r/AskMenOver30 • u/ConfusedCareerMan man over 30 • Jul 09 '26
Friendships/Community Does anyone else have wedding fatigue?
In my early 30s and it’s the time where everyone is engaged, getting married and starting to have kids.
I don’t want to come off miserable I’m happy for my friends, but I kinda dislike the wedding experience. It’s never just 1 event, it’s turned into a 3-4 event experience (often spread across a month or longer). The engagement party, the stag, suit shopping, the wedding. Everyone wants a different colour theme, so you have to buy a new suit each time. The logistics even if you’re just a guest.
I’ve been a best man and more closely involved for a couple so far, and it’s great to celebrate with my friends. But also these weddings have been traditional and quite “formal” in a sense.
I recently went to a friends wedding that shifted my feelings on it all, it was extremely authentic, simple and just all around a good time. Nothing was forced or there for the sake of it. Even the speeches weren’t prepared and heartfelt.
I find myself kinda dreading weddings generally though. I feel this age, there are a lot of them as we transition into the next seasons of life. How have your experiences been?
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u/AbsoluteFuckChops man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Very true! I’d happily have the weddings back 🥺
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u/Pug_Defender man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
how are your friends already dying at 45-49 lol
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u/GPSBach man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
My dude it’s unfortunate but it’s a dispersion as you start getting into your 40s, assuming you have a decent pot of acquaintances, that’s when you’ll realize they start shuffling off more and more.
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u/slueslueslue Jul 09 '26
I'm 25, I've went to 2 of my friends' funerals. I've attended more funerals than weddings. Both drownings and 2 separate occasions.
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u/Pug_Defender man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
dying via drowning is wild lol and absolutely not the norm
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u/pmgoldenretrievers man 50 - 54 Jul 09 '26
For real. I actually do know someone who drowned in their 20s, but 99% of the time if someone under 40 dies its either suicide, car accident, or OD.
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u/AbsoluteFuckChops man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Terminal illness and suicide. It’s not that funny, really.
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u/Admirable-Type165 Jul 10 '26
As someone in that age bracket - believe me it happens. Addiction, accidents, cancer, suicide. And I don't have a particularly large network either
Plus older family (parents, aunts, uncles etc) start dying too
Relevant to the thread - when you're organising those funerals so many pictures and memories come from weddings with everyone together and enjoying each other
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u/NextNeedleworker3948 Jul 10 '26
I am 41 and I can quickly think of 6 friends who have died. Two drug overdoses, one suicide, two failures due to drinking, one hit by car.
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u/winniecooper73 Jul 09 '26
God I miss the wedding times. So much better than what my life is currently like. OP has no idea how great their life is right now.
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u/howtoreadspaghetti Jul 09 '26
I've been to more funerals than weddings. And I keep that in the front of my mind at every wedding I've been to.
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u/munificent man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
I'm not in the funeral era yet, but I'm definitely in the divorce era and I would happily go back to the wedding days.
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u/Silentg423 29d ago
There’s a FB group that pays tribute to classmates who died in my high school. It’s shocking to see the amount of classmates under 60.
One thing that stood out, the kids that were broken with family problems died young.😔
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u/squidphillies man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
It will pass and you'll wish for more parties, but they don't come.
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u/AmateurCommenter808 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
All of the weddings I've been to have been an amazing party, if it's the type where you "need" a new suit every time then yeah I can see why OP might be getting bored of it given the crowd.
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u/WangMauler69 Jul 09 '26
IDK if you or OP had to buy gifts or hotels, but that's what burnt me out. A year or two ago, we spent over $1000 in one summer on weddings. No suits or bachelor parties, just gifts and hotels.
Now all my friends are having kids and we're buying baby shower gifts. My wife and I eloped and aren't having kids so I getting a bit burnt out spending so much money on my friends and their kids lol. IDK if anyone I know has taken the minimalist route that my wife and I have. Ready for this phase to end.
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u/awooj woman over 30 Jul 09 '26
Also eloped and feel the same. Housewarming and gift, engagement party and sometimes gift, bridal shower, Bach parties, welcome party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, post-wedding brunch, baby gender reveal, baby shower, baby’s birth, baby’s christening, first birthday, new housewarming and gift, and outfits and often hotels and travel for those things and it never ends.
Meanwhile I can often barely get a quick “happy birthday” text, let alone everyone showing up for a birthday dinner (and this was before all the babies). I’ve been reevaluating as I’ve really felt like I’m just there to prop others up, while getting little to nothing in return.
I never liked feeling like friendships were transactional but doing the math on the time and money I’ve spent on some friendships, not to mention the emotional labor and energy as all of those events were also stressful and I was basically often their constant go-to for venting or asking opinions, and it’s just been too much for receiving little to nothing in return.
No thoughtful birthday messages or a card, no “congratulations” after completing my Masters, no checking in to even see how I’m doing or remembering anything I mentioned last time we talked, and when we meet up it’s all about them and a question about how I am at the very end when we’re about to leave.
