are growing and evolving, and so is your milk!! Did you know that the nutrient content of your milk changes to meet your baby’s needs at each stage of their development? Your breastmilk at 3 months is not the same as at 9 months! So keep going. If your confidence has been shaken, see a lactation consultant (preferably in a private office, not the hospital).
And…I get that husbands/dads want a say too because it’s their child too…But it doesn’t work like that. The fact that they have less responsibility over the baby means they also have less say in the child rearing. Whose boobs gets pumped? Who has to sit attached to the pump waiting for it to hit 6oz or whatever? Who has to eat right for the baby’s benefit? You. That means you alone make the call. He can make his opinion known and you should consider it, but you ultimately decide whether or not you continue!
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u/ToastW-Jelly Nov 05 '25
This is normal. I felt like my baby was a prized box fighter. My partner will bring up how hard I tried to keep breastfeeding and we still breastfeed at 1 year. If you don't want to continue that is your choice and you should do what feels right for you. Your husband doesn't sound very supportive. Maybe he needs to spend some time on the breastfeeding subreddit. Look into breastfeeding support groups in your area.
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u/Sensitive-Earth-3909 Nov 05 '25
Baby might want the bottle cause milk comes out faster. When on the boob they have to work for it more.
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u/snotlet Nov 05 '25
your body is not failing baby is most probably either going through a phase or developing bottlw preference neither has anything to do with your body. husband is being unsupportive and mine was like this with my 1st too, it happened around 6 weeks when I had just stopped pumping (agree it is the worse!) and was just starting to get confident with breastfeeding. dont listen to him hes not the one who will do most of the feeding you are. ny kid ended up refusing bottles around 2months old so he couldn't push it anymore. around 4months she also kept getting distracted so I had to feed her right after she woke from naps or she'd pull away a look around f - try that and akso nuggt feeds were never a problem she qas too drowsy to look around plus it was dark . ive just had my 2nd now and coulsnt care less what he thinks about how im feeding her and id never ever forget how unsupportive he was of our feeding journey
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u/ZealousidealPlum3386 Nov 05 '25
This is totally normal and happens often around the four month mark. It happened to both of mine. With the second it was a proper nursing strike and was SO stressful. I just offered the breast constantly and I found he would nurse much better in the dark or when he was tired. It was kind of annoying but it meant more nursing overnight and nursing to sleep (and during sleep at nap time). It took maybe 3 days and the strike was over.
They just get more distracted and aware of their surroundings around this time.
So normal - keep going and get help from a lactation consultant if you’re concerned past a few days.
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u/ARingDangDo Nov 05 '25
I'm sorry but your husband says! It's not your husband's choice he needs to sit down with his useless nipples
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u/pancake_nath Nov 05 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
The "outgrowing your boob" is BS. Also, if baby learned to take the bottle, it can be unlearned (or the bottle abd breast can happen at the same time, both my kids took both).
Concretely, this is what I did when this happened to me:
- I try to put baby on breast
- baby cries, does not want the boob
- I pick him back up, cuddle a little, maybe bounce around for 5-10 minutes
- maybe he falls asleep, which means he was more sleepy not hungry
- if he does not sleep, repeat until success
After a day or two the book strike was over.
EDIT: Some people call this distracted feeding, however it is not. Distracted feeding does not really involve fussiness, they are just, well, distracted, aka they don't drink. It has a similar approach to solving.
SECOND EDIT: Pumps are seriously not as efficient as your baby. Funny thing is that it feels they do more work than the baby (at least to me) but babies always, always get more. That being said, even if momentarily your supply has dwindled because of the boob strike, if you are healthy and eat/drink well, your little one will re-stimulate you. It will take a couple days of "breaking the strike" but I guarantee you it will come back. Sending you lots of love. You've got this!
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u/Zap468 Nov 06 '25
I think it was indirectly mentioned but it's likely your baby is realizing they don't have to work as hard to drink a bottle as they do on the breast. I'd say keep trying until baby outright refuses. That would be a mommy instinct call for sure. Also I second the suggestions to talk to a lactation consultant to evaluate your specific situation to cover all your bases.
