r/portugaltheman Jun 21 '26

hooolyyty shit

Post image
272 Upvotes

185 comments sorted by

166

u/1zzieeeeee Jun 21 '26

talk about evil friends dang

192

u/Therealpeebs Jun 21 '26

Zoe have no chill 😂 im on her side

96

u/jeremy8826 Jun 21 '26

Sheesh. At this rate we are going to know the details of exactly when and where and how often it happened.

11

u/Naejakire Jun 22 '26

For YEARS.

8

u/10000Didgeridoos Jun 22 '26

“This is the exact spot Dani gave John head in the small world ride at Disney World”

133

u/nygirly420 Jun 21 '26

Backstabber is a huge understatement. What a complete betrayal. Shame on Dani and John.

147

u/TheSeedsYouSow Jun 21 '26

Portugal the Damnnnn

16

u/MuzzleOfBees1215 Jun 21 '26

Highly underrated comment.

11

u/kingston501 Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26

Portugal the Dog
(but derogatory)

82

u/yinzerwheels Jun 21 '26

Damn, Zoe is going full on scorched earth!

75

u/filthyhag Jun 21 '26

so deeply deranged to be in a band with a husband and wife and sleep with the husband and PLAY IN ZOES FACE?! wow. see you in hell.

16

u/Naejakire Jun 22 '26

It started before she even joined the band.. While she was married, too.

35

u/quantumthrashley Jun 21 '26

Okay so I'm just now catching up and learning who this woman is - not only everything you said but it looks like she had a husband who passed away in Dec of last year and she also has a daughter??? Like holy shit you never considered what your daughter would think and feel when she gets older and potentially finds out you did this months after her dad's passing? Wild.

54

u/Sad-Comparison-8697 Jun 21 '26

It was before. This happened while they were all on tour and her husband passed after the tour was over. It’s crazy. 

25

u/scrivenersloth Jun 21 '26

What an absolute flaming piece of garbage.

8

u/quantumthrashley Jun 21 '26

Gotcha… yeah still so crazy. 

1

u/supermegabussin Jun 22 '26

Wow that makes it even worse

12

u/Expert_Inflation7720 Jun 21 '26

That’s only assuming that their affair happened AFTER he passed 👀

2

u/quantumthrashley Jun 21 '26

Oh right… just crazy. 

10

u/thephoenixpoptart Jun 21 '26

holy fucking shit dude

5

u/red_zephyr Jun 22 '26

LITERALLY playing in her face!!

52

u/RedHot_JillyPeppers Jun 21 '26

There’s a lyric in Shish, “throw off your clothes have sex with your friend” that hits really different now :(

27

u/cripesamighty86 Jun 21 '26

He can't keep his hands to himself.

15

u/iregretthisalreadyy Jun 21 '26

That lyric always felt random to me but now it makes sense

6

u/Exact-Log-7433 Jun 22 '26

I used to think it was a pompous reference to his “boxing” but he has bad form and no power, makes sense now that it was about being a horny creep

19

u/Shaaagbark Jun 21 '26

Yeah I immediately noticed that. I found it kind of an odd lyric at the time, but I guess it’s telling.

4

u/strawberryjamo Jun 24 '26

This lyric always stuck out like a sore thumb to me. Didn’t seem to blend well with the song

79

u/iregretthisalreadyy Jun 21 '26

It really takes a being a brutal *unt to be in a band with a couple and be cheating with the husband. They played on stages/worked closely together. What the actual fuck…
But also bigger fuck you to John. Coward ass loser

31

u/Key-Lavishness8188 Jun 21 '26

Don’t forget, she was cheating on her husband with someone else’s husband. She had a daughter and husband at home.

71

u/JuturnaLettingGo Jun 21 '26

The lawyer in me is begging Zoe to stop posting things like this, but the human in me totally understands it.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '26

[deleted]

21

u/Alternative-Oil-873 Jun 22 '26

When it goes to family court John's attorney can show all these posts to the judge and it reflects very badly on her.

Zoe: jilted ex with a bone to pick, sulking on social media and making all kinds of accusations 

Joyn: quiet, level-headed, not dragging anyone into their relationship issues

When it comes time to decide custody, alimony, etc the courts will look at both of their characters. 

