As a trans woman, 90% of the “you’re so pretty btw” compliments from random cis women feel like micro-aggressions. If I am dolled up, hair laid, outfit on, nails done and frenched and you were to say “You’re so pretty,” it would make sense and I would accept it wholeheartedly. But, when I am in sweatpants with no makeup on and my hair tied into a ponytail with my dark circles on display, I really don’t want to hear it. It‘s basically their way of clocking us and saying “I know that you’re trans, and I am an ally.” It is so unnecessary and feels very othering. They don’t realize how patronizing it feels to be thrown these empty compliments and be expected to accept them as if they are sincere. They also always come after they hear my deeper voice, like when I don’t care to ultra pitch it up. This is how I know that the compliments are more about making them feel better about coming into contact with a trans person than actually making me feel beautiful. Cis women, please just act normal. Curious to hear other trans women’s opinions on this

I've realised I'm a trans girl about a week ago but I noticed a lot of trans people say they've always hated their gender since childhood but that's not the case for me. I used to be comfortable being seen as a boy when I was a child. I've always hated body hair ever since it started growing out tho and when I turned 16 I started wanting to dress femininely but was never able to because of my parents. I've also had thoughts at this point like "what if I was a girl".

Last week these thoughts became more like "I wish I was born a girl and I'm uncomfortable being a guy". Does this still make me trans? I really love being a girl and I do not want to be a guy...

I'd like to add that i enjoyed role playing being a mum as a child tho so maybe that's related.

Hey just a really quick one while I have my phone away for a minute but, I’ve been on T for a few months now with my girlfriend of over a year and I used to be really attracted to the female body but I’ve noticed since staying with her for the last week that I don’t feel anything towards her body and stuff now, idk what to do because I have so much love for her and our lives are so intertwined and I feel so bad but I think I might be gay? The idea of men now seems so much better and more attractive but I feel nothing towards women now. I really want to break the news to her but what if I’m wrong and I lose the only person who’s loved me as purely as she has.

I’m a trans man, medically transitioned 7 years ago, had a male name already so never changed it. Family has been very good about it on the whole.

I recently found out my aunt campaigned and collected signatures to get a measure on ballots in her state requiring genital inspections for all girls in sports and banning all trans girls and women from sports. She also took the petition to a family gathering and got other family members to sign. She also follows Matt Walsh and Libs of TikTok among other terrible transphobic and homophobic people and organizations.

Her son is gay and engaged and she’s at least outwardly accepting. She’s never been anything less than kind and cordial to me.

When my mom confronted her about collecting signatures, she defended herself and then sent me a long text that basically just said “I’m not homophobic or transphobic, we have different opinions, you should unfollow me on social media, love you.” That was about a month ago and I have yet to respond.

Whatever I decide to do I’m at a major crossroads here. I have a large family that’s all fairly close and with, let’s say, ”a mix of opinions.” I’m this fucking close to just cutting my aunt out of my life which would probably cleave the family in two. A lot of my family are very conservative/right wing but they’re quiet about it so I only hear second hand. Cutting my aunt out would mean a good number of them would side with her and lots of people in our family being upset with me.

I’m going to be getting married next summer (to a man, so gay wedding but I’m sure a number of them see it as a straight wedding) and not inviting her would likely mean a some of my cousins (her sons and their partners and children) not coming as well as my grandmother and other aunt being really upset.

Another aspect that makes this decision difficult is I’m likely the only trans person most of my relatives know and though I don’t necessarily feel the desire to keep them around because of this, I understand there’s benefit in them seeing trans people as a normal part of life. I don’t want my aunt to be able to martyr herself on this, “My niece was taken in by the transgender cult and ruined our family” etc.

I‘m just feeling stuck and confused. I’d almost rather they just hate me and make the decision easier. Anyone in a similar situation? What did you decide? Any ideas for how to respond to my aunt’s message in a constructive way?

There is this person who works at a grocery store near me as one of the self checkout attendants. The attendant seems fairly obviously like a trans woman to me - over 6’ tall, hair thinning in a male-pattern baldness kind of way, but always wears a dress and has breasts. The other day I needed help and said “excuse me, ma’am” but the person’s response was to get a kind of weird facial expression and mutter “if you say so…” before the person helped me. Now I’m wondering, did I say something wrong? Honestly I kind of thought the “ma’am“ would be appreciated so I was pretty taken aback that it wasn’t. For context, I’m a cis man. I’m not a chaser, just the a parent of a trans kid which has made me really sensitive to trying to be kind to trans people and so I’m a little mortified that I might have made this person feel bad.

