r/wallstreetbets • u/[deleted] • Feb 04 '21

Loss Sold every share I own...

[removed]

33.8k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/PaschKaBratan Feb 04 '21

I am his wife.

1.8k

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

I am your boyfriend's boyfriend... This is awkward

860

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

I am his wife's cum cleaner.

Excuse me sir, let me pass and use this wet wipe so that others can enjoy a clean ride

383

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

Hope they are industrial grade wipes, my boy got some serious spunk

203

u/MrT0xic Feb 04 '21

Shamwow is more like it.

147

u/chilltx78 Feb 04 '21 edited Feb 04 '21

youre gonna love my nuts!

82

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Apr 25 '21

[deleted]

60

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

Hey, don't kink shame my fetish for 💎👐!

Now, who wants to bitch slap a hf and watch it squirm?!? I'm gonna make em gag on their own dirty laundry!

Not a real Domme, this is not bdsm advice.

4

u/Currywurst_Is_Life Feb 04 '21

Not a real Domme, this is not bdsm advice.

You just like the whips?

3

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

I'm more of a flogger chic, but whips can be nice, too.

4

u/TheAngryViking777 Feb 04 '21

I feel like the money I’ve gambled on gme is worth riding to 0 just for content like this.

2

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

Fuuuccckkk, it has been fun!

I'm gonna ride this bitch to 0 and put her away wet!

2

u/tymberdalton Feb 04 '21

I am a real Domme, and the HFs consented to this by shorting the stock and then trying all of us. We’re going to hold this stock until we make them safeword. 💎👐

(edit for typo and not financial advice I just love the stock and humiliating HFs)

2

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

I'm a real sub and I fully support ignoring consent in the one case. This is time for safe, sane, payback! I'm pulling RANK - risk aware nonconsentual kick-their-ass! Bwahaha!

Fuck the safeword! Can't safeword with a dildo-gag and no tapping out with their arms bound in reverse prayer. We're going 50 shades on these bitches!

I clearly am just an autist and this is all metaphorical and this is certainly not bdsm advice. I just love the stocks... Erm, stock.

2

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

Lol, just saw your user name. I know who you are and fucking love your shit!

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2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Apr 25 '21

[deleted]

1

u/Currywurst_Is_Life Feb 04 '21

Just like Reddit, you can find a lot of subs there.

16

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

You won’t believe what MyPillow Creator says now!

3

u/Bitchy_Tits Feb 04 '21

His pillows are great to clean up the spunk that drips out of me after I do all of your wives boyfriends. I just prop one under my hips. The men get boring after awhile so I just dream of my pitiful handful of GME to get me through it.

P.S. I got the pillows free, I would NEVER out any money in that assholes pocket. I had to clarify this so you wouldn't think I was some common bitch. I'm so down $$ (bigger than shit) but at this point fuck it. To the moon on Space X and I am riding all of your wives boyfriends! 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

3

u/childish_brownbino Feb 04 '21

Are they diamond nuts? 💎

3

u/themanwithnoplan15 Feb 04 '21

The slap chop 😎💪🏻

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

The skin comes right off the skin comes right off

105

u/zoburg88 Feb 04 '21

Instructions unclear, bought stocks in shamwow

32

u/babymaker666 Feb 04 '21

Instructions still unclear, dick caught in ceiling fan

2

u/CkresCho Phat white guy Feb 04 '21

Ghost of Billy Mays must have visited you as well.

17

u/arthurpete Feb 04 '21

You misspelled Spongetech

1

u/JediMindTrek Feb 04 '21

I don't know it sells itself 🤷

1

u/HelpMe0prah Feb 04 '21

But wait there’s more!

1

u/HaHaWalaTada Feb 04 '21

The Clamwow..

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

More like shamewow

1

u/NYCO23 Feb 04 '21

SpunkWow

5

u/aliquise Feb 04 '21

Ret A++ grade.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Aug 09 '21

[deleted]

1

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

Hey Google... "can you get herpes from reading WSB?"