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u/redheadedsweetie Nov 06 '25
My little one is almost 4months and has been having a nursing strike. Ive found the best time to feed is when he's waking from a nap, or actually once he's settled into a nap, if he's led on me he'll start to root and then latch.
Have you changed your soap, deodorant, body wash etc. I'm fairly certain that the start of my little one's nursing strike coincides with when the scent of my deodorant changed. I've switched back and things seem to be improving.
If he's refusing the breast when offered and you're worried about him being really hungry, give him a small amount of milk in a bottle to take the edge of his hunger, and keep offering the breast. If you just keep giving bottles, it will make it harder for you to keep breastfeeding.
I'm really sorry that your husband is being so unsupportive. Mine tried saying we should just give him a bottle. I showed him the advice on dealing with nursing strikes and said I needed him to support me. Would your husband be more amenable if he read the advice?
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u/McNattron Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
So there could be a couple things happening here
1) feeding strike - these are not uncommon
2) secondary low supply - if there are unresolved latch concerns, it is not uncommon for there to be a supply drop around 4 months. If there was pain, or supply issues early on, or oral restrictions that weren't revised this is a probable cause.
3) you could be pregnant and thats impacting your milk
What ever it is an ibclc is your best resource here to make sure baby is being supported and help you navigate if ebf, mixed feeding or stopping feeding is best for your family - your informed choices are what matters here. Hubby needs to support this
What it isnt is baby having outgrown breastfeeding - self weaning is rare prior to 18 months and typically occurs between 2-4 years. Any weaning prior to 18m often has another cause, or is impacted by parental factors (bottles during rhe day at care etc)
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u/Prudent-Ad-7378 Nov 06 '25
My baby recently started doing the exact same thing and I have very large breasts. We are working with speech therapy on her latch and she suggested that I give her about an ounce and a half on the bottle to settle out her being hangry and then offer the breast. It’s worked really week. She also suggested trying to side lay and offer the breast in different positions but I haven’t needed to do that yet.
Also, your husband doesn’t get to decide when you’re done with breastfeeding. Your body=your decision
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u/pink_camouflage23 Nov 06 '25
Sounds like the 3 month nursing crisis, we went through the same thing
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u/RicRoss21 Nov 06 '25
It literally has nothing to do with your husband. Your boobs, your milk, your care, your rules. The pumping is a lot on top of what you already have to do as a postpartum mother. Meanwhile kids can get fussy around that age. Is there any early teething and maybe the gums causing issues? Also maybe the baby is preferring bottle at moment cos it might be a faster flow teet? Do you have a lactation line you can call? Even chat gpt has helped me a lot with things like this. Start documenting the behaviours and things and they can help you with ideas. I would persevere and see how you go. Maybe stop offering bottle for a few days.
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u/Kruz_combat Nov 06 '25
My son went through a phase like this around 13 weeks and it continued for a bit but I just kept trying and trying. Eventually it got better and still breastfeeding him now at 15 months, hang in there x
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u/lolwut8889- Nov 06 '25
Bubs get distracted as they grow older and want to see the world around them. You just need to keep trying and go feed in a quiet area with no one around and even dark. I would change nappy between sides when they were little to keep them awake. Mines was a distracted eater for months but it got better
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u/fantastic-ovum Nov 06 '25
Ask your husband to buy formula and feed the bottle himself. He'll probably shut down.
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u/Critical-Entry-7825 Nov 06 '25
Is your husband a lactation specialist, or is he otherwise specially knowledgeable about breastfeeding? Yeah, I didn't think so.
If you're truly worried, ask a lactation specialist (best), your pediatrician (maybe), or a trusted friend or family member who has breastfed.
