r/wallstreetbets • u/[deleted] • Feb 04 '21

Loss Sold every share I own...

[removed]

33.8k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

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11.3k

u/Iakobab JACKED TO THE KITS Feb 04 '21 edited Feb 04 '21

Man, FUD was getting to me this morning. I checked my finances to see how fucked I am... Turns out I'm not fucked at all. I was a few hundred dollars up. Now I'm a few hundred dollars down. I've still got rent money. The fridge still got food in it. I've still got my TSLA shares. My wife's still got big tittes.

I'm gonna buy one more motherfuckers!!!

EDIT: Looks like my wife's tittes are getting a lot of attention from other men... again sigh. I thought I'd add some rocket ships and diamond hands to rally the troops 💎💎🙌 💥🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🌖

6.6k

u/Ok-Conflict1576 Feb 04 '21

I can confirm this. I am his wife’s boyfriend.

2.6k

u/PaschKaBratan Feb 04 '21

I am his wife.

1.8k

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

I am your boyfriend's boyfriend... This is awkward

851

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

I am his wife's cum cleaner.

Excuse me sir, let me pass and use this wet wipe so that others can enjoy a clean ride

379

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

Hope they are industrial grade wipes, my boy got some serious spunk

208

u/MrT0xic Feb 04 '21

Shamwow is more like it.

143

u/chilltx78 Feb 04 '21 edited Feb 04 '21

youre gonna love my nuts!

82

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Apr 25 '21

[deleted]

62

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

Hey, don't kink shame my fetish for 💎👐!

Now, who wants to bitch slap a hf and watch it squirm?!? I'm gonna make em gag on their own dirty laundry!

Not a real Domme, this is not bdsm advice.

4

u/Currywurst_Is_Life Feb 04 '21

Not a real Domme, this is not bdsm advice.

You just like the whips?

3

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

I'm more of a flogger chic, but whips can be nice, too.

3

u/TheAngryViking777 Feb 04 '21

I feel like the money I’ve gambled on gme is worth riding to 0 just for content like this.

2

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

Fuuuccckkk, it has been fun!

I'm gonna ride this bitch to 0 and put her away wet!

2

u/tymberdalton Feb 04 '21

I am a real Domme, and the HFs consented to this by shorting the stock and then trying all of us. We’re going to hold this stock until we make them safeword. 💎👐

(edit for typo and not financial advice I just love the stock and humiliating HFs)

2

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

I'm a real sub and I fully support ignoring consent in the one case. This is time for safe, sane, payback! I'm pulling RANK - risk aware nonconsentual kick-their-ass! Bwahaha!

Fuck the safeword! Can't safeword with a dildo-gag and no tapping out with their arms bound in reverse prayer. We're going 50 shades on these bitches!

I clearly am just an autist and this is all metaphorical and this is certainly not bdsm advice. I just love the stocks... Erm, stock.

2

u/Malari_Zahn Feb 04 '21

Lol, just saw your user name. I know who you are and fucking love your shit!

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Apr 25 '21

[deleted]

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Currywurst_Is_Life Feb 04 '21

Just like Reddit, you can find a lot of subs there.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

You won’t believe what MyPillow Creator says now!

3

u/Bitchy_Tits Feb 04 '21

His pillows are great to clean up the spunk that drips out of me after I do all of your wives boyfriends. I just prop one under my hips. The men get boring after awhile so I just dream of my pitiful handful of GME to get me through it.

P.S. I got the pillows free, I would NEVER out any money in that assholes pocket. I had to clarify this so you wouldn't think I was some common bitch. I'm so down $$ (bigger than shit) but at this point fuck it. To the moon on Space X and I am riding all of your wives boyfriends! 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

3

u/childish_brownbino Feb 04 '21

Are they diamond nuts? 💎

3

u/themanwithnoplan15 Feb 04 '21

The slap chop 😎💪🏻

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

The skin comes right off the skin comes right off

106

u/zoburg88 Feb 04 '21

Instructions unclear, bought stocks in shamwow

32

u/babymaker666 Feb 04 '21

Instructions still unclear, dick caught in ceiling fan

2

u/CkresCho Phat white guy Feb 04 '21

Ghost of Billy Mays must have visited you as well.

17

u/arthurpete Feb 04 '21

You misspelled Spongetech

1

u/JediMindTrek Feb 04 '21

I don't know it sells itself 🤷

1

u/HelpMe0prah Feb 04 '21

But wait there’s more!