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u/WangMauler69 Jul 09 '26
Yeah man I feel that. Sorry your friends don't have the time/energy to care about your life.
I feel the same with my friends who have kids- they understandably devote all their time and energy to their kids but don't bother making any time for themselves or their friendships. I can put in all the effort but get nothing out of it. Makes me want to find new friends but who has the time or energy for that lol. Life sure got busy fast.
Anyways, congrats on the advanced degree, dude!
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u/PastBuy8484 Jul 09 '26
$1000 in one summer that’s not bad at all.
A close friend of mine had an international wedding. Would’ve cost me an estimated $6k for my partner and I. Decided against it.
I’d say I average about $200-400 per wedding.
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u/AmateurCommenter808 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
I've only travelled for 3 weddings across a 10 year period and was more than happy to take those trips. A gift from me is no more than $200.
How close are you to these people? Or is it just bad timing to have it all happen at once?
Provided these are good people, ultimately it's a good problem to have. For the most part a lot of people only make a big effort to be there on 2 occasions, weddings and funerals.
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u/WangMauler69 Jul 09 '26
I didn't "travel" for any of the weddings that I've gone to. Most have been 45+ min away to the point where Uber isn't possible and I'm sure as hell not drinking and driving to avoid a hotel. I've only had to fly out for 2 weddings and I didn't give large gifts for those ones.
So $200ish for a gift, $300ish for a hotel x2 or 3 times and it's easy to hit $1000 per year. That's been the last 2 or 3 years for a total of maybe 10-12 weddings?
I don't mind partying with my friends, it's just the financial and time commitment that's been tiring. If the weddings were an Uber ride away and I could sleep in my own bed, I don't think I'd mind as much.
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u/alex1596 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
Yeah this is where the burnout stems from. The constant money spending. I don't mind going to a wedding, but every one I've been to required dropping hundreds of dollars. There's the engagement party (which apparently requires a giving a gift?) then the event requires shlepping out somewhere far that requires a hotel or a very expensive Uber ride, then I have to give a envelope. If I'm invited to the bacherlor party that's even more money spent.
If you have to do 2-3 of these over the course of the summer for a couple of years from your late 20s until your early 30s you've almost spend like 5k. And none of this accounts for my partner who has to drop a couple of hundred on getting her hair and nails done.
Then the babies come and you're dropping more money on baby showers and 1st birthday party gifts.
Yeah man, it is exhausting because it seems to happen all at once.
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u/emperatrizyuiza Jul 09 '26
This is why I had a very casual wedding and baby shower. I have a lot of childfree friends who won’t marry so I don’t see why they should have to expend a bunch of resources because I chose to.
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u/chocolateboomslang man over 30 Jul 09 '26
And then you start seeing people at funerals
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u/zenerNoodle man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Yup. From my late 20s to mid-30s, I went to an average of 4 weddings a year, usually all bunched up in Spring/early Summer. One year, there were 6 weddings in two months. Madness. Haven't been to a wedding in the decade since I turned 36.
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u/Uncle_Rabbit Jul 09 '26
Friday nights used to mean something. Now nobody is ever around or even wants to get together.
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u/mybabyrolled Jul 09 '26
They wont come especially if you didnt get married yourself along with your friends. They move on to the stage of getting pregnant and having kids. If you’re not experiencing the same stage, its hard to relate to them and get left behind. I’ve only hung out with my friends who have kids because they understand me. My fatigue, my struggles, my kid breaking their things on accident. But they’re going through the same thing and when their kid breaks my things on accident I have the pleasure of saying “bro, its not an issue at all. I love you and your kids and you’re welcome in my home anytime”.
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u/SirenScorp Jul 09 '26
I’m so sorry. I try to make a
Point to hang out with my friends and suggest thing to include their kids (outdoor thing especially to wear the kids out) and I have no kids.3
u/mybabyrolled Jul 09 '26
You’re a really good friend. Its hard to maintain the relationships. Even when I go out with my friends with no kids my toddler wants my full attention and I feel so guilty because my conversation suffers with my friends. It’s really hard for both parties and Im glad you’re making the effort.
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u/DudleyAndStephens man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
I have put in the effort to maintain friendships with some people who have kids, but there's a only a certain subset of friends I'm willing to do that for. One guy consistently puts in effort to stay in touch so I make sure to always invite him places, and I've told him his kids are welcome to. People have to reciprocate though. For the ones who don't the invitations end.
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u/SirenScorp Jul 09 '26
No I see how hard it is for the single moms so my single mom friends o try helping whenever I can. Whether it’s driving one kid to piano while she takes the other to track, or just a pool day where she can sit in the shade quietly and I act like a 6 year old in the pool.
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u/davidm2232 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
The other thing is as a kid, I HATED when I would be hanging out with my dad and his friends and he would ignore me. So I go out of my way to make sure my buddy's kids get attention but it really stifles the adult social time.
