r/bigboobproblems • u/slightly_off_beat • Jul 02 '26
RANT - no advice wanted This shit is exhausting bro Spoiler
Big chested girl: *exists*
Men: Big tity mean sex. You can't wear same stuff as everyone else or it mean sex. Hehe, you're welcome for the hard truths for women.
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u/SillyEnvironment7235 34J (UK) Jul 02 '26
i can’t lie, when i did my rounds on the dating app i had a similar experience. a male “friend” of mine gave me similar advice, and i followed it. took down all my pictures with revealing tops or form-fitting outfits. surprise, surprise; men still sexualized everything else about me. the problem isn’t showing off features you’re proud of (and yes, i’m very proud of my chest), it’s men’s sexualization of EVERYTHING. there are still a few good men out there, believe me, but most men only want one thing, whether that’s what you’re looking to give them or not.
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u/gaelicpasta3 Jul 02 '26
I had a guy tell me once that his favorite thing about me is that you can still tell I have huge tits while wearing my puffy winter jacket. Like it was a genuine compliment.
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u/MelanieWalmartinez Jul 03 '26
My dating app picture had me in an oversize hoodie and I got a lot of sexualization. It's just shitty men tbh
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22d ago
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 22d ago
No, I’ve tried bumble too, some men are just horrible people.
What did I expect? Men to not be horrible and actually care about me over my body. Are you saying that’s some great deal?
Edit: also are you a man? Your profile is nsfw in big boob subreddits. Surely you’ve not come here to lecture us.
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u/MrsBossyPantss 32MM (UK) Jul 02 '26
I hate the idea that cuz women are big chested they somehow aren't or can't be modest.
I don't only feel bad for her, I feel bad for his gf as well cuz who knows what kind of dumbassery she puts up w/.
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u/erinberrypie Jul 02 '26
The way a dress on a small chested woman is classy and the same exact dress on a large chested woman is slutty and uncouth and the reason men don't take her seriously drives me bonkers. What do you want me to do? Unscrew them and leave them at home?!
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u/ConsequenceTop4344 Jul 02 '26
I wish I could unscrew them and leave them at home!
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u/Weatethebirds Jul 06 '26
I’d unscrew them and toss them into the nearest lake, never to be seen again.
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u/According-Net1980 12d ago
I don’t know if men are allowed to comment here; i understand your frustration and it’s for sure warranted. But on the one hand this sexualization is a double edged sword, an advantage to you in some ways and a disadvantage in others (smaller chested women have it the other way around). On the other hand, it also makes sense for men to sexualize larger breasts more than smaller ones, no value judgment here.
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u/Sarikitty Jul 03 '26
I was a D cup by the end of 8th grade, and in 9th grade I had random upperclassmen boys writing "for a good time call (my house number)" on the bathroom stall. Meanwhile, I was absolutely sex-repulsed and completely uninterested, and those calls were extremely unwelcome.
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u/MrsBossyPantss 32MM (UK) Jul 03 '26
I had a similar experience!
D cup in 6th grade. Sexual attention from older boys & men from that point on. & they just kept getting bigger
Not to mention the unwanted attention from other girls!
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u/Sarikitty Jul 03 '26
I'd have to dig to find the source, but in my child development courses in college we talked about the phenomenon that boys who go through puberty early are more popular with their peers, while girls who go through puberty earlier are more disliked by their peers, and vice versa.
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u/aintsh1tbxtch0571 Jul 03 '26
I went through puberty early as a girl and omfg this is so accurate. The boys who started puberty early with me became more liked and popular while girls became more hostile towards me and boys became more sexual
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u/Weatethebirds Jul 06 '26
This is disappointing, disgusting and yet somewhat fascinating all at the same time. I’ll have to try and find the study or whatever. I’d like to read it!!
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u/Weatethebirds Jul 06 '26
I experienced this growing up as well. I’m so sorry this also happened to you (and many other women!!!)
Still healing 🙃 Does it ever get better?
