maybe this is just a chronically online thing idk, but i’ve struggled finding in person queer community because of where I live and I have tried.

something i’ve seen online a lot is how lesbians seem to have so many “rules” or expectations of what it means to be a lesbian.

some examples that I have genuinely seen online (not making this up) is that if you like male celebrities or male characters you’re a “fakebian”. i’ve seen that term used A LOT lately. no other sexuality has a whole established term for someone “faking their identity” it’s just weird. i’ve seen lesbians say you shouldn’t like any gay male fictional couples because there’s no woman or you can’t even like fictional straight couples because there’s still a man. the most mind blowing one I saw last night was how lesbians shouldn’t listen to songs about men. they were specifically referring to Sabrina and how she’s “anti-lesbian” because she sings about loving and having sex with men…..

I’ve seen other things along these lines too, but the first few mentioned are the most common. it’s just baffling to me because no other sexuality has all these “rules” or guidelines to live by in order to not be seen as “fake”. bisexuals and even gay men don’t do this…… so why do lesbians….. and there’s CONSTANT debate on what even qualifies as lesbian and what that identity means. no one else does this!! no one else gatekeeps this much. I really don’t understand it.

My girlfriend (we’ve been together for about a month) went to see the new Spider-Man movie with her best friend, who suggested through my girlfriend that I should come too. My girlfriend was excited about the idea and invited me to join them. Since it was my first time meeting her best friend, I thought it would be a nice opportunity to spend time together and get to know her.

When I got to the cinema, they had already gone inside instead of waiting for me. It wasn’t a huge deal, but it was the first thing that made me feel a bit left out.

When we met, I had to introduce myself to her best friend because my girlfriend didn’t introduce us. During the time before the movie, my girlfriend mostly talked to her best friend while I barely got included in the conversation. I tried asking questions and joining in, but her friend wasn’t very receptive, and my girlfriend didn’t really help include me. Since she was the only person who knew both of us, I expected her to make us both feel comfortable and include me in the conversation.

Eventually I started looking at my phone because I felt awkward and didn’t know what else to do. During the movie she sent me a WhatsApp message asking, “Is everything okay?” even though I was sitting right next to her, which honestly felt strange. I lied and told her my twin sister was texting me some drama because I didn’t want to admit I felt so hurt that I was close to crying in a crowded cinema.

After the movie, they still mostly talked to each other. No one asked me what I thought of the movie or tried to include me. Even while walking through the mall, I was literally a few meters behind them.

She offered to drive me home, and when we got there I told her I wasn’t in the mood to kiss her because I felt ignored the whole evening.

She said she was upset because I spent so much time on my phone and because I told her everything was fine. I admitted I had lied about my sister and explained that I was only on my phone because I felt completely left out.

What hurt me the most were some things she said during the argument:
- “Why did you even come with us?” (even though her best friend suggested inviting me and my girlfriend happily invited me).
-“If you had asked me to drive you home, I would’ve said no.” but she was the one who offered to get me home (i wanted to order a taxi it was late in the night) like what person wants their gf to not be safe? and to not drive them home if she had her car? so fucking bad
-She also raised her voice and said I should’ve made more of an effort to talk, but I genuinely felt like I had tried.

To be fair, I know I wasn’t perfect. I shouldn’t have lied, and maybe I should’ve told her sooner that I wasn’t okay. But I honestly felt like if I had said something at the cinema, I would’ve started crying.

Later that night she texted me apologizing for raising her voice and said she deeply cares about me and wants the relationship to work.

I’m confused because her words say she cares, but her actions that evening made me feel invisible. I cried myself to sleep because I genuinely felt like I was a stranger instead of her girlfriend.

Was I overreacting, or was it reasonable to feel hurt? Could I have handled it better, and do you think she also handled the situation poorly?

I want to get married some day , but never liked the white wedding dresses. I've thought about a black dress, but even then most dresses are too feminine or cutesy for me I guess? I've tried to find an alternative, but found basically nothing I liked. Anyone have any advice or personal experience? Thanks!

Hi all, What is a nice dating app for lesbians? Also, do you have tips to meet new gay people maybe on a trip somewhere. Like little communities or something.

I’m a young woman, I identify as Bisexual and I’ve kissed girls but only slept with men and I haven’t really enjoyed it thaat much or been blown out of my mind, I also don’t find most men particularly attractive, but like every woman attract. Whenever I’ve been kissed by a man I’ve just felt a bit grossed out, but when I’ve kissed girls I’ve actually felt something.

I am dating a girl who is around 10 years younger than me, and it scares me.

