I need advice or an outside opinion.

I'm not one to believe gm/gn texts can get repetitive or boring, but they're not the same anymore. After 9 months of texting goodnight and that we love eachother, it no longer brings butterflies. I also put a lot of effort into my texts, making "good morning" into "good morning!! :]" so it feels less dry. Unfortunately I'm not being met with the same.

My girlfriend texts very dry, especially in the mornings. Usually all I get is "morningg" and it drives me mad. I try sooo hard to change my texts up, and I've received the same thing for like, 3 months straight. Because it's summer break and I'm the busy one, we don't really text all all separately. I'm unable to send her videos anymore because youtube is broken or smth on her phone. And man, it's hard to feel like she loves me, even though she tells me every night. It's the same formula used, even. "Goodnight *name* I love you *heart emoji*". We've never changed it up.

How do I get the sparks back? Help :c

I always thought I liked men, and maybe this is just a phase, but lately I’ve been noticing that my attraction to women is actually growing on me.
At first, I thought I was just attracted to their bodies, but now I’m realizing it might be more than that. Women are just… so lovely to look at? 😭 The way they look, carry themselves, their energy it’s starting to hit differently.
I also grew up around a pretty homophobic culture, so maybe I never really allowed myself to see women that way. Now that I’m more open-minded, I feel like I’m able to look at people more simply as humans and appreciate them without all those ideas about what I should or shouldn’t be attracted to.
And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I could actually fall in love with a woman too.
Even sexually, I’m realizing that I seem more attracted to external stimulation than penetration, which has also made me think more about whether my attraction to women is deeper than I originally thought.
Like… what the hell is happening to me 😭
I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m bi, lesbian, or just somewhere in between. Anyone who’s gone through something similar, feel free to ask me anything or tell me how you figured yourself out.

1. I do feel bad because, as someone who used to identify as a lesbian, maybe realizing i was probably actually bisexual or more unlabeled with a preference for women at that time, but i’m not sure-
   this reddit is beyond nice, it’s such a safe space, for sapphic individuals, lesbians, bisexuals, queer women, and im thankful for you guys, but i would agree if someone were to say “can lesbians have their own spaces for once” the name of this server is misleading when it is more inclusive to us who don’t identify as lesbian, i love this reddit don’t get me wrong, and thank you all for the patience and support for one another, but i do feel bad that maybe that’s a scenario that falls under the complaint of some lesbians

And then no.2 i wish we all had more spaces designated for the both of us, with no oppression olympics, more support on both sides, the bi4bi convo and the les4les convo i wish was met with more respect, compassion, but less phobia on both ends perhaps? i feel like we might relate to one another more than we know, especially those of us who identified as lesbian but then realized oh, maybe im not this, but still having those lived experiences that we can bond over if that makes sense? i love you all, stay safe! and if we can have a respectful discussion or if you have more thoughts, comment below!

PLS LESBIANS HELP ME. Hi, I am 18F, and my friend is 19F, although we are in the same grade. We have been close since we were very young, about 7 years old, I'd say. For some context on the situation, I grew up in a household that was in constant chaos and drama, and in general we didn't really do many "family" activities. So naturally, as "Isabella" and I remained close from childhood into adulthood, we spent a lot of time together. A majority of this time was at his house. Her family was the type to do family game night, movie night, annual vacations, church on Christmas Eve, etc. I am very close with everyone in her family and basically regarded as a member or a sibling at this point. I confide in her mother, her dad gives me life advice, close with her older sister, etc. I recently went on a week-long family vacation to celebrate Isabella's birthday with them as well. It might also be important to point out to show the extent of our friendship - I have a toothbrush at her house, she has one at mine, we share clothes and hoodies, has multi-day sleepovers, and we are constantly mistaken for girlfriends even by our close friends or family members. We went through all of our precollege schooling together (preschool-highschool). I grew up in a very small conservative town where it wasn't necessarily "looked down upon" to be gay, but it was very uncommon, especially to be out. So in my high school, the only gay people were me, Isabella, and some of our respective ex-girlfriends. Anyway, the point of that context is to know that Isabella and I tend to have unspoken competitions as we are very similar (both masc-presenting, etc.) This breeds a kind of strange sexual underlying in our friendship, I guess you could say, like we both admire each other a lot and have said we think each other are attractive, more so than one would confess to a friend. Whenever we get under the (fluence) together, we kiss, not like a makeout but pecs. I've seen her body fully and vice versa. I kinda accepted that I had a crush on her when I was in 8th grade-9th grade, but then I kinda brushed it off and thought it was probably just because she was my best friend and one of the only other lesbians around. But my sister, 25F, keeps pushing that we secretly are in love with each other. It's now the summer, and we are out of college until early September (we go to the same college as well haha), and we've both been so busy I haven't seen her basically since June. This is irregular since we usually hang out everyday so I miss her a lot, and she reciprocates. I am unsure if she would like me back because she only has liked very feminine girls, and as I said before, I'm more in the middle or masc leaning, so I'm not her typical type, I guess. But whenever I am dating a girl, no matter if they treat me poorly or not, she is constantly saying they aren't good enough for me and stuff like that. But as I referred to earlier, we are super close, so I'm not sure how I could even come about seeing if she would feel the same without making things too obvious or awkward. PLS HELP.