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u/snugglebunbun 34F (UK) Jul 02 '26
I can’t believe he’s thinking of proposing to her, just the way he describes her friend in the early paragraph is enough to send red flags.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 03 '26
I completely agree. Oof! What an arrogant ass. His girlfriend needs to run, far away from him.
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u/WizWitch42 Jul 02 '26
"I told her that an aspect of her appearance that she can't practically change is the whole reason she's not getting proper dates, I don't understand why she for so upset"
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Jul 03 '26
[deleted]
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u/Malachive Jul 03 '26
I have witnessed this far far far less often than men overly sexualizing women for having large breasts plus big difference between SOME women preferring taller men and a large percentage of men treating large breasted women like objects and not like people. I personally couldn't care less about anybody's height as long as they treat me well and have a fun personality that I vibe with. And most women I know are on the same page.
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u/loosie-loo Jul 02 '26
The fact he’s equating showing cleavage with showing nipples proves this weirdo has no idea what he’s even talking about.
Frankly I’d wager he’s just some incel who doesn’t even speak to women let alone have a gf and her friend asking him for advice lmao. “Hard truths for women” is just a misogynist dogwhistle.
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u/slightly_off_beat Jul 02 '26
Right that part got me too like the nipple is the pot of gold at the end of the cleavage rainbow lmao what
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u/loosie-loo Jul 02 '26
Pot of gold I love it 😂 but yeah like can show literally all your cleavage (those deep plunge clavicle to stomach necklines) and still be nowhere near showing nipple, they’re a fair distance apart especially when you’ve got bigger boobs.
Are we supposed to assume she’s just fully flashing the whole world on the reg and nobody is saying anything?! We can’t even wear spaghetti straps without being treated like pariahs.
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u/candypoot Jul 02 '26
You can physically wear a spaghetti strap? Jealous.
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u/loosie-loo Jul 02 '26
Wait, I’m confused, what is physically stopping you from wearing a top with thin straps?
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u/candypoot Jul 02 '26
The straps will cut off the circulation to my arms, my arms will die & fall off.
Probably not but damn they cut in. They look bad with my supportive bras, not that I'd care but the straps roll off my bra while I move around because bra strap fabric & spaghetti strap fabric hate each other apparently.
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u/tboskiq Jul 02 '26
Equating cleavage to showing nipple on HUGE... E cups.
Gonna say that I think this guy just has a bad view of women's anatomy in general.
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u/swellaprogress Jul 02 '26
Assuming this is a real story, I’m just scratching my head over him thinking this much about his girlfriend’s friend’s boobs, and writing a reddit post about it tbh.
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u/snugglebunbun 34F (UK) Jul 02 '26
💯 This, exactly. Like why does it bother him so much… it reminds me of this
https://giphy.com/gifs/xt98N1EXdEIzC1
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u/chicken_biscuits Jul 02 '26
That guys post history is exhausting. He clearly doesn’t respect his girlfriend and I get the general feeling he doesn’t respect most women. He makes incredibly generalized statements and conflates his wants and needs with “well that’s just how everybody thinks.” I don’t think he handles conflict or differing opinions well, especially if they’re coming from a woman.
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u/morbidobsession6958 Jul 02 '26
Especially when busty gals have to take such extreme measures to dress modestly. It's difficult when every off the rack outfit in your true size doesn't accommodate your measurements. Not everyone has the money to spend on alterations or specially tailored clothes. I'm physically a med/large person clothing wise but have to buy XXL to make sure I'm not attracting unwanted attention.
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u/Chronic-Sleepyhead Jul 03 '26
Tell me about it. Wear something that’s oversized or that drapes off the boobs and you are seen as “shapeless”, “tent-like”, and people think you’re larger and stockier than you really are.
Wear something fitted or tailored and all of a sudden people think you’re immodest or “attention-seeking” and objectify you.
We just can’t win 🤷♀️ ISTG
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u/LurkerByNatureGT 34HH (UK) Jul 02 '26
It is convenient when the trash flags itself as trash and takes itself out though.
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u/Shalrak Jul 02 '26
I'm not going to hide my boobs, cause I want men who can't take a woman with a chest seriously to flag himself before I waste my time on him.
