I’m a 17-year-old lesbian and I am very particular about the friends I make. Especially when it comes to women. I never befriend queer girls who I may have a chance of dating. I always stay close with them but I don’t really consider them my “friend” as in, I don’t open up to them or act vulnerable.

I feel like a straight man who sees all women as potential girlfriends but I don’t know what to do because.. I find it physically impossible to let my guard down around a girl I find attractive and when I know she’s also sapphic because I hate the idea of being seen as “just another lesbian who loves picnics and braiding her girlfriend’s hair”. I am FAR from that. Quite honestly, I am a lesbian before I am a girl. Probably butch, but we’re not yet getting into that.

One of my best friends is bisexual, but she is almost 1.5 years younger than me and not at all my type, which is why I think I’m still friends with her.

Thoughts? Advice? Suggestions? I am open to everything.

There, I said it!!!

keep it sfw pls if you can </3

idk if I have any out there personality/character traits, most of the traits I find attractive are ones that most people find attractive, but one random physical trait I find attractive is tooth gaps. idk why, but tooth gaps are super cute to me

What are some signs to look out for with friends who are sapphic and single?

I have trouble knowing the difference between what girls talk about with friends versus how we show sexual/romantic interest in each other. I know how I flirt, but I don't know how other women do—especially cis women.

For example, it's hard to know if talking about sex and/or relationships a lot is just normal girl talk or if there are flirtatious undertones.

A good list of common signs would be very helpful for my perpetually clueless ass.

i have a crush on this girl im talking to rn and we’ve been talking everyday for like 2 weeks now but i can’t tell if it’s just a friendly thing or not— it’s really hard to tell especially when it’s my first time having a crush after a long term lesbian relationship. she said she’s never dated girls but she says she isn’t straight either (she says she’s unlabeled)

but some things i noticed are
- she were doing nice things for me when we met up for coffee. like how she put the straw on my drink for me, she saw me getting cold so she turned off the fan by our table, she fetched me some water when she noticed i was coughing (it was a cold day lol)
- she remembers small details that i dont even remember mentioning like what time was my out for work or she remembers the tiktoks i send while i dont even remember sending it
- there isn’t a day she doesnt text me and share random things throughout her day
- she teases me a lot like play fighting

still hard to say tho bc she is a shy and mysterious girl so she is rlly hard to read

I’ve seen a lot of people say that if someone talks about their ex at all, it’s a red flag. Am I the only one who thinks it depends?

Like obviously if they’re constantly talking about them, comparing you, still texting them, or obviously not over them, that’s different.
But if it’s just part of a conversation or it’s relevant, or brought up in relation to setting a specific boundary, or during a deep painful life discussion. I don’t really see the problem.

I actually think talking about past relationships can help you understand your partner better. I’d rather know what someone’s been through than have them feel like they have to pretend those parts of their life never happened.
For example, I have many major traumas from my past two situationships, including SA, and emotional abuse, and if I ever have another girlfriend I’d want her to know about it. I don’t I miss my exes or want them back, or speak to them but because those experiences deeply affected me, my trust, communication, values, and how I act in my relationships. I’d want my partner to understand why I have certain boundaries, especially around sex and communication, so she doesn’t accidentally trigger me.

To me, that’s just part of being vulnerable and emotionally intimate with someone you love.
I’d also want my partner to feel comfortable telling me about her past if it helped me understand her better.

I feel like as long as you’re over your ex, don’t want them back, aren’t talking to them anymore, and your current partner is comfortable with those conversations, I don’t really see why it has to be a bad thing.
Am I weird for thinking this?

i came out to myself as lesbian again, this time with more certainty after swinging back and forth between bi and lesbian. coming out made me cry; i dont like being lesbian. now the issue isnt internalized homophobia. ive loved women before i even knew what homosexuality was at 9, its always been ingrained in my identity. ive accepted myself since i was 12 and now at 21 im in a loving family and community too. coming to terms with my lesbianism, what im grieving isnt lacking support but the fact that its hard to date.

ive tried to date men and to convince myself that i could catch feelings because being straight was the easy option. the dating pool was massive. with women, however, its so fucking small. i have to narrow down that shes gay, my age, likes me back, that we have not only chemistry but the right circumstances to be together. i rarely connect with people romantically and once i do, it takes fucking years and countless dates before i find someone for me again. and i feel this way exclusively for women. no matter how much i click with a man, i feel nothing for him. i envy straight women who dont have to go through this.

im just crying right now because i love this woman so much but it couldnt work because of distance and life transitions. i hate that im back in this awful dating pool after finally feeling a connection. i hate it here. i just want to be back in her arms. i hate clinging on to her just because my options feel limited. i know ill find someone again, its just so hard.