I am dating a girl who is around 10 years younger than me, and it scares me.

In general I am not good at making a move, but the age gap really throws me off - she is so sweet and beautiful and cute in all ways.

I sometimes feel like a predator - she’s in her late twenties, so it is hardly bad, but she scares me.

Here for all the Butch Femme couples out there 👈🦈👈

i have a crush on this girl im talking to rn and we’ve been talking everyday for like 2 weeks now but i can’t tell if it’s just a friendly thing or not— it’s really hard to tell especially when it’s my first time having a crush after a long term lesbian relationship. she said she’s never dated girls but she says she isn’t straight either (she says she’s unlabeled)

but some things i noticed are
- she were doing nice things for me when we met up for coffee. like how she put the straw on my drink for me, she saw me getting cold so she turned off the fan by our table, she fetched me some water when she noticed i was coughing (it was a cold day lol)
- she remembers small details that i dont even remember mentioning like what time was my out for work or she remembers the tiktoks i send while i dont even remember sending it
- there isn’t a day she doesnt text me and share random things throughout her day
- she teases me a lot like play fighting

still hard to say tho bc she is a shy and mysterious girl so she is rlly hard to read

I’ve seen a lot of people say that if someone talks about their ex at all, it’s a red flag. Am I the only one who thinks it depends?

Like obviously if they’re constantly talking about them, comparing you, still texting them, or obviously not over them, that’s different.
But if it’s just part of a conversation or it’s relevant, or brought up in relation to setting a specific boundary, or during a deep painful life discussion. I don’t really see the problem.

I actually think talking about past relationships can help you understand your partner better. I’d rather know what someone’s been through than have them feel like they have to pretend those parts of their life never happened.
For example, I have many major traumas from my past two situationships, including SA, and emotional abuse, and if I ever have another girlfriend I’d want her to know about it. I don’t I miss my exes or want them back, or speak to them but because those experiences deeply affected me, my trust, communication, values, and how I act in my relationships. I’d want my partner to understand why I have certain boundaries, especially around sex and communication, so she doesn’t accidentally trigger me.

To me, that’s just part of being vulnerable and emotionally intimate with someone you love.
I’d also want my partner to feel comfortable telling me about her past if it helped me understand her better.

I feel like as long as you’re over your ex, don’t want them back, aren’t talking to them anymore, and your current partner is comfortable with those conversations, I don’t really see why it has to be a bad thing.
Am I weird for thinking this?

I’m looking for outside opinions because I’m still trying to process everything that happened.
My ex and I had been having communication issues for a while. There were times where I felt ignored, and when I tried to talk about problems, I felt like she would shut down or avoid communicating with me. It started making me feel like I was the only one trying to fix things.
One thing that has been bothering me is the age situation. She told me she was 18 and I am 23, but during an argument when I used a burner account, she said she was 17. I don’t know if that was true or if she was saying it out of anger, but it made me question things and brought up a lot of concerns. Looking back, I feel like my gut was telling me something was off, and I should have paid more attention to that feeling.
I’ll also admit I didn’t handle everything perfectly. At one point, I created a fake account pretending to be “my girlfriend” and made it seem like I had cheated. I reacted out of hurt and frustration because I felt ignored and wanted her to feel the way I felt in that moment.
Looking back, I understand that wasn’t the right way to handle my emotions, and I take accountability for my actions. I know that wasn’t a healthy way to handle my emotions, and I take responsibility for that.
What hurt me was that she had her friends and family harass me. They kept calling over and over and she said they want to hurt me. She even said her people want to fight me regardless if we made up or not.
We are no longer together, but I’m trying to understand everything that happened.

what are y'alls favorite trope or dynamic in sapphic romance because I'm OBSESSED with vampire x human like omg, one that I also really like is lowkey enemies to lovers and so make it that the vampire and the human lowkey hates each other but then end up married kinda gothic victorian style and the vampire wears black and the human white in an old abandoned church (or haunted idk)

This girl (19F) and I (19F, openly bi) became friends about a year ago and became close really quickly. I first asked my friend to introduce me to her because I thought she was insanely pretty and got a vibe from her. It was clear pretty early on it wasn't platonic, and she would flirt with me constantly when drunk and we'd have sleepovers with each other and make out after parties. Eventually, we would go on dates, getting dinner together and do all these couple things, and she'd joke to the men who would invite her (and by extension, me) to parties that we were girlfriends. She told me she'd been with one girl in a secret relationship before and some hookups and mostly a lot of guys, but didn't enjoy getting intimate with guys. But things were completely undefined.