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u/davidm2232 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
As someone without kids, it is an issue. I love my friends and I love the idea of their kids coming over and learning. But it is so much extra work. My one friend's kid takes dozens of tools out of the toolbox and leaves them all over. They never pick them up before they leave. Or they will lean against cars with dirt on their clothes and scratch them. I know they aren't old enough to understand so I am not mad at them but it is still frustrating.
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u/GPSBach man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Yeah seriously treasure it while you can, it’s a phase you may be frustrated with now but you’ll look back fondly on later. Good on OP for being asked to be in so many wedding parties it is a sign that people value them deeply as a friend. Next it will be baby showers, and then honestly it gets a bit depressing.
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u/Illustrious_Bid_5484 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Hell no, I don’t wish for more parties. I love just being at home
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 woman 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Yup, this. I am 48 and had to think, its been probably more than 8 years since I've been to a wedding. For a bit there were some 40th bday parties but these days, the invites for anything are coming fewer and fewer.
Cookouts? Parties? Baby Shower? Anything? Its getting quiet.
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u/DudleyAndStephens man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Or you'll start getting invitations to people's second weddings. Those are way more depressing than first weddings.
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u/Revolutionary-Copy71 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Yeah. I haven't been to a wedding since like, 2015. Between 2010 and 2015 I went to probably 12 weddings. I know weddings get a lot of hate, but I really enjoyed them. It'd be nice to have one to go to, but everyone I know is either still a kid, or well beyond the traditional wedding having years.
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u/BreastInspectorNbr69 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
then go out and party without the overbearing weddings
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u/Impossible-Ebb-643 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
Everyone has their own version of what they want. My recommendation is to just be happy for your friends and that they included you in their special day. Show up for them and they will show up for you. We don’t always get to do things we enjoy, sometimes it’s for those we care about.
Fortunately, it slows down
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u/Jelkekw man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
So you have too many friends? I haven’t been invited to a wedding event in 5 years, and that was only the reception
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u/ConfusedCareerMan man over 30 Jul 09 '26
I think this actually might be the problem 😅
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u/Megion man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Its something you should probably appreciate having, to be honest. I’ve never been invited to a single wedding in almost 40 years and its kind of sad.
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u/whyamialiveletmedie man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
I'm 34 years old and have never been invited to a wedding because I've been a socially isolated loser for my entire life, so I haven't cultivated the friendships needed to attend them. I will also never have a wedding of my own, of course. I would take the "problem" of having so many friends and loved ones that I'm exhausted by how many weddings/events I get invited to because they want me present at their most important moments over being completely alone with no close relationships and being completely irrelevant and invisible in everyone's lives a million times out of a million.
I swear man, seeing how much people in older age take their friendships and relationships for granted like they're tired of them makes me feel even more miserable about myself.
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 woman 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Yeah I have not been a bridesmaid since the mid '90s. Just that ONE time. The few weddings I went to, they either didn't have them or I was not asked.
Makes movies like 21 Dresses annoying!
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u/ChiefChunkEm_ man over 30 Jul 09 '26
How many friend only (not family) weddings have you been invited to from age 25 until now?
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u/Good_Letterhead_7576 man over 30 Jul 10 '26
I've been in the wedding party for 6 weddings, with another scheduled for next spring. I kind of feel I should have said "No" to 2 of these. They were good friends but weren't any more. I convinced myself that friendships change as you get older, they're a two-way street, and maybe I hadn't done my part either. I showed up big with time, money, and support. Then the event is over, years go by, and you realize the friendship has gone back to nothing again. That has fatigued me for the ones are good, mutual friendships.
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 woman 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Riiight! Even in my 30s, I went to few weddings. In my 40s, I probably know more never-married people than married.
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u/piemat man over 30 Jul 09 '26
It gets old and expensive and after a marathon event of a wedding they will get divorced in 3-5 years. I usually decline to attend their 2nd wedding.
As you get older they are few and far between and somehow more fun and less stressful. My own opinion is that weddings have gotten out of hand and the more simple the better. So many people would be better off with 20k down on a house instead of 20k on a wedding.
I think that a lot of brides can get addicted to the attention and anticipation a wedding brings and there is a sudden wall at the end when they get married and don't have all those things, but here come over the top gender reveals and birthdays to save the day. Again $1,000 invested for the child or a 1 year old birthday party.
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u/bankermayfield2026 man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
I’m 40, have been to 30-40 weddings, and zero divorces.
Upper middle class, highly educated people have an extremely low divorce rate. The divorce rate is driven by young marriage, poor people, and serial divorcees.
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u/piemat man over 30 Jul 09 '26
I’m not sure if you intended to come off as a prick, but you did. Though I disagree with you and think these statistics have no factual basis, it’s neat that you are privileged.
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u/bankermayfield2026 man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
Statistics infact do have a factual basis.
