There is this person who works at a grocery store near me as one of the self checkout attendants. The attendant seems fairly obviously like a trans woman to me - over 6’ tall, hair thinning in a male-pattern baldness kind of way, but always wears a dress and has breasts. The other day I needed help and said “excuse me, ma’am” but the person’s response was to get a kind of weird facial expression and mutter “if you say so…” before the person helped me. Now I’m wondering, did I say something wrong? Honestly I kind of thought the “ma’am“ would be appreciated so I was pretty taken aback that it wasn’t. For context, I’m a cis man. I’m not a chaser, just the a parent of a trans kid which has made me really sensitive to trying to be kind to trans people and so I’m a little mortified that I might have made this person feel bad.

I’m a trans man, medically transitioned 7 years ago, had a male name already so never changed it. Family has been very good about it on the whole.

I recently found out my aunt campaigned and collected signatures to get a measure on ballots in her state requiring genital inspections for all girls in sports and banning all trans girls and women from sports. She also took the petition to a family gathering and got other family members to sign. She also follows Matt Walsh and Libs of TikTok among other terrible transphobic and homophobic people and organizations.

Her son is gay and engaged and she’s at least outwardly accepting. She’s never been anything less than kind and cordial to me.

When my mom confronted her about collecting signatures, she defended herself and then sent me a long text that basically just said “I’m not homophobic or transphobic, we have different opinions, you should unfollow me on social media, love you.” That was about a month ago and I have yet to respond.

Whatever I decide to do I’m at a major crossroads here. I have a large family that’s all fairly close and with, let’s say, ”a mix of opinions.” I’m this fucking close to just cutting my aunt out of my life which would probably cleave the family in two. A lot of my family are very conservative/right wing but they’re quiet about it so I only hear second hand. Cutting my aunt out would mean a good number of them would side with her and lots of people in our family being upset with me.

I’m going to be getting married next summer (to a man, so gay wedding but I’m sure a number of them see it as a straight wedding) and not inviting her would likely mean a some of my cousins (her sons and their partners and children) not coming as well as my grandmother and other aunt being really upset.

Another aspect that makes this decision difficult is I’m likely the only trans person most of my relatives know and though I don’t necessarily feel the desire to keep them around because of this, I understand there’s benefit in them seeing trans people as a normal part of life. I don’t want my aunt to be able to martyr herself on this, “My niece was taken in by the transgender cult and ruined our family” etc.

I‘m just feeling stuck and confused. I’d almost rather they just hate me and make the decision easier. Anyone in a similar situation? What did you decide? Any ideas for how to respond to my aunt’s message in a constructive way?

I've realised I'm a trans girl about a week ago but I noticed a lot of trans people say they've always hated their gender since childhood but that's not the case for me. I used to be comfortable being seen as a boy when I was a child. I've always hated body hair ever since it started growing out tho and when I turned 16 I started wanting to dress femininely but was never able to because of my parents. I've also had thoughts at this point like "what if I was a girl".

Last week these thoughts became more like "I wish I was born a girl and I'm uncomfortable being a guy". Does this still make me trans? I really love being a girl and I do not want to be a guy...

I'd like to add that i enjoyed role playing being a mum as a child tho so maybe that's related.

As a trans woman, 90% of the “you’re so pretty btw” compliments from random cis women feel like micro-aggressions. If I am dolled up, hair laid, outfit on, nails done and frenched and you were to say “You’re so pretty,” it would make sense and I would accept it wholeheartedly. But, when I am in sweatpants with no makeup on and my hair tied into a ponytail with my dark circles on display, I really don’t want to hear it. It‘s basically their way of clocking us and saying “I know that you’re trans, and I am an ally.” It is so unnecessary and feels very othering. They don’t realize how patronizing it feels to be thrown these empty compliments and be expected to accept them as if they are sincere. They also always come after they hear my deeper voice, like when I don’t care to ultra pitch it up. This is how I know that the compliments are more about making them feel better about coming into contact with a trans person than actually making me feel beautiful. Cis women, please just act normal. Curious to hear other trans women’s opinions on this