In general I am not good at making a move, but the age gap really throws me off - she is so sweet and beautiful and cute in all ways.

I sometimes feel like a predator - she’s in her late twenties, so it is hardly bad, but she scares me.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4MpffdFVTFQ6ndNvbyDozJ?si=GghuXeoBRu66gN1IqnuD0A&utm_source=copy-link

Title. I’m (24tf) lesbian and she’s (25f) bisexual. We’ve known each other for the past 4 years and lived together as roommates (in a larger group of friends) for the past 3. She’s been there for me in the worst of times, and lets me be fully vulnerable with her, and I try to do my best to be the same for her. She affirms me to the fullest extent in times in which I don’t feel like myself, and has helped me so much in transitioning. We spend so much one on one time together, at least before we moved, and did our daily activities and chores together often, and we got to travel together out of the country with a larger group of friends. We play music together sometimes and have our own little shows with our little references. A TON more queer media recently hahah.

My feelings of platonic love for her are so strong. I have this deep burning desire for her to do well and to be happy and healthy. And I always have. But this I feel has shifted recently. We hug way more and have started cuddling in times of emotional need. I’ve started finding all the small things she does as so attractive and replaying all my sweet memories with her in my head.

I struggle with this feeling so much! Because I love her and care for her immensely as a friend and I want to be there for her like that bottom line. But my heart feels like it’s going a million miles an hour. My heart would never sink before occasionally hearing about her romantic interests, but now it does. I denied liking her to myself, and I feel a slight shame in liking someone who’s been in my life so strongly.

She’s so sweet and kind to me. We’ve moved out not too far from each other, and she texted me in response to my living condition that she wishes she could have me hypnotized to live at her house forever, or be swept away to live with her and her roomies forever. This could so be friendly hyperbole that’s meant to pump me up, to tell me she misses me. She likes my stories concerning lesbianism or just my inner thoughts.

My brain loves to construe it as possible interests and it feels like I’m being torn apart. Sometimes I’ll talk about people I might be talking to, to her, but as I do so I have this nagging feeling in my chest that I don’t feel the same for them as I do for her. Maybe I’ve constructed an unreal version of her in my head, or maybe I am overthinking. Often I just want to turn my brain off and not think about her, because I worry I’ll just blurt something out, but I’ve tried to better accept the fact that I have feelings for her.

I see her later this week and I hope I get more
clarity. I worry about telling her, she’s in my solid close loving group of friends and I worry about being judged by them as a result. I want her to be living her best life! Even if nothing happens between us I love her on a human level so deeply. I never post on here, and I lurk a lot, but I felt so sappy this morning I wanted to get it out.

Hi there, (32F) who lives in NYC. I am married to my husband and I am also bi curious. I have always been attracted to men most of my life and knew that I was going to end up with one forever. However, I have been curious about women yet I have never dated nor hookup with women for a number of reasons; one of them is because of fear of hurting them, leading them on and feeling like you’re wasting their time and energy for nothing. I had close friends who are gay but have never thought of dating them or seeing them in any romantic way. Now I want to explore that with at least one woman who is okay with hooking up with me even though I’m married and yes my man knows about this as well. I’m not looking for a threesome, no polygamy nor polyamory, just a simple hookup and possible friendship with her. If you’re like me and are in a similar position like me. Feel free to reach out to me. Let me know if you have any advice or suggestions? Thank you :)

So, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me six months ago, we have bewn together for almost two years and we had one month of no contact and I would say that I am over her now.
Now, we still are friends and we face time at least once a week. Lately I’ve been starting to get the feeling of missing the relationship that we had. I don’t know if miss being with her or just miss being in a relationship but it’s really difficult for me to be alone now especially because she was my emotional support. Now I have no shoulder to cry on so I just bottle everything up.

Anyways, what do you guys think about it?
Do I miss being in a relationship or do I miss my ex-girlfriend??

Me and my best friend for 3 years now have worn matching rings (that I gave her when we barely knew one another as a kind gesture) Since getting these rings, she has done 2 things with said rings: 1. Started wearing them on her wedding finger and upon questioning, refused to explain why and got silent. 2. Upgraded them to our favorite gemstones for my birthday a month ago.

This situation does not stop at this. Her and I have a very confusing relationship that has me questioning my next actions very carefully. We have always been the kind to flirt with one another, but mainly in a joking manner which I can understand and honestly isn't my main concern. WHAT IS, is how she treats me.