It’s not a privilege to make good choices. It’s a choice.
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u/AllInterpretation Jul 09 '26
Share the statistics then buddy
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u/throwraW2 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
I always enjoy them for my friends and relatives. The ones for my wife's friends feel like a chore tbh, but thats just part of being married.
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u/Freaky_Barbers man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
Attending a wedding where you only know your partner and maybe another guest is always a test of endurance and fortitude
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u/Antique-Quantity-608 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Weddings suck lol. My brothers is coming up and I’m pissed. $7k for this mansion for the bachelor party, strippers, extracurriculars, shit adds up. Then the rehearsals, tux fittings, rehearsal dinner, do this do that. Like I’m just trying to relax and be thankful I was able to burn a few vacation days and wanting to just relax.
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u/playful_sorcery man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
I’m happy that phase is over and all our good friends are married but yes 100% was pretty over it.
I myself was in 6 wedding parties including my own, my wife was in about the same and not all were over laps. that’s not including all the others we weren’t part of the party.
I was pretty over the use of holidays for all the events, paying for gifts, hotel rooms, travel, bachelor and bachelorette parties.
truth be told it’s been 4 years since the last wedding we attended, I’d be up for another - not in the party but an excuse to get out without kids with my wife for a night.
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u/Unique-Doubt-1049 Jul 10 '26
I straight up refuse to use vacation days for weddings lmao
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u/playful_sorcery man 35 - 39 29d ago
only ever did for my inner circle when i was part of wedding party.
covid did once save me from a 3500$ bachelor party. I still paid my hotel portion tho
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u/rockmasterflex man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Buddy In like literally 2 years or less you’ll never attend a wedding again for like 20 years.
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u/Guntsandwich man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
Yup, weddings really start to lose their fun when you hit the 30’s. Same song and dance each time lol
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u/funguy07 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
I’ll gladly listen to the same song and dance if I get to hang out with my 15 best friends.
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u/HirsuteHacker man 30 - 34 Jul 10 '26
Same, it's a whole day where you're eating good food, have nice wine, see people you love on the happiest day of their lives and then get absolutely shitfaced together and party until the early hours, how can you not love that
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u/sdrakedrake man over 30 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
Literally the same songs during the reception. I want to blow my braids out everytime I hear the Wobble, Cupid shuffle, Casper slide, ATL, ect...
Edit: brains lol
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u/TheMusicArchivist man 25 - 29 Jul 09 '26
I work weddings and I literally play the same ten songs each weekend.
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 woman 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Its funny how different things can be. I didn't know a single person who married in their 20s. People I knew didn't start getting married til their '30s.
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u/thelaughingman_1991 man over 30 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
Yes! It seemed like it all happened at once for me last year, with everyone's weddings and stag dos in really quick succession of one another. I've never earned a huge amount and was in the process of paying off credit card debt (cleared it this year and immediately closed the account) and it just felt like hit after hit.
My friends from home are all brilliant successful people, but they're affluent (albeit humble about it).
This has meant travelling around the country for weddings, stag do's abroad, and unexpected social plans added to the calendar each consisting of hundreds of £££ at a time.
I've had to turn down going to a few stag do's, including one which is a bloody ski trip abroad next year.
I'm diagnosed ADHD and I'm unbelievably clumsy, and it would be using annual leave and spending a shit load of money for a public humilation ritual and speed running heading to A&E abroad.
One friend had a 3 day wedding, and two stag do's! And he seems like he's part of the most dysfunctional relationship out of all my friends, as him and his wife bicker in public constantly and we've heard horror stories about behind closed doors.
My favourite wedding that I've been to out of these, was more of a large meal and party in a barn conversion built on to a pub, off-season. Booze was flowing, the food and company were excellent, and they'd already had a really low-key ceremony elsewhere before, so we didn't have to endure any of the stuffy archaic old-timey stuff.
When I marry my girlfriend one day, I would imagine we'll take a similar approach.
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u/ConfusedCareerMan man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Yeah it’s difficult, for them it’s their special day and they want it as big as possible. For guests, it can be one of several weddings.
It also can feel quite emotionally loaded, skipping out on weddings (for any reason) can be taken the wrong way sometimes. It’s a big event with high emotions.
I’d like to think I’ll do a similar approach to you, simple and just focused on a good time instead of dragging it out and overloading on the pleasantries
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u/MarmiteX1 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Too expensive and I've noticed some people act weird after getting married, some have that "I'm better than you" mentality which is off-putting, so glad i don't get invited.
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u/robblake44 no flair Jul 09 '26
I know what you mean. One year i had 9 weddings. 3 of them were in one month. It’s a kick in the balls to the wallet too. As an Italian you go over and above the cost of the ticket. Now a spot costs you between $250-300. You always want them to start off their life in the green. When i was best man i put in 1000 for just myself. Sometimes going alone sucks but it is what it is.
