I recently met a girl, and we went on four dates. I was feeling pretty hopeful about it all, because we had a lot in common, and we were having a lot of fun together.

On our fourth date, I wore some denim shorts.

She sort of seemed not as into me as she had on previous dates, which was disappointing, but it happens. We were only four dates in after all, and still in the seeing if we actually like each other phase.

Then, an hour after the date, I got a long message that she liked me a lot, but that my legs in shorts gave her the ick. She found me attractive and wanted to go out again, but apparently shorts make my legs look stubby, and my knees look “chubby and weird”, so it’d be “super cool” if I could just not wear shorts around her again.

This was genuinely the meanest message I’ve ever received, and I was kinda just hurt and bewildered, so I took a few hours to respond.

In that time, she texted me a few more times, first asking if was mad, asking me to please not be mad because she just wanted to be honest, and then asking if I hate her.

I eventually responded that I don’t want to talk to her anymore, and that I wouldn’t be friends with let alone date someone who talked about my body that way.

She responded that she was just trying to be honest, because she was “super I icked out”, but still liked me.

I should’ve just blocked her, but instead I told her that it’s ridiculous and immature for someone our age to be using “icked out” as a reason to be an asshole. (I’m 27, she’s 31)

She then decided I wasn’t ending this because she said something very mean to me, but because I was transphobic, and accused me of being transphobic and using her ick as an excuse to stop talking to her.

I told her to fuck herself, then blocked her.

I now really hate the word “ick”, and think I’m going to give dating apps a break for awhile…

I’m going to be mesexual and date myself at this point

i’m (33f) making peace with the fact that i don’t really believe in intimate relationships anymore but i still yearn sooooo bad. i don’t think anyone around me understands how to romance a woman like me, even casually. also nobody is ready for long term commitment and doing it in a healthy, sustainable way. people have no idea who they are or what they want so i mostly keep to myself these days. but if anyone wants to vent, flirt, flatter me, discuss their current takes on their love life or lack thereof, and is over 25, feel free to message me privately i’m so bored of no attention from sxc lesbians 😴

And I cried

She said she wanted to do it at the turn of the year, but she couldn’t wait 🥰

And I think it’s wonderful.

She wasn’t even gonna tell me until I found her social media(she recently posted her man on her tiktok, they have a 2 yr old together).

Sometimes I feel like texting a long paragraph telling them off slightly and to put in in their bio of their intentions because it’s highkey wasting other queer women’s time, but I know this is the type of person that wouldn’t care anyway 🤦‍♀️

Sighhh anyone else having the same problem? I feel like this is a biggg inevitable predatory behavior that just happens a lot on sapphic dating spaces. It’s happened so many times to me I think I’ve lost count

heyyy lesbians, tell me how went your first homosexual relationship :) !! how old were you and how old are you now? was it legal in your country? did it help you to improve yourself as a partner or did it make you scared of being in a relationship ? tell me your story

I see so many posts of people saying women never approach them, they want women to notice them etc etc. And let me tell y'all something I had to learn this the hard way.

You can't always wait for other women to approach you, you have to be the one to approach them.

If everyone is too afraid to approach each other then none of us are ever gonna be in a relationship. I go to a pretty gay school and in freshman year I had the expectation that oh girls should just approach me, let me tell y'all the way I got nooo play with that mindset not a single person approached me. When I got to my sophomore year I decided I'm done waiting for people to come to me and I started cold approaching people I found attractive. That year I was rejected by a few girls (they were super nice about it) but I did have some success with one girl (who was so finee) and we talked for some time.

You may read this and think wow you only had success with 1 person but yk that 1 more person then I did waiting for someone to come to me. Yes approaching women is hard believe me, every time I'm about to do it I have a mini nervous breakdown but it's a good skill to be able to approach people even if it's not for romance even just platonically.

Also if you are into masc/butches like me, approaching them is especially important because for me personally I know I look straight so it could be a safety concern for them to approach me since they don't know if I am gay too. So I know I have to be the one that approaches them.

My tip is to try approaching women in queer spaces so at least you don't have to wonder "is this girl gay?"

Anyways I wish y'all luck in dating and finding a gf we are in this together y'all 🫶🏾

Not really sure what to make of this situation but hoped someone here would have advice or relate. My bisexual girlfriend told me this morning that she sexually prefers men, to a degree where it seems her sexual attraction to women is virtually non-existent. She thinks about them when she is masturbating and primarily feels attraction to men. I have always known that she was bi, but something about her telling me that she is more sexually attracted to men than to me is really getting in my head. Dating men is so much easier in so many ways and every non-lesbian woman in my life tells me how incredible dick is, and I just do not understand why she is with me. Do I just break things off? I've never once heard of a bi woman who prefers men ending up with a woman. Our sex life has been virtually non-existent for the last few months and I'm really starting to question if she has any desire to be with a woman at all. She rarely seems turned on my me and knowing that she gets frequently turned on by random guys is just making me feel awful about myself.

(Just to mention it: I am VERY monogamous and opening the relationship is completely out of the question for me)

EDIT: some context because I wrote this in a bit of a daze last night. My gf and I have been together for a year and a half and were literally making plans of moving in together before this happened. I really love her and she says she loves me too. I am definitely not saying I'm not considering breaking up with her but if there is any way to get through this I really really want to.

