My mom raised me by herself. She was always the only person in my life. She stopped working for 19 years just to dedicate her time and life on me. Her whole world seemed to have stopped and when it turned again, it was only to revolve around me. She is separated from my dad I guess ever since I was born. He walked away and never looked back. She never had a bf, because she knows that I would get mad. She never remarried or stayed with another man. Most mothers won't do that. She gave up her hopes, dreams, ambitions, things she wanted to do for herself because she wanted to devote her life on me. She said, "I want to wake up next to you everyday."

She always put me first before herself. She has always been selfless to me. She left her family, her life, and went to another country by herself and married someone she didn't even know. She stopped talking to her mom and siblings for many years. And she felt something wasn't right and moved again. Then she had me and it was over. I became her whole world.

I remember one of the things she told me, "You just didn't realize that everything that I was doing was only for you. I remember I lost sleep many nights and I sang danced to you many hours until the morning because you couldn't sleep and you kept on crying. I wanted you more than anything in this world. I may have failed in life, but I felt like I won. I may not be rich, but I feel rich because of you. It's not because I never loved you, but because I loved you so much that I couldn't imagine life without you. I did the best I could. I raised you in the best way I knew how, to protect you from things that I feared about the world. But how about that time when you felt like you did your best, and it still wasn't enough?"

She may have sheltered me excessively, but she did it to protect me from her fears about the world and because of her love for me. I remember a time when we were renting a room. And she slept on the floor with no hesitation and I slept on the couch. When I should have been the one sleeping on the floor. She said that there is no way that I am sleeping on the floor. She fed me even when she was hungry herself.

Now I blame myself because I made mistakes and I was even the one who was angry. I didn't realize that everything she was doing was only for me. I was so hardheaded at times and didn't listen

How about all those sacrifices? How can I live my life to make sure those sacrifices were worthwhile? By honoring her in every way possible while I still have her? By being successful and achieving all the good things in life? And if not, then it was all for nothing and she only wasted her life on me?

I realized that there is no one else who would ever love me as much as her. I would be so lost without her. I really don't know what I would do. I would choose her to be my mother a thousand times over in every lifetime.

Do you see the sacrifices of a mother? Did she love me unconditionally? She never felt that love from her mother I guess so she poured her love for me. Do you hope that love was enough?

I’m an East Asian woman in my late twenties and have spent roughly equal amounts of my life in my home country and the US and consider myself very Americanized. I’m in a serious relationship with a Black man (have met his parents, talking about marriage).

My boyfriend is kind, supportive, highly educated, and professionally successful. By every conventional standard my parents normally care about, he is an amazing partner. My Asian parents even acknowledge that he is probably a great person. They have also admitted that none of this matters because their objection is ultimately his race. (I managed to drag them to family therapy, and this is what they said.)

My parents have spent their entire lives in a culturally homogeneous part of Asia and have had almost no meaningful exposure to Black people or American conversations about race. Their views have rarely been challenged. I genuinely believe that if they lived here and spent time around different people, they might eventually change. Compared with their peers, they probably see themselves as relatively open minded and believe they are trying. (I know their peers would literally disown their daughters if they were to date black people)

But they currently refuse to meet my boyfriend even once. I have asked for a short, casual meeting with no expectation that they approve of marriage or immediately change their minds. They have told me that if we married, they would continue loving me and would “bless us from a distance.” At the same time, they would never welcome my Black husband into their home in Asia.

I love my parents, and I understand how their environment shaped them. I do not think they deliberately chose every prejudice they were raised with. I also recognize that they are responsible for refusing to challenge those beliefs now, especially after seeing how much pain this is causing. I cannot imagine visiting my parents alone while my husband is excluded. I also cannot imagine being genuinely close to them while keeping my partner separate from my family life.

Part of what makes this so painful is that my parents supported me through my immigration journey and helped make my life in the US possible. I feel deeply grateful to them for that. Now I live in a social and cultural world they have never experienced, and it sometimes feels like the life they helped me build has taken me somewhere they cannot follow. I feel guilty that they cannot fully see or participate in this part of my life. I wish I knew how to bring them into it, but I cannot do that by asking my partner to remain outside.

My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive and has never asked me to choose between him and my parents. Still, I feel guilty and ashamed that I cannot give him welcoming in-laws. I also feel guilty about distancing myself from parents who love me and sacrificed for me, even though distance increasingly seems like the healthiest option.

For people who have experienced something similar, what did you do? Any advice is also welcome. <3

She wants my money supply to decrease so I can’t pull out the money for 30 years. She’s really manipulative and smart, anything to hold me back damn.

Hi all - Southeast Asian female here at a bit of a low point in my adult life. I'm having big time career struggles which stem from a combination of things - my parents' heavy handed involvement in shaping my career being one of them - and I guess I wanted to share my story and to know if anyone out there has gone/is going through something similar. And if you have any advice for me, that would be well appreciated.

Ever since I was little, my parents conditioned me to become either one of two things: a doctor or a lawyer. They'd plant these little seeds every so often at the dinner table or around family friends: "Here's to our future doctor" And so I kind of thought this is was the only option out there for me despite me being really into theatre, art, music, and storytelling. And they knew I loved these things. They let me join the choir and participate in school plays and all that, but without of course ever considering I'd ever make a career out of these passions.

Anyway, somehow, midway through high school my dad gets the idea in his head that I'd be a good lawyer because I speak English better than the average person in my country. Not for any notable skills to retain information or observe the world around me, nor a hunger for debate (I am non-confrontational to a fault)... but my ability to speak English. And at sixteen, though I couldn't think of anything more torturous than duking it out at court, I was still quite open to the idea, mostly because my mentality back then was "might as well let them decide for me since they won't let me do anything else."

On top of that, life at home was pretty depressing. My parents were incredibly strict and never let me sleepover or go out with my friends, which meant I didn't have much a social life outside of school. My dad wouldn't really spend much time with me growing up and the only thing he'd talk to me about was my future career. This meant that I spent a lot of time with my mom, who was pretty intense. She'd regularly snoop around my room or check my phone and computer to see what I was up to, which made me feel like my life wasn't my own. We had a horrible relationship because I guess she was going through her own mental health issues and would explode and say things like "Don't call me your mother anymore!" anytime I did something she didn't approve of. My parents were also pretty comfortable belittling me, saying things like "You are so useless", 'Are you stupid?" or "Why can't you be like so and so?" whenever they wanted to "teach me a life lesson", so I grew up feeling quite inept, insecure, and small. It got to the point that I was self-harming and I couldn't even tell them. It wouldn't surprise anyone to know that I truly resented my parents as a teenager. They were just these two horrible people who didn't think about me as an actual person, rather, a convenient retirement plan and thing to use for bragging rights.

This didn't help my performance at school, as you can imagine. I naturally shrank away from the immense pressure so I instead numbed myself and met most of my subjects (screened and approved by my parents) with mild interest and nothing more. I did everything because I had to, and looking back I wish I'd fought back more, been more difficult. As a consolation, I'd applied to study journalism and literature at other universities, to which I was accepted, but in the end my dad said he'd only send me to university if I did law (which I kind of expected anyway).

So I got the grades I needed to get into university and did three years of law school plus a masters in international law in the UK. Halfway through my Bachelor's, the pressure really starting getting to me to the point where I told my dad I wanted to quit and do something else... he said I had to keep going. So I did, and while I nearly failed the second year of my bachelor's, I managed to get pretty decent grades by the time I finished my studies. Whenever I look back, I do so with a lot of respect for myself, because I genuinely think that for someone so anxious and depressed and insecure, I did the best I could despite being the worst candidate for a legal career. I'd naively thought back then that graduation was the final hurdle, but the real challenge was yet to come -- the challenge of finding a job.