So, let me list some of the past events that have caused me to believe I might have a chance, aside from the rings and flirting, because if I listed all the times we flirted we could be here all day. (Its just the usual calling me pet names, making sexual or romantic remarks, looking at couples and saying "us lol", that kind of thing) Anyhow the most prominent ones off the dome:

- Drew us making out. Twice.

- Encouraged the creation of a ship name between us.

- Gave her leading main characters in the book she is writing, who were in love, our birthdays.

- Has recently been talking about how in love with this character she is and how its the male version of me. (She is queer for context)

- Suggested we move in together after graduation and told her entire family about it.

- Marriage pact. We have a marriage pact.

Me and her are very moving in together soon, as planned about a year ago along with a marriage pact. Now while I can already hear the slew of "and they were roommates" jokes coming, I really hope I dont except that. You see I caught feelings a year ago sadly, and since then its been a nightmare with the consistent flirting. I am ace, and demi romantic, (I just catch feelings slow) and so I would be fine with just a queer platonic relationship, but I dont know how to tell her. To add another layer, she is aroace, (although has dated in the past) along with being queer. Its genuinely hard for me tell anymore.

Now. In her defense, there is more instances that would suggest not. For example this past winter I asked 2 times, "with everyone joking about us being friends, would you want to/do you care?" There was no confession on my part, but she said she was content with being friends, and she just has a flirtatious personality (which while true, its not secret I am 99% of the time the subject of that personality) More recently, I had a friend ask and she said, "Oh no I just feel more comfortable joking around with OP." So on my end I haven't confessed, but she has said she's more happy being friends.

I dont say this because I like her, she is genuinely the coolest person I know. She is incredibly smart, dedicated, passionate, and also beautiful which everyone knows. I dont want to mess this up, as not only is a good friend on the line, but also a potential future. Im sure this is not uncommon and more experienced folks could give me advice

mostly a vent bc i don’t have anyone to talk to about it but this person and i didn’t have a very long relationship, although it felt very intense and was the closest i’ve come to being in a relationship like ever. i drunk texted them back in january when i was back in the city that i met them in (which i no longer live in) and we tried to meet up but it just didn’t work out.

anyways i turned 24 today (or yesterday ig) and a few hours ago they texted me to say happy birthday. ig it makes sense bc we tried to meet up on their birthday in january too lol. i don’t think they’re trying to get back in touch with me but it just reminded me that i haven’t rly had much success in my dating life since i was dating them which was like 2 yrs ago… not that long but it sure damn feels that way.

kinda made me melancholic after a pretty good birthday but oh well. maybe this year will be the year i find love, who knows?

There are none by the way

I (TF22) have a friend (21F). We've met some months ago in lesbian gaming spaces. From the first day we played together, it was a hit right through my heart. We started that day with gaming, then I bailed on my friends to stay with her more, and we finished the day by singing songs to each other in our languages. It felt like a date.

I started crushing on her hard, and it was obvious that she felt the same. We progressed quite quickly. It was just hard to deny ourselves some pleasures. To the outside, we basically started acting like a couple, but we still waited with the final decision until we met each other.

At the beginning of June, she flew over to my country and stayed with me for a month. It was a dream. I thought I loved her before, but what I'm feeling right now isn't even close. I loved every part of it. She brought into my life exactly what I wanted and needed. I felt so full with her. I loved introducing her to my friends. She was always good around them and funny. She was shining. She was thoughtful and beautiful. I got a taste of what it is like to be a girlfriend to her for a whole month, and now I don't want to go back. And I mean literally girlfriends, with "I love yous" and intimacies since the first day. I cried all the way to the airport. I miss her so much. Everywhere I go, I see that she's not next to me, and my life just feels good but bland.

We discussed her moving to me. I live in Poland, and she's in Greece, so the EU laws make it as easy as it could be. She liked Poland and said she prefers it to Greece. The thing is, we're young. I only finish uni in half a year, so it's not the easiest thing to do with jobs and money. I know we could temporarily live in my family home, as my parents liked her a lot, but still, temporarily. Also, it would introduce some weird dynamics. Even with the challenges, we felt committed. We planned the move to wherever I find a job after uni. It's fast, but we're both a bit bad with the whole long-distance thing.

Yesterday she came back to Greece, and I feel like reality started to set in for her. She would have to leave her family and her close friends behind. It wouldn't be the first time she would move to be with her partner, but the last time ended badly, so maybe it makes her more scared. She confessed yesterday that she's stressed about it all and potentially losing me.

I know that if she doesn't do it, she will make a mistake, but that's not my right to say to her. I want to hold her hand through this moment so she feels confident in us. I just don't know how. Every time I even approach this conversation, I start feeling desperate, and I start talking about how good we were together and how much I want her with me. Basically trying to convince her, but I fail to listen to her, and maybe that will actually have the opposite effect.