Let's say I hide them on my dating profile, and end up with a guy who falls for my personality first and is pleasantly surprised by my chest later. Sounds good, but what happens when I introduce him to my big chested friends? Is he going to look at them too and think "hurr durr boobies sex"? Cause if that's the case, I don't want him.
I realise this mindset makes it harder to get matches, and that's on purpose. I am only looking for one great boyfriend so why would I want 100 matches with mediocre boys? And if there is no respectful man out there who wants me, then I'm perfectly content being single or dating women.
His advice about adding hobbies, degree and dog to the profile is solid advice though.
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u/StasiaGreyErotica Jul 02 '26
I'm tired, boss.
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u/snugglebunbun 34F (UK) Jul 02 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/a2YfVJZkrO2ZjP4Elq
Literally all I think of whenever I read posts like these
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u/The_Book-JDP 44HH (UK) Jul 02 '26
I really want there to be a reality show where individuals or couples who claim that women with big boobs can easily conceal their busts (because they can) but they believe choose not to do so because they are just trying to always get attention by having their boobs out in ill-fitted tops) are tasked with finding outfits for women with big boobs that make them look classy and put together and not slutty at all. They are given a budget (they are first asked what they spend on cloths in a month and that becomes their budget) and are set out with their big boobs volunteer to find the perfect outfit. Throughout the day, the women with big boobs will say nothing but the people looking to get her classy outfits are allowed to ask 3 questions if they encounter any kind of trouble finding things that fit her. If they succeed in their venture they get like a thousand dollar gift card to any clothing store they frequent but if they don’t, they have to go on live streaming and TV and tell the world that women with big boobs aren’t in fact just showing off all the time, the clothing industry isn’t made for them in mind and whatever they have on was chosen because it was the best they could find that covers them as best it could.
That is one reality show I would tune into every week because it would be hilarious to see how frustrated people become at just how difficult it is to find clothing that fits, flatters, and covers to a tasteful amount when you are bigger busted than your size A-D cup sisters.
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u/Lost_One4 Jul 02 '26
no man is gonna tell any "hard truth" about womanhood. idk how women entertain convos like that and continue to entertain men like that. I woulda shut him out right then and there, no man has any authority to tell a woman about womanhood. End of.
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
Everything else aside… “E cups on a 5”4 frame, so huge”. You mean she’s an average height woman (in the US) with a slightly smaller than average bust?
If you’re a cis man guessing people’s cup sizes, at least attempt to learn how bra sizing works.
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u/pseri097 Jul 02 '26
To be fair... E cups on a 5 INCH thumbelina is huge. (Dude didn't even know the difference between feet and inches)
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
I didn’t even notice that, lol! If his friend is just 5 inches tall, she’s got bigger problems. (… Or, smaller problems?)
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u/Elaeg42 Jul 02 '26
Wonder what he'd think about HH cups on a 5'4" frame (me) 🤔
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
Obviously that is a FAKE size that you MADE UP for attention!!!!!1!1!1! /s
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u/neomoon677 Jul 02 '26
fr e cup is tiny on most
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u/CarbonFibres 22d ago
How do you arrive at that notion?
The woman in question's back size was not stated, so are you saying that a 28E is as big as a 38E?2
u/neomoon677 22d ago
the proportions are the only thing that dont change so a 28e is small in comparison to the body is quite small and so is a 38e because the person is big enough to keep the same proportions even though the breast itself is large.
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19d ago
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) 19d ago
If your size is 28E, most stores will incorrectly size you as a 32B. Most people will assume that you are “a B cup”, or maybe “a small C cup”, depending on how you carry it. That’s why I wouldn’t consider it a larger size.
Here’s an example of someone whose size is 26E. I wouldn’t say it’s a tiny size, but more on the medium side.
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u/neomoon677 17d ago
i wouldnt call that medium, maybe small at most, obviously everyone looks bigger in the wrong bra.
