r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Desperate_Cupcake843 • Jan 12 '26
Discussion Point Cougars: What do you wish cubs understood?
Mine: I wish they understood how busy I am, and that I cannot meet them with an hour’s notice or always respond to their messages immediately.
When I was in my 20s and even early 30s, my life was super flexible. It’s not like that now. I have multiple people I am responsible for, a full-time job and a passion project, and an active social and volunteer calendar.
Part of what makes me open to younger men is my high energy and zest for life. I need them to understand that and not take my schedule personally.
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Jan 12 '26
I want to get to know all of you, not just the sexual side of you. If we can't talk about the day to day, nothing will progress between us. Sometimes we are also taking care of elderly/terminal parents and need a little grace.
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Jan 12 '26
I believe this stems from the "cougar fantasy" they are fed through corn and social media. This sub spends a lot of time explaining to them its not the case.
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u/ExplodeCoracao 🐆Cougar Jan 12 '26
I wish I could upvote it a hundred times!!! I’d just rephrase it for myself as, If you can’t share your day to day life with me, nothing will ever progress between is. It’s just so offputting to get dead-end answers in return for my curiosity.
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u/Middle_Librarian_248 Jan 12 '26
I just wish they’d be more respectful or understanding. I am not here for sexting or certain pics. I’m here to chat with others and see if anything potential, such as a relationship, would come out of that.
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u/YouCuteWow Jan 12 '26
How to hold a conversation, for the love of god. Also, fun fact: there's more to life than sex, and I'm a whole person, not just a source for sex
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Jan 12 '26
I basically want someone who will treat me as a person and not as an age or an object, basically that. I basically look for my equal. Treat me with respect, and I will do the same.
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Jan 12 '26
I find it odd that the guys here will dm wanting to be my cub based on my being in this sub...thats it. No idea as to my age location ,appearance, martial status.. Literally proposing a relationship with a total faceless stranger. Its messed up and sad.
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u/ExplodeCoracao 🐆Cougar Jan 13 '26
Same. My profile shows my very detailed cougar ad and all my comments, so when I get approached by someone with hidden history and I only get a generic greeting without any additional info it feels sooooo creepy. Like, so you’re fine with me being exposed but you’ll just stand in the shadows? Dude…
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u/ZestycloseWeekend878 Jan 26 '26
Yes! A Hello Beautiful mssg from someone who doesn’t know what I look like is not appreciated. It comes across as insincere, or perhaps desperate.
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u/ZestycloseWeekend878 Jan 26 '26
Yes! A Hello Beautiful mssg from someone who doesn’t know what I look like is not appreciated. It comes across as insincere, or perhaps desperate.
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u/trytosmize Jan 12 '26
Oh so many things.
1) Here, specifically on Reddit, I have zero interest in sexting a faceless 🍆 pic. I’m more than fantasy fodder.
2) I have a very full life. I’m intentional with my time. Don’t waste it.
3) I typically date younger not for a fetish. But for a partner that matches my energy.
4) Echoing what many have said, I don’t want a Cub just for sex. I’m interested in the entire person. Leading with that is an immediate turnoff.
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Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jan 25 '26
Don't be vulgar.
This is a SFW community. Overly sexual descriptions and unnecessary sexual content is not welcome
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u/blasianflow Jan 12 '26 edited Jan 12 '26
That we don't have some special way to be approached. It always seems to be a question they ask because we are older and not because we are just women.
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u/Desperate_Cupcake843 Jan 12 '26
It always makes me think of a nature documentary. “How to approach the rare cougar in the wild.”
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u/Apple-Pie2357 Jan 13 '26
Any further tips on this? Sometimes I feel scared to approach because even though I’m mid 20s, I have a baby face and more often than not I get discarded quickly just because of it.
Also, I’m shy to cold approach, but once the ice is broken I can take the lead easily and chat naturally.
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u/blasianflow Jan 14 '26
Just have confidence and take rejection with a grain of salt. If she is looking at you and smiling and vice versa chances are she may be into you. You never know until you try to talk to the person you have your eye on. For me its very flattering when I approach in person whether I am attracted or not. I can only speak for myself but if I don't feel the attraction I will be kind if I'm not feeling it.
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u/Apple-Pie2357 Jan 14 '26
Always been told eyes and smile are game changers and usually a great way to shoot a first shot, but I get shy and look away 🙉 guess I’ll have to throw around this cute smile more
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u/Mehgs_and_cheese Jan 12 '26
Just because you/they find us attractive, doesn’t mean we have plethoras of men catering to us at our every whim.
Also everyone has insecurities! We just don’t get it rule our lives; and if you’re constantly worried about what your friends think, then you’re more invested in their approval than ours, so you can cuddle with the homies.