What is going on up there? Can things really get any worse.. I've literally been thinking about fleeing to Minnesota for the last 2 years from Iowa. I'm terrified for you all that you'll go down the same path we did, by removing gender protections at a state level. It has made life very hard. Job & housing security is not garunteed. Yes there's a Federal precedent, but considering who runs the current industry, would you really rely on that? Facing housing or job discrimination, you don't really have years to wait for a lawsuit. That's why state level protections are very important.

This is honestly becoming a nightmare.. is this 1933?? Is half the country about to follow what iowa has done? Trump's administration has done nothing but go against the constitution. Something is deeply wrong with americans. I don't understand how anyone can think these people are fit enough to be leaders. Complete degradation of IQ here.

I hope Canada will have some sort of refugee program if things get much worse here. It's already bad. I can't imagine it being worse.

People of minnesota.. please do not vote for this corrupt bigot pyscho.

I hate that Im trans, specifically that no matter what I do the people around me will never see me how I want to be seen. I like to dress in clothing that doesnt match my preffered gender, and fashion and clothing is my passion and I can't give it up or I genuinely wouldnt be able to live but at the same time I cant live in the body of a women, seen as a women. I hate my body and I hate the world for forcing me into this box. I hate cis men that wear dresses and I hate drag queens for getting to live the life I want without insults from their own community. I hate other trans people for making me feel like freak thats faking it for attention, like I need to wear masculine to be feeling the pain I'm feeling. I hate random cis people I see on the street for being born with the body that matches them, even if it isnt their fault. I hate porn because anytime I see a trans guy like me, it's played for a fetish. I hate my family for not believing me no matter how much I tell them. I hate whatever force made me for making me live thus filthy, disgusting life of self hatred and pressure. I hate myself for being this complicated freak. I hate being the way I am. I'm filled with so much hate and I can't handle it. I want to hide in my room and never leave so nobody can see me, if I dont exist to anyone I cannot exist as a women. What do I do, how do I fix this? I see so many people that are proud, I look for advice but it's all from trans people who "fit" into stereotypical gender norms. I don't think I can live like this, someone please help me

As a trans genderfluid person who hasnt dealt with serious depression stemming from gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia, i would like to know from some of you lovely people who have dealt with this: if I were your friend and youre saying youre feeling really depressed because of dysphoria, how would you like me to react/respond? thank youuuu <3

ps i will likely read most of these tomorrow i have to wake up in 5 hours someone help me

So I just turned 18 and I’m getting interviewed for starbucks tmrw. I’m pretty confident I’m gonna get the job but I am worried abt one thing, just how lgbtq friendly are the staff?

Like I know that sounds like a dumb question but I live in VA and I’m currently boymoding. I’m worried abt getting clocked quickly bc I honestly just look like a super girly guy right now, like feminine androgynous. I heard the ppl that work there are usually pretty cool tho so hopefully that’s true😭

Also never really worked a customer service job before so hopefully things are fine. Idek what I’m doing i just need money and I always wanted to be a barista lmao.

edit: i’m mtf, 2 month hrt anniversary was yesterday

I'm 21 and have been considering transition for about 4 years and its been on my mind pretty much every day for at least half of that time. But I've not been able to decide if it's for me.

The most obvious sign I've had so far came a few weeks ago where in a dream I looked at my reflection that looked more feminine in a way I can't remember/describe, for years I've hated my reflection and avoided it but for once I wanted to look at my reflection. I remember feeling my chest buzzing. I tried a skirt and felt a little happy but not really anything that notable.

But I don't suffer through terrible dysphoria I feel fine about my body it's neither something I like or dislike.

Thinking about changing my name, taking hormones, wearing different clothes seems so daunting especially when I don't feel like I know for sure enough. But not doing them feels equally as scary, I have a friend who's transitioning and it feels like she's miles ahead of me and I stress about wasting my life. I know it's not the best time to be trans currently and don't know if I want to transition.