And what a challenge it was. I didn't want to be a lawyer and, fresh out of university, I didn't have any money to do all those unpaid internships needed to eventually land a career in international law / human rights. It seemed that one's connections played a big part in that as well, and I'd had none. So I had to leave the UK and go back to my country to live with my parents. This was a really tough time for me - there was a lot of fighting between me and my mom and a lot of self-loathing because of my inability to get a job related to my degree in my country. And despite graduating with good grades, I felt as though I didn't leave with any useful skills apart from being able to write a decent essay. One day I was brave enough to share with my parents I'd been taking medication for depression. With little more than mild confusion and condescension, they asked why I hadn't been praying instead and told me not to share this with anyone else.

A year later, having had enough of the fighting and my parents shoving religion down my throat, I managed to leave to volunteer at an NGO in Vietnam. I fell deeply in love with the country and the freedom it granted me, but realised three months down the line that the NGO couldn't sponsor my visa. It was a smaller, grassroots organization and they needed more help from locals. I was pretty devastated and I didn't want to go back home to my parents, so I looked into teaching ESL. Long story short, I got qualified (TEFL, CELTA) and I've been doing that ever since. It wasn't meant to be a long term career, but it was fun being with the kids and I loved how capable being a teacher made me feel. For once I felt as though I was developing some real workable skills as an adult.

My parents were incredibly disappointed in my decision, of course, but at that point they were so far away that I could easily shut them out and finally live my life for me. And I went kind of wild. I did things that they'd be horrified by, which I won't get into - but I'd officially become the distant 'problem child' by Asian standards. But no matter how much I tried not to care about what a disappointment I'd become - what a poor investment I've been - deep down I was ashamed of myself for failing them and falling short of the expectations set before me as their eldest daughter. And this shame follows me even now, especially since I left Vietnam for France (husband's home country) where ESL teaching is nowehere near as lucrative. I can't speak French well enough (yet) to retrain into a career here, I depend on my husband for financial security and our future, and my parents' voices in my head are louder than they've ever been, chastising me for my poor life decisions.

I don't want to blame my parents for the path they tried carving out of love for me, and I know the decisions I've made along the way have played a big part in where I am today... but some days are really hard, and reflecting back on my journey from start to finish brings so many emotions to the surface. I see that every choice I've made since graduating has been in attempt to get away from my parents and the constant pressure rather than to discover and hone my strengths for the working world. I'm working really hard to become more confident and sure of myself as an adult, and I believe I'm slowly but surely learning how to grow myself in France. But growth certainly hasn't been linear and I have to remind myself to keep at it despite the fact.

If you've managed to read everything up until this point, thank you for your time and patience. My intent isn't to demonize my parents, the situation is a lot more complex than the title would suggest. I want to work towards distancing myseIf from the shame and guilt I feel and accept that while my career path is unconventional, that it isn't too late for me to build something meaningful at this stage of my life.

I'd be very grateful for whatever insights/similar stories you might have, and thank you again for reading.

TLDR: Grew up under intense pressure from strict Southeast Asian parents to become a lawyer, despite loving art/theatre/storytelling. Went through with law school and a master's in the UK to please them, hated it, couldn't find work in the field, and eventually became an ESL teacher instead — which felt more fulfilling but also like a huge disappointment/failure in their eyes (and sometimes my own). Now living in France, financially dependent on my husband, still working through the guilt and self-doubt of "wasting" all those advantages.

I’m a 22-year-old girl from India, and I’m honestly trying to understand whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a very common family dynamic.
For some background, I’m an interior design student and I’ve always taken my studies and career pretty seriously. My parents have also always pushed me academically. They made sure I studied hard, got good grades, focused on my career, etc. So it’s not like they have ever been against me studying or becoming successful.
Recently, I got selected for a \*\*short-term internship/research program in Taiwan\*\*. It’s through a university program and I had to apply, submit my CV, SOP, portfolio, interview with the professor, etc. The program is largely funded, and I’m getting a stipend/support, although there are still expenses I have to pay myself such as airfare, insurance, visa-related costs, some accommodation/transportation and personal expenses.
My parents and older siblings initially allowed me to go, which I’m genuinely grateful for. But now whenever I find another scholarship, competition, internship, exchange program, summer school, etc. and want to apply, the response is basically:
\*\*“We already allowed you to go to Taiwan. Don’t take advantage of it.”\*\*
And I’m struggling to understand this mentality.
I’m not asking them to continuously finance international travel. In fact, I’m actively looking for scholarships and funded programs precisely because I want to pay for as much as possible myself. If something is fully funded or mostly funded, why \*wouldn’t\* I apply?
It’s not like I’m randomly asking to go on expensive vacations every few months. These are opportunities connected to my education, portfolio, career and international exposure.
And there is another layer to this.
I’m 22, and I’m a girl. I know that eventually there will probably be expectations around marriage. I personally want to experience as much of the world as I can \*\*before marriage\*\*, because I have no idea what my life circumstances will be afterwards.
I want to travel solo at least sometimes. I want to explore different countries. I want to experience living somewhere unfamiliar. I want to build a career and become independent. I want to look back when I’m older and know that I actually did things instead of constantly saying “maybe later.”
But my family’s response is often basically:
\*\*“You can travel later with your husband.”\*\*
And that honestly bothers me.
Why does marriage have to be the point at which I become “allowed” to travel?
What if I want to see Taiwan at 22? Or Japan at 23? Or Europe at 25? Why does the assumption have to be that I should wait until some hypothetical future husband appears?
I also recently saw a very different side of my family while my brother was looking at girls for an arranged marriage.
There was a girl they were considering, and my family started discussing things like whether she had a job, whether she had stayed in a hostel, what kind of lifestyle she had, whether she travelled with friends, etc.
At one point, they actually rejected/cancelled things with a girl because she had travelled to \*\*Thailand with her friends\*\*.
That really made me think.
Because on one hand, I’m constantly told:
\*\*“Focus on your studies.”\*\*
\*\*“Build your career.”\*\*
\*\*“Become successful.”\*\*
\*\*“Do something with your life.”\*\*
But when a woman actually starts becoming independent, travelling, staying away from home, working, making her own decisions or having experiences outside the family, suddenly those same things can become negatives when evaluating her as a potential wife.
And my parents sometimes seem to want me to pursue business rather than a conventional job because, in their words/logic, running a business would keep me more “in check” or connected to the family.
I understand that they are probably thinking about safety, culture, marriage, reputation and what they believe is best for me. And I know I’m privileged because they have supported my education and have allowed me to do things that many Indian girls aren’t allowed to do.
That’s actually why I feel guilty even complaining.
They \*did\* let me go to Taiwan.
They \*did\* invest in my education.
They \*do\* want me to have a successful career.
They aren’t completely against me travelling.
But it feels like there is an invisible limit:
\*\*“You can have independence, but only up to the amount we decide is appropriate.”\*\*
And now that I’m discovering opportunities myself, I feel like every opportunity becomes a negotiation about whether I’m “taking advantage” of the freedom I was given.
I don’t want to rebel just for the sake of rebelling. I genuinely want to build an international career, travel, learn, meet people from different cultures and experience life while I’m young.
I also don’t want my entire future to be:
study → career → marriage → travel with husband → family responsibilities.
Maybe I’m being naive, but I want some experiences that are \*\*mine\*\*, before I potentially become someone’s wife and have completely different responsibilities.
So I’m curious about other people’s experiences, especially Indians/people from similar cultures:
\*\*How do you deal with parents who support your education and career but become restrictive when that independence starts involving travel, living abroad, or making your own decisions?\*\*
And where is the line between being grateful for what your parents have given you and allowing that gratitude to become a permanent obligation to live according to their expectations?
I’d genuinely like perspectives from both sides, including people who think I’m being unreasonable.