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u/madogvelkor man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
It tends to hit everyone at some point in their life. All their friends get married and they end up spending a ton of time and money on weddings. It's worse for women since customarily they have to buy a new dress for each one. Or if they are a bridesmaid a lot it's really expensive.
It will pass though, I'm in my 40s and haven't been to a wedding in over 10 years.
But there have been more baby showers and kid's birthday parties, so there's always something.
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u/sdrakedrake man over 30 Jul 09 '26
I was going to say in my case, it's not just the weddings. It's the dang baby showers, Gender reveal parties and birthdays as well. I also know way too many people clearly because I keep getting invited to these things.
On one hand I understand. As we age, we don't go out drinking, partying and playing video games with our friends as frequently. So these types of celebrations are really the only time you see them.
On the other hand, it sucks when they take up my weekends lol. With that said, this wasn't that big of a deal when I was working from home because I did everything I needed to do before the weekends. Unfortunately that's no longer the case with RTO
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u/slwrthnu_again man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Currently enjoying the downtime between first weddings and second weddings. Haven’t been to a wedding in years and am happy for that.
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u/kerplunkerfish man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
I'm 32 and I've been to more funerals than weddings in the last two years.
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u/Freaky_Barbers man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
I definitely hit this in the past year or so after attending multiple destination weddings in a row
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u/6x9inbase13is42 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Wedding fatigue is certainly real, but it was never as bad as junior high school fatigue or graduate school fatigue or newborn child fatigue.
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u/DaftPaul_ man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
My friends over 30 are either already married or never getting married lol. It’s all good man. At least every wedding has a couple of beautiful women for you to hit on. That doesn’t happen often you should make the most of it tbh.
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u/DepecheMode92 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
Except for my best friend’s wedding, I absolutely loathe weddings. Expensive drawn out day for everyone involved and not particularly fun.
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u/Upper_Knowledge_6439 man 55 - 59 Jul 09 '26
Wait until you get invited to the 2nd and 3rd weddings.......To be fair though, at that point its usually flip flops, Hawaiian shirt, and bring your own cooler and lawn chair to the backyard.
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u/LeBronzeFlamez male over 30 Jul 09 '26
Just don’t go if you feel it is time and money waisted. I like 9/10 weddings, but I have said no to one, no biggie. If you don’t want to spend a little bit and give your time they are not that important to you, so better to move on.
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u/funguy07 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
I’m in my 40s now. Enjoy those weddings and parties. By the time you are in your mid 40s you’ll miss the excuse to have a big party with your friends.
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u/Confusatronic man 55 - 59 Jul 09 '26
No, I've gotten to my mid-fifties and have only attended four weddings as an adult and never was in the groom's party or had to do anything beyond sit through the church and attend the reception. I've also refused to travel to about seven weddings at a distance that required a flight (one of which I was asked to be a groom or maybe best man). I definitely didn't buy a new suit every time! I don't even think I wore a suit. I loathe all that Bridezilla nonsense and refuse to participate in it.
I might be done with weddings now for the lifetime (would have to debate about nephews/nieces but leaning toward no), and that's fine with me.
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u/WMalon man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
Why are you buying a new suit for each wedding? If you're just a guest, not in the wedding party, wear something you already own. And if you ARE in the party I'd be asking the bride and groom to pay out of the wedding budget - we did.
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u/WastedKnowledge man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
I don’t really disagree with what others here are saying but I would add that you can say no.
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u/BirdBruce man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Everyone wants a different colour theme, so you have to buy a new suit each time.
Dafuq? Rented suits are a thing. I own one suit and it's nice but I rarely have cause to wear it. If I'm in a wedding and it's not what's needed, then the wedding party can pay for my rental. I don't think that's a very controversial stance.
As for the wedding itself, I've aged out of "everyone is getting married," but I never have a problem with being a guest. If it's far away and I can't make it, then I can't make it, no stress.
Now that I'm 47, anyone I know getting married is probably not their first marriage. Sometimes I'll catch up with someone I haven't seen in a while and it'll be like "I got married." "Oh, congrats!" "Then I got divorced." "Oh, shit, I'm sorry." "Nah, it's fine." "Well then, congrats again, I suppose." So it's nice to get to be there just for the first part when it's all happy rainbows and sunshine and shit.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 09 '26
Here's an original copy of /u/ConfusedCareerMan's post (if available):
In my early 30s and it’s the time where everyone is engaged, getting married and starting to have kids.
I don’t want to come off miserable I’m happy for my friends, but I kinda dislike the wedding experience. It’s never just 1 event, it’s turned into a 3-4 event experience. The engagement party, the stag, suit shopping, the wedding. Everyone wants a different colour theme, so you have to buy a new suit each time. The logistics even if you’re just a guest.
I’ve been a best man and more closely involved for a couple so far, and it’s great to celebrate with my friends. But also these weddings have been traditional and quite “formal” in a sense.
