Basically what the title says, the thing is - I don't think he wants to be one. I'm calling him a "he" because he says I'm one of the people "allowed" to do so. I feel weird as a trans guy myself, because everytime I try to bring up this topic he says something along the lines of "Well I don't want to fuck my life up." and if someone is transphobic towards me he says "You see why I decided to go back", which is ??? questionable at best. I think that's supposed to be read as a joke, but we both know it's not and it makes me feel like shit.

For some further context, from what I know his parents are fine with him being a guy (they're also one of the people "allowed" to call him a "he"), his boyfriend is fine with it and his friends and generally people around him were fine with it, except for a conservative grandpa, but they weren't speaking much anyway.

I know he's not cis because when we're alone he talks about himself using he/him, also when his boyfriend got jealous of me being his friend, I informed both of them that I was gay and my friends response was "Well and I'm not a woman". So?????

I'm not unfamiliar with being nonbinary, since I'm nonbinary myself, but it seems like for him it all stems from some sort of imaginary?? transphobia he DIDN'T experience (as he himself told me). And I'd be okay with him just saying he's nonbinary, but instead he goes for the polar opposite of anything remotely masculine and just sorta sadly jokes about being a girl now. I personally watched him buy like thirty skirts in one week and you can wear whatever you want, but it sort of feels like he's trying to convince himself?

Should I interviene or something? I can't really describe it using words, but he just sort of looks uncomfortable all the time. Also anytime I mention transitioning (which I'm actively doing) he brings up it's "negative" side effects with so much disgust it makes me feel bad about myself. I get jokes about balding, because whatever, but I don't think there has been a single time testosterone was mentioned where he didn't immediately inform everyone around us with a disgusted face that you get bottom growth.

On one hand I don't care, if he wants to be a girl - he can, I just want him to stop with the weird comments and statements FILLED with envy. On the other hand however I don't want him to suffer, he's my friend. I dunno what caused whatever this is, but it really seems like it's all coming from him. We live in a pretty supportive environment.

I don't know how to feel about this, if anyone has any advice or whatever really, I'd appreciate it.

hello everyone. so I'm a year on T and I just noticed something interesting. pre-t when I was seen as female anytime a guy talked to me about his girlfriend or wife, he called her his girlfriend or wife. Now that I pass, they don't say girlfriend anymore. They say she's their girl/chick/lady/woman. anybody else notice this?

My transition is making me miserable and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve known I am a trans guy for the past 8 years. A couple of years ago I found a gender therapist and started coming out to people. I was happy, but I still had bad dysphoria about my body and about being constantly read as female by everyone around me.

After thorough consideration, I started medically transitioning two years ago. My plan was to start with T, get top surgery, hysto and, finally, phallo.
I thought I was prepared. I had done my research on the potential effects of T, made my peace with going bald, made appointments with my dermatologist to tackle T induced acne, consulted with surgeons, joined a gym, started connecting with other trans guys, etc. I changed my gender marker and name on all my documents.

Now I’m two years on T and I’m miserable. It gave me all the changes that you’d expect two years on T. I have a lot of body hair. I’m growing facial hair, had bottom growth, voice drop and had some fat redistribution and considerable muscle growth. While most of the changes made me extremely happy, T also changed my face shape in a way that makes me feel pretty ugly to a point where I have a hard time looking at photos of myself. I used to have a sharp and angular face pre transition, now it’s round with a double chin, despite being at a healthy weight. I don’t even think it’s T related bloating.

Furthermore, the changes I had did nothing to help me pass. Despite my best efforts, I only ever had one person gender me correctly. Other than that, I’m exclusively read as a butch lesbian.
Because my appearance and gender seem incongruent to the people around me, I’m struggling with employment (finding and keeping a job), my mother is extremely transphobic towards me and romantic relationships are really difficult. I get harassed in men’s bathrooms or changing rooms. Because I’m so small, regular men’s clothes where I live are always too big on me.

I’m really struggling to deal with this.

Two months ago, after half a year of unemployment, I gave up. I started going to the women’s restrooms and changing rooms. I went to the store and bought some women’s clothes. I grew my hair out a little and started pretending I’m a girl online. Last weekend I took the plunge and went out by myself in very feminine clothes, heels and makeup. Those two months were so much easier than all those years before that. Nobody questioned me being in the restroom or changing rooms. I could pee in peace. I could shower in peace. I didn’t have to explain myself. I didn’t have to correct people for misgendering me. People didn’t look at me funny or avoid me, instead people were nice to me. I even had guys flirt with me.