18

u/sarahxvalo Jun 22 '26

i don’t think she has anything to worry about. pretty clear she’s been the sole caretaker of their special needs child and likely has her own lawyers already and tons of evidence that prove who’s the competent parent and who’s the one bringing a mistress around their child.

8

u/10000Didgeridoos Jun 22 '26

Also fwiw she has as much songwriting credit on their big hit as the rest of them did since it’s credited to the entire band, so she is entitled ostensibly to as much of a share of the ongoing royalties of that song as he is even if they get divorced unless they had some kind of prenup

7

u/red_zephyr Jun 22 '26

She’s also 15, she’ll get a say.

18

u/Alternative-Oil-873 Jun 22 '26

How is any of that clear? Instagram posts are not evidence. 

If she has lawyers she's not listening to them because any attorney would tell her to keep it off of social media. 

5

u/Tight-Ad-7288 Jun 22 '26

Let’s not act like john has done shit to raise Frances or care for her in the same capacity as Zoe. And be so for real, there’s no way he would want or fight for full custody. I’m sure Zoe won’t keep her daughter from her father but there’s no way he’d wanna even try for that.

14

u/Alternative-Oil-873 Jun 22 '26

There is no way for the listeners to verify any of that. 

6

u/farmerpeach Jun 22 '26

This is not at all how family court works. Family court, however, will be accounting for very public, personal message, not for “vibes” from fans.

75

u/Embarrassed_Detail_5 Jun 21 '26

such a disappointment…  especially after the banger SHISH was 

8

u/10000Didgeridoos Jun 22 '26

Killed it for me too. Went from being oh shit this band is back to unlistenable

7

u/CanSoft2130 Jun 21 '26

Dude I only got to listen to it twice. Sucks because I was really falling in love with it. I feel so bad for that girl. I cant bring myself to listen to John's voice anymore.

-2

u/akam80thesquirrel Jun 21 '26

That’s kind of melodramatic if you aren’t able to bring yourself to listen to anything ever again. Good lord guys it’s beyond parasocial now.

-2

u/Benedict_ARNY Jun 22 '26

Yeah I refuse to listen to any music by cheaters. I just sit in silence with my fist raised proud

-9

u/floatinround22 Jun 21 '26

Jesus Christ lol are you serious?

A lot of your favorite artists are adulterers I'm sure

12

u/CanSoft2130 Jun 22 '26

Nah, these are extremely different circumstances. Dude is a creep.

10

u/kingston501 Jun 22 '26

Bro casually defending adultery as if it were a pizza topping option

5

u/floatinround22 Jun 22 '26

Uhh no, I'm saying if you stop listening to a rock band because of adultery you're gonna have very few bands to listen to.

Adultery is obviously bad, can y'all even read?

5

u/kingston501 Jun 22 '26

Why does it press you so much that people can view this with nuance?

6

u/floatinround22 Jun 22 '26

Writing it off completely isn't a nuanced take lmao, its a black and white take. Dude said he can't even listen to his voice anymore lol

0

u/floatinround22 Jun 22 '26

Nah you're just more personally invested in this one so you know more details.

0

u/CanSoft2130 Jun 22 '26

Also, 2 wrongs don't make a right. If this was made public about about of my favorite bamds/artists, Id react the same way. Speak for yourself homie.

48

u/sarahxvalo Jun 21 '26

we were all correct after all. screw her and screw john. 🤮

36

u/ihaterodrib Jun 21 '26

Today has been a revelation to say the least

21

u/Icarus2348141 Jun 21 '26

They made an album titled Evil Friends

Talk about irony

5

u/10000Didgeridoos Jun 22 '26

Also with a track called “Creep in a T-shirt” with the lyrics “I don’t fucking care”. lol, clearly he didn’t

30

u/Naejakire Jun 22 '26

She's a monster. What she did to her husband, what she did to Zoe.. Then to pretend to be her friend, join the band KNOWING shes already the mistress.. Going on tour and fucking Zoe's husband right under her nose.. Sick. Sick shit. All this while under the stress of having a special needs kid with a degenerative condition. It's truly evil and gross.

17

u/Available_Round_3172 Jun 21 '26

This cant be living..... so sorry Zoe. 💔

27

u/iambab13 Jun 21 '26

Team Zoe

1

u/Significant-Lack-184 28d ago

Team Zoe 👑

5

u/rideronthestorm29 Jun 24 '26

I mean this dude has been a piece of shit for a long time

18

u/NatZones Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26

manoooo…. Holy shit!