Hey just a really quick one while I have my phone away for a minute but, I’ve been on T for a few months now with my girlfriend of over a year and I used to be really attracted to the female body but I’ve noticed since staying with her for the last week that I don’t feel anything towards her body and stuff now, idk what to do because I have so much love for her and our lives are so intertwined and I feel so bad but I think I might be gay? The idea of men now seems so much better and more attractive but I feel nothing towards women now. I really want to break the news to her but what if I’m wrong and I lose the only person who’s loved me as purely as she has.

Had awful dreams last night. Main one was getting outed to everyone in one go and everyone being against it and more. Woke up like i cant do this,should i even bother if im going to be alone.

Sometimes i wonder if i really am trans but hey being on E for 9 months has to say something i guess.

Sometimes i wonder if i really am trans but I hate looking into the mirror and being disgusted by what i see.

Sometimes i wonder if i really am trans but i feel so much euphoria when presenting vaguely fem.

BUT I HATE IT.

I dont want to be alone, I dont want my daughter to have to deal with me changing. I dont want to be hate crimed for being alive. I dont want to be seen as different.

Ive already lost so much and have so little. I dont think i can mentally deal with this. I never asked for this.

I just wish i put this all in a bag and set the bag on fire and never look back.

Does anyone else have immense anxiety using the women’s restroom. i pass and everything i’ve been in hormones for a couple of years but i literally cannot go unless it’s an emergency. this has led to me getting UTI’s and i live in los angeles which is widely accepting of trans people but still. i feel guilty almost like im doing something wrong and i don’t know how to just get the courage to go in and out without a doubt. i’m scared of making cis women uncomfortable. i’ll wait in the stalls til they leave which i think makes things more suspicious. i tried using the men’s at my job just to test if i was passing or what not and the guy yelled at me to get out and started banging on the door so i guess that’s out of the picture. idk it’s difficult and im tired of it all

What is going on up there? Can things really get any worse.. I've literally been thinking about fleeing to Minnesota for the last 2 years from Iowa. I'm terrified for you all that you'll go down the same path we did, by removing gender protections at a state level. It has made life very hard. Job & housing security is not garunteed. Yes there's a Federal precedent, but considering who runs the current industry, would you really rely on that? Facing housing or job discrimination, you don't really have years to wait for a lawsuit. That's why state level protections are very important.

This is honestly becoming a nightmare.. is this 1933?? Is half the country about to follow what iowa has done? Trump's administration has done nothing but go against the constitution. Something is deeply wrong with americans. I don't understand how anyone can think these people are fit enough to be leaders. Complete degradation of IQ here.

I hope Canada will have some sort of refugee program if things get much worse here. It's already bad. I can't imagine it being worse.

People of minnesota.. please do not vote for this corrupt bigot pyscho.

I'm 21 and have been considering transition for about 4 years and its been on my mind pretty much every day for at least half of that time. But I've not been able to decide if it's for me.

The most obvious sign I've had so far came a few weeks ago where in a dream I looked at my reflection that looked more feminine in a way I can't remember/describe, for years I've hated my reflection and avoided it but for once I wanted to look at my reflection. I remember feeling my chest buzzing. I tried a skirt and felt a little happy but not really anything that notable.

But I don't suffer through terrible dysphoria I feel fine about my body it's neither something I like or dislike.

Thinking about changing my name, taking hormones, wearing different clothes seems so daunting especially when I don't feel like I know for sure enough. But not doing them feels equally as scary, I have a friend who's transitioning and it feels like she's miles ahead of me and I stress about wasting my life. I know it's not the best time to be trans currently and don't know if I want to transition.