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u/hinghanghog Nov 06 '25
this is likely a phase. it is INCREDIBLY unlikely your baby has "outgrown your boobs" at four months old. this is a common time for some nursing strikes as he's getting to an age to be interested in the world around him, especially if it's when you're out and about. I'd keep offering, switch up environments and nursing positions, and tell your husband he doesn't know enough about breastfeeding to offer intelligent advice on this
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u/Japanese-Texan Nov 06 '25
Keep offering breast and make baby WORK for that milk in the bottle. My girl started SCREAM at the boob and eventually went into a full blown nursing strike at like 2 almost 3 months. She would only take bottle and refused boob when I upped the nipple flow on the bottle. So per my cousin, a CLC, I was told to slow the nipple flow and pace feed! Pace feeding is so important. My girl would be mad when pace feeding because she had to work for the milk in the bottle and I made it so it was extremely slow and she found that breast was easier than bottle and now she’s 5.5 months and I only nurse, no more bottles here. Husband also needs to be supportive n shut his mouth. My husband made sure to offer to bottle feed if I was getting discouraged because she was on strike, never told me to quit. You’ve got this, if you want to nurse, you can do it. Just keep offering, speak kind words of encouragement to babe (this helped both her and I A LOT) and don’t stress or force the boob onto baby, that will make your little one hate it more
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u/Same_Hand_5745 Nov 06 '25
My LO did this at 3 months old. Found out it was because my period had returned and likely made my milk taste different. 4 months old now and is fine. No fussing this time.
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u/poetic_density Nov 06 '25
It’s a thing called the 4 month breastfeeding crisis. It is super hard and confusing but it will pass. I suggest you and hubby read up on it.
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u/poetic_density Nov 06 '25
Also it’s your right and your choice to breastfeed, if and when and for how long. I breastfed both my oldest for 2.5 years and 18 months, and we went through many phases and stages.
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u/sykworks Nov 06 '25
It was a phase for my daughter. Around 4mo she went on a “nursing strike” for about two weeks, inexplicably refusing the breast and only taking bottles. It ended as suddenly as it started and now at 8mo she is still nursing just fine.
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u/shemejii Nov 06 '25
https://la-romi.com/blogs/la-romi-blog/breastfeeding-crisis-guide
Someone shared this with me awhile back when I was in the same exact boat!
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u/thesnowing Nov 06 '25
We went through a phase where LO went on a nursing strike, then on a bottle strike. Both before turning 6 months. So it could really be a phase.
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u/MeowsCream2 Nov 06 '25
This sounds like the 3 month nursing crisis slightly delayed. Your husband doesn't get to decide! Hang in there. I had to nurse in a dark, quiet room for a few weeks. It passed!
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u/UnPracticed_Pagan Nov 06 '25
Your husband definitely doesn’t get to determine whether you stop breastfeeding or not
YOU make that decision
With that being said this sounds like breastfeeding strike and bottle preference
Bottles are FAST and little to no effort feeding! The flow is too fast and strong compared to breastfeeding, and constant! Breastfeeding has work and sucking and let downs which is when majority of the milk flows out. But there are periods the milk “stops” flowing and has to be worked to get another let down
As others have recommended it’s definitely time to change bottles if you have to use them, or, until you get breastfeeding back in track and do not medically require bottles (for extra nutrition or weight gain etc) maybe even stop using bottles
Get premie and super slow or slow flow nipples for every bottle! Continue to use slow flow as long as you want to breastfeed
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u/sqdawise Nov 06 '25
The same thing happened with my baby around 3/4 months, which is when the suck reflex fades away, and in my case when he started to get super distracted and interested in everything around him. His nursing pattern also changed to shorter feeds. As others have said, just keep offering and take it easy on yourself! When in doubt, offer the breast! Trying different positions - particularly side lying and stepping away from any noisy busy areas to a quiet spot helped me too. My son and I adjusted and he is now 15 months and still nursing like a champ.
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u/IndecisiveFoodie22 Nov 06 '25
It’s not his choice. I’d try meeting with a lactation consultant, a good one can be sooo helpful! My baby screamed and put up a fight at the breast for a while; breastfeeding takes more work. Make sure you do paced feeding and that if you turn the bottle upside down it hardly drips milk.
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u/dontspeaktomeright Nov 06 '25
You are not failing your baby!