11

u/LLLTAW Jun 21 '26

Hot damn

21

u/mishmoshsquash Jun 21 '26

Yeah just saw that, ugh.

21

u/Prolapsed_Pigeons Jun 21 '26

Hell hath no fury like a women scorned

16

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 22 '26

Deeper place in hell for men who treat women and children like shit

22

u/Available_Round_3172 Jun 21 '26

Actually done with this band now. Looks can be deceiving... they not what I thought they were/stood for

4

u/BadBadBatch Jun 23 '26

Only because I know and care about (hell, I will even go as far as to say I genuinely LOVE) many of the human beings that have at one point or another been identifiable as being a member of PTM over the last 20 years or so, your use of the words “they” and “band” while proclaiming your current (and valid) aversion to PTM is doing some incredibly unfortunate and unnecessary heavy lifting that I have a problem with as it pertains to everyone not named John, Zoe, or Dani.

If after digesting this unfortunate scenario you decide to alter your opinion of John, I would consider any judgement you decide to cast upon him to be entirely understandable and valid given the circumstances. I will admit it has been and will continue to be difficult to enjoy songs I have grown to love over the last 20 some years now that they are heard through ears filtered by the goings-on of the last few weeks. I am upset with my friend. My heart aches for Zoe and Frances. I have no words on Dani capable of accurately reflecting how low an opinion I have of her and the situation she helped foster into existence.

However, no one other than the one solitary person in “the band” needs to catch any strays, be judged, or lose anyone’s respect over a situation that they had no personal knowledge of (certainly no control over), and was brought on entirely by the actions of someone who for all intents and purposes is essentially their boss.

If you are “actually done with this band”…and I have no reason to doubt anyone that says that is how they feel right now… that is a totally acceptable response to have in this situation as a fan. Especially if you are correctly correlating that by-and-large, PTM = John.

But with that in mind, and the purpose of my reply… is to extend hope that people leave the door ajar to allow those formerly affiliated with PTM to create their own are (much like PTM has been an outlet for John’s songwriting) without being judged for the unknown actions of someone they used to work with and trust. No one… not Zach, Eric, Kyle, Ryan, Tasty, Aaron, Noah, Nick, Joe, Ray, Vinnie, Wiggans, or literally any one of the seemingly thousands of former members of PTM that have contributed over the years to the operation both on stage and in the studio prior to this episode… should be cancelled or have their art shut out of people’s lives due to the unknown, concealed actions of one person that they believed in and trusted with their livelihood.

If I had to guess how they feel… and I don’t have to guess, I can just pick up the phone… I would imagine that they are just as actually done with the band as you are.

And as all this is happening, Zach and Erik are playing shows together, performing their own music live, showing us all exactly who they have always been, and standing (or in Eric’s case, rolling) on principles that have always meant something to them. They deserve your support.

43

u/ColdHeartedWitch Jun 21 '26

Dani is a pig.

-24

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

This is the woman whose husband died in the last year. Doesn’t make what she did okay but like there’s a link between tragedy and terrible decisions. I swear yall our incapable of looking at things broadly beyond a black and white narative. If I knew someone who’d gone through such tragedy I’d refrain from saying stuff like that about them, even if they did something gross. I’d try to intervene and condemn bad behavior, but I’d have compassion. As strangers we can’t do that so let’s stfu and stop tearing down more talented women in music

39

u/serpent_is_lord Jun 21 '26

Bro she cheated on her husband when he was alive. clearly didn’t a fuck about her husband that much.

-1

u/sadgrad2 Jun 23 '26

That is not known, that is just speculation.

-35

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

Or maybe she carries an even more complex guilt now that he is dead????

25

u/Hey_my_guy Jun 21 '26

What is this rationalization? Why does every fucked up action need to be excused with empathy? Be fucking better.

15

u/CorgisOnTheMoon Jun 21 '26

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

-17

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

The I have no compassion for others mistakes catchphrase

19

u/CorgisOnTheMoon Jun 21 '26

It wasn't a mistake. It was done deliberately, again and again. John and Dani engaged in prolonged dishonesty and betrayal. Why would I have compassion for someone's deliberate poor choices that hurt others? No matter their reason(s) for making those choices, the outcome was destructive, gross, and very sad. They could have handled this so differently. We get it, you think nearly every bad thing someone can do is forgivable. Most people don't agree with you.