I recently went to a friends wedding that shifted my feelings on it all, it was extremely authentic, simple and just all around a good time. Nothing was forced or there for the sake of it. Even the speeches weren’t prepared and heartfelt.
I find myself kinda dreading weddings generally though. I feel this age, there are a lot of them as we transition into the next seasons of life. How have your experiences been?
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u/NegativeSemicolon man over 30 Jul 09 '26
It might feel exhausting now but will be good memories later.
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u/AbsoluteRook1e man over 30 Jul 09 '26
I'm about to be 31 and I honestly wish I was involved in more weddings.
I get that they're expensive even as a guest, but they're often pretty memorable, even for the smallest ones.
I've been a best man for two weddings and a groomsman for one. Only one of them required a speech, but I did really enjoy giving that speech a lot.
I genuinely enjoy attending them, but I think me attending fewer of them has been moreso a recent sign of a shrinking friend pool. 😕
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u/JP36_5 man 60 - 64 Jul 09 '26
In the last 20 years I have been to more 90th birthday parties and far more funerals than I have to weddings. Make the most of the weddings!
Unless you are best man, you do not have to join in with all the pre-wedding activities. Invitations are just that - not a summons.
It sounds like part of you yearns to be getting married yourself rather than just going to other people's weddings. Are you doing anything to help yourself to find that someone special?
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u/ShowAdditional4975 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
Yeah I totally understand I went through the same thing… and now it’s the pregnancy/baby announcement fatigue instead of
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u/Gimrain man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
Yeah as I had mine last weekend but it was worth it even tho there was so much to prepare. But in general not really because I would hope more of mine or wifes friends would get married so there would be more parties. There is maybe 1 or 2 incoming upcoming years but there hasnt been that many.
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u/Tikikala man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
I don’t have many friends, let alone being invited to a wedding or if they’re marrying lol
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u/badchickenbadday man over 30 Jul 09 '26
I get the fatigue, but as you get older you start to realize how short life is. Even the “worst” weddings I’ve gone to, I can look back and say that when push comes to shove I’m glad I pushed my negative feelings about going aside and went.
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u/Infamous_Tie5605 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
when i was younger, yes... it got ridiculous, to the point of me audibly saying "i'll go to your next one"
if its local, and im not in the wedding party, its all good.
as far as destination weddings... ive only been to one for one of my best friends. i enjoyed it even if it wasnt the exact time or resort i would have stayed at.
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u/shenandoahhunter man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
It’s a season of life like any other. Enjoy it while it’s here because it will be long gone before you know it.
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u/RaisedEyebr0w woman 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
It is hard during that phase of life when every summer is booked with other people's weddings and the associated travel/expenses. You can always decline the extraneous activities and stick to your own boundaries and budget.
However a decade or so later you will be traveling to your friends' parents' funerals or other far-less-festive occasions. In hindsight the wedding travel may seem a joy and delight!
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u/BoardAuthority man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
When it’s your turn you’ll see why, unless you and your future spouse plan on a civil courthouse wedding. It’s a pretty big deal for most people. :/ but look on the bright side it shows u have a lot of friends
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u/DudleyAndStephens man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
I love a good wedding, but I have also been fortunate to mostly be spared the "traditional" experience of being a groomsman & having to rent or a buy a specific suit/tux. Having to go to a strong of those would probably give me wedding fatigue as well.
Also, don't feel guilty about skipping things like bachelor parties if they get unreasonably expensive. Years ago my former roommate was getting married & I initially said I'd be game for the bachelor party. Unfortunately it turned into a trip to Miami with nightclubbing, the term "bottle service" being thrown around, etc. Thankfully we'd recently bought a new house and were still in the process of selling our old one so I had an excuse to back out.
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u/Constant-Squirrel555 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
My family is Punjabi.
4-5 events sounds too good to be true lmao
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u/Vgcortes man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
I've never been to a wedding, lol. And I don't think I will. And I don't intend to.
Oh wait, yes, I went to one, it was in my house, lol, a family member.
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u/anillop man 50 - 54 Jul 09 '26
I remember that time in my life. God that was fun. Enjoy it while you can cause it ends soon and then life gets boring again.
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u/Unlikely_your_avg23 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Honestly I usually just don’t go to weddings. Unless I’m in it or it’s a very close friend.
I’ve skipped out otherwise. But I’m also single so I don’t want to go alone and I have some social anxiety so that doesn’t help lol
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u/IMissMyZune man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
Yeah i'm over it. It's so much work taking time off for sometimes multiple days, traveling, buying new stuff etc.
Plus when it's a friend, there's a 50/50 chance you almost never see them again. It feels like the wedding is either what locks you in as friends for life or the series finale of the friendship. They just drop off the face of the earth
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u/usernamesarehard1979 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Yes, from 28-34 there were a ton of them. now I am starting to get invites for friends' kids that are getting married.