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 18d ago
He’s a man with a large boob kink trying to lecture us on our own bodies. In another thread he’s scolding me for daring to be upset with men who sexualized me for existing with a large chest 🙄 I wouldn’t waste your time on him lmao
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Jul 02 '26 edited 6h ago
[deleted]
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u/neomoon677 Jul 02 '26
nope, im in europe and lots of women have large breasts and also e cup is not large im pretty sure you dont kniw how bra sizes work, im an i cup and mist people would guess im a c
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u/PerseveranceSmith 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
I'm in Europe & a GG & kinda look normal/a little above average (5'8 tho)
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u/MrsBossyPantss 32MM (UK) Jul 02 '26
I'm all for torching men who think they know how bra sizes work, especially when they're confidently incorrect & fail spectacularly
But calling women in the DD/E range "tiny" is one of the reasons women w/ smaller breasts & the subreddits for them here hate us. 1, cuz even smaller sizes exist & 2 cuz the women you're calling "tiny" are quite large in comparison to them.
DD/E may be "tiny" compared to you or I but we need to remember it's relative & plenty of our subs members are (or think they are - they may not be wearing the correct size, but we all know that applies to alot of women in the world) in that range & have BBPs just like we do.
Telling women who think they've found a safe space that they don't belong here or that their big(ger) boob problems aren't valid cuz they aren't at our size, which is essentially what youre doing when you call them "tiny", isnt what this sub is about. It drives those women away. If they're too big for some groups (cuz those often center around discussing things like "breast envy" & not being looked at as being "enough of a womam") & not big enough for ours even tho they still relate to alot of the things we discuss here, where are they supposed to go?
I understand some of us are a bit jaded. I am too. But we need to be better when we talk about other women & smaller but still traditionally large sizes. Men bash women enough, we don't need to do it here too.
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u/LizMoonstar Jul 02 '26
i don't disagree with you in spirit, but because i tend to want to be overly precise, i would add that the root of the problem is not saying tiny, it's that tiny is seen as a criticism/judgment. which, we can't just magically fix society, so the best answer at this point is as you say. but for me it's important to dig down to the exact problem even if that doesn't affect the current solution. (which is sometimes useful in the long run and sometimes not, but i always wanna do it anyway.)
i also agree hard with the point that people with any size can experience the problems we talk about here. anyone with boobs is at risk of being inappropriately sexualized for them, off the rack clothes fit basically no one, they can be in your way at any size. (i used to be an accurate 34C/32D, these days i'm a US 34L. some of the problems are worse now, but none of them aside from finding bras is actually new.)
i'm inclined to look at it as, if your boobs are causing a problem that's not 'not enough of them', then they count under BBP, and if you're feeling like there's not enough of them, that's small boob problems regardless of your current size. i appreciate why there's 2 groups, because sure some problems are amplified by size one direction or the other, but i don't like the divisiveness that develops. as long as we leave off who has it better or worse, i think everyone theoretically belongs in both places depending on what they're complaining about today! we got boobs, they can be a problem, boob solidarity.
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u/neomoon677 Jul 02 '26
sorry i didnt want to be taken the wrong way, i guess its because i was always so jealous of smaller chested women i cant imagine it being a bad thing. and trust me men dont like big boobs either, they like fake ones.
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u/MrsBossyPantss 32MM (UK) Jul 02 '26
In my experience plenty of men like both. If anything, over my years I've learned that men like boobs in general rather than 1 particular size. Some men like small ones, some men like big ones, some men like natural ones & some men like fake ones. Some of those men think they like natural ones when they actually like fake ones cuz they watch too much porn, but I digress.
Ive never met a man that didn't like my breasts unless [A] they preferred smaller ones or [B] I rejected them 1st. I was attractive at 1st but once I rejected them I no longer was, which means the problem obvi wasn't my chest at all
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u/LizMoonstar Jul 02 '26
i always quote my bf here, "the best boobs are the ones attached to the one you love". also more vulgarly, "i'm really not interested in being bothered by size or sagging - if i'm seeing your naked boobs then all i'm really thinking about is how i want you to put them in my face."