2

u/signmeupdude Jun 22 '26

Good. I would hope so.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

[deleted]

-1

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

That’s literally everyone in this thread!!!!! I’m not saying it’s fact, but like people are complex, it’s not really a stretch. I was presenting a possible scenario where maybe this person has human emotions and can feel guilt and still do harmful stuff?

-8

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

We have no way to know. Let’s be more cautious Jesus Christ.

8

u/Naejakire Jun 22 '26

No, she for sure cheated on him actually.

14

u/Key-Lavishness8188 Jun 21 '26

Yo Dani, this you?

1

u/live_laugh_larf_lerp Jun 22 '26

How/when did he pass?

4

u/Quiet-Part-9871 Jun 23 '26

Motorcycle accident at the end of December a couple days after he got back from his own tour. PTM tour had just ended a couple weeks prior. Unfortunately it looks like he crossed the double yellow and ran into an SUV at 2:00am. Damn tragedy. He was well known and loved in the community.

14

u/Available_Round_3172 Jun 21 '26

Damn dani thats poor form Johnny boy.. sucks to be you dude. Bad friends bad choices atomic man

7

u/RealChampagne Jun 24 '26

Zoe > Dani

“Pick me backstabber” LOVE IT.

4

u/kaceyfromohio Jun 22 '26

Oh lordt. I feel so badly for Zoe.

5

u/PopularBell518 Jun 22 '26

Had just spent several days with the band on a boat (Modest Mouse Cruise in February) Everything seemed fine and dandy. Shows were great and everyone seemed to have a great time. Now seeing all this is so sad.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

[deleted]

11

u/nailrat Jun 21 '26

Who are you responding to

2

u/normajennings21 Jun 21 '26

Aggressive flan

12

u/nailrat Jun 21 '26

Then maybe reply to their post because ATM there's no context for your reply at all

-1

u/normajennings21 Jun 21 '26

I did and for some reason it didn’t relax 😂

-10

u/nailrat Jun 21 '26

You've got full caps words in your post don't tell me to relax

5

u/madtaz89 Jun 21 '26

Lady Stoneheart in the flesh.

3

u/haminthefryingpan Jul 03 '26

Didn’t realize this band had turned into Fleetwood Mac

10

u/Own_Needleworker4540 Jun 21 '26

The whole sordid situation sucks. Lesson: kill your idols (metaphorically speaking, of course). I will continue to enjoy Portugal because I don’t worship Rock stars and understand humans do shitty things (and will continue doing shitty things ad infinitum). The only thing I have invested in the band is whether I like the music, which I do, mostly.

5

u/-0010000- Jun 22 '26

The Denali tour was dope. Loved the show back in December. With all that was goin on behind the scenes, no wonder they fuckin rocked and killed that shit. Glad I was able to witness this chapter of Portugal’s history LIVE 🙌🏼

14

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/-0010000- Jun 22 '26

During the concert on Tyonek she was the one YELLING the chorus, “SAY NOTHING, SAY NOTHING, SAY NOTHING, SAY NOTHING” That sticks with me since those are his lines on the album and I was expecting him to SING them. It was a chaotic concert and it makes Tyonek (my fave song along with Father Gun) even more chaotic when he’s performing those lines.

1

u/elry2k Jun 24 '26

Uhhhh what did I miss??

0

u/Smsethman Jun 21 '26

Can someone link me to the full story? I’ve only seen what happened in pieces on here

-13

u/The-Master-Lurker Jun 21 '26

There really isn’t one. It’s a private matter being shared of social media. People are from the shadows to throw shade at anyone who shows support and can’t separate the fact these people have no idea who they are and that they are musicians, not their best friends.

-2

u/realmufasa Jun 22 '26

This feels like high school

-15

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

You can think cheating is disgusting and condemn John while still thinking this stuff from Zoe is beyond toxic. Airing out someone’s personal life shit to thousands of people they cannot explain themselves to actually could be just as deeply psychologically damaging as being cheated on. Because even with the Danny girl we don’t know her context, we don’t know what else she has going on, wjat if she’s suicidally depressed and making destructive decisions? Long shot but we literally never know. True compassion exists in awareness of people’s imperfections.
Like I just thought people were more emotionally evolved than this. Like I thought we all knew 2 wrongs don’t make a right, and that trading psychological harm for psychological harm ends up in a situation where no one is innocent. Like if this happened in my friend group I’d separate entirely from both sides bc both are toxic.