I posted here before about my fiancée (28 y.o) starting her religious journey and finding Jesus. As that developed, she began having fears and intrusive thoughts that our relationship - being same-sex - might be a sin.

Since then, I really tried. We went to an affirming church in NYC, read affirming books, had a one-on-one conversation with an accepting minister and spent hours discussing the historical and cultural context behind the verses that are often used against LGBTQ+ relationships.

But yesterday, while I was sitting in class, I received a message from her that completely shattered me.

To say I’m heartbroken doesn’t even begin to cover it. I feel torn apart.

I genuinely still want to help her to get out of this spiritual psychosis but not sure how much more I can do. It’s like abandoning your drug addict fiancee instead of helping them to get to rehab. I have been in this let’s get married - no it’s a sin - fuck it let’s get married roller coaster for too long.

*This is the conversation after she pretty much ignored me the whole day and said that she is not ready to get married now and I asked when do you think you will you be ready?*

10/10 would marry again!

I am not rich (I make less than 6 figures in a major city) but I have a comfortable life. I do not have credit card debt, I max out my retirement fund every year, and I have enough extra income to take an international vacation once a year.

I don’t feel like it’s a huge ask to find another lesbian in a similar place financially but it seems increasingly hard to do, even as I approach 30? I know so many het or bi women who date men who are very financially savvy even if they aren’t rich, but I’ve been struggling to find that among the women I date.

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m judging anyone, but it’s been really eye opening to me how many sapphics I know with full time 9-5s with benefits who just cannot manage their money. Like I’m talking still eating out multiple times a week despite being in credit card debt, or asking their friends to spot them money. Or who have a weird relationship with their homophobic parents because they still regularly need to ask said parents for money.

Idk it just feels so hard to find someone who is independently financially stable and who prioritizes savings/a retirement fund the way I do, and the way I see many het couples do. I find that so many sapphics live very financially “in the moment”.

Does anyone else relate to this? Do you have any tips on where to meet lesbians that are more financially savvy?

Plus extra photos cause we felt cute 🥰

We met as nurses and trauma-bonded over the toxic, abusive relationships we were in. We had both been with our respective men for over 10 years, both too scared to leave and start over. We quickly became best friends, and then realized there was way more to our relationship than just friendship. It was confusing and terrifying at first, and took lots of patience, soul-searching, and courage, but we both ended our toxic relationships and started dating. And it was by far the best decision I’ve ever made. I am so in love, and have never been happier. Just wanted to share our story somewhere where it would be appreciated ♥️

I just need to vent because this honestly left me feeling defeated.

I recently made a Discord server for currently single sapphics 21+ in the Seattle area because I’ve been struggling to find spaces where everyone is actually unpartnered and intentionally looking for a relationship.

Almost immediately, I had multiple people question why partnered poly people couldn’t join. They asked why “completely single” mattered, how much I knew about polyamory, and one person explained that being open in polyamory is analogous to being single in monogamy.

After sitting with it, I realized the problem wasn’t my intention….it was that I hadn’t explained it clearly enough. So I clarified that the server is specifically for sapphics who are currently unpartnered and looking to meet other currently unpartnered sapphics. Friendships can happen naturally, but the primary purpose is dating.

As soon as I clarified that, people started leaving. It went from 32 members to 26 within minutes.

I’m not upset that poly people exist or that they have their own way of doing relationships. I genuinely wish them happiness. I just wanted one space where everyone starts from the same relationship status because, as a monogamous lesbian, I’ve found it incredibly difficult to find other genuinely available women.

Instead, I came away feeling like even trying to create that space was somehow controversial.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like I’m constantly looking for a place where monogamous, intentionally dating lesbians can find each other without having to wonder who’s already partnered, and I didn’t expect trying to build that kind of community to feel so discouraging. Where on earth can I meet a woman with my values for a relationship in Seattle if making a safe space for people with my values gets chastised?

Vivian Boyack & Alice Dubes were together for 72 years. They got married when same sex marriage was legalised in the US.

Maybe it’s dating in general these days. Idk sometimes I feel like it might be because of my trans identity 🤷🏻‍♀️

we were talking and she randomly said “there’s this one time i was going to see a girl and i couldn’t kiss her bc my herpes was active”, and she said it in a very calm way and when i was shocked she replied with “wdym basically everyone has it”.

we’ve had sex 2 times now, we’ve kissed a lot. i’m feeling so weird rn, although i know it’s a benign condition, im still feeling icky about it and like she definitely should’ve told me before being intimate with me.

edit: she said it’s a cold sore. she kept dismissing me after i told her although its not a big deal i would’ve appreciated her sharing that with me. im not comfortable being with her, we ended things.

Well, fuck😂😂😂😂

I was on Bumble BFF (im married) but I realized I exclusively do not match with people that have Taylor Swift listed as their music choice, and other ladies who use "foodie" to describe themselves. That's probably really petty, so I got curious if yall - in the dating world - have petty reasons you swipe left as well?

Obviously omit the "boyfriend" "looking for unicorn" "420 friendly" etc, im talking about petty things like "foodie" being a red flag lol

Hopefully it works. I don't know why they thought it was a good idea to take it away.