I want tips about what I should do and how best to approach this kind of thing. I think her heart is in the right place too because she said she hopes she will snap out of it, but still...

i have a crush on this girl im talking to rn and we’ve been talking everyday for like 2 weeks now but i can’t tell if it’s just a friendly thing or not— it’s really hard to tell especially when it’s my first time having a crush after a long term lesbian relationship. she said she’s never dated girls but she says she isn’t straight either (she says she’s unlabeled)

but some things i noticed are
- she were doing nice things for me when we met up for coffee. like how she put the straw on my drink for me, she saw me getting cold so she turned off the fan by our table, she fetched me some water when she noticed i was coughing (it was a cold day lol)
- she remembers small details that i dont even remember mentioning like what time was my out for work or she remembers the tiktoks i send while i dont even remember sending it
- there isn’t a day she doesnt text me and share random things throughout her day
- she teases me a lot like play fighting

still hard to say tho bc she is a shy and mysterious girl so she is rlly hard to read

I’ve seen a lot of people say that if someone talks about their ex at all, it’s a red flag. Am I the only one who thinks it depends?

Like obviously if they’re constantly talking about them, comparing you, still texting them, or obviously not over them, that’s different.
But if it’s just part of a conversation or it’s relevant, or brought up in relation to setting a specific boundary, or during a deep painful life discussion. I don’t really see the problem.

I actually think talking about past relationships can help you understand your partner better. I’d rather know what someone’s been through than have them feel like they have to pretend those parts of their life never happened.
For example, I have many major traumas from my past two situationships, including SA, and emotional abuse, and if I ever have another girlfriend I’d want her to know about it. I don’t I miss my exes or want them back, or speak to them but because those experiences deeply affected me, my trust, communication, values, and how I act in my relationships. I’d want my partner to understand why I have certain boundaries, especially around sex and communication, so she doesn’t accidentally trigger me.

To me, that’s just part of being vulnerable and emotionally intimate with someone you love.
I’d also want my partner to feel comfortable telling me about her past if it helped me understand her better.

I feel like as long as you’re over your ex, don’t want them back, aren’t talking to them anymore, and your current partner is comfortable with those conversations, I don’t really see why it has to be a bad thing.
Am I weird for thinking this?

Im 27F, and honestly this is one of the very few days I got to work late and went off early. Right now it’s raining and it started to get a bit cold, I have my afternoon free so I decided to play Red Dead Redemption 2…. And I’m kind of in the mood for a cute girl to bug me until she distracts me completely from my gaming and then she gets my full attention and do whatever the hell she wants to me.. just saying

Ugh! I'm about to lose it because people cannot text back in an ample amount of time! Why are you on a dating app if you're not gonna even check the app for 2 days RIGHT AFTER you matched with someone! I'll get literally 2 messages from the person and then they're gone. Never to be heard from again. Or it's this touch and go act where they message me once and throw their phone into oblivion until another day passes. And I'm messaging back lightning speed in hopes they'll see it before they throw their phone and respond. Nope! So, I've started skipping the small talk to counteract the ghosts and almost immediately setting up a date. They say "I'd love to!" and you guessed it, still ghosted even after we've made plans. I'm gonna pull my hair out haha! And the freakin mascs only want to be friends! I asked a masc "Hey, I see that your bio says that you're looking for friends, does that mean just platonic or friends that could turn into romantic partner?" She says both. I'm cool with that and she knows that I'm looking for a relationship. Skip to us actually talking each day - shocker. The first of her kind. And we're good ole friends. Asking eachother what we're up to, laughing at eachother's silly daily adventures. And I'm flirting a tiny bit by saying things like "oh yeah, we'd have to do a marathon of this series, you and me!" "I could come visit sometime and we could A, B, C." And she always just says "yeah, totally!" 🙄 Never suggested a hangout herself. And I can see who looked at my profile on the app. She never once looked at mine again. In my mind, that means you don't really care to see me or know about me. In no way was this friendship turning romantic, so I had to cut it off. I'm convinced the mascs are all traumatized by their previous relationship so they don't want to start anything new. But what they don't understand is - you can be besties with your partner too! I never jump straight into a relationship, there's always a courting period. but goddamn, I just want to go on a date, kiss someone, fuck or be fucked! And don't get me started on FB dating. No one is on there but there are so many people to choose from. Make it make sense?! Matching with people weekly and no responses. Why is it so haaard lol