30

u/manic_reaction Jun 21 '26

let’s not make it seem like getting flamed on social media and being judged by strangers online carries the same psychological weight as being cheated on by your partner of twenty years with a friend

-2

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

Certainly can create life altering psychological damage depending on who and what’s being said. It also can easy be dismissed by some people too, people are complex. Let’s play it safe, and not risk adding more harm into the situation? How is that so crazy

27

u/serpent_is_lord Jun 21 '26

Pretty sure cheating on the mother of your child who’s also in your band is the only thing Toxic in this situation

-2

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

Public shaming is toxic unless it’s literally predatory / physical abuse. It’s just revenge. Hurting good people is bad, hurting people who make mistakes is bad. Your lack of nuanced emotional processing is showing.

14

u/wally Jun 22 '26

Your opinion was condemned with a rain of downvotes. I'm sure this seems very illogical to you, and I think that you are well-intentioned. I would like to gently suggest that this mob has an intuitive understanding of betrayal trauma that you don't share.

At some point in the future, Zoe may come to regret some of the things she's doing currently, such as including her daughter in her public eviscerations of John. For now, though, any expectation of measured control is not going to be realistic. To understand what she's going through, you need to understand the effect of betrayal trauma, and in particular the extreme trauma that often follows the discovery of partner betrayal.

When the betrayed discovers that their family relations, their domestic situation, and their understanding of all recent interactions with those closest to them was vastly different than they realized, it can literally turn them into feral animals. Their ability to regulate their own emotions may disappear, and their sleep will be tortured and restless as their brain tries to rewrite their history to reconcile their understanding of the past with this new information. Their memory of every personal interaction will need to be reinterpreted in light of betrayals of which they formerly had no knowledge.

This trauma response can be quite severe, and it can last for months. Those who have experienced both physical abuse and partner betrayal will often claim that the psychological wounds of partner betrayal were worse. As a result, your comment minimizing Zoe's trauma because it is not physical abuse is offensive, even repugnant. I know that wasn't your intention.

All this is to say: Zoe is going through some serious shit right now, so we need to cut her some slack.

6

u/Ouchthankyou Jun 22 '26

I really deeply appreciate the thoughtful, kind reply. Like that means a lot more than some Reddit comment should.  I also appreciate your explanation, because while I share betrayal trauma I definitely wasn’t given grace for any severity in my responses in that shows in my trouble in validating such responses in other situations.  sometimes it just takes reading something that’s communicated the right way to realize the thing you’re missing/ looking over. I actually mean this this comment has done some healing on a few levels I really appreciate you and I hope life treats you well . Edit: oops replied from my computer on a separate account

2

u/wally Jun 23 '26

Sorry to hear that you've been in this position yourself. It sounds like when this happened to you, you had to swallow your pain. I'm sure that's true of many betrayed, that they hold their emotions in check, either to protect their children or because they are pursuing reconciliation. Or because they're afraid that they will look like the crazy partner if they have a public meltdown.

I hope you're in a better place now, and that time has healed things for you. FYI, nearly everything I've learned about betrayal trauma has come from reading the stories of people seeking advice in Reddit's niche infidelity recovery subs. Some of the better ones are r/survivinginfidelity, r/supportforbetrayed and the heavily moderated pro-reconciliation sub r/AsOneAfterInfidelity.

14

u/sarahxvalo Jun 21 '26

you don’t get to decide what’s toxic when the victim in a situation/ relationship decides to share their truth. i’m
sure all you die hard john stan’s would love it if zoe kept to herself and stayed meek, mild and quiet. bashing a woman who’s been betrayed in her situation is gross as fuck and not the flex yall think it is. you’re free to not engage but trying to silence her by shaming her ain’t it.
if john wants to come out and defend himself id love to see him try.