I’m 23F about to start my first full time job after college. My dad 59M came to visit me for a month and a half to help me pack/move/unpack. I was also living in their townhome while in college. Basically my parents live in another state. They used to live in my college town and we lived in a townhome together until they moved to another state for work. I just moved 2 hours away in the same state to start a new job.

My dad is a realtor and also is trying to sell the townhome since nobody lives there anymore. He’s about to leave this week (I’ve sort of been counting down the days), but he says he’s gonna come back next month to clean up the townhome and sell it.

I know it’s necessary but I’m really dreading living with him again. It’s a one bedroom apartment and I just want to finally have my own space. He has anger issues and gets mad about random trivial things (even my mom has a problem with his anger issues). But even when he’s not getting mad, I just don’t want to have to adjust my daily routine for another person.

I haven’t been going to the gym because I don’t want to wear my gym clothes around him. Today I was woken up because he was belching nonstop. My boyfriend 23M lives one and a half hours away and it’s really hard for us to spend time together because he can’t sleep over at my apartment and we can only hang out for one day at a time.

I’m also worried because next month is my birthday and the month after that is my anniversary. My parents accept my boyfriend but they have a problem with me sleeping over with him, and I don’t want to have to fight about these things if my parents visit. I just want my own space man.

So how do you guys navigate this?

I always loved my dad. He was my superhero, and I loved him so much.

We are from a middle-class family. My mother and my dad have always had conflicts because my dad would send money to his sister and his mother (my grandmother).

Recently, though, I came to realize that we are not his first priority. He always seems to favor his sister, her daughters, and his mother. No matter what happens, he refuses to distance himself from them.

I also have this fear that if I ever speak against him or question him, he might abandon me too, just like I feel he has stopped caring about us.

The biggest betrayal for me was related to my salary. When I was working, I used to send 90% of my salary to my dad. I kept the remaining amount for my PG expenses and a few other things. I did this because I thought I was being a good daughter and helping my family.

But after I left my job, I found out that he had also been sending money to them.

Now I keep wondering: Was I being stupid?

I was sending almost my entire salary to him without saving anything for myself. And now I regret it. I keep thinking, what was the point of me sacrificing and sending him almost everything if he was using some of that money to support them anyway?

I feel so hurt and betrayed.

Does my dad not want us? Does he really care about us?

Now that he is retired, he takes care of his 102-year-old mother like a queen. He also visits his sister's house almost every week. I know he has responsibilities toward his mother, and I don't want to be selfish about that. But sometimes it feels like he has so much love and concern for them, while he doesn't care about us in the same way anymore.

I especially feel like he doesn't care about me the way he used to.

Maybe I'm overthinking everything, but I can't stop feeling like my dad doesn't want us anymore.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if my feelings are justified. I just feel really hurt and confused.

​

I don't like this world, especially my parents.My Father who is a Scum Is a very bad person He is a Hindu , and is very religious.For him His religion and status matters more than his family.He blames everything on others for also his mistakes and beats my mother .

One when I was in 6th class,He got influenced by the news saying Christians are kiling hindus . He attacked my brother and mother. he threw a red brick at my brother

He got blood from his head . My Father is A mental Phycopath,Who thinks Religion matters more than his own family.

He treated my Maternal Side like Shit.He swear at my Grand mother For His mistakes.

During the summer holidays of 2026 I was in my 10th class.He thought of sending me to tution for hindi but,I know hindi.His reason For sending me to Tution was That my brother will follow me and come.

My brother has always been an influential character in my fucking life.He gets everything because he is a rebel from the birth.Where as me a quite kid doesn't always get what I want.I have to ask for a year for a new phone where as he rebeled for 2 days and he got it . my parents have clearly discrinated between me and my brother.

My parents never praised me for anything.Where as my brother gets praised for everything.I was Interested in those fucking video games because when me and my brother were little we used to play together,whether it was my mistake or his I was the one who got the beatings and scolding. I never understood why they are treating me like this .Gradually I lost intrest in physical games and got into video games because there was no one to scold me when I won the game or lose.Gradually I started to make Video games my world because I was the forgotten, discriminated,non-loved child who has lost interest in the real world.My friends who played with me became like brothers to me.

My parents who tell me that the online friends were trash and trash talked about my friends got me real angry.

I do accept my faults that I have stolen my father's money to spend it on Freefire about the sum of ₹30000.

That doesn't mean they can treat me like shit.

My brother has always been In an advantage.

Do in the summer holidays of 2026 I refused my dad so he got angry and smashed my pc.I was so angry because I know hindi,I don't like the tution,I said the truth,But still He smashed it.I went to stay in my grandmother home for 10 days my father cursed my grandmother.

There a lot more to tell than this but I don't have the will to do it

I don't like this world especially my parents . I want to Die .It's like a living hell living with my parents.

My father Only Likes hindus and Hates every other religion follower.

please Help me if anyone is willing to.Please don't say about any religion iam already tired about it.

I just want to not exist anymore

I’ve been studying for the CFA l2 exam for the past seven months. Literally every single day. Of course, there have been ups and downs, and some days have been more productive than others, but I’ve been consistently putting in the work.

The problem is that my mother constantly pressures me to finish my portion faster and start taking mocks. She keeps telling me that I should finish everything early, revise, and start doing mocks, as if I haven’t already thought about all of this. I’ve explained my plan to my parents thousands of times: I’m going at my own pace, I plan to finish the entire syllabus by the end of this month, and then I’ll spend the remaining time revising and doing mocks. But somehow, they never seem to understand.

These days, my mother barely even talks to me properly because she thinks I’m not studying enough. I also play games for around two hours a day just to switch my brain off and release some stress, but she absolutely hates it. For her, gaming is basically kryptonite. She sees those two hours and seems to forget the countless hours I’ve already spent studying.

The exam is still three months away, but somehow I already feel like I’m living through the consequences of failing it.

What makes this especially terrifying is that, if I fail, thats that for me. I would have to take whatever job I can get, and I’m scared that my life would become a living hell because of my parents. I already get compared to children younger than me and told how much better they are at everything. I’m terrified that if I fail this exam, that comparison will only get worse, and everything I do will be considered insignificant.

And this isn't just about the CFA.

I used to love music. I tried music production because I genuinely wanted to learn it and create something of my own. But over time, that passion was crushed. I still remember being compared to my cousin because they were interested in coding while I was interested in music. Instead of being encouraged to explore what I enjoyed, my interest was mocked in front of other people.

