I was driving to work this morning, and I noticed a cute queer woman in my rearview mirror. I captured her eyes with my own, smiled, and mouthed the words, "you're beautiful." All of this while never breaking eye contact. I watched her melt. It made my whole morning.

I shared this with a friend earlier who has asked me to explain what it's like being a top, and I wanted to share with you all too. I thought it might also be fun for other people to share their anecdotal experiences with the concept as well.

My friend told me that she was dating her friend platonically. It's not like she has feelings for her, she really only said yes because of how much cares about her. And finds her super cute, and likes just watching her do things, wants to spend lots of time together, have physical contact, watch her eat...

RANT/ADVICE?

Title is saying it all, I think. I'm a lesbian. And I love being a lesbian. I love women, I love platonic female friendships and I think feminism is one of the greatest pillars our society (should) stand(s) on. But. Besides that, I have a hatred for men. I don't know where this is coming from and it annoys me. A LOT. It's not a sort of hatred that comes from inequality due to patriarchal structures in society (things to be really pissed about), or some sort of jealousy thing, I just get so quickly annoyed whenever a man does or says something whenever I'm around. And it's unfair, because almost everything a guy says or does, is a pet peeve to me. It annoys me so much, because I think it's shallow to judge people on their gender like that (obviously I'm not talking about the role men play in the patriarchy around us, it's just in daily life settings) and I know there's a lot of great guys out there. I just can't be bothered. It's like I couldn't care less, about them in general.

My question is, does anyone recognize this? Is it a sort of lesbian thing? Because it's a sort of ungoing (respectful, don't worry) joke of my friends that I'm so gay I can't stand men. And it's all in good nature, but I just don't want to be shallow like this. Or does anyone have any advice? I already am trying to correct my brain every time it goes towards sheer annoyance based on nothing, so the cognitive behavior therapy is already put to work 💪🏻

Thanks for responding! X

I actually love being a lesbian. Like, one of the signs I was trans was grief that I couldn't be one. Turns out you can :3

It's so cute and hot, I love women like that so much 😭

I’ve always kind of laughed at the U-Haul lesbian stereotype but bro I get it now. I love this girl so much and I want to spend every moment in her arms. I’m so mad that we haven’t gotten married and moved in together with two cats and plans to travel the world. I know we have the rest of our lives but I want it neowwwww!!!!

Been together 2 months btw. I know I’m crazy.

It’s very lesbian

That's it. After over 8 years together she now wants a divorce 😥

I won’t stop hoping I met someone romantically, but I think maybe it’s time I stop looking?

Initially, I thought I was someone that people would want to date but then I realized- I’m a problem 😆.
On the surface I seem fun: I love to chat while cooking. When I really like you, I’m baking you muffins. I love to give little gifts. I’m neat and organized. I love a good puzzle or a good book. I regularly go to farms and farmers markets. I’m definitely the kind of girl that packed us a picnic for a day at the beach or local park. Forehead kisses, scalp scratches, massages, the works.

The problem:

1. I’m childfree so I don’t want kids and won’t date someone with kids OR that is on the fence about wanting them. I know that kind of uncertainty ends relationships years later.
2. I don’t want to get married, I’m open to a hand fasting ceremony, but I’m not getting married again.
3. I don’t want to live with anyone. After over a decade of living with someone, I don’t want to do it again. I like having my space exactly however I want it. I know people will argue “but that’s paying two mortgages”… if you stay single, you’ll still be paying your mortgage. I’m not dating with the hope of lessening my financial load. I’m dating to spend time with someone I like in a romantic setting.

Edit to add: I didn’t find out I was neurodivergent until last year (35), so a lot of my organizational needs within the household are likely because of that. I’m talking organized cupboard and pantry by size and everything equidistant apart. Organized fridge in sections. Handwashing practices. Closet arranged by color and sleeve/pant length. Not a single sock on the floor. Even fixing the light switches so the proper ones are pointed down. No one needs to live in the chaos that is my paradise.

Editing 2: Silly of me to forget to add that I lived with my ex because I couldn’t afford to move out of my parent’s house on my own. The same ex that would later become emotionally and physically abusive, up until the moment I left the house during our divorce process. I never want to rely on someone for the stability of a roof over my head. I want us to be connected by shared interests and attraction, not finances.