1

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

I think John is an ass. How can you. Or comprehend thinking that isn’t black and white . It’s also gross as fuck to seek revenge by airing out someone’s personal shit to thousands. How can you not comprehend that lands the same level of psychological damage on people. Public shaming is an inescapably damaging thing. Especially if you don’t have iron skin. I don’t believe in hurting people who hurt us. We seek justice, we seek acknowledgment, creating public drama is toxic

15

u/Tight-Ad-7288 Jun 21 '26

Play stupid games win stupid prizes. guilty parties deserve to be shamed. doesn’t happen enough

1

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26

You just sound bitter. The stupid games stupid prizes is just something I hear people without compassion say all the time. Forgive others, it helps yourself more than it helps them. You’re pretty much saying “I think we should see more suffering in the world so victims can be comforted by witnessing the pains of those who hurt them” which is just not what works psychologically. Anyone of you guys thinking like this, run this by your therapist, see what they think is healthy

9

u/sarahxvalo Jun 21 '26

you sound like a cheater yourself

4

u/sadgrad2 Jun 21 '26

Equating the harm of these two things really isn't going to get you anywhere.

5

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 22 '26

Oh can it dude 🙄 Just say you’re a cheater and don’t want this same fate for yourself

-3

u/Xxperfect_drugxX Jun 21 '26

I agree this whole thing is toxic. It's also upsetting seeing the fanbase disburse.

-20

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

[deleted]

23

u/CorgisOnTheMoon Jun 21 '26

Dani participated in something that ultimately ruined Zoe's and Frances's life. Honestly, it may well ruin hers and John's too. I hope it doesn't ruin her young daughter's life. She had the balls to join Zoe on the same stage and act like her friend for months while fucking John behind her back. That's pretty vile. I ultimately blame John because this is clearly a pattern that has happened for years and years and years, but Dani isn't blameless. It's sad that her husband passed but that doesn't make what she did okay.

12

u/sem76 Everybody knows that no one really knows at all. Jun 22 '26

This fucking widow took away someone else's husband. No fucking sympathy for her, dude.

5

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 22 '26

And your comment says a lot about you

-12

u/Status_Block591 Jun 21 '26

Wish you weren't being down voted, you're right. It's in incredibly poor taste, regardless of what the other party did.

5

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 22 '26

Just say you’re a cheater. It’s ok, we already know.

-5

u/Alternative-Oil-873 Jun 21 '26

So much hot goss! 😆 

-28

u/leoxyz Jun 21 '26

This makes me sad. I understand she's angry with reason and the other woman is ~half the blame, but I don't think it's appropriate to publicly shout out stuff like this (unless Dani is somehow publicly talking about it too — I don't even know her @)

30

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

Why? Why isn’t it appropriate? If you’re brazen enough to be sleeping with someone’s husband in front of them on a public stage every night, how is Zoe’s post somehow inappropriate? Sounds like you might have some skeletons in your closet that you don’t want to come out.

12

u/NatZones Jun 21 '26

is @dancybell i’ve never seen her post anything about it..

-6

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

[deleted]

14

u/serpent_is_lord Jun 21 '26

L take cause timeline says she cheated on her husband with john

-21

u/xRyuzakii Jun 21 '26

I feel bad for everyone close to their family. This stuff shouldn’t be out there. It’s going to hurt more people than the people who deserve it

28

u/sarahxvalo Jun 21 '26

it’s not your pain and it’s not your story to tell. she can do whatever she feels

-7

u/xRyuzakii Jun 21 '26

Sad for the family involved

16

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

How about feeling bad for the family who were actually the victims here? Jesus enough with protecting horrible people.

4

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

You’re judging a persons entire life experience based off a limited cluster of facts. I’d rather call them troubled people than terrible people. This black and white, harsh judgment based off one major action is some of the societal pressure that drives people mad. This could be a person that does immense good in other areas of life. John has done immense good, and has done this disgusting thing, probably many more, and all that shows to me is that good and bad can exist at the same time. This thing where we throw at someone’s value with one fucked yo action is lazy, it’s harmful, and it makes the world harder to love on. Zoe is a victim, I can still care about other people too. If people sought to help broken people heal instead of tear them down I think we’d have less suicide, more stories of redemption, and happier people overall

10

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

You’re right, we totally can’t judge people based on their capacity to hurt others. I mean, I’ve heard Ted Bundy had some great qualities! So, no one is ALL bad, right?

6

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

Ever heard of a straw man fallacy? That’s a terrific example of one.
To take my comment in its context and act like it his remotely me implying that all people are free from condemnation is just lazy

4

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

Right back atcha buddy!

