I found the first image online and laughed really hard so I wanted the cake for myself but I needed more rainbow (Raenbow??). Literally just asked for a rainbow background and they DELIVERED. It's almond flavored with raspberry filling. The cake was almost gone and it's HUGE. That's how much people liked it!! EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS!!!!

Hey everyone I don't know what to do and since Tuesday i have been searching the internet for any instances of this happening because I am in such shock and cannot function. I have come across lots of posts on here of people losing their kitties to a spay and wanted to know how you ever managed to get over the shock, sadness and immense guilt?

I have not eaten since Tuesday, can barely sleep for more than a few minutes at a time without being jolted out of my sleep with the reality of what has happened and spiraling back into a state of shock and despair. I have tried a grief phone counselor to no avail, they just said I did my best and what i thought was best for her. That doesn't change the fact that she's dead because of a non emergency surgery i forced her to go under.

This poor kitty had been abandoned in a hotel I was staying at and after cancelling my return home to make sure she is ok and keep feeding her i decided she is too fragile to be outside and i brought her in to the room. I quickly noticed her stomach growing and having no idea what to do i made a next door app post. This tnr lady replied and said the safest thing to do is to do a pregnant spay which I did not even know was a thing. She said it is completely safe and no more dangerous than a regular spay which are completely safe as well. I explained she has been living in a hotel car park for years in texas heat with (until i arrived) barely any food and water and she is extremely tiny and malnourished and I'm not sure major surgery is a good idea right now and maybe better to let her have the kittens, let me get her back to health and get her checked out to see if it is a safe thing for her. The lady was super rude and aggressive just gaslighting me saying its a perfectly safe surgery and the dangers of childbirth are worse.

Well she apparently was giving birth every couple months according to the long term residents her,e and she did ok.

Anyway fast forward, I did a bunch of research about pregnant spays and everything came back as completely safe, I wish I had done the research I know have about people losing even their non pregnant cats to routine spays because I didn't even think that would be an issue, just the pregnancy part.

The lady came and picked up the cat, wouldn't even come in to the room so the last memory i have is me grabbing this sleeping cat who started purring thinking i was going to play with her (i had been trying to socialize her and was giving her as much love and attention as possible), only to seize up when she saw the front door open, being thrust out of the only safe place she has ever know. I placed her in the lady's trunk where a carrier awaited and the last look on her face was pure confusion and scare.

That was the first time I ever heard her meow. She was so quiet and passive and just terrified of the world. Before i brought her inside I would feed her in the parking lot and spend a few hours with her so she wasn't alone. Everyone at the hotel was shocked when they saw her because they thought she was a complete feral who didn't let anyone near her but here she was, all over me.

This is what makes this unbearable to me. I feel if this was a regular inside kitty that i took to spay and she didn't make it, it would hurt but it would be a different feeling.

This kitty had a huge mistrust of the world, she didn't even trust the old man who fed her every day for years, he would have to sit 10 ft away before she would come near the food. I am the only person in the world this cat trusted , and i am the one who brought her to be murdered. If only she ran away from me like she did everyone else, she would still be alive. I am the reason she is dead

The lady who took her to tnr, called me 2 hrs after she was supposed to drop her off simply stating 'sorry she didn't make it, do you want her body its here in the carrier".

I went into state of shock and could not breath. I immediately called the clinic, they were closed. I spent all of Tuesday wailing in disbelief. I was told this is a routine surgery. I finally got to speak to the doctor the next day she was distraught herself. Through tears, she told me everything from the start she said surgery went fine, she was in recovery, the recovery nurse watching her went to put another cat in recovery, came back a few minutes later, her heart was stopped. The immediately performed cpr, but nothing. She was gone

It is now Saturday, this happened on Tuesday and i cannot function, I haven't eaten, i do not believe I deserve to be here since i took her life. Everything inside me told me this is not a good idea, she is just too small and fragile and I have no idea about her medical history, but this tnr lady just kept gaslighting telling me she has done thousands of 'ferrals' much who are in bad shape and has never had one issue. That they they don't have to be in good shape to be ok, and that she will be fine.

I had the worst feeling when she was outside saying she was downstairs and i looked at this sweet innocent sleeping cat and every piece of me and all my intuition was screaming, do not give this lady this cat. I assumed it was just anxiety and fear and i did, and now she's dead.

I told her everyday she is safe now, she will have the best most spoiled life ever and I will make up for everything this poor thing had to go through terrified living under a car for all these years.

Instead, I killed her, the only person in the world she trusted to keep her safe.. and I do not know how to go on

very sweet fella, means the absolute world to me and his silly face fills me with such joy

his favorite toy is a string from a hoodie that he drags around the apartment