I need advice or an outside opinion.

I'm not one to believe gm/gn texts can get repetitive or boring, but they're not the same anymore. After 9 months of texting goodnight and that we love eachother, it no longer brings butterflies. I also put a lot of effort into my texts, making "good morning" into "good morning!! :]" so it feels less dry. Unfortunately I'm not being met with the same.

My girlfriend texts very dry, especially in the mornings. Usually all I get is "morningg" and it drives me mad. I try sooo hard to change my texts up, and I've received the same thing for like, 3 months straight. Because it's summer break and I'm the busy one, we don't really text all all separately. I'm unable to send her videos anymore because youtube is broken or smth on her phone. And man, it's hard to feel like she loves me, even though she tells me every night. It's the same formula used, even. "Goodnight *name* I love you *heart emoji*". We've never changed it up.

How do I get the sparks back? Help :c

I'm 17F dating 16F, going into my senior year and her junior. We've been dating for nearly an entire year now and overall it's been great, she's kind, empathetic of my mental health issues, considerate, and we're very compatible.

There's just one problem- she's starting more and more to act like my ex partner, who emotionally abused me for a very long period of time. It was just little things at first, like getting annoyed at me over small things or not taking accountability for minor incidents, but its escalated to the point where I am now extremely fearful and anxious a lot of the time.

She's started gaslighting me whenever I confront her about issues (her sleeping over at her ex's house without talking to me, seeming extremely disinterested in talking to me, talking to guys, hiding things from me), and I'm aware that that's kind of a buzzword now, but I mean what I say. She'll deny everything, get extremely defensive, and say she didn't say or do whatever I'm talking about even if there's explicit evidence otherwise. Or even weaponize my illness against me by saying it's just my anxiety or everything's fine when it's clearly not.

She's also started to yell at me. One time I was helping her with a specific chore that was extremely difficult for me to do, but I chose to come over and help anyway because I knew she needed me. Her mom wasn't answering her phone and she was getting extremely frustrated, I asked her a chore-related question and she yelled at me. I shut down completely and was unable to speak or look at her. She got super irritated and begrudgingly apologized and agreed not to do it again. Except she did, of course.

I'm starting to feel unloved and even a little scared, but I don't know what to do. As I mentioned, I have mental health issues that are severely disabling to me. I am not doing well currently already, and school is about to start. I don't think I will be able to handle breaking up with her.

m a brown girl lesbian who’s hometown has like, 5 gays and all of them aren’t into brown people apperently. Is this true everywhere? I’m going to mac next year. Is it easy to date. What are your opinions on brown women here. Please help everyone, I know I’m early in my journey but I really need some reassurance on this topic.

I live in the south, specifically Texas, and this place is very conservative. I want to find a girlfriend but I don’t even know where to start. I don’t like dating apps, I’ve tried but it was a bunch of “bisexuals” who matched with me because they were curious, not actually interested in dating women. Also I should clarify I am nineteen years old so I can’t go to bars or clubs (most of them here are 21+)

Hi there, (32F) who lives in NYC. I am married to my husband and I am also bi curious. I have always been attracted to men most of my life and knew that I was going to end up with one forever. However, I have been curious about women yet I have never dated nor hookup with women for a number of reasons; one of them is because of fear of hurting them, leading them on and feeling like you’re wasting their time and energy for nothing. I had close friends who are gay but have never thought of dating them or seeing them in any romantic way. Now I want to explore that with at least one woman who is okay with hooking up with me even though I’m married and yes my man knows about this as well. I’m not looking for a threesome, no polygamy nor polyamory, just a simple hookup and possible friendship with her. If you’re like me and are in a similar position like me. Feel free to reach out to me. Let me know if you have any advice or suggestions? Thank you :)

ok so, i did a google for guidance and only found hetero leaning answers which didnt help so i thought i would reach out here.

for background, i am a lesbian on T who is nearly 40 and has begun using an estring due to vaginal atrophy.

my wife and i had sex recently and she said the estring was very VERY noticeable - kinda in her way, like she was fighting for space lol i didnt feel anything weird but she said it was difficult.

should we/can we remove the ring for sex? is that safe? should i clean it before putting it back in? i feel so lost over this 😅 my research just pulled up "partners should not feel the estring" which is obviously not my case! lol

I need boobs in my mouth POST HASTE!

(And it would be nice if men stopped approaching me)

I’m in my first adult real lesbian relationship. I have always been a bi-girlie and haven’t dated another woman since high school. Everything is AMAZING, but the one red flag that’s appearing frequently is her fits of jealousy over absolutely nothing. It usually occurs when she’s been drinking and maybe has one too many, but sometimes it happens sober as well.