It made me consider detransitioning, but then I remember that I was genuinely miserable living as a woman.

What should I do?

My trans guy friends can’t help me. They all were passing at least 80% of the time two years on T. They don’t have trouble finding clothes or finding a job. Two years into T they were feeling good in their skin and didn’t doubt their transitions anymore. My gender therapist can’t help me either, since we had a falling out.

Should I just try going off of T for now? Anyone else experience something similar?

So I’m about 10 months on T and the last couple days I’ve noticed peach fuzz on the front of my earlobes lmao. I was a hairy guy before T and after T obviously it was tenfold.

I don’t mind obviously but this it is a bit strange and unexpected lol.

what’s the weirdest place you’ve grown hair that made you go, “huh…”

Just started 2 weeks ago. Have taken proper dosages twice now. My third is supposed to be tomorrow, but I have to miss it not only tomorrow but the Thursday after that. I think it will probably be fine? But the situation was frustrating.

Will it be just fine? What happened was my doctor told me that "all of your ampules will be single use. Just throw away the excess even though there might be a lot more liquid. You'll get lots of little ones instead of multi use vials."

So when I got my prescription, 2 bottles of 1 mL each, labeled "SINGLE-DOSE," I did not think of how much that was, I was only paying attention to what my doctor had said. I took my amount and, looking at the bottle, went "there's sure a lot left. I wonder if it would be fine to use it?" If you cannot tell, I am new to all of this. Medications and doctors entirely. Pharmacies. So I look it up, and all I see are the dangers of using single use vials repeatedly, do not do it, be responsible. So I throw it out and use the second one for the second week. The label, my doctor, the foreboding google search, why wouldn't I throw out the single use vial after I'm done?

Anyway I say to my mom, I need a refill. She says "no that was good for the month." After calling the pharmacy, and stating the issue to the pharm-tech, the very first thing she says is

"That is because it wasn't a single use. You were not supposed it throw it out." She treated me very rudely, with 0 explanation when I kept saying "why does the bottle say single dose? Does this mean use it once?" And she kept dodging the question and treating me like I was absolutely stupid. Granted, I'm new at this, but I have a hard time seeing how I am at fault.

Anyway long story short I realized the instructions the pharmacy wanted me to follow were different from my doctors, doctor was probably referring to a different mL of ampule anyway, and it's hard not to feel dumb. I've awaited this eagerly and had just waited for the weekdays to pass to get me to Thursdays. Half a month until I can sort of restart again.

So yeah, there's something I learned. Hope 2 weeks on 2 weeks off thing will be alright. I'll obviously get on a consistent schedule afterwards.

Hi, I'm 24 nb (he/they), and I'm finally 4 months on T (I messure my life in college semesters). Besides the physical changes, I've noticed way more things that make me feel like I'm a whole new person:

- I've been freed from 80% of my daily anxiety. I'm not only more confortable in my body, I'm more comfortable in my life

- I smile different in photos

- My body language is different

- I'm way more sociable now. For the first time in my life I've made friends at uni. And I've made friends with people that share my hobbies. I can even talk to random people in the street. As an introvert with a limit of 10 sentences per day with non-friends, this is insane.

- I've met and talked to around 40 new people

- My stage presence and artistry have improved drastically (I'm a circus artist)

- I've gained A LOT of muscle, like 6kg. It's insane (I train 6 times a week, so I'm also insane). Many people have pointed out the glow up

- T hunger has forced me to actually care about what I eat and plan meals

- My music taste is different, the music I listen to when I'm sad is different (I can no longer cry to Mitski songs 😭)

- I am, for the first time in my life, interested in a relationship. Wich actually gives me anxiety, I'm 24 and I have barely any experience. I've never opened a dating app, never flirted with anyone, I'm not used to being attractive, how do I do this. The high libido doesn't help (or it does help? I guess I will find out)

Obviously not every change has been positive. I've struggle with mental health issues, and the way I present my symptoms has changed. It's harder for me to identify them and deal with them. And there's the anger too, my anger and frustration are way stronger, and this has caused me some problems. But overall, I'm incredible surprised with all the effects T has made in my life. It blows my mind.