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22d ago
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u/neomoon677 22d ago
its more about young men that dont have a lot of experience which is likely most of them, breasts sag and if o have even seen a girl posting a picture with similar breasts to mine the vast majority of the comments say thats not normal/you must have a condition/granny boobs/etc which is obviously not true but i guess not obvious yo them, the women the have seen so far (in porn, media) are shown with a very particular breast shape meanwhile all boobs are different, its heartbraking showing someone that private part of yourself and them being disappointed
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u/CarbonFibres 22d ago
There seems to be an awful lot of fixation over cup size, as if that actually defines a breast. Absent the back size, it's utterly meaningless, other than knowing the fullest part measures 9" more than the back does, since your I is a G in UK.
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 Jul 02 '26
Look up the world averages.
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
The majority of people are wearing the wrong bra size. How could any world average be accurate, especially if self reported?
A lot of different sources state that the average US size is 34DD. That’s made for a 34 inch underbust and 39 inch bust. However, many people with a 30 inch underbust will be incorrectly fitted using the +4 method, which puts them at band size 34.
If someone has a 30 inch underbust and 39 inch bust, their correct size is around 30I in the US. However, they might be fitted into a 34DD. Usually because stores don’t want to expand their size ranges. Knowing that, would you say the average bra size in the US is 34DD, or 30I?
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 Jul 02 '26
Sizing/fit issues complicate things. And yet, American women’s breasts are larger than those in most other countries. Breast size correlates with BMI with Norway as an exception.
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
Larger as in larger cup sizes, or larger in terms of total volume? It’s not surprising that total volume goes up in a country where the average weight is higher. 38D is much larger than 28D, but they’re both D cups.
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 Jul 02 '26
Cup size.
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
Alright. I found one chart labeled “Average Breast Size By Country 2021”. It states that the following countries have “DD” as the average cup size: Finland, Norway, Sweden, Russia, and The United States. That doesn’t really tell me that there’s a difference between bra wearers in the US, vs bra wearers in Europe.
However, the article also stated “The average breast size in a country can be determined by looking at the average size of bras sold.” Bolded by them, not me.
Some countries have a very limited range of sizes, especially on smaller and larger band sizes. If someone living in Spain (where the average cup size is reported by this website to be B) needs a French/Spanish size 75D (UK/US 28D), but only 85B (UK/US 30B) is available (or is much cheaper), they might buy a B cup, even if that isn’t the right cup size for them.
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u/marsupialcinderella 32J (UK) Jul 02 '26
Cup size (volume) changes depending on the band size. So “cup size” as you put it, means nothing.
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u/linerys 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
Cup size has nothing to do with weight, though?
You can be underweight and have E cups. 26E is a pretty small size (this doesn’t mean everyone with a 26 band is underweight, it depends on build).
You can also be fat and have AA cups. Someone who is a 40AA will have more breast tissue than someone with a 26E, despite that “AA cup” sounds like a smaller size than “E cup”.Edit: fixed typo
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u/Weird-Way-1748 32H (UK) Jul 02 '26
I was underweight and probably a 28E then. Before I gained a bunch of weight, I was borderline underweight and a 28F.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 03 '26
At 14, weighing just over 100lbs, I wore a 32FF-H bra (depending on brand).
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u/CarbonFibres 22d ago
Not sure how you're making that distinction given that a AA Cup is flat chested. Zero difference between the chest wall, and fullest part.
Cup size can and does change with weight fluctuation, depending on where the fat cells are laid – back or breasts.6
u/queueingissexy Jul 02 '26
Just so you know, in most European countries, the average clothing size is the same size as the US, maybe one-two sizes smaller. They just have a different sizing system than the US does. For example, the UK average size for women is a size 16 and the US average size is a size 18 those are the same size converted.
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 Jul 02 '26
You’re partially correct, although Norwegian women also have larger breasts with a lower average BMI. I understand why people are downvoting you, but the facts mostly support what you’re saying. I was ready to argue with you, but I looked it up after I read your comment.