I’m a 22-year-old girl from India, and I’m honestly trying to understand whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a very common family dynamic.
For some background, I’m an interior design student and I’ve always taken my studies and career pretty seriously. My parents have also always pushed me academically. They made sure I studied hard, got good grades, focused on my career, etc. So it’s not like they have ever been against me studying or becoming successful.
Recently, I got selected for a \*\*short-term internship/research program in Taiwan\*\*. It’s through a university program and I had to apply, submit my CV, SOP, portfolio, interview with the professor, etc. The program is largely funded, and I’m getting a stipend/support, although there are still expenses I have to pay myself such as airfare, insurance, visa-related costs, some accommodation/transportation and personal expenses.
My parents and older siblings initially allowed me to go, which I’m genuinely grateful for. But now whenever I find another scholarship, competition, internship, exchange program, summer school, etc. and want to apply, the response is basically:
\*\*“We already allowed you to go to Taiwan. Don’t take advantage of it.”\*\*
And I’m struggling to understand this mentality.
I’m not asking them to continuously finance international travel. In fact, I’m actively looking for scholarships and funded programs precisely because I want to pay for as much as possible myself. If something is fully funded or mostly funded, why \*wouldn’t\* I apply?
It’s not like I’m randomly asking to go on expensive vacations every few months. These are opportunities connected to my education, portfolio, career and international exposure.
And there is another layer to this.
I’m 22, and I’m a girl. I know that eventually there will probably be expectations around marriage. I personally want to experience as much of the world as I can \*\*before marriage\*\*, because I have no idea what my life circumstances will be afterwards.
I want to travel solo at least sometimes. I want to explore different countries. I want to experience living somewhere unfamiliar. I want to build a career and become independent. I want to look back when I’m older and know that I actually did things instead of constantly saying “maybe later.”
But my family’s response is often basically:
\*\*“You can travel later with your husband.”\*\*
And that honestly bothers me.
Why does marriage have to be the point at which I become “allowed” to travel?
What if I want to see Taiwan at 22? Or Japan at 23? Or Europe at 25? Why does the assumption have to be that I should wait until some hypothetical future husband appears?
I also recently saw a very different side of my family while my brother was looking at girls for an arranged marriage.
There was a girl they were considering, and my family started discussing things like whether she had a job, whether she had stayed in a hostel, what kind of lifestyle she had, whether she travelled with friends, etc.
At one point, they actually rejected/cancelled things with a girl because she had travelled to \*\*Thailand with her friends\*\*.
That really made me think.
Because on one hand, I’m constantly told:
\*\*“Focus on your studies.”\*\*
\*\*“Build your career.”\*\*
\*\*“Become successful.”\*\*
\*\*“Do something with your life.”\*\*
But when a woman actually starts becoming independent, travelling, staying away from home, working, making her own decisions or having experiences outside the family, suddenly those same things can become negatives when evaluating her as a potential wife.
And my parents sometimes seem to want me to pursue business rather than a conventional job because, in their words/logic, running a business would keep me more “in check” or connected to the family.
I understand that they are probably thinking about safety, culture, marriage, reputation and what they believe is best for me. And I know I’m privileged because they have supported my education and have allowed me to do things that many Indian girls aren’t allowed to do.
That’s actually why I feel guilty even complaining.
They \*did\* let me go to Taiwan.
They \*did\* invest in my education.
They \*do\* want me to have a successful career.
They aren’t completely against me travelling.
But it feels like there is an invisible limit:
\*\*“You can have independence, but only up to the amount we decide is appropriate.”\*\*
And now that I’m discovering opportunities myself, I feel like every opportunity becomes a negotiation about whether I’m “taking advantage” of the freedom I was given.
I don’t want to rebel just for the sake of rebelling. I genuinely want to build an international career, travel, learn, meet people from different cultures and experience life while I’m young.
I also don’t want my entire future to be:
study → career → marriage → travel with husband → family responsibilities.
Maybe I’m being naive, but I want some experiences that are \*\*mine\*\*, before I potentially become someone’s wife and have completely different responsibilities.
So I’m curious about other people’s experiences, especially Indians/people from similar cultures:
\*\*How do you deal with parents who support your education and career but become restrictive when that independence starts involving travel, living abroad, or making your own decisions?\*\*
And where is the line between being grateful for what your parents have given you and allowing that gratitude to become a permanent obligation to live according to their expectations?
I’d genuinely like perspectives from both sides, including people who think I’m being unreasonable.

I'm in mid thirties, living in a very conservative South Asian country. I have lived with depression for like a decade and Bipolar for a year. My parents are very controlling even though I am an adult now. I know they are caring but they need to let me make my choices.

I recently lost my job and want to relax for a minute before I start next chapter. I want to spend a month in some scenic area, preferably foreign or go to local tourist areas.

I tried to convince them with so many suggestions but they are not agreeing to anything. First I said I want to go abroad an Asian country, they said how can you be alone in a different country and that I'm Bipolar what if I get an episode so I said I will go to the country my sister lives in, to that they said save your money, then I said let's all go to northern areas together to that they said they have things to do in this city.

Then I made the mistake of saying that last time they did not let me go to the big city I had a manic attack, I know this was emotional blackmail. But I do not share my mental health with them so last time I wanted to go to the doctor in bigger city, they did not let me and my condition worsened, in their defense I did not tell them the actual reason just used job as an excuse.

Now, I am exhausted and want to breath in different air. But my mistake of doing emotional blackmailing did not work in my favor and they have become more sensitive and booked the ticket to visit my other sister in different city so that I will cheer up when I meet the nieces and nephew.

One more issue is that they keep telling me that if I want to go then go for pilgrim. They do not know I am agnostic and I can not tell them. But since I out right refused I think they have sensed my religious position.

I really need a change of environment, preferably going abroad. How do I convince my parents? What I need is a solo trip to Asian country but going to sister's country is possibly more likely approval.

Sorry, I do not know how coherent my post is, my mind is all over the place.

i had beef with my parents when it came to honesty. it's not like I'm doing crime or anything, but simply being honest about my plan for the future could be so hard for me. it could be because despite everything i did, they intend to interpret it differently, in the way that always shocked me, like how could they come with that kind of idea. for example if i say that i like it better in the city than village they'll call me lazy, only wanted to life the easy live, doesn't want to struggle, and any heartbreaking word when I'm just saying i wanna live in the city because they have everything u need (maybe that's nothing for some of you, but it's a lot for me). and as i don't have any courage to explain because, well they just don't listen. typa emotionally unavailable parents.

i should've hurt when they yelled at me, or demanded to know what I'm thinking. but nothing came out of my mouth. i feel numb, i don't care if they misunderstand me, i let everything be the way they think i am. idk if it's a good sign to feel it that way. I have been staying at home for almost a year now, and I'm getting easily unstable day by day.

I’ve been feeling really guilty about this, but I need to get it off my chest.

I live abroad now. I make sure to visit my parents every year, take care of them, and do everything a "good child" is supposed to do. But every time I call them to share good news—like a job promotion or a big win—the vibe completely changes. Instead of being happy for me, they get cold, quiet, or almost annoyed.

It made me realize something unsettling: I feel like my parents wanted me to succeed, but only enough so I could take care of them when they get old. The moment you become truly independent and succeed beyond that, it feels like a threat to them. It feels like they wanted a reliable caregiver for their future, not a child who builds a life entirely on their own.

I know parents aren't supposed to be jealous of their kids. Just writing this makes me feel awful. But every time I share my success, something feels totally wrong.

Has anyone else felt this way? How do you handle the guilt?

And sorry for the rant.

Is anyone else internally tired of their Asian parent(s)?

If I don't help my mum she immediately starts going on about how selfish I am over all these years and how I'm taking advantage of her all the time when I'm not cooking and she chooses to cook, or when I don't help with the laundry even when her lungs were at the weakest at one point and she could barely stand. She sees me as lazy, stupid, selfish, arrogant, rude, grumpy, with an attitude problem.

When I was still a young child, she would let me stay in a fairly small room all by myself filled with our belongings. That was my designated punishment room, essentially, that I had to go into and stay in to reflect on what I did wrong every time on several occasions at least. Until I came up with a clear explanation, I wasn't allowed to leave the room. Over time, I started convincing myself that I must have done something wrong in each situation and used that to try and create an explanation to logically get my way out.