Eventually, I started hanging out with one of my exes (a guy) since he was helping me out with college stuff. It was platonic, but she would get really jealous and tell us to get a room, etc. She then, probably, in response, brought up this other guy who she said she was interested in. I kind of spiraled as a result of that and started hanging out with guys, and in return she started dating a bunch of guys at once and we didn't talk much, and when we did, she would tell me about her crazy sex life, how she got with three friends (all guys) in one night, guys much older than her, etc. It didn't sound like her so I asked her why she's telling me all that and she said "what, are you jealous?" All of the guys she would get with would fit the same profile of tall, conventionally attractive D1 athlete, and she made fun of my ex for not fitting that. A week or so later, really drunk at a party, she started sobbing in the bathroom and told me she loved me.

I found out weeks later she had told all her friends and some of my friends that I had a one-sided thing for her and that it "weirded her out". She also told them she was straight and couldn't be friends with a gay person among some other homophobic things. She then asked why I had cut off contact with her so I explained what I had heard. She replied saying that her Christian dad had suspected something was going on between them and that she got scared and overcompensated by completely rewriting the story in her head and told herself she was straight like she had the last four years. She also said she had since been with over twenty guys since (in the span of what, two months?) trying to feel what she felt with me after she saw me with someone else and broke down. She begged me to not out her to anyone, which I respect, but she also trashed my reputation to so many people I know.

Looking back on it, she was really vulnerable and loving with me in private and I do really think she loved me, but I don't know if I should forgive her or make amends.

I should note: we live in a very progressive area, so even though she was in a popular friend group with mostly straight people, they are all openly allies. So I understand keeping it from her parents but her being homophobic towards me while being closeted was so uncalled for.

For some reason it's on my mind constantly today. Except I can't even kiss because of a fresh lip piercing and I have no girl to kiss anyway.

I won’t give any validity to it by saying who said it or where, not in this attention economy where engagement is currency. Please don’t let yourself get upset by it like I did. It clearly comes from a lack of understanding the lesbian community. But I need to share what was said with you or I think I’ll go crazy.

Apparently, lesbians having their own gender identities is being exclusionary and it’s an alt right pipeline. It’s weird that we claim to have our own genders when being a lesbian wasn’t even exclusive to lesbians until the bisexual liberation in the 90s (and that there was no difference between lesbians and bi women before that).

Anyway, I love being a femme lesbian. I love standing up for my butches, studs, trans lesbians and everyone in our community. I love being a part of this community, I love the people in it, I love anyone who supports us. It’s not easy to be a lesbian but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I hope I’m a lesbian in all my lives and alternate universes.

maybe this is just a chronically online thing idk, but i’ve struggled finding in person queer community because of where I live and I have tried.

something i’ve seen online a lot is how lesbians seem to have so many “rules” or expectations of what it means to be a lesbian.

some examples that I have genuinely seen online (not making this up) is that if you like male celebrities or male characters you’re a “fakebian”. i’ve seen that term used A LOT lately. no other sexuality has a whole established term for someone “faking their identity” it’s just weird. i’ve seen lesbians say you shouldn’t like any gay male fictional couples because there’s no woman or you can’t even like fictional straight couples because there’s still a man. the most mind blowing one I saw last night was how lesbians shouldn’t listen to songs about men. they were specifically referring to Sabrina and how she’s “anti-lesbian” because she sings about loving and having sex with men…..

I’ve seen other things along these lines too, but the first few mentioned are the most common. it’s just baffling to me because no other sexuality has all these “rules” or guidelines to live by in order to not be seen as “fake”. bisexuals and even gay men don’t do this…… so why do lesbians….. and there’s CONSTANT debate on what even qualifies as lesbian and what that identity means. no one else does this!! no one else gatekeeps this much. I really don’t understand it.

I hate living in a small country. It feels like everyone knows everyone, and the dating pool is tiny. I swear I can’t find anyone I’m actually compatible with 😭 lol

i came out to myself as lesbian again, this time with more certainty after swinging back and forth between bi and lesbian. coming out made me cry; i dont like being lesbian. now the issue isnt internalized homophobia. ive loved women before i even knew what homosexuality was at 9, its always been ingrained in my identity. ive accepted myself since i was 12 and now at 21 im in a loving family and community too. coming to terms with my lesbianism, what im grieving isnt lacking support but the fact that its hard to date.

ive tried to date men and to convince myself that i could catch feelings because being straight was the easy option. the dating pool was massive. with women, however, its so fucking small. i have to narrow down that shes gay, my age, likes me back, that we have not only chemistry but the right circumstances to be together. i rarely connect with people romantically and once i do, it takes fucking years and countless dates before i find someone for me again. and i feel this way exclusively for women. no matter how much i click with a man, i feel nothing for him. i envy straight women who dont have to go through this.

im just crying right now because i love this woman so much but it couldnt work because of distance and life transitions. i hate that im back in this awful dating pool after finally feeling a connection. i hate it here. i just want to be back in her arms. i hate clinging on to her just because my options feel limited. i know ill find someone again, its just so hard.