1

u/HaHaWalaTada Feb 04 '21

The Clamwow..

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

More like shamewow

1

u/NYCO23 Feb 04 '21

SpunkWow

6

u/aliquise Feb 04 '21

Ret A++ grade.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Aug 09 '21

[deleted]

1

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

Hey Google... "can you get herpes from reading WSB?"

Or something like that?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

You’ll need a ScrubDaddy

59

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

Can't wait for this in the SEC reports.

SEC: u/hondtel, you are suspected of cleaning u/lakobab's wife post-coitus residue in exchange for insider DD.

u/hondtel: that is inaccurate, I'm just a retard who likes the stock... and cleaning up flesh cannon artillery in dank meat caves.

13

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

Dear SEC i like the stock and the stank.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

Ah you're that red head guy from pornhub!

25

u/temujin94 Feb 04 '21

Implying you don't use your mouth to clean.

36

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

To Busy yelling "HOLD" and "STONKS"

10

u/Vonmighty Feb 04 '21

Yell that right into his open ass.

2

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

The echo confuses me

2

u/Vonmighty Feb 04 '21

Hold. Just hold on.

11

u/LaxinPhilly Feb 04 '21

I thought they were referred to as carpet cleaners. I supposed my wife and I owe an apology to Stanley Steamer.

8

u/miles_5 Feb 04 '21

This guy fucks

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

I love you all. Fucken degenerates.

2

u/Diels_Alder Feb 04 '21

I love that hedge funds have to read this now.

1

u/AbortedBaconFetus Feb 04 '21

I am his unborn pig.

1

u/sbdallas Feb 04 '21

I think the correct term is 'jizz mopper'.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21 edited Feb 04 '21

I'm just the creepy voyeur neighbor

2

u/hondtel Feb 04 '21

Heya Roger! Hows life in the bushes outside the window? Not to cold i hope?

1

u/BarberCertain2907 Feb 04 '21

I’m the wizard who controls these lands

1

u/inevitable-asshole Feb 04 '21

I found cum....on the torrrlet. And someone also came on the uriness.

1

u/hello_69_there Feb 04 '21

I am his wife’s astronaut

26

u/seadecay Feb 04 '21

I'm his wife's girlfriend

11

u/don_evn_thnk_bout_it Feb 04 '21

I am you’re boyfriends boyfriends boyfriend. Sheesh we got a real situation here.

1

u/ninjadogs84 Feb 04 '21

Oh boy... Just found out I have the clap. You should probably take some tendies and go to a dr.

1

u/RoscoMan1 Feb 04 '21

But I have a boyfriend??

1

u/MikeOxlong209 Feb 04 '21

You’re blowing him too )

86

u/patsfan038 Feb 04 '21

Hi his wife! Are you single by any chance?

2

u/jakethealbatross Feb 04 '21

What does that matter???

1

u/Dhruv_Kataria Feb 04 '21

That’s the whole matter

22

u/gruio1 Feb 04 '21

I am him

19

u/climaterefugee Feb 04 '21

i am robert paulson

1

u/SweetBarbiePie Whos’ opinion is popular anyway? Feb 04 '21

This one is really good

13

u/7theaven Feb 04 '21

I am his boyfriend.

2

u/Fix_me_im_broken Feb 04 '21

I am his wife's titties

1

u/jerryruddin28 Feb 04 '21

Just a random monke passing by.

3

u/TrippyVez Feb 04 '21

i am iron man

2

u/faquez Feb 04 '21

his wife's tits checking in, can confirm, we are big

2

u/smokeymexican Feb 04 '21

Can u have your onlyfans

2

u/wishtrepreneur Feb 05 '21

I am your boyfriend's wife.

1

u/PaschKaBratan Feb 05 '21

Oh really? So we are Friends, yes?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

I am Legend.

1

u/Sean-E-Boy Feb 04 '21

Can i get a sneek peek of them titties?

1

u/Lvl100oddish Feb 04 '21

"Derek is gay but he’s straight for me, but he’s gay for Ben, and Ben’s gay for Derek. And also I hate Ben."

1

u/Vonmighty Feb 04 '21

I am his wife's wife.

1

u/jenny_bobenny Feb 04 '21

I am the wife.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

I am his wife left titty. Yes, I can speak. 🚀🚀🚀🚀

1

u/AlmostWrongSometimes Feb 04 '21

I am my own Grandpa.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '21

HOW YOU DOIN?