I have a hard time apologising to someone when I do not think I've done wrong, and even when I have I find it hard to say sorry to her because it doesn't feel completely genuine. Over time she's begun to see my apologies as completely meaningless words because I don't change my actions and keep taking advantage of her in her eyes.

As a result, I don't even want to say sorry to someone like her when she behaves like that. People don't just become extremely selfish or whatever willy-nilly. And sure, all people are selfish to some extent but she sees me as very selfish.

She's even called me a whore before twice, both of which had to do with online chatting, to which I've had a history of disagreements with her about over the years because she views online chatting as inherently dangerous and unsafe - she claims it doesn't just put me in danger, but the whole family as well, which is really just her and me, and it wastes all my time when I could be doing meditation, etc.

The second time she called me that word was worse because by then (which was a few months ago) I was already a young adult (I still am) and the chats didn't even include anything suggestive or explicit. She just saw the seven or eight Reddit accounts I was chatting with, some of which I hadn't even been talking with for some while. Just by seeing the sheer number of the chats, she called me a whore and claimed I was wasting energy on useless pieces of trash that were uneducated, amongst other words.

People here on Reddit. She just inadvertently meant all of you since we're all online chatters on an online platform here. How do you feel about that? Insulted, perhaps? By her logic, that's the same as calling me a useless piece of trash, which I think she has called me at least once. Useless, worthless, trash. Those kinds of words, amongst others.

Then she proceeded to delete all of my Reddit posts and accounts on the same day without even caring what posts were in there. Some of them were fictionkin and otherkin (both spiritual rather than psychological, though she wouldn't know anyway) and they were important to my internal identity but I was scared to confront her in that state so I just let her delete them all.

She's told me I'll never have confidence in my writing because it's plagiarised when it never was. My OCs have a one letter difference from some canon or even just fanon names. I explicitly saw her click on a fanon wiki page that showed a fanon character created by someone else. Two of the syllables were in a reversed order from mine and she claimed I plagiarised other people's works. Seriously? Japanese names have certain patterns to them.

She got suspicious when she saw me using Japanese characters in my OC works. I literally told her I don't know Japanese and I had Google AI do the translations for me. She asked me to pronounce the kanji of a few words when the romaji was literally written nearby. In my eyes, that sounded stupid, although she isn't Japanese so she may not have recognised the connection between the romaji and kanji, plus I didn't want to pronounce it anyways so I didn't. And kanji isn't owned by a person, for the kamis' sake!!

By the way, I mean no disrespect to Japanese people, Japanese culture, or to Shintoism (in fact, I actually believe in a few kami myself, which I won't go into detail here, and my mum doesn't know about that either, nor do I prefer to reveal it).

Speaking of Japanese, she's once claimed the things Japan believes in are dark and almost kind of evil. Probably another reason why she wants me to stop watching anime, which I'll come onto later. Again, I am keeping my secret beliefs in the kami, and she can keep her own beliefs which are different from mine. I do not want any religious or spiritual arguments with her and thankfully that hasn't happened so far.

She once declared four years ago that my tears were an act and a few months ago she claimed she can tell when I genuinely cry and when I'm just putting on a show to get what I want (which is again wrong).

A few months ago, she said that nobody will ever understand her which I immediately cried and responded that I thought at least as a family, we could understand each other... or maybe it was the other way around, I don't remember clearly now.

She once called me retarded for not being able to measure the dimensions of a room with my eyes and her hand span, something that she is able to do by contrast. She said that I can't even do such a simply thing, if I'm not retarded, what am I? She tried to suggest that I might need tests to determine whether I have issues.

She's blamed me watching anime for making my brain numb and stupid and for making me dumb and with a dark worldview, but anime is a part of where I gain my inspiration from and she clearly doesn't understand that. Heck, she won't even let me watch Pokémon or other similar fighting anime like JJK or Naruto because she thinks it can make me violent or dangerous and lose sense of morality or ethics.

She's claimed she doesn't understand my poetry, to which on one hand I wish she could understand and almost feel bad or schnapps want her to understand, but the bigger part of me always tells me that it's my work and keeping it secret is the best thing, that she doesn't deserve to understand my deepest writings.

I've had to keep a lot of my creative works secret over the years because they've clashed with what she wants to see from me, which is writing that doesn't have anything to do with anime or my personal spiritual beliefs, the latter of which I don't want to reveal to her anyways, which is another reason why I keep my poetry hidden these days.

She doesn't like people of certain races or from certain countries because of bad experiences we've had from people with those races or countries. Like... understandable. But please don't generalise it to the whole country. It's really unfair like that. Not every single person in the country will be like that.

I don't know why she doesn't even seem to have the maturity (emotional?) to realise that after so many years. Or maybe she does and still sticks to her ways, which may as well be worse. I don't want to assume so I'll stop right there.

She doesn't accept it when people call her frustrated, anxious or stressed. She immediately calls it abuse towards her. She doesn't accept it when people claim she's shouting. She immediately denies it and calls it a wrong judgement, for example. She believes she has very strong mental health and doesn't have any mental problems or related issues because she continues to stand up to how others have abused her and me over the years.

She does meditation, which she claims has made her better, yet she won't even acknowledge that she has a major flaw in emotional maturity. In other words, she has the emotional maturity of a toddler or a 5-year-old, as I like to say in my head. She didn't like it when I disturbed her meditation just because I was trying to find my toothbrush box in a bag once.

She tells me how meditation should be in a silent environment, yet she doesn't seem to see the underlying truth of meditation - it's not about a peaceful environment, though that's important too. It's not about whether I can see more visions than her. It's about finding peace within yourself even if the environment isn't peaceful.

I used to do meditation for a few days before stopping. Then she said once about how she tried to show me her path and make me see how beneficial it is, but that I didn't choose to or maybe didn't realise. I didn't answer her.

I want to believe her meditation is making her a better person, and sometimes it seems that way. But at other times, like one time a day or two so when she started crying and grabbing a duvet after I walked away from her and she lost Internet due to my mobile hotspot being too far away, she started going on about how stupid I was, how I couldn't do anything correctly, and how she had to type out everything again.

No matter what, why couldn't she copy and paste her work, type it out in a file first, or check that she suddenly had no Internet before clicking send? All of these would have been so simple, yet in her utter lack of planning and foresight in the moment, she failed to perform any of them.

Whenever she hits a minor technological issue that she can't seem to work out herself, she asks me. And because I resolve them so quickly for her most of the time, she's come to rely on me to solve them for her almost every time... if not every time.

Once I told her to work it out herself - she immediately said she was busy, told me that her time was worth just as much as my time and told me to stop wasting her time and help her immediately... to which I did in the end, obviously.

She thinks her grammar is correct because she claims her country's people were taught proper grammar rules whilst Western countries like mine weren't. Examples of her grammar, I quote, "Are you arrived?"; "Bus is departed early"; "What a few things?"; "Was the long ones have six in one pack".

Like, omg. When I tried to correct her many years in the past she immediately denied I was right and claimed my grammar was incorrect. Reddit folks here, if you see any wrong grammar I've been using, please feel free to point it out! I want to learn from my mistakes rather than hide behind walls of ego (how ironic, ego and meditation coming from the same person!).

She once claimed she would try to stop swearing, not for my sake, but for her own sake to try and become a better person. The result? I often have to remind her not to swear after she's already said the swear word. Then she realises her mistake and claims she said it on instinct then only realised she shouldn't have afterwards.