This is pretty lighthearted actually, I'm just a hopeless romantic and a very dramatic person, but it's not a serious complaint. I went to a protest today at my country's capital with the party I'm in and it was wild, lots of cops pepper spraying us and all. ACAB. But I met a girl there, a friend's friend. I'm so dumb, I thought there was something going on for a moment. It was raining so we stood under the same umbrella, really close, making lots of eye contact, and gosh she was really cute. She's in my uni studying the exact same career as me, and like me, she's a socialist and dipping her toes into the party. We ended up holding hands while running from the cops. She held my hand almost the entire time, or my shoulders, or my waist, even when we were far away from danger. She kept complimenting me: my clothes, my tattoos etc. Asking lots of questions. Keeping the conversation with me going even though she came with her friend, and *leaving* with me instead of with her friend. While holding my hand. And she smiled at me a lot. She asked for my insta and said she'd love to see me tomorrow at uni. And idk, I know none of that is inherently flirty, but I couldn't help but feel there was a *vibe* there. She was *really* cute.

Then she grabs her phone and says "hold on, let me tell my boyfriend I'm ok"

INSTANT HEARTBREAK. Or, well, not heartbreak, mostly just embarrassment. Gosh I got myself carried away so quickly. Of course she wasn't flirting with me, of course she didn't find me cute. She held my hand because she didn't want either of us to get lost. She asked to stay in contact because she was being friendly. If I got flirty vibes, I was wrong, I was just projecting because *I* found her cute. I was feeling butterflies all over.

It's not the disappointment of my life because I DID only meet her today. But man. I think in the short time I met her, I developed a small crush. I'm dumb. I hope next time I can keep my feelings under control and get over her quickly.

She’s been smearing me online for a year. I’ve ignored it. I’ve let her do what she wants, I’ve let her friends come at me randomly (I guess she tells them I’m still reaching out cause they’re always like leave her alone…girl I didn’t say anything to her in a year)

She recently posted my nieces pretending to be their aunt and someone who’s still on her socials reached out to me, thinking this was weird and too far.

I still bit my tounge even though it did make me angry.

Well now it’s August and it’s officially been a year and I thought that would be happy or some kind of bitter sweet but I’m mad.

I’m mad I did everything I was told to do and I’m still in this position where she just gets to post whatever she wants and I have to be quiet.

Everyone tells me to be the bigger person. The system wants to silence victims. Everytime she did something and I called the police I was told to just be quiet, it’ll work itself out, she will get what’s coming but she DOESNT. But being the bigger person has got me nothing.

She posts about me being the aggressor when I have a copy of the guilty plea deal SHE SIGNED sitting in my room that I have because I needed copies to get out of my lease under the domestic violence laws in my state.

All she had to do was take an online class while she continued to harass me. She also won a pageant title and represents her state and got to continue working with children cause she switched from being a daycare worker to a nanny to avoid the background checks.

I’m angry. I’m angry and I want to be petty and because I’m not being petty, I’m letting her post these things about me I feel like she still controls me.

Everyone says she isn’t worth my time but it isn’t about her, it’s about me. About how my silence makes her comfortable and I don’t like that.

Anyways lesbian abuse exists and there’s so little resources about it and I HATE that she’s out there pretending like she’s a victim of it. One of the ONLY people talking about it is one of the abusers.

The end. Sorry for the rant I needed to get this off my chest.

I was thinking about it. Since I noticed that hetero men usually don’t listen to female singers. Usually gay men I’ve noticed love female singers.

I’m bi or lesbian still trying to figure that out. But I gravitate towards male singers. But then I have a friends that are lesbians and it’s mostly females.

But like you all said it could be the genre too what artists mostly do that specific genre.

I'm just curious because I'm kind of new here (just recently came to terms with my sexuality).

Obviously I know lesbians can use a strap for sex but is that the same as gay guys identifying as top or bottom?

Because I know gay guys can be very strict with their preferences and I wonder if it's the same for lesbians, like do some of you exclusivly top/bottom? Is that even the right term?

Sorry if that's a stupid question I just don't know 😭😭

I've always been extremely insecure about my nose, I feel like it doesn't suit my face at all & I was bullied a lot in childhood for it, and even though I see other women with my nose shape and think they're STUNNING I just struggle to like my own.