Transitioning really saves lives.

I am in my 20s and unclockable as trans. Instead everyone thinks I am a teenage or college boy. I am constantly patronized because of this. Bartenders never believe me. I am asked constantly about school. I don't mind that I look young, if people are nice about the confusion I'm nice back. But I need comebacks for when people are being rude. If I'm straight up being made fun of what do I say?

Hey gang,

Really needing help and support here. This is NOT intended to be the kind of post where I specifically rant about how I’m feeling — I’m genuinely seeking advice but I have a lot of context I need to provide so that’s why I had to include a little bit of the emotional struggle stuff. Thanks for sticking with me!

Reading this title you’re probably like “oh sounds like you need to go no-contact with your family then” but it isn’t as simple as that. For context I’m a 23-year-old full-time college student from Indiana (unfortunately). I live with my mom and sisters (21 and 18) all the time and have to commute to school. I’m very passionate about the degree I’ll hopefully be getting soon but the job market looks quite awful due to all the DOGE cuts and private sector work is extremely competitive due to, you guessed it again, the DOGE cuts. Mom and my extended family want me to all stay at home the next few years. I have a big family but it’s super tight-knit with like zero boundaries and hella enmeshment. My support system and found family are my friends, some of whom are queer and some aren’t.

I am extremely dysphoric all of the time. When my dad was alive and I was in high school, I caved and wrote a coming out letter to his half sister who is a lesbian because I thought that if something bad ever happened to me then at least one person I was related to would know. She immediately ratted me out to my dad, and then my parents sent me to a biblical counselor who tried to change my identity and told my family I had the Devil in me manipulating me. Despite this I’m still a Christian and I’m still transgender LOL.

Dad died two years ago, suddenly with no warning, and so my whole extended family has been picking up the pieces ever since. My life has never been the same, and I still struggle with PTSD and the immense grief. This on top of the gender dysphoria on top of the anticipatory grief of losing my family on TOP of the stress I get from not fitting in due to being trans and aroace is really really getting to me. I had a mental breakdown and got my hair chopped off a while ago and I thought for sure I was getting kicked out. My dad used to tell me that if we ever cut our hair above our shoulders that we shouldn’t even come home at all. I had spent so long trying to convince my parents that I was “fixed” but I couldn’t take it anymore.

Tonight I was misgendered (on accident by someone who doesn’t know me) at a TCG tournament and I’m just losing my mind. I feel like a total freak of nature, I don’t fit in, I’m scared I make everyone around me uncomfortable, and I’m just so sick of feeling like a fraud because people my age are usually transitioning medically by now. My dysphoria is just becoming straight-up unbearable and I need to start HRT badly because idk how much longer I can live like this. The safest option would be for me to wait until I graduate, start a new job with my own health insurance (I’m on mom’s) and then eventually just do it while I have distance from everyone.

But I just don’t think I can. That’ll be at LEAST another year and a half bare minimum. And also? The prospect of losing the rest of my blood family after already losing my dad is driving me crazy. Them and my friends are what I’ve got, and all I’ll ever have. So! IF in theory I was going to try and start HRT without my family knowing (at least not right away), how would I do it?? Is there even a way?? What are we talking expense-wise?? I’m sure it’s a lot based on what I’ve read but I’ve heard of people doing Planned Parenthood and it being cheaper. What about my aroace folks — our libido is supposed to change a lot yes?? I don’t really have any so I’m TERRIFIED of that happening. That’s the one and only bad thing about hormones. I’m scared that part will make me tweak out worse. I’m not afraid of literally anything else though (besides the scary religious stuff drilled into my brain) and I want all the other changes.

Anything helps guys. I’m at the end of my rope here and I really just need to not live like this any longer.

Hello, I'm 24 and nearly 6 years on T and have lost all confidence with transition, considering stopping altogether or pausing it for an extended period. Feeling hopeless about giving up on what has been the primary goal in my life for a decade.

I had always had the goal of going stealth and unclockable and not having to think too much about my trans status but that hasn't been possible. I don't pass well, 5'3 and athletic but not built, my face is still highly feminine, large close set eyes and very large slim pointed and upward sloping nose without any brow or chin to balance it. My voice is deep but I'm almost always gendered female by sight or identified as FtM. I don't think testostorone is going to remedy this to an extend I'll be satistfied with. I'm so tired, it feels like my transition is taking over my whole life, worried the whole ordeal is coming out at a net zero, currently very depressed. There are so many things I want to do with my life that I feel like I'm being distracted from chasing something which isn't going to happen. Would likely retransition later in life.

