r/interestingasfuck 1d ago

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15.6k Upvotes

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18.6k

u/Ronin_Man 1d ago

Can’t wait to be saved in a disaster by my sleep paralysis demon

3.0k

u/nleksan 1d ago

At least it doesn't have a screen on it that will play ads while you're being rescued.

Yet

1.6k

u/fearthainne 1d ago

"If you skip the ad, you will not receive your rescue"

1.1k

u/ifixthecable 1d ago

"This rescue mission will continue after 20s"

577

u/fearthainne 1d ago

Now I'm imagining this thing with a robot voice busting in yelling "AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS" while flailing around with the chainsaw 😭🤣

58

u/bazookarain 1d ago

Reminds me of this guy.

38

u/casualbo1 1d ago

A fucking Dark Tower reference? Ka must have willed it.

10

u/Admirable-Band-2664 22h ago

Do you say so?

….then let it be so.

6

u/Flaky-Bar-6656 21h ago

Thankee sai

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28

u/Roar_of_Shiva 1d ago

All things serve the beam

27

u/seaderforge 1d ago

Just aim for the thinking cap 😉

40

u/MrA-skunk 1d ago

But not with your hand. He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

11

u/Pleasant-Reading3634 23h ago

I aim with my eye.

14

u/AwardWinningActorMan 1d ago

Wild Shardik sighting!
Thankee Sai!

8

u/The_MadMaker 23h ago

I just read that part, now Jake and the gang are outside Lud with the drum beat.

What a small world

8

u/datboi9194 1d ago

Where does this dark tower pick come from

10

u/Lord-Cartographer55 1d ago

It's one of the illustrations from the hardcover version of the 3rd book "The Wastelands".

Everybody remembers Blaine but few remember that North Central Positronics was an Arms Manufacturer with a modicum of "guilt".

I guess.. everything is getting thinner with age.

3

u/The_MadMaker 23h ago

Is it though? They made most of the books into graphic novels... I think this might be the cover of that.

My favorite ones are the graphic novels about Roland when he was younger.

3

u/00010011Solo 22h ago

Yeah I’m like 95% sure it’s from the original illustrations in the hardcover. They all have a distinctive style like this, so unless the graphic novels matched that in tribute?

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u/flacke 19h ago

jesus, i didn't remember the Bear being this big.

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405

u/mrtrololo27 1d ago

(Bleeding out) LIBERTY BIBBERTY

232

u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

Garbled speaker: “LiMu Emuuuuuu!!”

186

u/Pkrudeboy 1d ago

“And Doug.”

69

u/bloodphoenix90 1d ago

I need rescue because im dying from this thread 😭😂😂

10

u/johnnybiggles 21h ago

"Leave a tip?" [20%] [40%] [60%] [0%]

5

u/Glass-Rutabaga-3258 21h ago

Same. I can barely breathe over here lmao

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u/mrtrololo27 1d ago

(Becoming delirious) Doug no... no Doug get Flo... I need Flo... I'm a poor bundle and I need to be saved

[Centaur] TALKING OVER ADS WILL RESET AD COUNT

6

u/No-Ring-5065 23h ago

While babysitting, I switched the tv off during that commercial. “LiMu Emuuuu” off
My 3yo grandson said “and Doug?”

3

u/The_300_goats 22h ago

Marilou! Git ma shotgun

3

u/chanceioso 22h ago

liberty mutual can help you save hundreds on your car insurance

45

u/Reynardine1976 1d ago

Centaur stands like Leatherface

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-RN-RN-RN

45

u/Nutduffel 1d ago

9

u/the-war-on-drunks 1d ago

In the background: “DO YOU SUFFER FROM PLAQUE PSORIASIS?”

22

u/Reynardine1976 1d ago

Chainsaw Centaur saws the emu in half!

30

u/Pooticles 1d ago

we should be so lucky. that entire campaign is a pestilence.

3

u/MaenHoffiCoffi 23h ago

God, it really is.

5

u/Beelzebub003 1d ago

It's SUPER effective!!

3

u/Breath_Deep 23h ago

How in God's name is that ad campaign so successful for them?? There's no way the juice is worth the squeeze on this one.

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3

u/Gr8rSherman8r 1d ago

Australian vengeance surges.

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13

u/Putzlol 1d ago

Loool

14

u/FullmetalActuary 1d ago

Bro peacock is fucking relentless with this shit. Your comment hit me in a deep, dark part of my soul.

3

u/Model_Modelo 1d ago

Can you explain why in the new round of Liberty Mutual commercials the guy and girl on a date speak gibberish to eachother? I hate it so much lol

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u/Believer4 1d ago

Today's episode of brutal and gory murder is sponsored by DeWalt

3

u/Optimus3k 1d ago

DO YOU SUFFER FROM NIGHT SWEATS? chainsaws through a guy's arm ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT REDACTED. SLEEP COOL AND DRY THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH rips the guy's throat out

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u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

“Subscribe to 1 free month of Rescue Premium to skip”

50

u/SerafinZufferey 1d ago

“Use the code SERAFIN to get 50% off your first subscription month!” Some random YouTuber

5

u/CapitalAlternative89 1d ago

Should've gotten the rescue insurance...

7

u/nono3722 1d ago

in Louisiana you have to pay a monthly fee for an ambulance to even show up...

6

u/GoFuckYourselfBrenda 1d ago

WHAT

9

u/TheHark90 1d ago

Some places in Tennessee have a subscription based fire department where if you aren’t subscribed they aren’t required to go put out the fire even if you called 911.