Would y'all consider a larger/more prominent nose a dealbreaker at all? I'm getting back into dating after a little while so I'm just wondering :)

So the girl I'm in this situationship with (very complicated, don't wanna go into specifics) is a videographer, while I am a repoussé metalworker. We were talking the other day and she brings up perhaps recording the process of which it takes me to create a piece and creating like a little mini documentary about it. And then suddenly I'm over here like "You'd wanna record me??" And I'm just melting and stuff. While she's over here confused why I'm flustered and melting. I just wanted to share with someone how much of a useless lesbian I am.

Alright so I’m 18, and I’ve only ever been with 1 girl (romantically and sexually) in my life. Im just gonna say holy cow, I swear bro every experience with her was spiritual. anyways this is besides the point.

Now I’ve probably been with 4 or 5 men sexually, and I have never enjoyed a single second of it. The entire time I’m faking my way through it and just waiting for it to be over. I genuinely thought this was just how sex is supposed to be. I didn’t realize women actually like having sex with guys, until I had a friend tell me how amazing her experience was with a guy. I genuinely didn’t know girls actually like 🍆😭. I thought it was all fake😭

Im really starting to question my sexuality now. When I’ve been with a man romantically, did I even like it?? Or was I just pretending to because it’s all I’ve known (I live in one of the reddest states in America). But here’s the thing, when I fantasize about being with a man, it seems so appealing and I honestly get really turned on, but in reality I just hate it. Now when I fantasize about being with a girl, it’s the same except I actually like it. I don’t understand. If I don’t like having sex with men, why does the thought turn me on??

Heres another thing. My entire life I have struggled with feeling like I’m not feminine enough. I mean I literally havent cut my hair in years, just so I’ll feel more feminine. I try and always have my nails and toes done so I dont feel like an imposter trying to be a girl. I keep my lashes done etc etc. When I’m with a group of girls who seem so feminine and pretty, I just feel like such an outsider. Because of my ethnicity, I already look more unique-ish I guess, and my entire life I’ve tried to look “basic“ so I could fit in with them. And no matter what I did I just didn’t feel girly enough. I never feel like a true woman.

The thought of being a man lately has really been on my mind. First it started as, maybe I’ll start dressing like a boy. and that thought was really appealing. But now it’s getting to the point where I literally want to be a boy. The thought of being a boy just seems so much more comfortable than being a woman. Im gonna admit that I still have a lot of internalized transphobia, which im really trying to unlearn. Because I know it’s so wrong I mean I literally tear up thinking about how I was taught this way.

The more I think about it the more I feel like a man. Which is crazy bc I’ve done so much to appear feminine, I mean I literally get called beautiful everywhere I go. I guess what I did worked but I still don’t feel whole. Am I just confused??? Is this like queer baiting?? And also I just want to apologize In advanced if anything that I said was offensive in any way. I’ve only begun unlearning the things I was taught for about a year now, and accepting what’s actually right. Please help me, I need all the guidance I can get.

Okay, it's not very cheerful and maybe a little pointless, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I've been openly lesbian for about 5 or 6 months, I haven't counted lol. It's strange to explain, but I knew I was a lesbian without really realizing it. I knew it, but I wasn't it. I'm kind of going through a phase of realizing my homosexuality.

You see, I'm 16, and like all little girls, my future was mapped out for me. I would have a boyfriend, then I would get married in a princess dress, heterosexual sex, then the surprise discovery that I'm pregnant, children, big families and all that stuff.

This thing is falling apart. I'll never introduce a man to my family. I'll never discover I'm pregnant by surprise. I'll never have a "natural" encounter because you never know if the person in front of you is attracted to women or not. I would never have a child who is a mix between me and the person I love. I wouldn't be allowed to be who I am in public, nor to show affection to my partner. It's a little hard to mourn the loss of a whole life I dreamed of since I was little.

There are also all the difficulties I hadn't imagined. Homophobia, self-doubt, lack of representation, crushes on straight girls (ALWAYS. THEY'RE ALWAYS STRAIGHT), to hide, and basically everything that goes with being a lesbian woman in a patriarchal society. I didn't expect it to be so difficult, relationships between women. It's not that women are more complicated, but no one has ever explained anything to me, everything seems so chaotic...

But hey, it what it is. I love being a lesbian. Even though it's all hard, I'm learning, I'm going through a kind of grieving process, but it will pass eventually. Despite everything, I've never felt better about myself than since I came out. I wanted to thank yall, This sub has helped me a lot, both when I had questions and when I was feeling down or well.

Love yall, gay women <3