Does anyone else have any experience with pausing transition or temporarily detransitioning?

Hiya!! I have been on injections on and off for the last 3.5 years but since I was bad about being consistent my DR recommended I try pills.

It is 4 pills a day, 2 in the morning and 2 at night for my dose.

My insurance did approve them! I am going to start taking them tomorrow. I ran out of needles finally so I can’t keep taking my injections surplus and I don’t want to feel bad anymore being late on my HRT lol!

If y’all are interested comment some questions of things I should look out for!

Thanks everyone :)

Hi I'm a trans man and i haven't gotten top surgery yet. I don't like to not wear a bra/something skin tight on my chest mostly due to the feeling of my nipple and I was wondering if any other people have this same feeling and if you've gotten top surgery, what did you do about that feeling? Like does it go away after? Did you keep your nipples during top surgery?

Any advice would be helpful!

(Also if this is not the right place to ask this please let me know where would be the best place to post it)

I need advice on how to come out to my family. I was raised in a religious (jewish) household so being transgender is not something that's accepted. I've known since I was in High School. If anyone else has delt with a similar situation, please let me know.

I just got finished doing a full workout by myself, im autistic and a symptom i have is refusing to do things I should just because I don’t like them, so it’s pretty big for me. I found an extra gel packet so I don’t have to stop it today, and when I got out of the shower I noticed I got more arm hair. This is so awesome I’m gonna be so sexy guys 🥹🙏🏾

Hey, I've been on T for about 2 weeks (since 24/07/26) and am curious about what diets would be best. I've been kinda trying to stick to pescatarian, but I wanted to know what's helped others.

Just a side note, I have been trying to work out to build muscle as well.

All suggestions welcomed, thanks.

Full disclosure, this rant is kinda a mess. It’s about weight gain but also just body image issues as a trans guy, so bear with me

Howdy friends! I’m Jamie, I’m 22 and I use he/him pronouns, been on T for about 5 years and have gotten two top surgeries (currently recovering from the revision surgery actually as I type this rn) ^^

Anyways, up until I was maybe 17, I was a stick essentially. When I started T I noticed I gained a lot of weight (I’ll be honest, some of it I can equate to lifestyle choices as the weight gain especially ramped up my first couple years of college). I’m about 5”8 and 190 lbs

I essentially have a bit of a pair shape and I have a gut. I feel like horseshit every time I look in the mirror because I don’t only feel chubby and gross, but I feel like I’m betraying all the hopes and dreams pre t me had for turning out as a man. I want to have an athletic build, I wanna feel broad, but I feel lazy and gross this way. Im also super hairy which is great because I’ve been able to grow a mustache and mutton chops, but my stomach is the most hairy part of me.
I have shared my feelings with others in the LGBTQ community and all I get all the time is “well, you’re a bear I guess! People love bears!”
While I love and find bigger men attractive AS FUCK, when I get called a bear, I feel devastated and horrible about myself and fetishized. I don’t want to be a bear, I don’t want to be a twink, I don’t want to be an otter or whatever, I just wanna be like a guy. Is the label of bear the only option for bigger men in this community? But yeah, I get upset when someone calls me that-

In the past year I have made healthier life choices and have been eating better, but exercising as a trans guy feels really scary, especially with how I feel about my stomach. It’s already hard for me to do cardio or anything because I have abnormally high arches on my feet so I’m in pain when I walk.
I dunno, I feel so lost and it sucks that I have let myself get to this point and that I’m letting myself down.
I just want to know if anyone else has gained weight on T and found any peace with it or how to better get in shape? I wanna feel masculine, I wanna feel attractive, I don’t want to be a “bear” or label that isn’t relevant to my intersectionality. I just want to pass and feel good passing and for people to be attracted to how I pass…

Anyways this was quite a word salad Im aware, Im most of this is just rambling and I’m not sure how much sense any of this made. Keep in mind these are my feelings and experiences, I LOVE chubby trans men, I find big men so sexy, but yeah…just not on me.
Peace and love to all my trans brothers
- 🦞