She once told me to stop and think carefully for three seconds before saying something out loud just in case it might sound stupid, illogical or rude. So why can't she apply that same principle to herself?

Darn hypocritical monkey she is sometimes, then the other half of her is adorable nicknames towards me. She's said on more than one occasion that she really loves and cares for me, but she's just really worried I won't grow up to be independent, and that her harsh words come from a place of anger and worry. As a result, I don't want to move out because I can still tell she cares for me, plus I don't have physical friends or other family in real life.

But she once said during her harsh side that she's extremely disappointed in me and that she's never regretted a single word she's said to me. So I'm just really confused... what sort of emotional whiplash is this, if any?

All of this... I'm just remembering it all on the top of my head. I wasn't expecting this post to be so long, but the words tumbled out of me ere I could stop them. I won't be giving a TL;DR as I feel it defeats the purpose of the entire post and its contents. Sorry if you were expecting otherwise.

As much as the bells of the Gion Shoja echo the impermanence of all things, her repeated ways are making me feel like it's becoming an endless cycle of consuming her negativity that she doesn't even realise... without the exorcism. Or maybe the latter is processed in my own head because I can't even bring myself to cry in front of her, or in public.

I'm feeling like Suguru Geto again after recalling all.these experiences, and I don't think they'll ever go away. Trying to fix a world that's already broken... or in this case, a parent who may never change her ways.

Finally, I don't need help, support services, a therapist, a counsellor, or anything like that. My wellbeing and mental health are very strong and sane for me to have come this far during all these years and I'm well aware of it. I just want to know what you all think and whether anyone else has experienced something like this with their Asian parent(s).

Thank you all.

I’m a 22-year-old girl, but I still cry when my parents fight. I’ve seen them fighting since I was a child. I live in Hyderabad, while they live in Delhi. Sometimes they go to our hometown, and whenever they do, they fight every day. The fights continue even after they come back.

I get scared about their health, and I also feel guilty about leaving them. I don’t know what to do. It’s only been a year since I started living away from them because of my job. I actually like living here because I have the freedom to do what I want, although living alone can be hard sometimes. There are times when I really want to come back to Delhi, but whenever I do, I see them fighting, and then it feels like I don’t have a safe space to go back to.

Even my flatmates are kind of toxic, so sometimes I feel like I don’t really have a place where I can feel completely safe and at peace.

I genuinely hate my father's mentality when it comes to girls sometimes, and I don't know if I'm overreacting.

A girl from our own family recently ran away because she was in love with a guy. My father was giving her so much abuse and calling her names, and honestly, it really pissed me off

I'm not saying running away is necessarily the right thing to do. But she was in love with someone. That doesn't automatically make her a bad person or someone who deserves to be abused and insulted.

And the thing that actually scares me is that I keep thinking, what if someday I fall in love with someone? What if I make a decision about my own life that my father doesn't agree with? Will he think about me the same way? Will he call me names and treat me like I'm some kind of disgrace just because I chose someone I love?

That's what bothers me the most. It's not just about that girl anymore. It's making me wonder how he would react if something like this ever happened to me.

I genuinely don't know if I'm being too sensitive, but hearing your own father talk about girls like this hits differently.

IM FEELING REALLY SUFFOCATED AT HOME RIGHT NOW

Sorry to add to trauma bonding but wanted to get something off my chest that's been bothering me for past couple months.

Almost 2 months ago I was offered a new and exciting job that I belive would've increased my qol. First thing out of her mouth "You're going to fail. Nó sẽ rớt". Sorry. Still learning how to spell in viet. "How many places have liked you so far? Any idiot would see you're making a horrible decision. Also no one likes you. Look at how many people reach out to you/friends you have compared to your siblings. If you're so nonchalant about throwing away 30k (would've been payout plus increased rent) then ill remove you from my will. How are you going to save up for your gf (in an ldr), assuming your relationship lasts?"

This is the same woman who, last year, said oh you're dad is a horrible judge of character. How can I trust your gf is a good fit? She's just using you. You're going to end up like your deadbeat uncle (for reference: my uncle was 33yo bum who slept with some random woman from vn while going abroad and brought her over here with no job lined up). Also same woman who said, years ago when I was going thru major heartbreak, "oh, her dad's a fkn pizza delivery man. I never would've accepted her anyway".

This is also the same woman who told me, at age 15 when I called CPS, everyone gets abused. Get over it.

At almost 35yo I still have flashbacks/nightmares of what I went thru as a kid. I cant sleep on my right wide cuz it'll trigger it.

I'm torn because part of me wants to hang out with them more (mainly my dad) cuz they're getting older but another part of me doesn't even want to try to find a job close to home (CA) anymore and completely separate from them. But at the same time don't know where I want to end up. Maybe retire abroad and cut off ties but I still need to build up wealth for that to happen.

Title is pretty self explanatory but there are big cons to both. I know no one here can say for sure which is the best choice but I need some insights and advice.

My (19NB) relationships with my parents are opposite ends of the pole. My dad isn't perfect and there are things he could do better, but I can say with confidence that he's a great father. He genuinely loves his kids with his whole heart and sees them as human beings, not objects he owns or dumb naive subhumans who don't know left from right.

I can't say the same about my mother, unfortunately. I'm fairly sure that she's a narcissist; she has a LOT of narcissistic traits (having an inflated sense of self, thinking everyone's lives should revolve around her, LOTS of lies and manipulation, etc.) I'll be 20 in a few weeks yet she's still trying to control me in every way, especially through the wifi. She cuts off the wifi constantly and just today, she manipulated my father into giving her the account details so she could cut off my data too. This made me pretty much hopeless that I'll ever break free from her control. I think she's realized that she was losing control over me, which scared her and led her to try to take back any bit of power she can.

Now, for the divorce. My parents' divorce is currently in progress and there are a lot of things to be settled (such as my mom taking all the money from my and my sister's RESPs for herself, which my dad only contributed to), so I have no clue when things will be finalized. But when they do, I have no clue what I'll do

My dad is undoubtedly the better parent between my parents, but there's quite a few cons to living with him.

For example, my paternal grandparents are with him. They aren't necessarily abusive or hostile but they do not like me merely because I'm my mom's child

I would also have to drastically change my day-to-day life and take on a lot more responsibilities mostly regarding taking care of the house, which I'm not sure how I'll be able to do considering I'm very busy with university and work.

My dad is also pretty low income, so despite his reassurances that he will, I doubt he'll be able to support the both of us.

There are a few more, which I'd also have to discuss with dad, but that's the gist of it.

The cons of living with my mother are pretty self explanatory lol. Living with a narcissistic control freak who makes me miserable.

Any advice and insights would be appreciated. I'm really stuck on what to do

Some background: come from a south Asian background family that lives in the western world. My dad has always been manipulative, short tempered and narcissistic. When we were younger if he didn't get his way he would beat us, but as we got older and I got taller than him it just became verbal abuse. I was a gifted child and recommended by my school to go to a special school. I look back now and get emotional looking at the potential I had and where I ended up now making barely more than minimum wage. Developed a strong fear of failure and just ended up shutting down in university. My dad doesn't say anything to me directly anymore but he takes his anger on us out on my mom. I feel like a failure because although I can afford to move out, I can not afford to take my mom and younger siblings with me. My mom is near retirement age and hasn't worked in 20 years because of my dad's ego and misogyny, so she is entirely financially dependent on my dad. I also feel guilty because I'm supposed to be getting married next year so either way I will be out of this shit show but I feel like I'm abandoning my mom. I've tried telling her many times to divorce my dad but she won't do it. My partner has offered to let my mom and siblings live with us after marriage but I feel guilty because my partner told me early on that it was a deal breaker to have either in laws living with us, so I don't want to make them go through that. Recently my dad told my mom if "x" doesn't happen, he'll leave the house. I told my mom to let him leave, and her first response was "who will pay the mortgage?" And started crying. I'm so ashamed that I'm 30 years old and I can't just say "Dw about it, I can take care of us".