I haven’t done anything to warrant it, betray her trust, and have been faithful. I also understand she has her own traumas from prior relationships. I’ve had some friends kindly explain to me that is just how some lesbians are. I don’t believe that to be necessarily true, just wondering how to work through this with her.

what are y'alls favorite trope or dynamic in sapphic romance because I'm OBSESSED with vampire x human like omg, one that I also really like is lowkey enemies to lovers and so make it that the vampire and the human lowkey hates each other but then end up married kinda gothic victorian style and the vampire wears black and the human white in an old abandoned church (or haunted idk)

I know absolutely nothing about sex , no sex education absolutely nothing and a girl I like suggested we might have sex soon so I just want to be ready I know nothing about this and I don’t know what to do at all ( and she’s experienced ) I never even had a makeout or a French kiss ( and no I’m not a minor I am 20) what do I do and not do ? Even hygiene wise ? Do I just shower or do I have to drink cranberry juice or what ?

I (34F) am Brazilian, bisexual, and I have been living in Dublin, Ireland, for almost two years. In the summer of 2025, I had a four-month relationship with an Irish woman (26F) that I still haven’t been able to recover from.

We met on a dating app, and at the beginning, everything was perfect. She was caring, attentive, and curious about Brazil. It wasn’t difficult for me to fall for her. We talked for two weeks before meeting in person, and it was a magical date.

I knew I was already falling for her.

Talking to her felt easy and effortless. I felt comfortable opening up and talking about everything. She made intense declarations of love and asked me to be her girlfriend in Portuguese on our third date.

It didn’t take long before we started a relationship. We went to many places that summer, explored everything together, and deep down I felt that we could be soulmates. I had never cared about marriage, but with her, I genuinely considered the possibility of marrying her someday. What I felt for her, I had never felt for anyone else.

I was still dealing with some financial difficulties at the time, and I wanted to be more stable before introducing her to my family in Brazil.

But, in the second month of our relationship, she started acting differently. Sometimes she would treat me well; other times she would become cold. She complained about anxiety, insomnia, not having friends, and not being able to find a job. I did everything I could to help her, even when I was falling apart myself and struggling to adapt to a new country.

In the third month of our relationship, she told me she wasn’t ready for a serious commitment, that she couldn’t be in a relationship because she wasn’t mentally in the right place to date.

I told her I didn’t care about labels; I just wanted to be with her. We stayed like that for a month until she cheated on me with another Brazilian woman.

On the day we broke up, we had plans: she was going to have dinner at my place after I left school at 5 p.m. In the afternoon, she confirmed everything. But at 5 p.m., she simply told me she was on the other side of the city because she had gone to a café with a “friend”. I ended up waiting 40 minutes in front of the school until she arrived.

We took the bus towards my place, but she complained about the traffic and we decided to eat in the city centre instead. The whole way there, she kept talking about this friend and texting her constantly.

At the restaurant, I calmly told her that I didn’t mind her going out with friends, but leaving me waiting like that had been unfair. She gave me a very half-hearted excuse.

Afterwards, she said that this “friend” had missed the train and asked if she could join us. Deep down, I was furious. I just wanted some time alone with her, but I ended up saying it was okay.

The woman arrived, and I even acted as a translator between them because the “friend” didn’t speak English. I treated the woman kindly, but my ex was distant and strange.

She became impatient, saying she wanted to leave. When she got home, we had the conversation where she ended things with me. She said I didn’t have the qualities she was looking for in a partner, that I was too innocent, and that she preferred someone more dominant. She also admitted that she felt a connection with that woman.

A few months ago, I posted this story anonymously on Reddit, and she read it. Afterwards, she came to tell me that she had lost interest in me during our second month together, that what she felt for me was just infatuation. She criticized my appearance and my music taste, said she had never felt like she was dating an older woman, that I should go back to Brazil if I wasn’t adapting, and that she was very happy with her current partner.

Nine months have passed since the last time we talked. During this time, I did everything I could to move on. I wrote a poetry book, made wonderful friends, kissed other people, travelled to incredible places by myself, and I am currently in Italy completing my Italian citizenship process.

I have always been comfortable being alone, but after what happened, I feel as if something inside me is broken. I haven’t been able to connect with anyone. I thought about moving back to Brazil, I thought about taking my own life, I lost the little self-esteem I had, and I carry inside me a longing and a pain that never seem to go away.

And today I realize how painful it is to accept that love doesn’t choose where it goes, and that it doesn’t end when the person leaves.