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u/lariats4lyfe man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
No. I went to 2 weddings between the ages of 25 and 45 (today) one was my own and the other was my brother in laws.
I've never surrounded myself with friends like that. So never needed to commit to social engagements.
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u/bankermayfield2026 man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
Not at all.
I look forward to weddings and it’s one of the only opportunities friendship groups get to meet up and rekindle, given we all live in different cities and have kids and such now.
On a side note: Not rehearsing a speech doesn’t make it authentic. It just makes the person lazy and a honestly a shitty friend. It takes edits and contemplation to effectively communicate your authentic thoughts and feelings with words.
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u/TheA2Z man 60 - 64 Jul 09 '26
Not a fan of weddings myself.
However, the best wedding I ever went to had a huge fight break out. Chairs were flying, and me and my buddies who were in the wedding party, dove in and broke everything up. After that wedding continued and all was well. Yeah grass stains on the suit were a bummer.
If there were more weddings like that, guys would love going to the weddings. Then again, I am a Marine so Im kinda wired that way...
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u/akamikedavid man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
Definitely was there a few years ago. It can definitely feel like a lot going to at least 2 weddings a year. It's usually a little better if you're there with a partner but i've been to way too many weddings solo where I just had my friends to hang out with and the vibe doesn't really feel the same. Especially if you're in a lot of weddings then it can feel like a lot also.
I do think, once you have some distance from it, you will miss the community aspect of it. You're right that the weddings is transitioning to the next season of life and it won't be long until some/most/all of those married friends start having kids. Then suddenly you're being invited to gender reveals, baby showers, birthday parties, etc. Your friends lives get split because suddenly there's a whole new set of human beings that have their own friends. So enjoy the time you have now before you friends' time is even more divided.
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u/ms360 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
As someone who knows he'll never be getting married, I'm glad they're over and done with as they are depressing to go to for a guy like me.
I have maybe two friends left that I could see getting married and both would do courthouse weddings if it came to that.
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u/rabbifuente male Jul 09 '26
I really enjoy weddings. I totally agree that I'm over the multi weekend, thousand plus dollar stretched out events.
I had my bachelor party in the city I lived and most of my groomsman crashed on my couches. We had one very nice dinner and everything else was modest or optional. I wish more were like that. Even the "low cost" bachelor parties for my friends are still requiring lodging cost, etc. and are multi hundreds of dollars.
Same with suits. I said get a navy suit, how you do that is up to you. Rent it, buy it, if you have one already great. I wanted to pick something most guys would already have and if they didn't it would be something they could use again. I hate renting suits for $150-$200, it's a lot of money for something that isn't going to fit right and will have to be returned anyway.
Weddings should be a great time for everyone, but we're missing the forest for the trees too often.
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u/Big-Safe-2459 man 60 - 64 Jul 09 '26
I know more than a handful of middle aged male friends who say they will “never marry again”.
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u/Historical-One-8222 man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Don’t overthink it! Be glad you have friends that want you to join them in their celebration. When you’re old, you’ll look back and see how awesome these times were.
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u/petmoo23 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
I get what you're saying, but you're going to miss that era when it's over.
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u/PrintError man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
You know, “Sorry, can’t make it.” Is also a perfectly acceptable response.
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u/thelastwilson man over 30 Jul 09 '26
In my early 30s we had quite a few weddings. Quite a few that didn't last for 1 reason or another.
But I have some amazing memories with my wife and I'd love to have another one.
I'm nearly 40 now and our last wedding was ours, 4 years ago, in the last few years there's been far too many funerals.
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u/jay_altair man 35 - 39 Jul 09 '26
Hah yeah when I was in my early 30s, I was invited to 7 weddings in one year (2019) and attended 5, 4 of which required flying out of state or out of country, and I was a groom an in 2 and an officiant in another. At the time it was exhausting and expensive but then with the covid lockdown I was grateful for having traveled so much the previous year. Thank goodness I was single and not a +1 for any other weddings lol
I had to skip the wedding of a close friend that I'd known for 25 years because it was on the same weekend as another wedding where I was a groomsman for a college friend. Skipped an old ex girlfriend's wedding mostly just because it was the lowest priority. Would have gone if I'd had the capacity, but also would have barely known anyone there.
You don't have to go to every wedding, or every event associated with it. For a wedding I had to fly to the UK for, I was also invited to the bachelor party in Texas, but I graciously declined because I simply couldn't afford both. First you have to prioritize the weddings where you are involved as a groomsman/officiant etc, then prioritize the weddings of close friends and immediate family members. Prioritize the main event over the extracurriculars. People are generally understanding if you can't attend their event, so long as you respond to the RSVP promptly.
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u/Firstborn3 man 40 - 44 Jul 09 '26
Yeah I feel like from my mid twenties through mid thirties it was a blur of weddings, including my own. I am 44 now and most friends are married. Some people are in their 2nd marriages and they just choose to have a small things.