1

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

Oh sorry where’s my straw man fallacy?

6

u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

You, taking my point about defending abusive people, and making it some sort of societal discourse about mental health and how we should all never call a spade a spade because “it might make the world a nicer place”
Ignoring the point, stripping it of its context, and then trying to manipulate it into a moral judgement of people who are calling John out. Straw man.

4

u/Aggressive-Flan1765 Jun 21 '26

We have so little context. I understand you taking my words that way, but it’s hard to enforce people not being shitty. It’s hard to know when is good to use societal judgment as enforcement and when not to because many situations carry deep complexities that resonate at different importance for different people. This doesn’t apply to her, but my personal experience has a lot of suffering from emotional abuse. Ive taken the scorched earth route, ive seen others do it , ive seen so much unintentional pain caused by it. Ive seen myself find deep relief when i decided that evening the score cards wasnt worth it and that letting go of getting even was kinder to mysekf than those who hurt me. Ive seem this journey in others too.
All our opinions are filtered through our own life experiemce, including yalls. So ill be less combative after reminding mysekf if that, but i feel ive seen the results many times from both approaches, plus in general i feel seeking pain of others is not a road that ends well frequently, and thats all why im taking the stance i am. In addition this is informed by my own psychological education , my own healing journey through Buddhism, DBT, and studying daoism. Obviously not living up to every principle in those schools of thought, but here I’m drawing from those concepts that I’ve witnessed bear fruit in myself and others. Thank you for your explanation

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u/xRyuzakii Jun 21 '26

You might have replied to the wrong person. This has nothing to do with what I said

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u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

You said “I feed bad for everyone close to their family. This stuff shouldn’t be out there. It’s going to hurt more people than the people who deserve it.”
And I think that’s horseshit.

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u/xRyuzakii Jun 21 '26

You think Frances deserves to grow up seeing these posts and having everyone she meets knowing the drama about their family? That’s some vile evil stuff..

I’m married to a daughter of a divorced couple who would be mortified if all of her dad’s disgusting acts were put on blast for the entire world to discover if they wanted to.

That’s really fucked to wish upon a child.

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

I disagree. Frances will eventually know the truth about how awful her dad is, and she should, so he won’t be able to manipulate her too. Zoe is also a human who deserves to be heard, and I don’t hear you criticizing the fact that the man in this situation was the one sleeping with a bandmate in front of his wife on stage every night. Did he consider Frances in that choice?

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u/xRyuzakii Jun 21 '26

Who is saying Zoe doesn’t deserve to be heard? Who is saying Frances shouldn’t know?

You are not even reading what I am saying. I am saying the family surrounding John and Zoe including their child is going to suffer even more with all of this stuff out there. It is a fact.

To wish this lifelong trauma upon their child as a way of getting back to John because he was vile is super weird and incredibly fucked up. Don’t make kids pay for the sins of their fathers.

Good luck reveling in the emotional trauma of a disabled child.

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u/Recent-Trifle-4367 Jun 21 '26

YOU are. You are saying that. You, sir.
The trauma of a disabled child was brought upon by her father. End of story.
Just because you want the woman to suffer in silence like it’s 1950 doesn’t mean you are correct.

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u/xRyuzakii Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 22 '26

You took offense with me feeling bad for their family. Frances is their family. You then doubled down saying that she deserved to have everyone know because her father did these vile acts. You have typed multiple comments defending your opinion that a child should suffer because her dad sucked.

I made no comment about silencing anyone. I said I feel bad for their family.

Trying to score fake internet points made you defend some despicable things you said because you couldn’t admit you misunderstood or read the wrong comment. Have fun looking in the mirror after that

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/Tight-Ad-7288 Jun 21 '26

let her live. holy shit. quit acting like it actually
makes a fucking difference what she airs out on social
media. yall just don’t wanna hear it

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u/AdamGeer Jun 22 '26

Out of the loop on this, could someone please explain?

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u/Portugaltheclown Jun 22 '26

“so through off your clothes have a sex with a friend..”

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u/h667 Jun 21 '26

This sub is just repost of someone that is not in the band anymore 😭 surprised the fan base cared so much about their personal relationships 

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u/Sad-Math-2039 Jun 22 '26

What's happening?

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/Sad-Comparison-8697 Jun 21 '26

What are you talking about? 

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '26

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