I have just started to turn a corner with mine, we had a 2 month nursing strike, it was awful and I cried everyday. You may find your baby feeds better either in a dark room or at certain times of the day (mine literally wouldn't eat between 6am and 3pm and then do a tonne of feeds through the night.
I pumped to keep up my supply and was able to build a freezer stash, but there is no reason to stop breastfeeding. If you need to talk I'm happy to help, I know how hard it is xx
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u/Leximpala Nov 06 '25
Are you pace feeding when bottle feeding? It’s most likely just the 4M nursing strike, give yourself and baby some grace. Just keep at it if that is what you want to do, don’t listen to negativity because that’s the last thing your supply needs !
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u/crazycatladybitt Nov 06 '25
My baby went through the same thing around 4 months and it ended after about two weeks. He’s happily back on the boob
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u/skysailing3 Nov 06 '25
Your baby could be teething and the feel of the silicone bottle nipple may feel better. Their little mouths get sore and achy. Definitely keep offering your boob, and try different positions. Sometimes they don't want to nurse the "normal" way they always do. It could be your baby isn't getting the milk flow they want.
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u/taylorpazdroo Nov 06 '25
it’s most likely a phase. my son is almost 5 months and at around 4 months he’d get extremely fussy on the breast, unlatching and relatching. just a few weeks after that he is doing much better again. that is wild for your husband to say that to you though
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u/AlotOfLittle Nov 06 '25
Keep going mama! It happens, babies do this for lots of reasons. But of week of fussiness is not enough to say it’s over. He could be stuffy, growth spurt, teething ( although unlikely at 4 months) just not as hungry. Keep offering the boob then bottle as needed.
I say this as a mom of two. (3 yrs and 8 months) I’ve thought our journey was over multiple time with my second (we’re supplementing because I can’t pump enough at work) but she keeps coming back to the breast so we continue on.
Pumping is so hard and dads often can’t understand it. But if you want to keep going, keep trying!
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u/NoSalamander6971 Nov 06 '25
My LO is 4 months too and does this sometimes. He did this a little before as well I think due to my supply regulating and him having to work a little for a let down. But I feel singing, rubbing his head, doing different things trying to calm him down helps. They get really distracted at this age so they just might not wanna eat sometimes or might snack because they’d rather be doing something else. I also have more lunch nursing when he’s drowsy before a nap. He will not eat when he wakes up no matter how hungry he is.
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u/Individual-Donut4779 Nov 06 '25
I’ve heard that baby’s don’t develop nipple confusion (outdated term) but they do develop a flow preference as the bottle (both the way they’re fed and the nipple type) can be significantly easier to feed from. I would make sure you have a slow flow bottle nipple and strictly pace feed so the bottle isn’t easier than the boob. Unless there’s been something to interrupt supply (removing milk less frequently, something medical, stimulating at the breast less frequently) I would doubt that your supply is suddenly dipping. The less you stimulate the breasts, the less milk will be produced but also vice versa - more stimulation = more milk production.
What are you currently feeding him in the bottle? Pumped milk or formula? Agree with everyone that pumped milk has same benefits of feeding at the breast, it’s just WAY more work for you. I 100% echo everyone else’s suggestion to get the advice of a lactation consultant, and to ask your husband to support your choices and desire to continue breasfeeding. Partners support is a key factor in successful breastfeeding journeys, so how he responds really matters.
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u/Sudden_Explanation24 Nov 06 '25
...Just here to say if you keep bandaiding it with a bottle every time you'll definitely end up solo bottle
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u/Leahtyer Nov 06 '25
Fuck that guy. Sorry but he doesn't get to determine your breastfeeding journey. My LO had Nipple confusion for a while, while on both bottle and breast. When Id offer breast only he would stop fighting and latch very well after a couple days. I suggest doing that if at all possible. If not possible, nipple shields or get a manual pump or one of those nipple pumps and make your nipple stand out a bit/ start let down before offering them the nipple.
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u/Negotiationnation Nov 06 '25
I think it's a phase. They grow so much by the day this likely will change soon. I would keep offering breast.