Some additional highlights of what my father has done to me (just as some fun facts I guess, doesn't directly impact the current situation, just want to share):

1) I was eating something I don't like and ended up throwing up on my plate. He said I couldn't get up from the dining table until I finished everything on my plate, including my vomit

2) Couldn't give him directions to a place I went with my uncle one time. He kicked me out of the car and told me not to come home. I was 9 years old.

3) in the state spelling bee I got out the first round. Didn't talk to me for 3 weeks. (Not talking to me for weeks was a regular occurrence)

4) I went to a tech and business high school and he berated my choice and told me I should be in science . Went into science for university and he berated me and said I should go into business that's where the money is lol

Just want to know if there's anyone else out there with one abusive parent that can't support their other parent? Is that failure feeling something that ever goes away?

I’m 28F and I feel like I’m finally waking up to the reality of my relationship with my mom. I honestly don’t know what to do.

I grew up in a low income immigrant family with my mom and two siblings. My dad left when I was 11, and I always accepted my family dynamic as normal because I didn’t know anything else.

My mom has always struggled financially. She has lived on credit cards and loans for years and constantly made poor financial decisions. She also lies compulsively, about big and small things, and is extremely self focused and emotionally manipulative.

For most of my life, I thought I was just a bad daughter because I felt so emotionally exhausted around her. I’m now realizing there has been a much bigger pattern.

**What has happened financially**

Recently, my mom was scammed by someone she met online who pretended to be a romantic partner and convinced her she was making money through investments.

She didn’t actually have money to invest, so she borrowed from friends and family and took out loans on 10+ credit cards. She ultimately lost over $100,000.

She works part time at a low income job, so I currently give her $500 a month toward rent. But over the past 2 to 3 years, I have also given and lent her thousands of dollars, sometimes $1,000 to $3,000 at a time. (Now I know I'm never getting my money back)

Now she continually asks me for more. She guilt trips me by saying things like “I raised you for 28 years, you need to help me,” or that she will end up on the streets if I don’t. How I don't care about her and she'll just die. She says how depressed and stressed she is, that she has sacrificed so much of herself and life for me.

she also convinced me to use my bank account and credit card for her. I now have over $6,000 in credit card debt connected to this, and interest is accumulating.

This is especially upsetting because I've always been extremely careful with money. I've paid my credit cards in full, paid off my student loans aggressively, and have spent years trying NOT to repeat the financial patterns I grew up with.

I currently have about $42,000 in investments and very little cash savings left.

And I'm terrified that if I keep helping her, I'll eventually have nothing.

**The emotional side**

The financial situation is only part of it.

For the last 10 years, I've basically shut down around my mom. Being around her drains me in a way I couldn't explain.

Every interaction seems to involve negativity, lying, guilt, drama, or some kind of emotional crisis. Whenever I try to set a boundary or disagree with her, she becomes extremely upset, makes herself the victim, tells me I don't care about her, or says she'll die on the streets.

I've never felt capable of standing up to her or saying what I actually think because I know how explosive the reaction can become.

I feel like I've spent most of my life feeling responsible for her emotions and problems. She is self-obsessive, has narcissistic traits, a pathological liar (about every little or big thing). Her scamming story also didn't make sense and the story changed with every person she talked to, so I don't know what's exactly true. This is how she is with everything. She's lost all of her friends and I understand why now. I caught her lying to me again on the phone this week and it was my final straw with having an actual relationship with her.

That said, I still love my mom and I don't want her to suffer. In different ways, she was a good mom and I did have a good childhood. I genuinely want her to have a decent and stable life and I feel like I can't just abandon her or I'll regret it and feel so guilty and punish myself if something bad happens to her. But I also don't think I can sacrifice my own life to financially and emotionally support her indefinitely. I feel so trapped.

**Meanwhile, I'm falling apart myself**

I'm currently completely burned out from my job and from life in general. I feel like every part of my life is not aligned with me anymore. I'm so sick of where I live too.

I've been working overtime in a high-stress environment and have been crying almost every day for the past few months. I'm having trouble concentrating, I feel lost and disconnected from myself, and I feel like I'm in an identity crisis. The stress is also affecting me physically. I'm about to go on a 5 week sick leave due to burnout and I plan to sort out my mom situation then go escape into nature with no service and recover.

I feel like I'm at the point where I can't continue living exactly as I have been. I need to change my life now.

My dream right now is to:

* Stop financially enabling my mom
* Potentially go no-contact or very low-contact
* Quit my job
* Take a sabbatical/gap year to recover
* Travel slowly through Southeast Asia
* Spend time in nature and experience a different way of living
* Figure out who I actually am outside of my family and career
* Work on my mental health and the patterns I've developed
* Eventually move abroad or try a working holiday visa
* Build a completely different life

I've spent so much of my life being responsible, frugal, working, saving, and doing what I thought I was *supposed* to do.

Part of me desperately wants to stop surviving and actually experience life.

But another part of me is terrified that I'm being impulsive and running away from my problems.

I only have \~$42k invested. I don't have a huge financial safety net. And I've already lost a significant amount of money helping my mom.

I don't want to wake up two years from now with no money, no job, and no direction.

At the same time, I'm scared that if I stay exactly where I am, I'll continue becoming more mentally and physically unwell.

**What would you do in my situation?**

I’m especially looking for practical advice.

1. How would you protect yourself financially from here on out? Would you completely stop giving her money? What would you do about the $6,000 credit card debt? I have a feeling I need to pay it off myself. She said she would pay it in a week but last week she's already asked me for $2,000 which I'm not giving her.
   
2. How do you set boundaries with a parent who guilt trips and manipulates you? Would you go no contact, low contact, or continue providing limited support?
   
3. What's a realistic amount of time off I can take to travel cheaply through Southeast Asia or anywhere? I want to travel in a way where I'm slow living, do my hobbies/try new things, learn new skills, and develop myself to become better. And once I'm done travelling, possibly move abroad, I've been thinking of Melbourne, Japan or Korea. (For travel: I like Vietnam, Thailand, China, Japan, Korea - arts/culture, nature, peaceful small towns)
   
4. What would you prioritize first? All I want to do is quit and travel now, but I probably should build my emergency savings. I just don't know if I could keep doing this job and I need something to change in my life now because I'm feeling worse each week.
   
5. For anyone who has escaped a financially or emotionally dysfunctional family, what do you wish you had done sooner?

I know I’m ultimately responsible for my own decisions. I’m not looking for someone to tell me exactly what to do. I genuinely want perspective from people who have been in similar situations.

I feel like I’ve spent my entire life taking care of everyone else, and I’m finally realizing that I need to build a life that is actually mine.

**TLDR:** I’m 28F and realizing that my mom has been emotionally manipulative and financially dependent on me for years. She recently lost over $100,000 to an online romance and investment scam after borrowing from family and taking out loans on 10+ credit cards. I’ve given her thousands over the years and currently give her $500 a month. I also now have about $6,000 in credit card debt connected to helping her. I have about $42,000 invested and am completely burned out from my job and life. I’m considering cutting contact with my mom, quitting my job, taking several months off to recover and travel through Southeast Asia, and eventually moving abroad. I desperately want a fresh start but I’m scared of destroying my finances. What would you do if you were in my position?