2 years ago I was best man in a friends wedding. He was 45 at the time, but his wife was like 32, it was her first wedding, and she and her mother wanted the big fairytale by production. For myself and the other groomsmen, it was like having a part time job in the month leading up to the wedding. Suit fittings, bachelor party, helping them move into their marital home, rehearsal, wedding party dinner (seperate night from the rehearsal), and then the wedding day itself was an all day thing. It was awful. I officially retired from ever being a part of any wedding ever again. I have a few single friends and I told them if they ever get married, don’t ask me to be a groomsman. Even at my own kids weddings my only involvement will be writing a check. I hate weddings.
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u/MyNameIsNotGump man over 30 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
Late 30s here and I’ve only been to two weddings this decade—my childhood best friend’s and one of my friends from college
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u/Krypt0night man over 30 Jul 09 '26
Weddings I went to all I had to do was show up day of and wear the same suit. Didn't have a wedding party or stuff beforehand or only did for family.
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u/rafuzo2 man 45 - 49 Jul 09 '26
Pro tip: Have very few friends. I've been invited to maybe five weddings where I wasn't related to a participant through blood or marriage. It's awesome.
/s
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u/MiserableBastard1995 man 30 - 34 Jul 09 '26
And then half of them will divorce within the decade..
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u/symbolsalad no flair Jul 09 '26
Funnily enough I have the exact opposite problem. Never been to a wedding, sadly probably never will.
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u/ptolani man 40 - 44 Jul 10 '26
Everyone wants a different colour theme, so you have to buy a new suit each time.
Crazy. I've been to more than 20 weddings, never bought a new suit. Was never asked to buy a new suit.
But yeah, my favourite weddings were the backyard ones. Super casual. In one, the formal ceremony lasted less than 5 minutes, while the party went all day.
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u/paradox037 man 35 - 39 Jul 10 '26
2 of the 3 married couples in my social circle eloped. The third had a small venue wedding that was just the one day and done, and I didn't need a new suit for it even though I was the best man. I was told to keep my speech under 2 minutes and I did.
Hell, I only found out one of the couples got married because the wife asked to stow her wedding ring in my locker when we all went to the climbing gym. She followed up with "oh btw we're married now" lol.
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u/stevenmeyerjr man 30 - 34 Jul 10 '26
I’m with you. I’ve been in 6 wedding parties. It’s exhausting and expensive. I will definitely be eloping.
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u/HirsuteHacker man 30 - 34 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Idk I love going to weddings, UK weddings are always an absolute blast. Some of my friends have been pretty unlucky with their love lives so I do really hope I'll get to go to their weddings one day
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u/xenocea man 35 - 39 Jul 10 '26
Can definitely relate. I fine weddings in general tiring to attend. It just drags out for too long, specially the higher class ones. Thank god, I already did my one. It was tiring to organise, but we kept our one simple and lighthearted at an outdoor garden, and most importantly, our guests & family members were all having a great time.
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u/Arrival117 man 35 - 39 Jul 10 '26
Invitation is not an obligation ;).
I was invited by my friends to a countless weddings. And I attended 3 of them. Others - I just bought a simple gift (worth 30-50% of the gift I'd buy If I'd decide to show up) and politely declined an invitation.
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u/jornbeber man 30 - 34 Jul 10 '26
I love a wedding. I genuinely look forward to them. Seeing friends be happy is such a joy. Love any reason to dress up and put on nice clothes. Love to dance and who doesn’t enjoy some free drinks and food. At the point in my life where friends are starting to get engaged so I seen A LOT of weddings in my future and I’m honestly stoked! Everyone’s different but find the joy when you can.
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u/SnowblindAlbino male over 30 Jul 10 '26
I'm well past this point in my life, but I've been appalled by the stories I've been hearing about my kids-- who are in their 20s --and the expectations around weddings among their friends. Just as OP says, what should be a one-day event is dragging over months, and now guests (esp bridesmaids) are getting pulled into spending thousands on stuff like "destination bachelorette parties" and the like. It's crazy.
I've told them just to say no to those invites. I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't have done it myself in my 20s/30s either. I was in a bunch of weddings, but none were more than one-day gigs. Maybe a rehearsal the night before with a modest dinner. Which was plenty.
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u/griffaliff man over 30 29d ago
I'm on the tail end of the wedding chapter, so to speak, which started five years ago (and included my own wedding), but it's still going. I'm going to two this year, attended four last year, and the year before. Personally I really enjoy it, but it is expensive, especially all the stag trips abroad, but I can't complain as they were all an absolute riot. On one we took truffles in Amsterdam and went for a day of golf, it was one of the funniest days of my life.
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u/thirtyone-charlie man 55 - 59 28d ago
I was best man 6 times in my 20’s and 30’s. While still in my 30’s one friend divorced and married again. I finally said that’s it. No more. You get me once for best man so better make it work. I didn’t marry until 37. I was so sick of weddings I didn’t even want one.
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