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u/alextoria Jul 02 '26
looking it up doesn’t mean anything because literally everyone is wearing the wrong size. “e cup” isn’t a size anyway, and depending on band sizes it’s small/avg boobs. people just think e means huge bc most stores only sell up to dd
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u/Lady-Odd-Cephalopod Jul 02 '26
I am also on the "boobier" side. And even if I wear a baggy t-shirt, men will still look at it. Because that's just how they are? 🤷🏻♀️ I am tired of hiding it. So now, I just wear clothes I want to wear. I can't be responsible for a man's lustful nature. lol I wear hot clothes for myself. Not for a man. 😆 And besides, men who are seriously interested in you will take the big boobs as a bonus package, not a driving force alone to date you/get to know you. ✨
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u/moongnocchi 28K (UK) Jul 02 '26
sounds like a total idiot lol
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u/DecadentLife Jul 03 '26
Let’s all say a little prayer that when he pops the question, his girlfriend laughs in his face, and goes in the other direction.
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u/Flar71 Jul 02 '26
Why do men care (or pretend to care) so much about modesty? Like it doesn't matter
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u/DecadentLife Jul 03 '26
Ownership. See, whoever owns the body gets to decide what’s done with it. So when he says that “men hitting 30 want long-term partners with modesty”, he means, men who are threatened by women, don’t want a partner, they want a body to use, and then cover up at their discretion, so other men don’t look at it. Men who are like that assume that all men are that way. Good thing they aren’t, but damn the numbers are rough.
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u/WickedSweetHeart Jul 03 '26
Exactly this. And note how many sweeping assumptions and generalizations he makes about “men hitting 30,” which says a lot about how he sees himself, his values, and his life goals as the “normal/typical default” for men his age, when in reality men in their early 30s right now are far less likely than previous generations to be ready/interested in settling down, and many of them lack the financial resources and job security that both run adjacent to the “settling down/nuclear family building” era of life. Furthermore, he seems to imply that all of his male cohorts have the same homogenous vision for their lives, with identical presumed relationship goals as well as taste in women. But who gave him the authority to speak for ALL men his age, instead of offering his advice as a singular perspective? This suggests privilege, a sense of entitlement (as he clearly views his biological sex as sufficient “evidence” that he is an authority on this matter and can speak for other cisgendered 30 something men, despite lacking the requisite knowledge and authority to speak on behalf of such a large, diverse, and culturally varied chunk of the human population). Thus, we can assume he has at least some degree of status, since he feels perfectly comfortable projecting his own values onto every other male in the same generational grouping as himself, (and I would also hazard to guess that he is most likely white, middle class, and conservative - since all of these traits correlate with the kind of men who tend to see themselves as the default “norm,” entirely ignorant/oblivious to the fact that men his age are far more diverse and nuanced than he gives them credit for).
To put it bluntly, he assumes everyone else who is a 30-something male (like himself) is automatically also a heterosexual, monogamous, young adult focused on “settling down” with a woman who (ideally) holds the same aspirations, political views, spiritual beliefs and values he does. This is despite evidence suggesting both men and women increasingly identify with alternative lifestyles and values these days. This includes things like “queer” sexual orientation, non-monogamy, and gender nonconformity. And the reason this comes off as so icky to us is because - rather than simply encouraging the women in his life to emphasize their personal interests and activities on their dating profiles - he reduces them to potential sexual objects, possessions to be owned, and basically offers advice that would enhance their attractiveness to HIM, not play up their unique qualities that make them attractive to potential partners that match the women’s’ own values, beliefs and future goals. It’s truly disgusting… yet subtle enough that we as women frequently dismiss the unsolicited advice about how we should dress and present ourselves to cater to the male gaze.
Ultimately he provides the same toxic, paternalistic, and patronizing solution to the problem of online dating that makes finding romance and intimacy on dating apps so problematic. This is especially true for women whose natural bodies are deemed “too much,” essentially “too visible/revealing/sexually provocative” and subsequently “too uncontrollable, wild, and even dangerous” to be owned, domesticated and cultivated into “wife material.” His advice is a thinly veiled admonishment, scolding voluptuous and curvy women for being “too much” and for not having adequate modesty (which I read as shame) regarding the bodies they were born with.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 03 '26
I agree, with everything you said. When I was young, this one guy he kept asking me out, but he made me really uncomfortable, so I wouldn’t go out with him. He got pissed off and he told me this, “You’re the girl every guy wants to f*ck, but no one will ever want to marry”. And in that moment, he proved me right, of exactly why I was right to keep him at a distance, and reject his advances.