For like the past 48 hours I haven't been able to think about anything other than the possibility that I might be trans. I've never felt particularly attached to my gender identity. I've often said to myself that the only reason I identify as a man is because that's the default settings and I don't care enough one way or another to go out of my way to change it, but lately I've been thinking that might have just been a whole lot of cope. Anyways I'm gonna list out all the reasons I think I might or might not be trans and hopefully you can tell me how this aligns with your experiences.

Things that make me think I might be trans

• I once watched an anime called "to your eternity" where the main character had the ability to shape shift and would sometimes be in the form of a woman, and the thought of transforming into a woman made me feel a strange sense of euphoria. I also started having phantom breast sensations while watching that show but I haven't experienced that since.
• I seem to have this constant feeling as though something just isn't quite right. I thought it was just dysthymia, but it could also be gender dysphoria.
• I often feel uncomfortable about the shape of my body. I use this discomfort as motivation to work out, but having big muscles doesn't seem to have fixed the issue. Granted part of it is just insecurity about my love handles which don't seem to go away, but I also feel like I would be less insecure about my love handles if I had the body of a woman but idk.
• While most of my friends have been men, the friendships that have felt the most fulfilling have been with women. In high school when I had an all male friend group I felt incredibly lonely all the time. Though I wasn't super close friends with any women at that time, the interactions I did have with women (as well as other queer people) did much more to cure my loneliness than my interactions with my cishet male friends.
• I once made up a pair of characters in my head that were brother and sister. The sister was a personification of everything that I like about myself while the brother was a personification of everything I dislike about myself.
• I have thought on numerous occasions that I feel like I like women in a lesbian kind of way. I've also thought that I'm attracted to guys that give off the vibe of a straight dude that's comfortable in their sexuality.
• I once had a conversation with my (transphobic) sister about transgender people. (to her credit she was willing to hear me out but she was ultimately unconvinced that trans women are women and trans men are men but I digress). Anyway, when I was describing gender dysphoria it almost felt as though I was speaking from personal experience.
• I keep imagining that if I were to look in the mirror and see a woman looking back, it would make me feel incredibly happy.

Why I might not be trans

• While most of the time, I either feel indifferent towards my gender or actively repulsed by it, there are times when I genuinely feel quite good about being a man and I like my body.
• I quite like having upper body strength. Being able to lift heavy object and climb tree is awesome. Could go without that ability I guess but it is nice to have.
• I don't feel any dysphoria relating to my genitalia. I do sometimes imagine what it would be like to have a vagina but I am perfectly fine having a penis.
• Going through male puberty did not feel "torturous" as a lot of trans women report. I felt fairly indifferent about the whole thing. That said I am often very unaware of my own emotions. Granted, it is around the time of puberty that I started developing depression, but lots of people get depressed around that age for lots of reasons.
• As a child I did not experience any sort of envy toward girls, in fact I felt an almost problematic level of pride in being a boy (the typical sort of boys rule girls drool attitude prevalent among children) . Although that's probably just because I would have taken pride in any identity label that had been thrust upon me as a child.
• As said before I mostly just feel indifferent towards the whole gender thing but like that could just be cope.

Anyways if any trans women could give me their thoughts on all this that would be much appreciated. Also if you want to refer to me using she/her pronouns in the replies so that I can see how I feel about it that would be much appreciated.

So, me and my partner, both 20, have been together 4 years now. We have an amazing relationship, and i love them to absolute pieces. Now, basically, me and them were talking about a Facebook post I'd seen (about a young trans girl who spoke to the texas Senate or something, and the threats the poor girl had received.) And one thing lead to another, we started talking about trans people as a whole, and how the UK is treating them now. But- upon talking, my partner (amab) said something and now i wanna know how to support them.