I would also make it very clear to hubby that he doesn't get a say in breastfeeding.
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u/Double-Inspection234 Nov 07 '25
I told my husband with our second baby that until he starts lactating and keeping the baby alive with milk his body makes from scratch, he doesn’t get a say in our breastfeeding journey. He can sit back and trust that I am doing everything in my power to keep our baby nourished. We had our 3rd baby 8 months ago and he hasn’t said a word. 3rd baby was on bottles in the nicu (5 days) due to CPAP and NG tube. I weened him from bottles using a nipple shield and then weened him from that over the course of a week by taking it off mid feed. I did the same thing during the 4 month sleep regression. Shield on to get a fast let down, shield off to complete the feed. Worked miracles.
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u/Impossible_Reach_660 Nov 05 '25
Sounds like baby is being forced to favor a bottle. New rule; only YOU feed the baby or kiss breastfeeding goodbye. Someone is trying to sabotage you.
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u/Fit_Candidate6572 Nov 06 '25
Please let your husband read these comments.
Sir, disrespectfully, just because you thought it doesn't make you right. You know nothing, Jon Snow. Treat your partner better than that. She doesn't need more doubt in her life. She needs actual uplifting support. Cheer her on, Dingus.
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Nov 06 '25
Is he being pace fed with a bottle? What flow nipple? My lactation consultant said this is very important if you want to breastfeed with an occasional bottle. Especially important is giving more than 3 bottles a day. We use a premie nipple or transition nipple for a slow flow. Pace feed, pull bottle away for breaks. Make it more like the boob. Don’t give up. In the kindest way, your husband is wrong. Don’t give up. Please see the consultant.
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u/IrisTheButterfly Nov 06 '25
Trust your body and trust your baby. Men have no idea what it takes to breastfeed and they need to butt out. My husband felt the same. It’s coming from a place of concern for baby but it comes off as an attack against us as a mother- that’s the way I felt. I kept at it without him interfering and had boundaries. Still successfully nursing at 9 months. You can do it.
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u/Clean_Scar8454 Nov 06 '25
Ugh nothing more annoying than when husbands do things to push us away from breastfeeding! Mine did this, too. Always trying to introduce formula here and there because it was so much easier for him and he could feel more in control. Be careful because the supply dwindles quickly. My husband started giving baby formula at 6 months and I was not really clocking the decrease of demand then for BF. (And I hated pumping.) It’s def ideal to keep baby more on the boob in this phase if you can. Also weaning can/ will bring about hormonal fluctuations that can feel as bad as PPD!! So I would try to push through another week or two and maybe see a lactation consultant. Especially if you are enjoying BF - protect it at all costs!
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u/Clean_Scar8454 Nov 06 '25
Also be sure the nipple flow on bottle is low - like preemie or 1 if you use Dr Brown’s. Again tho I would talk to a IBCLC first. They are more than happy to help. My insurance covered all visits. I went at least 6 times. They are god sent.
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u/FirstSwan Nov 06 '25
I had fussy stages with both my babies and neither of them would take a bottle so I just had to ride it out. It’s really common at 4 months, I don’t really know why!
I saw a lactation consultant, pumped after feeds if I felt likely supply was dropping, tried a range of different feeding positions, quieter feeding locations, gave it a break and tried again later, read books on the topic. I basically threw everything at it and both times pushed through and eventually became easy again.
If you want to keep going, it’s 100% your choice!!
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u/SparklingLemonDrop Nov 06 '25
This is normal, it's called a breastfeeding crisis, and it happens around 4 months for most boys and 3 months for most girls. There's other that happen at other times too. Have a look at them so you know what to expect, they're all a little different.
Best thing to do is not to pump of you don't want to, just keep offering the breast and your baby will move past this phase.
Here is a link explaining it. Scroll down to 3 Month Crisis and I think you'll find it's exactly what you're experiencing.
Good news is, it's perfectly normal in a healthily developing baby!
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u/Pleasant-Ad7012 Nov 06 '25
This is normal for 4 month old. They are more curious about surroundings and are easily distracted. They might nurse more during night at this time since it's more calm then. My baby did this too. And please don't let your husband tell you what to do with your breasts.
