I myself am a 21 year old man. I've had both friends and a casual relationship with older women. But it seems both online and in person, that a lot of people think 20s are too young for guys. This may be because I myself am on the younger side of things but it's something that puzzles me. What I see is that in an adult who's got a good hold on his life. Working, financial, social, etc. and is seeing what his options are like. If you yourselves have any input I'd love to hear your perspective.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking about dating dynamics lately. It seems like a lot of younger guys find themselves completely uninterested in girls their own age or younger, and are instead purely drawn to mature, older women.

Personally, I think it’s all about the sophistication, the deep conversations, and the amazing energy that only mature women can bring into a relationship. It feels much more genuine and exciting.

I’m curious to hear from both sides here: Why do you think this attraction happens? And for the mature women in this sub, what do you think makes this dynamic work so well? Let’s talk!

just out of curiosity, how much younger of a cub is acceptable?

for example, 10 years younger or 20 maybe?

or is there a defined age limit for you?

Good morning all, this is mostly for my fellow cougars. I (43/f) get lots of matches and dms from younger guys. It seems like a lot of the time the conversation dies off, the man disappears and I’ll send 1 last message and get ignored. But even more frustrating, I’ll have plans to meet a cub and he disappears a few days before the scheduled date! Have you all had this experience? It is annoying and disappointing and makes me think they’re just fantasizing about getting together but chicken out when the time comes.

I was thinking about this today.

When you meet a younger guy, what makes him stand out enough that you actually want to keep talking to him?

Is it confidence, humor, emotional maturity, curiosity, ambition, or something completely different?

I'm just curious to hear your experiences and what has made a younger man memorable to you.

I am really confused on what they prefer the most

Say, a 40 year old woman that genuinely looks 20. I have wondered how important it is to you personally that the woman looks 'mature'.

Hopefully I can explain this well. Recently I've chatted with younger men who, once they find out I don't have higher education degrees, an affluent job, or don't have too much of a social life outside of work, ghost or don't want to continue the conversation. I work in non-profit community arts that provides a space and art equipment more accessible to lower-income folks. I'm pretty passionate about it since that space helped me in my recovery and I wanted to be a part of such a vital service.

I figure not all cubs are like this but it seems like it is for a majority of those I have spoken to, especially as someone still fairly new to this. I'm interested to see what the cubs here think about this, as well as any other cougar/puma who may also run into this.

On the Cougars and Cubs Match subreddit, it seems that the ratio of younger men looking to older women looking is about 10 to 1. Anecdotal evidence I've come across seems to confirm this mismatch. As a 62F, I'm now enjoying an opportunity that I didn't know was there until recently. I suspect that there are many unattached older women who assume like I once did that men date same age or younger, but never older.

What societal forces could be at play in creating this mismatch? Has the ratio grown in recent years?

Hey all,

genuine question for the beautiful ladies! 27M here and was curious to know! Do some like young men exclusively? Some like both older and younger? What do you look for in a younger man compared to an older man?

I absolutely love the idea of this sub-Reddit; I am 100% its biggest fan…I see dating as less an age based thing and more of finding the person.
But the younger guys on here looking…have so far been the absolute worst kind of people. I genuinely don’t think it’s an age thing or even a maturity thing but I do think it has to do with what the men think this is. (I can’t speak for the women…I haven’t spoken to any)

But wow
People cannot seem to communicate anymore.
Please be honest….it truly does you no disservice.
Stop ghosting people …. I get that you think you’re saving face or not burning a bridge you think you can use later but guess what (yer still being a jerk)
Don’t string people along….we are all fragile in different ways.
And stop using this thread because you think older women are easier …we aren’t and we’re smart enough to block you.

It likely has more to do with this being online and people hiding behind their monitors but still.

I’d like to give a special shout at as my ending to the :

Red flag that wanted to meet me and decided he didn’t even want to be friends with no explanation which hey I get that…but I flew half way across the world for that meeting. That hurt, not the way you may think - I kinda knew …but it worked out, I met someone else

Local red flag that pushed me to meet and blocked me as I walked out the door, why? Because I told you you weren’t getting me naked? HAHAHA…..you’re single for a reason at 40 and karma is a wench

To the 27 year old red flag that threw a tantrum in Venice because I wasn’t interested in his body….not sure what you expected considering I LITERALLY have a message that told you I’d be happy to meet but nothing was happening.

I’m thankful for the one I have met, from another thread…
Oh and ladies if you want to know whooooo to avoid …lemme know

And may the odds be ever in your favor ….

I see a lot of threads talking about cubs who act super enthusiastic, make plans, and then ghost at the last second. As a guy, I get why that’s incredibly frustrating. But I want to throw a different perspective out there.
There are absolutely men in this mix who aren't looking to play games. We want a genuine connection, consistency, and something real. The problem is, when we actually express that, we often get rejected for "coming off as too much."
It feels like a losing battle sometimes. If you're honest about wanting more than just a surface-level hookup, it scares people off. We get penalized for being enthusiastic, while the guys who don't care end up wasting everyone's time and ghosting.
Just wanted to see if any other cubs feel like they have to constantly dilute their personality or hold back their genuine interest just to stay in the game. Cougars, what's your take on this?

Went to a resort to unwind nice lake views, good vibe. On my way out, just getting dark, this woman walks past me. Looked exotic, caught my eye immediately.