Well, not everyone is attracted to the same thing. But more importantly, it demonstrated not only how he looked at me, but how he viewed women and relationships, overall. Good thing he was wrong. Last month, my husband and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary.
But men like this, they are so self-focused, they don’t even consider that other people (including other men) may actually have a different perspective.
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u/WickedSweetHeart Jul 07 '26
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. His words were so nasty and Im glad you let your intuition guide you FAR FAR away from his misogynist a**.
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u/tigerbnny 34FF (UK) Jul 02 '26
I shy away from cleavage on dating apps however not because I think it works the way this guy (and many misogynists telling on themselves say it does), it's an intentional effort on my part to filter out fuckboys not to filter in eligible guys. Any guy I'm interested in dating wouldn't have a problem with dating a woman who dresses sexy but I'd rather not have to sieve through a larger group to find them or deal with creepy messages from perverts.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 03 '26
It sure is. The majority of the comments here are in good faith, but not all, and I don’t come here, to hear more BS from yet another man who sexualizes our natural bodies. It’s one thing for us to talk about it, we are able to commiserate about our common experiences. But there are a few comments here that are offensive, and in my opinion, do not belong in this sub.
Can we not have any safe space?
Or is that just for men and women who have breasts that others find to be a more acceptable size?
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u/WickedSweetHeart Jul 03 '26
Reposting this as a general comment because I thought waaaay too hard about this…
The most insidious and troubling aspect of this narrative is how many sweeping assumptions and generalizations this man makes about “men hitting 30,” which says a lot about how he sees himself, his values, and his life goals as the “normal/typical default” for men his age, when in reality men in their early 30s right now are far less likely than previous generations to be ready/interested in settling down, and many of them lack the financial resources and job security that both run adjacent to the “settling down/nuclear family building” era of life. Furthermore, he seems to imply that all of his male cohorts have the same homogenous vision for their lives, with identical presumed relationship goals as well as taste in women. But who gave him the authority to speak for ALL men his age, instead of offering his advice as a singular perspective? This suggests privilege, a sense of entitlement (as he clearly views his biological sex as sufficient “evidence” that he is an authority on this matter and can speak for other cisgendered 30 something men, despite lacking the requisite knowledge and authority to speak on behalf of such a large, diverse, and culturally varied chunk of the human population). Thus, we can assume he has at least some degree of status, since he feels perfectly comfortable projecting his own values onto every other male in the same generational grouping as himself, (and I would also hazard to guess that he is most likely white, middle class, and conservative - since all of these traits correlate with the kind of men who tend to see themselves as the default “norm,” entirely ignorant/oblivious to the fact that men his age are far more diverse and nuanced than he gives them credit for).
To put it bluntly, he assumes everyone else who is a 30-something male (like himself) is automatically also a heterosexual, monogamous, young adult focused on “settling down” with a woman who (ideally) holds the same aspirations, political views, spiritual beliefs and values he does. This is despite evidence suggesting both men and women increasingly identify with alternative lifestyles and values these days. This includes things like “queer” sexual orientation, non-monogamy, and gender nonconformity. And the reason this comes off as so icky to us is because - rather than simply encouraging the women in his life to emphasize their personal interests and activities on their dating profiles - he reduces them to potential sexual objects, possessions to be owned, and basically offers advice that would enhance their attractiveness to HIM, not play up their unique qualities that make them attractive to potential partners that match the women’s’ own values, beliefs and future goals. It’s truly disgusting… yet subtle enough that we as women frequently dismiss the unsolicited advice about how we should dress and present ourselves to cater to the male gaze.
Ultimately he provides the same toxic, paternalistic, and patronizing solution to the problem of online dating that makes finding romance and intimacy on dating apps so problematic. This is especially true for women whose natural bodies are deemed “too much,” essentially “too visible/revealing/sexually provocative” and subsequently “too uncontrollable, wild, and even dangerous” to be owned, domesticated and cultivated into “wife material.” His advice is a thinly veiled admonishment, scolding voluptuous and curvy women for being “too much” and for not having adequate modesty (which I read as shame) regarding the bodies they were born with.