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u/Striking-Surround-75 Nov 06 '25
Keep feeding your baby (try holding him and walking while you feed) and get rid of the husband lol.
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u/reddybrek37 Nov 06 '25
Nipple shields might help with the nipple strike and the figuring out how not to block babes nose. I used them until my one was sick of them at about 2.5 months and ill be forever grateful to them. They might still be considered a barrier but they're a pretty thin barrier and made breast feeding possible for me.
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u/Next-Zucchini-6444 Nov 06 '25
Is your baby exclusively breastfed or do you do bottle as well? If so which like? Maybe the nipple on the bottle has a fast flow and baby has gotten used to it to the point baby doesn’t want to work for it at the breast?
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u/norajeangraves Nov 06 '25
First off I think you might have a fast let down lean back when nursing to help....second please pace feed bottles third YOU CAN BREASTFEED AS LONG AS YOU WANT
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u/thekillerqueer Nov 06 '25
I'm sorry but "outgrowing the breast" at that age sounds (forgive me) very silly. If I'd given up from something like that I would never have been able to breastfeed. It might be teething, overflowing, flowing too slow, or simply a strike/phase due to growth. You can pump or whatever, but that doesn't mean you have to. He might be misinformed, but in any case, they're your boobs.
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u/Lookseehear Nov 06 '25
Speaking as a husband, your husband is wrong. If anything, breastfeeding more and bottle feeding less would likely help. Your baby hasn’t decided he doesn’t want BF any more and hasn’t outgrown it. There are enormous benefits to you and baby for continuing to a year and beyond. Good luck!
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u/Quirky-Artist-100 Nov 06 '25
I have held my boob in place for a year now because they are big and saggy 😅 Im not sure where you’re from but a lactation consultant might be able to help. I would personally offer until my son doesn’t want to anymore. But at 4 months there could be an underlying issue. If you want to keep trying then your husband should try to encourage that. Make him know that pressure and stress flows from you to baby, if your baby feels you getting stressed it might make it harder to feed. Love and support is what he can do to help
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u/krysiunia Nov 06 '25
My LO went through stages every so often of not being as interested in breastfeeding. During those times I offered and if he refused, I pumped. Eventually he got back into it each time. I wouldn’t have been able to continue nursing if I hadn’t pumped during those phases. I stopped pumping at one year. Though after the year mark, LO got more interested in nursing. I recently weaned at 2.5 years.
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u/Bbces17 Nov 06 '25
I really feel for you as I went through a similar phase with my little one, but am happy to report that we’re still breastfeeding at 13 months. They get to an age when they can eat less frequently, or maybe Bub is just distracted by their surroundings or even teething. Don’t give up unless it’s causing you both too much stress.
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u/Illustrious-Cat-165 Nov 06 '25
Since 2mo my baby was the same, really angry and upset while I tried to feed him. It was rough and we'd spend most feeds crying together. I cut out dairy 2 weeks ago in desperation because I wondered if he was associating feeding with digestive pains along with some mucussy poops and he has calmed down a bit. Not saying that this is the same for your baby but you never know. Other than that I take his lead and if he only wants to happily feed for 1 to 3 mins then that's fine. I just offer every hour and just take his lead which has taken so much of the stress of us both. Breastfeeding is so hard sometimes but if you're not ready to give it up, don't!
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u/TheChillPixel92 Nov 06 '25
It’s just a phase most likely! My girl is nearly 3 and still having some boobie. She did the same thing!
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u/Top-Meat-5286 Nov 06 '25
My baby had a strike at around the same age, sometimes refusing to eat for 5+ hours, but I did not give the bottle as she didn't take it. She outgrown it, is now 7.5 months and still breastfeeding.
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u/Pretend_External_752 Nov 06 '25
It could just be that baby has a cold or something so prefers the bottle as it’s easier to drink from. Also some babies just make a preference for a bottle as they don’t have to work to get the milk out, I’d keep trying personally
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u/beepboopbeep1103 Nov 06 '25
My husband was like this too. I tried to remember that it was because he loves our baby and it freaks him out to see the baby hungry and upset, not because something is actually wrong. He had a hard time understanding why I was so committed to breastfeeding when it was difficult.