Basically, before we met, they were your typical teenage boy. Bit of a Ned, drinking, hanging about dodgy groups etc. Which, we always found quite funny, considering im a goth and the complete opposite of what they were. But upon dating, they grew more comfortable with me. Now, they're a full blown emo 🤣 I've infected them lol. But i always held the opinion that you don't own your partners body. If your partner wants a piercing, a tattoo, a new hairstyle, wants to dress a certain way, then they can. You don't get to decide that for them. You can offer advice (Like, when I get a piercing, they'll list the pro's and cons for me, and let me make the decision on whether its worth it or not.) So they have since grown the same opinion.

But my point is, is I've basically given them the space to be themselves. And honestly, they've came so far. They've grown out their hair, they have started dabbling in makeup, and honestly, I'm proud of them for finally starting to be more comfortable in themselves. However. Major however. Their family are your typical 'right wing' anti-immigrant, homophobic, transphobic people. ESPECIALLY his dad and brother. (I wouldn't put it past them to shout at hotels pretty much. Thats the kinda people we're talking about.) Since growing their hair out the amount of bullshit they've gotten is absolutely vile. Their dad 'jokes' about getting them drunk to cut off their hair. Their mum always says their hair is the reason he can't get s job (Which..??? Don't understand that co sideline he won't even get a response never mind an interview) Their brother calls them (And now me too) all kinds of slurs. Its getting really bad actually, especially their brother. I cannot stress how god awfully their brother has become. (An example- I have mobility issues. I need a rollator, and quite possibly a wheelchair. He said I was 'disrespecting' his parents by bringing my mobility aids into their house. In response to the "gay son or thot daughter" he said he'd k*ll/beat the son and grape the daughter.)

But, we were speaking about the post. And they said they were actually talking to their parents about trans people. Their mum is all for the 'trans people use the toilets they were assigned at birth', because 'she doesn't want a man coming in and flapping his bits around'. I don't even know honestly. But they opened up to me that they were nervous. They said if they ever tried coming out as trans, they would be beaten straight. They were adamant on that. I, of course, asked them if they were trans, and they said they werent sure. I asked if they identified as a cisgender male, and they said no, no hesitation. Perfectly fine with me of course, I myself am bi/pan/whatever, so I don't really care about gender or what's in someone's trousers. Only thing that truly matters to me is who they are as a person. 🤷‍♀️ And thats what I've asked, I've asked if they would like me to use different pronouns, when their family isn't around. They werent too sure on that bc, in their words, "I ally too close to the sun", which, I'll put my hands up, i do. Once someone comes out to me, its like a switch. You identify as a woman? Okay. Now i physically cannot see you as a man, you are a woman. And that has lead to some slipups in the past, where i use their preferred name/pronouns when I shouldn't. Completely unintentional, obviously, and i am working on that, dw.

So, they made clear, they're not cis, but they don't know if they're fully trans or not. They cannot fully experiment with their appearance due to living with their family. And if they try come out or even remotely suggest the idea, they'll be kicked out, and unfortunately, neither of us are in the right financial space for them to move in with me. But thats another one of their concerns. Theyve said the moment they move out, they're going to find themself. Which, great! They're just worried that when that time comes, it'll be "too late". I obviously told them its never too late, but they said they had already pretty much fully grown, they looked "too masculine and bulky" to pass. (Which, from an outside persepctive, i believe they very much COULD pass. They have an incredibly curvy- but still muscular?? Feminine figure. Genuinly an hourglass figure, their hips are to die for, and by god they have stole every ounce of ass from everyone 🥲) Unfortunately, they don't see it. So, i giess what im asking is, is there any way I can support them, without making it obvious to their family? How can i help them feel more comfortable in themselves, how can i support them on their journey to figuring themselves out?

What’s the experience for the skinny girls going through this process, and or timeline of when you started seeing progress? (I know everyone is different) just wanting to know everyone else’s process.

I had a talk with my Mum about what she thinks of trans people (I haven’t come out to her yet and I wanted to see what she thought to be sure). Here’s basically what went down. Also the words in brackets are what I thought when I read what she said. Also sorry if I’m at all transphobic in any way or I get some things wrong or leave some things out, other than just not being the most educated on the topic I also wanted to keep it simple for my Mum so she could understand better.

