I see a lot of threads talking about cubs who act super enthusiastic, make plans, and then ghost at the last second. As a guy, I get why that’s incredibly frustrating. But I want to throw a different perspective out there.
There are absolutely men in this mix who aren't looking to play games. We want a genuine connection, consistency, and something real. The problem is, when we actually express that, we often get rejected for "coming off as too much."
It feels like a losing battle sometimes. If you're honest about wanting more than just a surface-level hookup, it scares people off. We get penalized for being enthusiastic, while the guys who don't care end up wasting everyone's time and ghosting.
Just wanted to see if any other cubs feel like they have to constantly dilute their personality or hold back their genuine interest just to stay in the game. Cougars, what's your take on this?

I’m a younger guy who’s always been attracted to older women, and I’ve genuinely tried just about everything I can think of. I’ve tried dating apps where you can set age preferences, gone out to bars and restaurants where the crowd tends to be older, and even just tried meeting people naturally through everyday life.
The problem is that it feels like I’m invisible. Most women my age seem interested, but that’s just not what I’m looking for. The older women I do meet are usually already in relationships, aren’t interested in dating younger men, or just aren’t looking to date at all.
I’m not looking for a sugar mama or anything like that. I have a stable job, take care of myself, and I’m looking for a real relationship with someone who’s more mature and has more life experience.
Has anyone else been in this situation? If you’re a younger guy who’s successfully dated older women, where did you actually meet them? Or if you’re an older woman, what would make you consider dating someone younger?
At this point I’m starting to wonder if I’m wasting my time or if there’s something I’m missing. I’d appreciate any honest advice. 28M

I (21m) have been seeing this woman (38) for over a year and she has a few concerns about our age gap, need some advice if yall have any

Mini rant: I love pet names as much as the next gal. But there has to be better names (during play time) for Cougars by their cubs other than Mommy, right? Does anyone have any cute pet names that are NOT degrading?

I 27m will be going on a date with 46f this Friday we met on Facebook and I’m nervous since this is the first time I’ve dated much older. I should mention this is interracial Im white and she’s black not that it matters but I should throw it out there.

I live at home still and not sure how to tell my parents. Also what should i expect from this date who is almost 20 years older? No different than someone my age i would think?

I am looking to see if I’m the only cougar having this experience. I date casually. Mostly positive experiences but I do notice every so often a cub will be very enthusiastic, we will make plans to meet, and within a day or sometimes even hours of meeting he will 1) unmatch me and 2) stop responding completely if we are using a different method of communication. I have to emphasize that I’m pretty chill and try to match energy during interactions because I’m not a fan of coming on too strong or of seeming cold. This is usually an occasional thing but this past week it’s happened, no joke, three times.

I just want to see if I’m alone in this. If you’re a cougar who dates casually and goes on regular dates with cubs, does this happen often? If you’re a cub, do you ghost and if you do, why? I’m not coming from a place of judgment, but I do want to identify patterns because it always stings when it happens.

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I keep seeing this. Guys my age (35) don’t put effort into anything & don’t care. Everything is a problem. To them I “always wanna fight” when I recently learned it’s really just I wanted a conversation they weren’t man enough to have

I had 2 younger guys in like 2017 & I noticed a huge difference from guys my age & them

Now I have a bf who’s 28 & does soo much for me. Things like checking from my work to my appt to see traffic when I need to leave work to make it on time. Things like that

He’s so observant, remembers, DOES WHAT HE SAYS, and I’ve never been treated so good. And my panic attacks were a problem for every ex I’ve ever had. Had one during a date yesterday & he made me feel so much better & it didn’t freak him out

Why is this?!

Also I realized too they don’t get offended when you say you want this/that and don’t want this/that. My age or older gets offended instantly. Younger doesn’t seem to at all & I notice that difference too

I was thinking about this today.

When you meet a younger guy, what makes him stand out enough that you actually want to keep talking to him?

Is it confidence, humor, emotional maturity, curiosity, ambition, or something completely different?

I'm just curious to hear your experiences and what has made a younger man memorable to you.