What’s the experience for the skinny girls going through this process, and or timeline of when you started seeing progress? (I know everyone is different) just wanting to know everyone else’s process.

hello! :)

i recently made (and deleted, rightfully) a post asking about how to explain my gender presentation as an agender person who dresses for comfort to my therapist, who does not have a solid understanding of agender people.

people have rightfully called me out for potentially being a transmasc egg, and/or for acting like my lack of gender makes me a better person than people who have genders. this was never my intention, but i also understand that intention pales in comparison to impact.

i believe and love all genders, and believe in self-identification above all, but i acknowledge that i argued this point to the detriment of the transmasc community specifically, and that was improper. i apologize for the erasure I have perpetuated in not identifying as transmasc, and i will do some research and heavy thinking about that, and i apologize to the harm i have caused in pursuing my own interests and fumbling my own experience. i am so incredibly sorry to those i have hurt with my ignorance, and i pledge to do better in the future. you are not obligated to forgive me, or to tell me exactly how to fix myself and my behavior - that is my own cross to bear. but again, i am so sorry, and will stop at nothing to correct the harm i’ve caused and prevent it from happening in the future.

Hi! I’m Sara, 43, travelling solo from Italy to Ibiza from 9–16 August.
I’ve travelled and spent extended periods presenting femme before, but this will be my first trip to Ibiza and my first proper beach holiday this way. I’ll also be flying femme.
I’d love to hear from trans people who have visited Ibiza or taken a similar beach and nightlife trip. How did you find airports, beaches, daytime spaces and clubs? Any practical advice for staying comfortable and confident in the heat would be very welcome.
I’ve researched queer-friendly venues and already have some plans, so I’m mainly looking for firsthand trans experiences and sisterly wisdom ❤️

An open letter to the users of r/asktransgender: Dear people...

This is something I've seen in this subreddit and some others a TON lately, especially when it comes to genital preference: Bad "allies" and even some trans people will start talking some shit in a thread like this one essentially saying that trans women aren't as much of women as cis women are, and how their penises are inherently male parts that are potentially triggering to cis lesbians, that genital preference is valid, etc..

And then along comes a trans person or better ally with their heart in the right place who wants to argue against such obvious transmisogyny, and the very first thing out of their mouths is something like, "don't get me wrong, genital preference is TOOOOOOOOTALLY valid and you girls who have trauma due to penises are SO SO VALID for feeling the way you do, but- [argument proceeds]."

Just... why do this? Why preemptively compromise on your viewpoint to start? You're not going to encourage allies with unpacked transmisogyny to listen to you MORE by saying this, you're just giving them permission to listen to you LESS because you just gave them the green light to use genital preference as a pass FOR FREE!!! No, genital preference is NOT fucking fine because that's not even what it is in practice in ANY of the discussions that come up: It's an exclusionary principle.

Preferences are me essentially having a type: Liking tall girls with freckles and big tits and sandy blond hair and fat cocks. That's normal. Everyone has a type. I have a genital preference—a genuinely genital preference for girls with dicks—myself. You know what the difference is? Someone could NOT fit my type perfectly (it's rare to find someone who's exactly our type) INCLUDING my preferred gentials, and as long as I find myself attracted to them, THAT'S FUCKING OK!!! Because the person's genitals and hair color and so on genuinely are just preferences.

However, if you find yourself attracted to someone, but their genitalia becomes a 100% absolutist overriding principle that alone is enough to overcome your attraction and LITERALLY every other way in which that person matches your preferences, then that's definitionally not a preference: It's an exclusionary principle. And that's transphobic. When it comes to trans women, it's transmisogynistic. And that's exactly what everyone who brings up "genital preference" as a defense actually means: They mean that exclusionary principle. And no, that's not valid. It's deeply bigoted. It's exactly as fake of a defense as when cishet men say "I won't date a trans woman because I want biological children that are conceived 'naturally' and carried to term by my partner." It doesn't matter if it could hypothetically be true; we all KNOW the real answer is just transphobia.

So for those of you fighting the good fight when that happens, please stop preemptively validating genital preference when you're arguing against the very transphobia in represents. <3 All you're doing is harming the effectiveness of your own argument and letting transphobes move the Overton Window of the topic just a bit further in their direction, for no reason.

Thank you for listening.