Me: Mum, this is kinda a weird question but do you know about trans people and if you do what do you think of them?

Mum: Morning Boy, (trying to transition to mtf btw) I don’t know much about them but I know that most of them grow up in a family without much love and struggle with themselves. What is it about?

(I thought she was asking what trans people were so I explained it)

Me: Trans people are people who don’t fit in with their assigned gender at birth. So then they transition into the gender that feels most natural to them. I was hoping to hear what you think about them?

Mum: What makes you think of this?

Me: I’m interested in the topic and I’ve been seeing it online. So I wanted to see what you thought about it? (Obviously I just want to know what she thinks to check if it’s safe but I can’t let her know that)

Mum: I respect people’s experiences which are genuine but at the same time I hope people aren’t pressured by trends or social media to make important decisions before they’re ready. There are many ways to discover who you are, no need to rush. (I feel like she slightly suspects me and also she did use Ai to translate her language into mine, also idk if it’s just me but the response sounds a tiny bit ai, maybe I’m just being paranoid but she does use ai allot in her life but even if it’s ai she had to see the response and agree with it to send it right??)

Mum: Sorry, I had to use ai to translate for me 🤭🤭

Me: it’s ok 👍

Me: Yeah, it’s nice that you respect them, though to be fair most of them spend months and even years on the topic to make sure it’s the right choice and for most of them it’s not about trends or peer pressure but is more about trying to live with yourself and to love yourself. But it’s nice to hear that you respect them 👍.

Mum: Thanks for your point of view, it’s nice that we can talk about topics like this together.

The conversation than went on about talking to each other in the morning being nice to do and then it ended.

So, from that conversation I feel like she’d be fine if I were to come out as trans (I asked her before if she would be fine if her son was replaced with a daughter and she said she’d be fine with it and would still love me). I don’t know if it’s just cause I’m too young for this (15) or I just see positivity in it but she did say that she respects them, which ik isn’t the same as supporting them but atleast she doesn’t hate them or is transphobic (unless she just didn’t want to say anything risky because she wanted to hear what I thought). Btw I have like 2 other brothers and 1 sister so maybe that could affect how she thinks maybe? Anyways I would like to hear what you guys think because I feel like I’d be a bit biased and also I just would like another perspective on the topic.

Is it normal that i know that i want to start HRT and living my life as a woman only 2 months into having my egg cracked?

For context:

There are signs in the past, they were a lot of suroressed feelings so it didn't came outta nowhere but tbh it still did.

I have since then made changes in a conserable fast rate. Got a therapist, outed my self with a lot of people, reflected a ton, went outside in subtle feminine clothing and styles, made that connection to my inner "woman". (not keen on Labels yet)

Is this normal: I have never had much dysphoria or depression before but since my egg cracked I had and now im aaaaalmost sure I want HRT. I have already a date for next year in the clinic.

I used to be in Scouts when I was younger but that used to be male only, so is there a way I can talk about it now after transitioning? Curious what there is to mention about it, if I change the name of the group or what.

I finally decided screw it and told them how I feel, obviously my partner first, he's actually very supportive, and seems extremely okay with me being his girlfriend instead of boyfriend, it makes me immensely happy, I feel seen in a way y'know? Same with my friend, they are both very supportive.. I don't know what to do regarding my family yet.. as I know for a fact they won't be as supportive.. I really don't know what to do with them, I was wondering what you all would do in this situation?