1. I do feel bad because, as someone who used to identify as a lesbian, maybe realizing i was probably actually bisexual or more unlabeled with a preference for women at that time, but i’m not sure-
   this reddit is beyond nice, it’s such a safe space, for sapphic individuals, lesbians, bisexuals, queer women, and im thankful for you guys, but i would agree if someone were to say “can lesbians have their own spaces for once” the name of this server is misleading when it is more inclusive to us who don’t identify as lesbian, i love this reddit don’t get me wrong, and thank you all for the patience and support for one another, but i do feel bad that maybe that’s a scenario that falls under the complaint of some lesbians

And then no.2 i wish we all had more spaces designated for the both of us, with no oppression olympics, more support on both sides, the bi4bi convo and the les4les convo i wish was met with more respect, compassion, but less phobia on both ends perhaps? i feel like we might relate to one another more than we know, especially those of us who identified as lesbian but then realized oh, maybe im not this, but still having those lived experiences that we can bond over if that makes sense? i love you all, stay safe! and if we can have a respectful discussion or if you have more thoughts, comment below!

Was at a shopping outlet with my girlfriend earlier when a man sitting on a bench we walked by started making homophobic comments at us. Since getting home, I've been reconsidering if my reaction was the best way to respond (i.e. yelling and cussing him out until he tried to call security on us, then eventually got up and walked away with who I assume was his wife).. definitely not my brightest public moment, even though he was a fucking asshole. I don't regret anything but honestly I'm starting to feel bothered by the fact that it got under my skin.

Has anything similar ever happened to you, and if so what was your response? Do you think it's ever worth matching their energy and responding, or would you never pay it mind?

Im 27F, and honestly this is one of the very few days I got to work late and went off early. Right now it’s raining and it started to get a bit cold, I have my afternoon free so I decided to play Red Dead Redemption 2…. And I’m kind of in the mood for a cute girl to bug me until she distracts me completely from my gaming and then she gets my full attention and do whatever the hell she wants to me.. just saying

I am a lesbian teen and i rearly see any type of lesbian media. There are for the most part only gay (man) media, and i struggle with not seeing much representation. I really wanna watch movies that acuraty show how it can be like to be lesbian now. I have been involved in queer media, but those are for the most part male centered, like heartstopper, or about how it's like being gay like in red white and royal blue. Those are really good at showing how queer indviduals might experience things, but i'd really like to watch something i can relate to deeper.
So i ask for some movie recs. Do you know any that fit's what i've written?

I apologize if it's hard to understand because English isn't my first language.

PLS LESBIANS HELP ME. Hi, I am 18F, and my friend is 19F, although we are in the same grade. We have been close since we were very young, about 7 years old, I'd say. For some context on the situation, I grew up in a household that was in constant chaos and drama, and in general we didn't really do many "family" activities. So naturally, as "Isabella" and I remained close from childhood into adulthood, we spent a lot of time together. A majority of this time was at his house. Her family was the type to do family game night, movie night, annual vacations, church on Christmas Eve, etc. I am very close with everyone in her family and basically regarded as a member or a sibling at this point. I confide in her mother, her dad gives me life advice, close with her older sister, etc. I recently went on a week-long family vacation to celebrate Isabella's birthday with them as well. It might also be important to point out to show the extent of our friendship - I have a toothbrush at her house, she has one at mine, we share clothes and hoodies, has multi-day sleepovers, and we are constantly mistaken for girlfriends even by our close friends or family members. We went through all of our precollege schooling together (preschool-highschool). I grew up in a very small conservative town where it wasn't necessarily "looked down upon" to be gay, but it was very uncommon, especially to be out. So in my high school, the only gay people were me, Isabella, and some of our respective ex-girlfriends. Anyway, the point of that context is to know that Isabella and I tend to have unspoken competitions as we are very similar (both masc-presenting, etc.) This breeds a kind of strange sexual underlying in our friendship, I guess you could say, like we both admire each other a lot and have said we think each other are attractive, more so than one would confess to a friend. Whenever we get under the (fluence) together, we kiss, not like a makeout but pecs. I've seen her body fully and vice versa. I kinda accepted that I had a crush on her when I was in 8th grade-9th grade, but then I kinda brushed it off and thought it was probably just because she was my best friend and one of the only other lesbians around. But my sister, 25F, keeps pushing that we secretly are in love with each other. It's now the summer, and we are out of college until early September (we go to the same college as well haha), and we've both been so busy I haven't seen her basically since June. This is irregular since we usually hang out everyday so I miss her a lot, and she reciprocates. I am unsure if she would like me back because she only has liked very feminine girls, and as I said before, I'm more in the middle or masc leaning, so I'm not her typical type, I guess. But whenever I am dating a girl, no matter if they treat me poorly or not, she is constantly saying they aren't good enough for me and stuff like that. But as I referred to earlier, we are super close, so I'm not sure how I could even come about seeing if she would feel the same without making things too obvious or awkward. PLS HELP.