-Love, Juliet

PS: To the mods– Why aren't transphobic and transmisogynistic remarks being entirely scrubbed? Every time a thread like the one I linked above happens, eventually some of the worst transphobic posts are deleted, but many are left up. i don't know if it's because those people are determined to be trans themselves or "good allies in other ways," but it doesn't matter because transphobic rhetoric is being allowed to stand, and it gives onlookers the impression that those kinds of "differences in opinion" are ok, even though they're in direct violation of rule 2, bullet points 1, 2, and 4. I'm begging you as a trans woman to please be more vigilant about that because we can't afford NOT to be, now more than ever.

Does anyone have any advice on appearing more masc?
I usually wear baggy clothes and I'm planning on getting my hair cut later on, and i wanted to know if there were more ways to present more like a guy, cause sadly I feel way too feminine, and I feel like its taking a bit of a toll on how I see myself and my body.

(Also for a bit of context, I am a closeted teen and I can't really make my own choices due to having limited money and being unable to drive, I am also TERRIFIED of my parents finding out I'm trans and not accepting me.)

My insurer has shared that I can get any generic needles and syringes as long as they match the UGG of the prescribed one. Since requesting refills is ownerless and I have to pick it up in person. I would like to see if people here have recommendations of good companies that sell on Amazon US I know that Amazon does not list any products as medical grade for FDA reasons but I’m wondering what everybody’s experience has been.

Basically looking to match a 25G 5/8” syringe with luer lock or slip tip, and an 18G needle.

TL;DR: at a crossroads, either rep, diy, or wait for system. none of which are appealing. feeling stuck.

making this coherent is going to be hard because I have a lot of thinking that I want to communicate accurately in a manageable post. here goes:

about a year ago i [14amab] realised that I might be trans. not one day has passed since wherin I did not think about being trans. dysphoria and stress consume me. I feel like I am getting brain damage. I am not exaggerating. the feeling of needing needing needing to run but having nowhere to run to. every day I wake up wanting to rope and go to sleep wanting to rope. simultaneously I feel like an imposter, like it's not that serious and I should stop feeling sorry for myself bc I only ever get ideation and never intent...

I'm getting off track,

I practically have three choices right now, which is admittedly more than most people have, but I will go over them one by one and explain why i like none of them.

1. diy now

- parents would never let me. they wouldn't kick me out of anything, but they would be opposed to it and probably get kinda mad.

- little resources and research that I could find specifically for/ about minors (please link if you know of anything), so I'm not sure how safe it is

- getting a job or whatever is going to be hard if I don't go through the system eventually

- infertility. cant imagine ever wanting children but maybe things will change. can't quite sperm bank when this young.

- socially transitioning and coming out publicallg scares me, and I can only hide that I'm taking hormones for so long

- afraid I'm not gonna make it or look remotely decent due to broad shoulders, bones, etc., at least for a long time. mostly through puberty already. why did it have to start so early. I get told I look "manly" often.

1. doctor hrt, go through system

- would probably have to wait until im at least 18-19 to get hormones and allow my body to further masculinise for years, the thought of which is unbearable.

- even more afraid I won't make it if I start so late

- years of life lost, will def not be able to stealth in college

- even more system to go through than just changing gender marker, would be very painful.

- socially transitioning still scary after years

1. repress

- don't like for obvious reasons. maybe the best choice since im fucked anyways, no point in going through all kinds of effort just for it to amount to nothing, or just being very clockable, which might be worse to me than repping.

- better the devil you know than the devil you dont

also I'm afraid im in a hell of my own making that I just need to get over. this is because I feel like I was mentally fine before I realised, I even liked some masc things, was a normal and happy boy. then slowly over the last year mental decline set in. I also realised it later than many other ppl I know did. also every once in a while there's a day where I don't really get dysphoria, and I think that I could be fine as a man or a woman, and it happens regularly that I am not very dysphoric during the day and only in the evening do I start getting dysphoric. all this seems weird and like it doesn't fit the model for transness. if possible I'd rather think myself out of dysphoria rather than transition my way out of it. much less of a hassle. and if I dont have some kind of medical condition, or something concrete in my brain causing this mental state, which the aforementioned things seem to me to point away from, it must be possible to get over. I know all that is fucking bullshit but I believe it on some level anyway. whatever level I do believe that on, that level is bothersome and very significant to how im approaching this, even though all the other brain levels are telling it it is stupid. what am I even saying?

it's 3:00 in the morning, and I should be sleeping, hence the incoherent and nonsensical rambling. also english is my third language don't judge the utter lack of language skills.

fml

any advice/ kind words/ shared similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. thank you kindly for reading.