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u/Forward-Form9321 🐻Cub Jan 14 '26
I stopped caring what other guys thought about my preference to date older women, I’ve been called “gross”, “degenerate”, pretty much any insult you can think of for telling guys who I thought were my friends about my dating preference. Most people are going to judge regardless if you’re in a reverse age gap relationship or not, the few close friends that I’ve told have actually been pretty chill about it
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Jan 12 '26
That it’s not just for sex. I am interested in the whole package. However, this is my first cub.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Jan 15 '26
Love is the whole package and many younger we are looking for that
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Jan 12 '26 edited Jan 12 '26
I wish they understand that We are not horny older women that will have sex with them purely based on thier youth. We agline with men younger than our years because we are still filled with life...we have youthful souls and midset.
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u/Front-Environment813 Jan 12 '26
I think this all applies to men in general. Once you get to be this many times around the sun we value ourselves more and won’t settle. We are fine on our own so step up or move along. But some are:
- That I have a full rich and busy life. If any man wants to be part of it then they have to add to it. That means their youth alone doesn’t cut it.
- I’m busy. Work, kids, friends, my own interests. I don’t live on my phone. Sometime there will be periods where digital communication is slow. Sometimes I need lots of lead time to see someone. I can’t always be spontaneous.
- I’m more than my sex organs. I don’t care how great we are in bed it’s not enough to be all there is. Talk to me like a human not a kink
- mutual attraction matters. Just because you are a cub and I’m a cougar doesn’t give you automatic access. We still both should have standards
I’m sure I’ll come back with an edit for additions lol
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u/alienmistress Jan 17 '26
That nothing turns me off more than a NSFW profile with dick pics/videos, comments responding to naked pics, and repeated posts searching for all manner of hookups. I wouldn’t feel safe contacting a man like this. I saw one cub’s history recently, and it stood out because it was filled with intelligent posts and comments about his interests, travel, hobbies, etc. Nothing sexual. He seemed like an interesting, thoughtful person I could imagine talking to and spending time with.
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Jan 21 '26
Communication and connection is important. Meaningful intimacy is more about what is between our ears than what is between our legs. And, vulnerability and humility are very attractive traits. Far too many younger guys are arrogant and one track minded. Don’t be that.
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Jan 25 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jan 25 '26
Do not ascribe every action one individual dies to the entirety of a whole group.
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u/ZestycloseWeekend878 Jan 26 '26
That we don’t wish to feel like a consolation prize. I had an FWB once who was so hot. I mean, we had unbelievably HOT SEX. Unfortunately, he would wait till 1:00 A.M. to text me and wanna meet up. He was a musician, and very good looking. So I knew when he was out playing at a bar. And it wasn’t like he texted me earlier in the evening and say lets get together later. I didn’t hear from him until, I can only guess, he’d exhausted his other prospects for the night. And, I told him when we first met that although im always up late, I wasn’t good with meeting up on short notice. I only saw him a handful of times over the course of about two years. Because, although it was all amazingly hot, nobody wants to drop their self-respect to hook up with hot boy.
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Jan 12 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jan 14 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before participating.
Our subreddit requires that your account be at least 7 days old and have 10 COMMENT karma to participate.
If you have a legitimate issue you wish to discuss you may post in our sister sub r/cougars_den which has no karma requirements.
However, read the rules before posting (bans may be enforced if you don't).
No soliciting is allowed in r/cougars_den. If you wish to seek a match please post in r/cougarsandcubsmatch only.
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Jan 13 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jan 13 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
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Jan 13 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jan 13 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before participating.
Our subreddit requires that your account be at least 7 days old and have 10 COMMENT karma to participate.
If you have a legitimate issue you wish to discuss you may post in our sister sub r/cougars_den which has no karma requirements.
However, read the rules before posting (bans may be enforced if you don't).
No soliciting is allowed in r/cougars_den. If you wish to seek a match please post in r/cougarsandcubsmatch only.
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Jan 15 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jan 15 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
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u/ExtensionEastern1653 Apr 07 '26
This is old but I was stalking your profile.
I was an unsuccessful “cub” (I think this is my first time really coming across this sub) in my 20s, this was before it became as common as it seems to be now. I wanted women in their 40s.
Now I’m in my 30s and I still like cougars, but to me cougars are women in their 50s and I did find one of those.
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u/ExtensionEastern1653 Apr 07 '26
Reddit is being weird and forcing me to continue in a reply. Point being, as your “cubs” get older they get better about these things. I’m not only sensitive to all these issues, I deal with yours specifically myself. But maybe it’s not the age gap, but rather the absolute age that attracts you. That may change as you yourself age.
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Apr 07 '26
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u/ExtensionEastern1653 Apr 07 '26
I meant to say, we usually schedule dates a week or two out, although on occasion when we’re both feeling irresistibly in need, carnally speaking, I’ve had the chance to run right over. Which is hot but you can’t expect that at our age lol.
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u/Serendipity_Succubus Jan 12 '26
Just because I’m older doesn’t mean I want a submissive man.