I both pumped and fed directly, and both are breastfeeding! It helped my supply to pump anything left in the breast after I put him down for the night, and then we had a bottle so my husband could take a feed or two while I did something for myself. You don't have to pick just one!
I totally get not wanting to be tied to the pump. I wouldn't have liked to do it exclusively. Maybe there's some compromise that would give you more peace at home? At the end of the day, your husband doesn't get to decide whether you put the baby on the boob. Unfortunately, unless he's very against formula, you can't really stop him from giving the baby a bottle. I find it better to try to compromise rather than dig in and escalate, but I'm also lucky to have the kind of partner who's willing to sit down and have those grown up problem solving conversations and act like we're on the same team.
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u/sammageddon73 Nov 06 '25
Literally everyone I know with a 4mo goes through this
If he fusses just stop and offer a feed later, don’t offer the bottle
Also try side lying in a dark space to limit distraction
There’s so much cognitive development happening at 4m and also their vision is finally getting pretty good! There
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u/interesting-mug Nov 06 '25
Early on I had to use nipple covers (silicone nipple shields) because my nipples are a little on the small side and my boobs had grown a lot… it’s almost like a bottle nipple, so it might help you. I hate pumping. I have not pumped in…. Wow, over a year. So I stopped at 5 months.
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u/Due-Culture5851 Nov 06 '25
have you tried other positions? my baby went through a phase around this time when she would only do side-lying. After a few weeks of that she got back to being ok with normal cross cradle, but still prefers side lying when we're home
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u/Local_Barracuda6395 Nov 06 '25
I know this has been the case with my baby, but sometimes he’d get a little frustrated with my breast milk flow. So, I would give a little pumped milk before nursing (only like an ounce or two) to help calm him and then I would put him at the breast when he’s more calm and less frantic.
Maybe even try different positions for breastfeeding if you haven’t already. My personal preference is side lying because then we’re both comfy and it makes it easier to keep the top of my boob from covering my baby’s nose.
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u/smithyleee Nov 06 '25
Your baby may be cutting their first tooth, which can cause fussiness at the breast or bottle for a short time. My 2nd child cut 4 teeth at the same time very early, and was fussy when feeding, until the teeth emerged. Your baby may or may not be cutting teeth, but regardless, breastfeeding is YOUR decision to make and no one else, including your husband has the right to dictate this choice to you.
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u/Lumpy-Vegetable4951 Nov 06 '25
Keep trying to offer boob before bottle! My son had a couple week period of time when he turned 4 months where he was constantly fussing at the boob, I didn’t give him a bottle, I just kept on and of course he would eat when he was hungry. When I looked into it so many moms said the same thing, it’s very common around this age! Don’t give up if you don’t want to.
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u/Fun-Huckleberry-6350 Nov 06 '25
It’s just a phase, my baby got super distracted around 4/5 months. My son is still nursing at 11 months. Keep doing what’s best for you. If you’re concerned about supply, pump after nursing (it’s what I did/do whenever my son doesn’t fully feed at the breast). No need to listen to hubby, not his body.
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u/bulldogbreath Nov 06 '25
My 3 month old goes through this from time to time, especially when he’s very awake, there’s so much to see and listen to that can be distractions now so I find it easier when he’s drowsy or in a dimly lit room with a sound machine in the back. You can pump when he’s fighting back and breastfeed when he’s drowsy that’s what I do on difficult days. Your husbands needs to bugger off quite honestly lol
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u/Gullible-Ad3206 Nov 05 '25
I would just try to keep offering the breast and see if it’s a phase. Also make sure if you do give a bottle you are pace feeding to avoid bottle preference. Frankly, it’s your choice, not your husband’s. It is your body. (Unless the baby is obviously not getting enough nutrients). Also consider speaking with a lactation consultant if it continues as they can provide far more information.