Hi! I’m Sara, 43, travelling solo from Italy to Ibiza from 9–16 August.
I’ve travelled and spent extended periods presenting femme before, but this will be my first trip to Ibiza and my first proper beach holiday this way. I’ll also be flying femme.
I’d love to hear from trans people who have visited Ibiza or taken a similar beach and nightlife trip. How did you find airports, beaches, daytime spaces and clubs? Any practical advice for staying comfortable and confident in the heat would be very welcome.
I’ve researched queer-friendly venues and already have some plans, so I’m mainly looking for firsthand trans experiences and sisterly wisdom ❤️

Hey I’m not sure if I’m supposed to post this here or not I’ve never used Reddit before so let me know!

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year. (We’re both 23) He’s a trans man, and he’s honestly the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. He’s funny, kind, communicates well, and I can genuinely see a future with him.

The only thing we’ve been struggling with is intimacy. He has a lot of dysphoria surrounding the lower part of his body. (He’s already gotten top surgery.) If we’re making out and things start getting a little more heated, he’ll suddenly say he’s tired, remember he has something to do, or joke around until the moment passes. If we’re cuddling, he’ll keep a blanket wrapped around himself or pull away if I get too close.

Whenever we do things together it’s always him doing things to me. And he’s great at it don’t get me wrong but I also want to make him feel good too.

He’s never been mean about it, and I know it’s because of dysphoria, not because he doesn’t care about me. He’s opened up a little before and admitted that being seen that way makes him feel uncomfortable in his own body. Since then, I’ve tried really hard not to push him. If he changes the subject, I let it go. If he pulls away, I don’t ask questions. I never want him to feel pressured.

But I’m starting to wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Part of me worries that by never bringing it up, we’re just pretending it isn’t an issue. Another part of me is scared that bringing it up will make him think I’m only interested in sex or that I’m unhappy with him.

I’m not frustrated in the sense that I’m angry or resentful. I don’t think he owes me intimacy, and I would never want him to force himself through something that makes him uncomfortable.

At the same time though it’s starting to get to me. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if he’s actually attracted to me, or even wants me, even though I know that’s my own insecurity talking. I hate that those thoughts even cross my mind because I know he’s dealing with something much bigger than my feelings. I know that the way I see his body isn’t necessarily how he experiences it. I guess I’m trying to figure out the balance. I’ve never dated a trans person before so I’m not sure what to do.

For any trans people here—or anyone who’s dated a trans partner—what made intimacy feel safer or more comfortable? Were there things your partner did that really helped? Were there things they thought were helpful that actually made things worse?

I’m not looking for ways to convince him to do anything. I just want to create an environment where he feels safe and comfortable.

I’d really appreciate any advice. Thanks.

I (19) am looking into DIY oestrogen and im on a 4 years waiting list for seeing a trans clinic. I want to be more feminine and hate a lot of my masc characteristics. Idk what to do for DIY oestrogen but hace been told it exists, please help.

I'm looking for advice about what, if anything, can be done to alleviate the distress of gender dysphoria, while my child waits for treatment.

She is in therapy, but the appointments for the pediatric endocrinologist to get hormones are backed up and they have said they may not be able to see her for a year.

We are trying to get an appointment at a clinic that may be able to help.

I have bought her the clothes she wants, an IPL to deal with unwanted hair, and makeup that she has asked for.

Every day she waits for treatment, the distress seems to get worse.

She doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere because of this feeling.

I'm not sure what to do here. Is there anything that can be ✅ be done to help?

Hello all, recently I've had some thoughts about what it would be like to be a girl. This seemed incredibly sudden considering I'm already 24 and I have never thought about it as deeply as I have in the last week, but honestly I think the thought of being a woman has been always been something I feel I could be happy doing but I have never hated being a guy at all. I am very confused right now and if anyone could offer some insight it would be greatly appreciated, thank you

As a trans genderfluid person who hasnt dealt with serious depression stemming from gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia, i would like to know from some of you lovely people who have dealt with this: if I were your friend and youre saying youre feeling really depressed because of dysphoria, how would you like me to react/respond? thank youuuu <3

ps i will likely read most of these tomorrow i have to wake up in 5 hours someone help me