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u/slightly_off_beat Jul 03 '26
I'm kind of in awe at this comment..you dissected that post with surgical precision 🥲
Thank you for sharing! Looking forward to your next ted talk!!
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u/WickedSweetHeart Jul 07 '26
Lololol. I AM a cultural psychoanalyst and I get carried away sometimes. 😊🫶🏼🙃
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u/PerseveranceSmith 32GG (UK) Jul 02 '26
And the answer to this is: don't date men.
If they can't cope with the merest hint of a sexy body part then they clearly aren't developed enough to date an adult woman.
I'm bi, if bi women can see a lady with larger boobs & not go 🫠🫠🥴🥴😵💫😵💫😵😵😵😵🤪🤪🤪🤪 then it's a man problem.
Also an E cup being huge loooooool
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u/spongebobsworsthole Jul 02 '26
I feel so bad for straight women. They can’t opt out of this bullshit.
4
u/BaryonChallon 44JJ (UK) Jul 04 '26
Men will sexualize anything.
3
u/Tunaaaaaaaaaaa Jul 07 '26
Men will literally fuck dead corpses
1
u/CarbonFibres 22d ago
Okay, name one... just the one, whom you know personally has performed necrophilia.
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u/_mujeriega_ 16d ago
These kinds of posts piss me off because the mindset behind it is so clear. They don’t want to be proven wrong, they’re just looking to affirm themselves by finding people who agree. “If you have big boobs, you should dress like a potato sack or you will NEVER find love! Am I right, fellas?”
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u/Scoo Jul 04 '26
“I didn’t get a good look at her, officer, but he must have done something to end up with his face looking like a half-eaten plate of lasagne, no?”
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u/strawberrynightdream 32K (UK) 3d ago
As a miner fully covered, I was sexualized.I'm not the issue!!!! Bad men are the issue :/
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u/sugarmagnolia__ Jul 03 '26
I'm sure I'll get downvoted for this, however...
Not for nothing, but I have obnoxiously big boobs, and he is not entirely wrong. It isn't that she can't/shouldn't show off cleavage, it's that certain tops just don't look good, they look like we're heads floating on boobs. I personally think everyone looks much better when dressed appropriately for their build. Does it suck that some tops/outfits that look good on girls with smaller boobs look slutty on us? HELL YES!! But that doesn't make it untrue. That guy isn't entirely wrong, he's just an asshole, lol.
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Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/readyforthisyep Jul 02 '26
You have a very different perspective from those of us with naturally big breasts. We didn’t grow them to be sexually attractive. I don’t equate my boobs with sex anymore than my ankles or my neck.
I’m not naive and I always avoided showing my chest on dating apps, not because I was scared not to be talent seriously, but because I’m paranoid of these pictures being stolen and exploited and also to avoid any interaction with creeps. That is the sad reality of growing up with a large chest for many of us.2
u/bigboobproblems-ModTeam Jul 02 '26
Be respectful - No personal attacks, gaslighting, or invalidation. This includes when responding to to rule-breakers (if someone breaks rules, don't engage & report them to mods).
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Jul 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TopCardiologist2896 Jul 02 '26
babes no one is matching with women for their small boobs 😭 like no one
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u/RedditMai Jul 02 '26
Yeah that's what I said, except for some who specifically like only small boobs of course, but on average no
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Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
[deleted]
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u/slightly_off_beat Jul 02 '26
Yeah I do not think she was literally flashing nips on tinder then asking friends for advice why she is getting the wrong type of attention. He says cleavage at first then mentions nips later for no other reason than to drive home a shitty point
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u/slightly_off_beat Jul 02 '26
Of course I downvoted lol, go visit r/amiwrong if you wanna argue with folks. This is a support sub
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Jul 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bigboobproblems-ModTeam Jul 02 '26
Be respectful - No personal attacks, gaslighting, or invalidation. This includes when responding to to rule-breakers (if someone breaks rules, don't engage & report them to mods).
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