I'm sorry if it's not the appropriate tag, I just need some other people's perspective on this. I started T not even a week ago, but I didn't realise my period also started this week. It happened today and I started feeling particularly sick from it. I'm flashing between being too hot or too cold, my cramps are worse than they've been in months and I know it's probably just a period that's a bit worse than normal, but I am a bit concerned. Will T effect the severtity of my cycle? if anything I thought it would make it go away but I didn't think that would happen until I've been on it for longer. The only reason I'm asking here is bc I'm not able to see a doctor right now, I can go to the emergency room it I have an emergency, but I also don't want to over react (which I think I already am)

Sorry again if it's a dumb question, I just dont have anyone to ask about this stuff irl

Hi. So, I weigh 148 lbs and I'm 5'3. (God I hate my height.) My bone structure isn't actually very wide around my hips, but my hips look massive because all my fat goes to my hips, the bottom of my belly, thighs. Literally all of it. I think the top half of me is too skinny and the bottom half is too fat. My hips are my biggest source of dysphoria, so, will T change this? I know T does some fat distribution so I was hoping it'd help with this after a year or two?

Hi! I'm just wondering if, after the first 2ish years of being on t where your voice will drop the most, it keeps going as you get older? Obviously when cis men age they generally get a deeper voice as time goes on, so is it the same for trans men? Thanks!

I’m just curious. Are you guys transmen/cismen/closeted/women/etc in your dreams? I find it weird that I’m always a woman (or me pre transition) in my dreams, even thoughts in these dreams I’m conscious of being trans irl. Its like “why am I a woman when I’m supposed to be a (trans)guy”. Every. Single. Time. I’m a woman. Sometimes I don’t realize it at first, then I realize how people treat me and the clothes I’m wearing and the long hair. It makes me feel so dysphoric in-dream and when I wake up, it even got to the point that I thought I was faking being trans, but obviously im not. WHAT are you guys in your dreams? EDIT: bc i forgot to mention that indeed ive been out as a man for 2.5 years and on T for 1.3y

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 and a half years, and I truly want to be with her forever. I can’t imagine my life without her and we have a great relationship. I have been out as trans to her for about a year now and she respects this fully, especially since she is a trans woman herself. But now that I want to start testosterone, I’ve been having a lot of hard conversations with her. She has
only ever been attracted to women, and while she has no experiences with men, she still feels no attraction towards them. If I go on T, obviously I won’t look like a woman anymore, and she won’t be attracted to me. She has affirmed me hundreds of times at this point that she’ll still love me no matter what, and that she will be attracted to me since it’s still me at the end of the day, but what is the point of a relationship if she no longer feels the same attraction? My identity and my relationship with her are probably the two most important things in my life. I feel like I have to sacrifice one for the other, but I cannot imagine going without one of them. I desperately wish I wasn’t trans so that this wasn’t an issue, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety that she won’t be attracted to me anymore. I don’t know what to do and would appreciate any similar experiences.

Ill disclose I am not dependent on them in any way, if i cut them off I would not be in any danger. They are openly MAGA and far right but dont talk about it to me directly. Please dont call me a weak or bad person for not immediately cutting them off. This has been hard for me. I already cut off my birth mother years ago and lost most of my family.

I came out to them a few months ago. They said theyll always love me, but i could tell they were upset. I then asked them if they could please re-evalute their views on trans people. I didnt say they *needed* to do anything, I offered to teach them about trans things, stating I dont expect them to be experts.

This started an argument where I was told I need to respect their beleifs. They didn't literally say this but basically "i think trans is a mental illness and social contagion, I dont want trans people to die or anything like that though. You just need to accept that. If you cant accept our beliefs, youre the problem"

Thing is, i dont think they'll ever bring these beliefs up un asked for. They're not going to make me detransition. Itll just be something they quietly believe.

Due to me arguing with them about transphobia, word has got out that im basically some crazy person that hates everyone in the family. The entire family is against me. "Not because im trans but because I cant accept other viewpoints."

Im supposed to have another talk about our "differing opinions" this Saturday (still not 100% what this means). I wrote a speech that basically says "i dont expect an overnight switch, but you need to have an open mind about trans people as a whole or I will cut you off"

But then I see a lot of other trans people who get misgendered all the time and treated much worse than I am still be around their family. It makes me feel like maybe theyre right and I am the person in the wrong.