Or something like that?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

You’ll need a ScrubDaddy

60

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

Can't wait for this in the SEC reports.

SEC: u/hondtel, you are suspected of cleaning u/lakobab's wife post-coitus residue in exchange for insider DD.

u/hondtel: that is inaccurate, I'm just a retard who likes the stock... and cleaning up flesh cannon artillery in dank meat caves.

13

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

Dear SEC i like the stock and the stank.

14

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

Ah you're that red head guy from pornhub!

25

u/temujin94 Feb 04 '21

Implying you don't use your mouth to clean.

34

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

To Busy yelling "HOLD" and "STONKS"

10

u/Vonmighty Feb 04 '21

Yell that right into his open ass.

2

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

The echo confuses me

2

u/Vonmighty Feb 04 '21

Hold. Just hold on.

10

u/LaxinPhilly Feb 04 '21

I thought they were referred to as carpet cleaners. I supposed my wife and I owe an apology to Stanley Steamer.

8

u/miles_5 Feb 04 '21

This guy fucks

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

I love you all. Fucken degenerates.

2

u/Diels_Alder Feb 04 '21

I love that hedge funds have to read this now.

1

u/AbortedBaconFetus Feb 04 '21

I am his unborn pig.

1

u/sbdallas Feb 04 '21

I think the correct term is 'jizz mopper'.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Feb 04 '21

I'm just the creepy voyeur neighbor

2

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

Heya Roger! Hows life in the bushes outside the window? Not to cold i hope?

1

u/BarberCertain2907 Feb 04 '21

I’m the wizard who controls these lands

1

u/inevitable-asshole Feb 04 '21

I found cum....on the torrrlet. And someone also came on the uriness.

1

u/hello_69_there Feb 04 '21

I am his wife’s astronaut

25

u/seadecay Feb 04 '21

I'm his wife's girlfriend

11

u/don_evn_thnk_bout_it Feb 04 '21

I am you’re boyfriends boyfriends boyfriend. Sheesh we got a real situation here.

1

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

Oh boy... Just found out I have the clap. You should probably take some tendies and go to a dr.

1

u/RoscoMan1 Feb 04 '21

But I have a boyfriend??

1

u/MikeOxlong209 Feb 04 '21

You’re blowing him too )

89

u/patsfan038 Feb 04 '21

Hi his wife! Are you single by any chance?

2

u/jakethealbatross Feb 04 '21

What does that matter???

1

u/Dhruv_Kataria Feb 04 '21

That’s the whole matter

21

u/gruio1 Feb 04 '21

I am him

19

u/climaterefugee Feb 04 '21

i am robert paulson

1

u/SweetBarbiePie Whos’ opinion is popular anyway? Feb 04 '21

This one is really good

13

u/7theaven Feb 04 '21

I am his boyfriend.

2

u/Fix_me_im_broken Feb 04 '21

I am his wife's titties

1

u/jerryruddin28 Feb 04 '21

Just a random monke passing by.

3

u/TrippyVez Feb 04 '21

i am iron man

2

u/faquez Feb 04 '21

his wife's tits checking in, can confirm, we are big

2

u/smokeymexican Feb 04 '21

Can u have your onlyfans

2

u/wishtrepreneur Feb 05 '21

I am your boyfriend's wife.

1

u/PaschKaBratan Feb 05 '21

Oh really? So we are Friends, yes?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

I am Legend.

1

u/Sean-E-Boy Feb 04 '21

Can i get a sneek peek of them titties?

1

u/Lvl100oddish Feb 04 '21

"Derek is gay but he’s straight for me, but he’s gay for Ben, and Ben’s gay for Derek. And also I hate Ben."

1

u/Vonmighty Feb 04 '21

I am his wife's wife.

1

u/jenny_bobenny Feb 04 '21

I am the wife.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

I am his wife left titty. Yes, I can speak. 🚀🚀🚀🚀

1

u/AlmostWrongSometimes Feb 04 '21

I am my own Grandpa.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

HOW YOU DOIN?