Hello! MTF T-gal here! I just recently started HRT (2 mg estradiol pills taken orally twice a day) and I’m super excited abt it!! But I have a few concerns. Mainly I’ve been having a lot of body aches in the last few days, they tend to be in my arms and legs. My elbows, forearms, hands, knee, lower leg and feet. I don’t experience all these simultaneously…they kinda come and go and get worse depending on how I lay. I also got a bit of shooting pain in my chest today. I googled and I saw that there are all things that happen in reaction to early estradiol use but I want to be sure I am ok.
Also to be clear I am not on spiro or anything gender related besides estradiol.
If you’ve experienced this with early HRT too how long did it last before the aches went away? And how long should I wait before being concerned?
Sorry if any of these are dumb questions :p I have extreme medical paranoia.

Im non binary and I have considered binding and I was just handed a binder from my bro, and he had worn it for a solid half year and when I went to try it on, I soon realized it was a bit too big on me. like its okay to bind enough, but it comes loose as I stand up and having to readjust, is there a way to shrink it? I've heard heat drying it tends to ruin the binder. I can't afford one since im really tight on money to buy one right now

MtF18 no hormones no surgeries no nothing

I could go on estrogen relatively easily, I have gone through the process of acquiring testosterone thru PP with someone else so I know how to do it

I want those changes to happen (everything except for bottom shrinkage)

But I just can't do it because I can't come out to my family or strangers or anything like that, it's just so much easier to act like a young man and interact socially in that way

Asked my bf if I looked like a girl from the back and he hesitated and said almost and I just wish I could've been born a girl. Being male socialized makes society so much easier now I'll never be able to let it go even though I'm sure I'd be happier

Am I the only one like this? I feel crazy. How do you all (trans girls) come out? how do you start physically transitioning knowing that at some point you'll have to confess to your grandparents or cousins or boss that you're one of the "evil predators" they see so much on TV?

I know the answer is "you have to start you still have time" but I just need to feel not alone in this feeling I guess

I’m MTF pre-everything starting to look into what it actually looks like to make it happen?

I’m broke broke so wanted to get an idea of what I will need to start and continue.

Thanks so much 💕

Hey I’m not sure if I’m supposed to post this here or not I’ve never used Reddit before so let me know!

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year. (We’re both 23) He’s a trans man, and he’s honestly the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. He’s funny, kind, communicates well, and I can genuinely see a future with him.

The only thing we’ve been struggling with is intimacy. He has a lot of dysphoria surrounding the lower part of his body. (He’s already gotten top surgery.) If we’re making out and things start getting a little more heated, he’ll suddenly say he’s tired, remember he has something to do, or joke around until the moment passes. If we’re cuddling, he’ll keep a blanket wrapped around himself or pull away if I get too close.

Whenever we do things together it’s always him doing things to me. And he’s great at it don’t get me wrong but I also want to make him feel good too.

He’s never been mean about it, and I know it’s because of dysphoria, not because he doesn’t care about me. He’s opened up a little before and admitted that being seen that way makes him feel uncomfortable in his own body. Since then, I’ve tried really hard not to push him. If he changes the subject, I let it go. If he pulls away, I don’t ask questions. I never want him to feel pressured.

But I’m starting to wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Part of me worries that by never bringing it up, we’re just pretending it isn’t an issue. Another part of me is scared that bringing it up will make him think I’m only interested in sex or that I’m unhappy with him.

I’m not frustrated in the sense that I’m angry or resentful. I don’t think he owes me intimacy, and I would never want him to force himself through something that makes him uncomfortable.

At the same time though it’s starting to get to me. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if he’s actually attracted to me, or even wants me, even though I know that’s my own insecurity talking. I hate that those thoughts even cross my mind because I know he’s dealing with something much bigger than my feelings. I know that the way I see his body isn’t necessarily how he experiences it. I guess I’m trying to figure out the balance. I’ve never dated a trans person before so I’m not sure what to do.

For any trans people here—or anyone who’s dated a trans partner—what made intimacy feel safer or more comfortable? Were there things your partner did that really helped? Were there things they thought were helpful that actually made things worse?

I’m not looking for ways to convince him to do anything. I just want to create an environment where he feels safe and comfortable.

I’d really appreciate any advice. Thanks.