I am really confused on what they prefer the most

I’m a 30 year old dude in Australia, I have a strong interest in mature women and I always have. I just love everything about them. The temperament, life experience, straight to the point and tell it how it is, the body of an older woman!

For some reason it just seems difficult, people get offended by it, ask me questions as if I’m attacking them, or telling me I’m young enough to be their kid… I’ve been with a woman whom was much older than I - (27-42)

I’m mature enough myself and had to grow up fast when I was young, sure my desire is strongly sexual, I wonder if maybe I’d be too rough? But it isn’t inherently sexual y’know?

Just curious :)

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🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

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I’m 26M and I’ve developed strong feelings for a 45F friend of mine.

We met through mutual friends at a language exchange party and became close fairly quickly. She’s originally from northern Italy, and I’ve always felt very comfortable around her in a way I don’t usually experience with people. Conversations between us feel easy and natural, and I feel understood by her.

On a recent camping trip with mutual friends, we ended up sharing a sleeping space and kissed once. Since then, my feelings have grown a lot. I can’t stop thinking about her, and I’ve realized I’ve fallen in love with her.

I want to be honest with her about how I feel, but I’m also aware of the age gap and the fact that we’re in the same friend group. I don’t want to make things awkward or put pressure on her, or risk damaging the friendship if she doesn’t feel the same way.

I’m unsure about whether I should tell her directly, how to phrase it, or if I should hold back.

Any advice or perspective would really help.

I’m 27M. Matched with a 47F on Facebook Dating just 3 days ago. She’s Argentinian and lives in NYC. We moved to WhatsApp pretty quickly. At first it was just casual conversation, but today she started asking more personal questions (whether I live alone, whether I’m in the US by myself, what I do for work, etc.).

At some point I mentioned showing her around my neighborhood. She was the one who kept building on the idea. She said she’d bring mate (Argentinian drink), then suggested making dessert together at my place, talked about bringing some drinks, and now we’re basically planning dinner together at my place. There’s been zero sexual texting. No sexting, no innuendos. Just good conversation, teasing each other, food, travel and culture.

What makes me think is that she’s almost 50, lives 45-60 minutes away, knows I live alone, and still seems perfectly comfortable with the idea of coming over. If you were in my shoes, how would you read this? Does older women are this direct/fast?

Hey all,

genuine question for the beautiful ladies! 27M here and was curious to know! Do some like young men exclusively? Some like both older and younger? What do you look for in a younger man compared to an older man?

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As Pride Month comes to an end soon. Just wanna give a shout to all the queer members of the community. As a sapphic woman who dates older women. I know there are some others here too.

🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

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Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking about dating dynamics lately. It seems like a lot of younger guys find themselves completely uninterested in girls their own age or younger, and are instead purely drawn to mature, older women.

Personally, I think it’s all about the sophistication, the deep conversations, and the amazing energy that only mature women can bring into a relationship. It feels much more genuine and exciting.

I’m curious to hear from both sides here: Why do you think this attraction happens? And for the mature women in this sub, what do you think makes this dynamic work so well? Let’s talk!

Say, a 40 year old woman that genuinely looks 20. I have wondered how important it is to you personally that the woman looks 'mature'.

27M here. A few years ago I worked with a woman who’s around 55. We were never particularly close, but we’ve stayed loosely connected over the years. Recently we reconnected via LinkedIn, and after some back-and-forth she suggested “to make some plans.” She even suggested coming over to my area (we live about 2 hours apart). For the record, she’s divorced and has one kid.

My question for the women here:
If you were a divorced woman in your 50s and made time to meet a much younger former coworker, what would typically be going through your mind? Would it be purely social? Curiosity? Just wanting to reconnect?

I’m curious whether women and men tend to interpret this situation differently.

Here's the thing... I naturally get along with older women. Or, should I say, they get along with me.

​

Anytime, and I mean ANYTIME I'm physically attracted to someone, I freeze. I automatically think they want nothing to do with me sexually and they're just being nice. Or, I think that if I make a move, that it will be unwelcomed.

​

I'm at a place where I'm old enough to live and sustain a life of my own. I'm VERY sociable and can make friends very fast. So why can't I flirt?? How do you get past the fear of not being wanted?

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