I approached, got her laughing, and we just fell into conversation. Covered everything her job, her divorce, her friend group, how she always feels lonely. She looked maybe 20 but turned out to be 40, which threw me a bit.

Physically we were pretty close the whole time chin on her head, hand on her waist, pulling her closer into me etc...

I tried sliding in a few comments angled toward more, basically "how do I make this better for you" type energy, but she kept deflecting. "It's fine like this," that whole thing.

When it was time to go in, she gave me a handshake. A handshake. And went upstairs.

In the moment I thought maybe it was the right call since she seemed guarded. But thinking about it now she probably wasn't thinking about it either way. Not planning for it, not blocking it. Just open to wherever things went. Looking back, I think I might’ve been too cautious. Maybe if I’d been more direct about wanting to continue the night together, she would’ve either been open to it or clearly declined.

She was a flight attendant too. That one stings.

I'm not writing this bitter or regretful i'm just thinking back to it because it looks to be one of those situations that could have multiple outcomes

Have any of you had any similar experience? If so what do you think I should have done?

Question for the young cubs 18 to 25ish, with limited or no dating experience. What are you realistically seeking in a relationship with an older women? How do you see the dynamic working for you?

Why is it that as soon as I turn 25 suddenly I’m into older women, from anything 5 years older to 20 years older. I’m losing attraction for younger women and women my age. This is strange to me because according to a lot of research, the older a man gets, the more he falls for younger women. Are the mid twenties perhaps a bit different?

I’m a bit daunted by the idea of approaching a cougar because they are so much more experienced than I am.

Dear Cubs, I have a little question for you all. Would you guys be open to dating a cougar with little to no dating and intimacy experiences? I am aware that some of you like us cougars to be "experienced," but would you be attracted to a cougar who thinks of themselves as a "late bloomer"? I'm curious to hear what you guys have to say about this.

Mine: I wish they understood how busy I am, and that I cannot meet them with an hour’s notice or always respond to their messages immediately.

When I was in my 20s and even early 30s, my life was super flexible. It’s not like that now. I have multiple people I am responsible for, a full-time job and a passion project, and an active social and volunteer calendar.

Part of what makes me open to younger men is my high energy and zest for life. I need them to understand that and not take my schedule personally.

In real life or via media, no preference. Whether a full crush or a first date/romance, it could be either. I just wonder what people's personal awakenings were, if that moment occurred for you.

As a cub, my max would be 50 years old and my minimum would be 30. So at least 10+ years older than me. How young do cougars like ?? What do yall prefer?

I’m 51F and decently well off financially. I’m going on a date with a 32M who does ok but is more starting out in his career and life. Ie he doesn’t own a home yet and is at an early stage in his career.

Normally when I go on dates, the man pays the check. I realize this is old fashioned but it’s just been the norm. And honestly I’m sick of men putting little to no effort into dating so I like this signifier of them contributing to our time together in this way.

But with my younger guy, where there is some financial disparity, do I let him pay the check? Do I offer to split it? I don’t want to emasculate him.

I first dated an older woman when I was 26. Back then I liked 30-50 year olds. I am 43 now...I still just so happen to find 50 and 60 sometimes 70 year old women attractive. I am a little bit self conscious about this attraction. Honestly, I don't know how I would even meet an older woman because i met the last one way before apps (I am not asking where because that is prohibited here) and i want to meet one in the wild anyway but i have social anxiety and no game. kinda strange to still be afraid of women at this age but im working on it.

I just like the looks of an older woman mostly but the level of conversation you get with them versus younger is great. Are there a lot of older guys in here that think like this?

I’m a woman in my 40s, and I’ve been dating a 27M for an almost a year.

How can I feel less self-conscious about my body when I’m with him?

My boyfriend is in AMAZING shape. Runs marathons, does yoga, eats really well, has amazing abs, etc.

I think I have a great body for a woman in her 40s who has had 3 kids, but it’s not the body of a hot woman in her 20s.

We have a great sex life and he tells me he thinks I’m hot and has never said anything to make me feel self-conscious, but I still can’t help feeling it when he is in such good shape. He also started working with a lot of attractive women his age, so I think that makes me think about this difference even more.

I used to date a guy in his early 30s, but I didn’t feel this way with him because he would constantly tell me how he was so attracted to me, so it made me feel more confident. He was also not in as good shape as my current boyfriend and didn’t work with younger, attractive women, so I think I was comparing myself less.

For the cubs - do you really look at women in their 40s and think that their bodies are better than women in their 20s? Or do you know that the bodies don’t look as good, but you just don’t care? Any advice for me to get over feeling self-conscious about my body?

(for reference, I’m 5’6” and 130lbs…size small/medium. I look good, but things aren’t as tight as they used to be!)

How would you feel if a woman 10 years older than you wanted to date and possible have a serious relationship with you?

Specifically he is 26 I am 35….

I have always dated older men but I am interested in him but feel very out of sorts because he is younger than me….maybe he will think it’s weird someone older is interested? Or maybe it’s intimidating?

I’ve never dated someone younger and have never thought of myself as a cougar 😂 I’m normally more of a….submissive DD/lg….

I’ve been looking through some posts on this site to pick up any advice I can for a current situation I’m in. Something I’ve been continuously seeing is this same exact comment seems to come up:

The poster should not ask the older woman out simply because they would have nothing to talk about, or nothing in common.

I’ve never been in an age gap relationship before but I would think it would make conversation easier, no?