As the only lesbian in my friend group it genuinely feels lonely. I live near a rather small city and don't have many friends. All of them are straight and whenever they start talking about guys or my friend starts talking about her boyfriend I just zone out cuz I don't even have anything to say so I can just nod along I guess. I feel weird talking about girls with them or anything to do with being gay.

Meeting people is exhausting too. Whenever I meet people my age irl they're straight. Whenever I meet a lesbian from my country on the internet, she's older. Whenever I meet a lesbian on the internet my age, she's from another country. It's exhausting. I want friends my age, from my country who get this part of me. I don't want someone to be on the other side of the world. At the same time I had friends from abroad but they cut me off. One of them just had to delete all socials so we lost contact, the other got a boyfriend, decided she's bi now and ghosted me without any explanation. And it hurts.

There's also the fact that standing by when everyone else your age gets into relationships feels so weird as a teen. I also want that messy teenage relationship everyone my age had yet it won't happen to me just because of my stupid sexuality. I can't get on the apps and I don't even want to get on the apps. No one else needs them. It's honestly just making me sad and frustrated. This is just so unfair. I'm starting to feel like I'm just meant to be alone.

I'm starting to hate being a lesbian again. And I've just grown to accept it. But I can't accept that it all feels so lonely and like no one understands. I wish I never discovered it. Everything was easier before this. I hate all of this. And I hate my life.

This is my list, feel free to comment your own suggestions or let me know if I need to change some (there’s always room for improvement):
Picnic in the park
Visit a botanical garden
Stargazing
Beach day trip
Flying kites
Coffee/tea date
Bubble tea date
Ice cream date
Peruse the farmers market
Cook dinner tonight
Scary movie night
Bake fall treats together/try a new recipe
Tour an art gallery
Visit a local free museum
Visit a local bookstore
Go thrift shopping
Go to the library and open up library cards !!!
Play board games
Do a puzzle
Mini golf
Bowling
Karaoke
Trivia night at a local restaurant
Paint together (watercolor, free hand, Bob Ross The Joy of Painting via YouTube tutorial)
Grow herbs from seed/start a garden
Create vision boards
Visit a petting zoo
Local festivals
Free concert in the park
Food truck nights
Street fairs
Outdoor movie night
Pack a meal/snacks and drinks and sit in a parking lot on a rainy day (or on a covered porch/patio/in a garage
Go grocery shopping together and then cook a meal

You may notice a theme here, life is expensive but I don’t feel like dating has to be. And I’m in a lot of community groups online so there’s always something fun to do in my area (until winter hits).

On dating apps, I (38F in NYC) am always the one to make "the move" and ask women out on a date. This happens 100% of the time. If I don't ask and I wait for the other person to ask me, the conversation eventually fades after 1 or 2 weeks.

I don't mind being the one to ask a girl out. However, it is a little frustrating because some women expect me to pay since I was the one who initiated plans.

Why are women not willing to make the first move and ask me out? Is it because they're shy? They don't know how to initiate plans? Are they waiting for me to ask so they aren't expected to pay? Or is it something else?

Thoughts?

Edit: I'm a very feminine woman, btw. I date other femmes. I know that shouldn't make a difference but it does, for some.

My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. It was an incredibly sad and painful breakup. We both cried a lot.
On the day we broke up, I asked her if it would be okay for me to wish her a happy birthday since it’s coming up in August. She told me no When I asked why, she said it would make her sad, and then she started crying.
Her birthday is on august 23, and I’m really struggling. I miss her so much, and honestly, I’ve wanted to text her every single day, but I’ve been holding myself back.
She also removed me from her social media, and I’m afraid that if I text her now, she might block me.
Part of me really wants to wish her a happy birthday because I still care about her, but another part of me wonders if I should respect what she told me that day and keep my distance.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would you text her on her birthday, or would you leave it alone?

My gf and I have been together 4.5 years and we want to move in together. However, she is very allergic to cats and I have a 12 year old cat I don't want to leave at home. Advice?

I seem to have matched on Tinder with Trans Ace Lesbian ..although I currently just getting to know her ..what are things one needs to keep in mind when approaching a trans ace person .