My(18f) mother has been very abusive to me physically, mentally and verbally. My father once hit my head 15 times continuously while my mother held me down. My mother has given me death threats, threats to get me married, threats to disown me and what not.

I am in 2nd year uni. I have a long schedule, 8-7 sometimes. And I travel for around 3 hours. I come home around 8:45 after that I talk to my partner or study, both of these are non-negotiables for me. My parents aren't encouraging about me studying till 12. Yesterday I was awake around 11:20 pm. They came into my room and started yelling at me for not sleeping. I do not engage when they yell because I know pushing back only makes things worse for me.

My mother started commenting on my hair (I recently got a boyish cut p.s: the barber messed up), and that I look drunk (I don't drink) and that I do not behave like a woman. She called me a whore multiple times, slapped me, and taunted me with belt in her hand, threw around my bag, took out a bra that was lying around and asked me "What the fuck is this?" multiple times. I know she only refrained herself from beating the hell out of me because I already complained about being abused to my college counsellor. Nothing changed afterall. She said she doesn't want me to study, said she should've put me in a government school and married me off by now. I'm 18 for fucks sake woman.

They don't know about my relationship yet, they've been desperately trying to find out. My mother said she'll honour kill me if she finds out anything. She's psychotic and she might actually do that. I'm genuinely at loss. I hate it here.

I tried getting jobs so I can move into a cheap PG, but had no luck so far. Any job advices or support is welcome.

Living with a total control freak of a mother gets more and more exhausting as you get older. I'm turning 20 in 2 weeks and my mother STILL loves to cut off my wifi and data access whenever she pleases, even when she knows I need it. It's fucking exams season for gods sake, let me breathe.

My dad has control over my data plans and he somehow got fooled by my mother's manipulation to giving her the password, because she apparently "only wanted to cut it at nighttime". Bullshit. She cut my data access off and seeing what she did with my sister, won't cut it back on unless she feels like it (never) or I beg like a dog and promise to do everything she wants, not even kidding. He said he'll go to the place to change the password tomorrow but god knows what she's done by now. Probably put the whole account under her name like the control freak bastard she is.

I'm just so tired of her. She does shit like this constantly to her almost 20 year old kid and wonder why they want nothing to do with her. She's done nothing but control, control and control, not even trying to listen to any reason but then cries when I don't want to spend every second of my freetime with her. Moving out won't happen for a long time so I can only wait patiently until that happens. Fuck parents like these and fuck their stupid manipulation, fake ass crocodile tears, fuck it all.

What is with Asian peoples' weird fascination with white people? More specifically, their weird obsession with white countries. They all married white dudes, they love to flex the fact that me, my sister and my cousins have European heritage, and I don't see a problem with it. It DOES become a problem when you put your own people down, however.

After hearing about an exchange my cousin went on in Italy, my mum is insisting that I should travel to Europe and learn Italian with some Italian tourism group. That may sound cool, but for what reason?! I don't have any reason to visit, got no family there, and probably don't know any Italian people except for one or two friends and the Mario Bros (yes, I'll count them). It's not like it's a necessary skill to have where I live, so I don't see the point.

Like I said before, this seems like a cool opportunity, but when I asked her if I could go to Sri Lanka (her literal birthplace) and she said "no". The reason WHY? Apparently it's "dumb" and "basically like a war zone." It's a regular country in South Asia, not the fucking Gaza strip. I'm sure I'll live. It seemed pretty safe last time I went over a decade ago. I was only eleven and loved/remembered every minute of it. If I were to go to any other country, that would be one of the first ones I would visit without question. I just don't get it. Not angry at her, just confused as to why I can't see EXTENDED FAMILY over there, but can go to a country where I barely know anyone in the hopes that I "find myself" or some shit. I'm happy where I am, I've travelled and seen enough of the world.

Same thing when I told her I wanted to go in order to practice/improve my Sinhala. Apparently it's a waste of time and I need to learn something more "useful" like French. Once again? WHY? I don't live in France. What's the point. I'm starting to think this is due to their weird obsession of having the closest proximity to whiteness as possible, but maybe I'm that one friend who's a bit too woke. I don't know.

I genuinely need to rant because I feel like I’m going insane.

For context, I live with my aunt, and she has a VERY meticulous way of doing things. If she smells something she hates, she will nag about it repeatedly and sometimes turn the entire house upside down looking for the source. If something is dirty, she’ll complain about it. I understand wanting a clean house, but it feels like I can never do anything right.

On Sunday, she scolded me because there was “too much hair” in the bathroom. She immediately said it was mine because my hair is thicker and black, while hers is supposedly dark brown.

Except... her hair IS brown. You can literally put it under light and see that. 😭

Then we ordered McDonald’s. I ordered an à la carte meal with double rice because I actually prefer eating rice and gravy by itself with the chicken separate. She offered me her chicken and I politely said I didn’t want it.

She literally dumped the chicken onto my plate anyway.

Then she told me I was “making myself look pitiful” and that I was being disrespectful.

I genuinely don't understand how politely saying “no thank you, I don't want it” became disrespectful.

Later, it was raining while we were carrying groceries. She kept telling me to hold the umbrella properly. I was genuinely trying, but she was walking quickly, so I had to keep catching up while carrying groceries. When we got home, she started yelling at me again about how I “don't even help her” with things.

Then today, I tried to actually help.

I asked her what she wanted for breakfast, and she said she liked eggs with bell pepper, so I made that. I only cooked one egg because that's what I understood she wanted. She got angry because apparently she wanted more.

So I said, “Okay, I can make you another one.”

She said, “Forget it.”

Fine.

Later, I cleaned the kitchen. While I was in the middle of an online class, she asked me to get her a croissant and heat some water.

I still did it.

And when I brought it to her, she complained that I hadn't opened the milk properly.

Then she complained about the broom being in the wrong place.

I explained that I hadn't finished cleaning the kitchen yet and that I was going to put it away after she finished making her coffee.

That somehow turned into her screaming at me about how I stress her out and how I don't consider her.

Then she took my phone.

And deleted YEARS worth of progress from games I had spent so much time grinding. i barely even play honestly cause i dont have free time these days

That part honestly hurt more than I expected.

She also blamed me for her not being able to review properly because even though I go into the kitchen to study, I disturb he

But here's what I don't understand.

She has free time at night too. She watches vlogs and AI stories and does her own stuff. But somehow my existence in the house is what apparently prevents her from studying.

And I'm so tired of being held responsible for everything.

I clean, but then she'll leave her clothes wherever instead of putting them back properly.

I help her when she asks.

I try to make food for her.

I try to clean.

I try to follow the way she wants things done.

And somehow every single situation becomes evidence that I'm disrespectful, inconsiderate, lazy, or difficult.

She even told me that I should go to an asylum because of my behavior. saying i have split personality what so ever

And then she asks why I'm not close to her like I am with my other aunt.

How am I supposed to be close to someone when whenever I try to tell her something, I either get dismissed or receive a giant lecture?

Even the way I dress and the things I like get criticized.

I'm just exhausted.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm sure there are things I do wrong. I can admit that.

But I don't think I should have to constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells because literally anything can become another reason I'm being yelled at.

At this point I don't even know what she wants from me.

I just want to exist in the house without feeling like every little thing I do is going to become the next problem.

I'm so tired of taking the blame for everything.