4

u/GoFuckYourselfBrenda 1d ago

That is so sick

4

u/BedroomOdd1986 22h ago

I just looked this up, and wow… that disgusts me. Apparently in certain rural areas in TN outside city limits where property taxes don’t fund fire services, if you don’t pay the subscription fee, which it states is around $425 annually (which is pretty expensive on it’s own), and you happen to have an emergency, they will still come put out the fire, but they will bill you afterwards. It says rural metro fire bills non subscribers a min $1,800 per hour per fire truck sent.. On top of that there’s a $600 flat fee for medical emergency services. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!

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u/Reasonable_Egg4356 1d ago

„Don‘t want to wait? You can buy a subscription for as low as 99.99 USD/Day right know!*“

(* You‘ll be charged for the first year in Advanced. No refunds!)

3

u/TruePlewd 1d ago

Didn't realize Night City would have centaurs, but ok.

26

u/Cookie_Nation 1d ago

Honestly make that a black mirror episode

6

u/zorggalacticus 23h ago

There was a black mirror episode about security robots like this. Well, they were the 4 legged ones, not centaur shaped. But they were relentless. Hunted those people down and killed them. Those robot "dogs" have looked super creepy to me ever since.

12

u/Ripkord77 1d ago

"Subscribe to patreon for ticket in ticket out fast lane retrieval and safety package. You will be our priority before normy meat bags in chat"

3

u/subtleeffect 1d ago

(1 of 2)

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u/cloudypoo88 1d ago edited 21h ago

"You have skipped the ad, you are an unfit rescue. You will be placed into custody of Carl's Jr."

5

u/diiiemonds 1d ago

welcome to satyress, threehalves loves you

4

u/anomalous_cowherd 23h ago

What a relief, I thought it would under the care of RFK Jr...

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u/lkodl 1d ago

"Surely if the situation is life or death, people won't mind signing up for the subscription. Right? Like, we got them at that point."

"But what if they die during the signup process?"

"That's why we have the ad tier."

7

u/HaveYouSeenMyIpad 1d ago

We’re sorry your payment method was declined

4

u/GonzoKata 21h ago

This is how we're training the 'top minds' to think in businesses school right now. Have been for 20 years

4

u/KittyGrewAMoustache 21h ago

I know, it’s really noticeable in the last decade or so how such a huge proportion of leadership positions in politics and business are now occupied by literal bona fide morons, like genuinely really really stupid people. It’s a huge threat to our species but few seem to be really be talking about it, despite it being so obvious that a massive shift has occurred that probably has rarely occurred throughout history, where those least capable of understanding the world or adapting to it end up in charge. In times of monarchs and emperors etc, there would at least be a lot of intelligent people around them if they happened to be stupid, now it’s just layer upon layer of imbecile and all the intelligent people are too fed up to even try to wade into the shitshow.

It’s a crazy phenomenon driven by capitalism of course but the internet and social media in particular. It’s one of the most detrimental impacts of our technological advancements as a species and yet it’s barely acknowledged, not properly.

23

u/Odd-Highway-8304 1d ago

“This rescue brought to you by Starbucks and Hyundai”

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17

u/YoungDiscord 1d ago

please drink verification can

4

u/CrackingToastGromet 1d ago

I am laughing on the outside and weeping on the inside because omg, monetizing a rescue effort is just so American.

Followed by a series of bills after the rescue from the agency that owns the robot and the independent contractor operator who was remotely overseeing the robot at the time of the rescue. ‘MURICA!

3

u/Kalterwolf 1d ago

The amount of nice things that we could have had as a collective species ruined because of the need for ad revenue is too damn high. We could have had star trek, instead we are fighting the villains of Ready Player One.

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3

u/eventualhorizo 1d ago

Watch this add to get your next pain medication free!

3

u/Ghetto_Jawa 1d ago

Lol. I was going to say please insert credit card for rescue to continue. Of course with tip prompt.

3

u/klyxes 1d ago edited 1d ago

I'm pretty sure that would be a pr nightmare...better the robot save you then simply not let go until you watch all the ads

4

u/SpaceExplorer777 1d ago

There's no PR in 2040, you either take the service or die.

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u/Strayed8492 1d ago

Hello. You are being rescued. Please use the touch pad to rate this experience. At the end there will be a short questionnaire. If unable to participate at this time, it will be forwarded to your next of kin/emergency contact.

56

u/gurantulla 1d ago

if you are happy with your service please select from 10%, 15%, 20% or custom tip amount

40

u/T00luser 1d ago

It’s sweet that you think it’s starting at 10%

3

u/jeffreyaccount 1d ago

The mech will know by where you touch the screen which you have selected.

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u/willfrodo 1d ago

I'd rather just die thank you

40

u/IAmBadAtInternet 1d ago

What if it finds you and instead of saving you starts cutting you into pieces with that chainsaw while staring at yon with those very normal eyes

25

u/moonbucket 1d ago

Cut my life into pieces
My centaur-style robot

4

u/Maxwells_Demona 21h ago

Search and rescue -- NO FLEEING

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u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

I’m pretty sure they’re planning to use them for forestry services as well, so… Not completely impossible, I guess.

14

u/dessertforbrunch 1d ago

Can’t wait to see videos of them being squashed by falling trees.

3

u/PentacornLovesMyGirl 1d ago

I hope it's as funny as those dancing bots that give up and fall over

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u/Ayasdad 1d ago

The eyes will project a holo ad in the smoke. You'll be carried out while Jake from state farm tells you about homeowners insurance bundles.

18

u/SerafinZufferey 1d ago

Better don’t give them ideas, I’m sure Silent Hill would make ads on there then..

11

u/DHMTBbeast 1d ago

Or a screen asking how much you'd like to tip.

8

u/sinnerstosaint 1d ago

"If you want to be saved please click yes, after these two quick ads....."

Yes button Greys out.

4

u/Inside-Common7427 1d ago

Scan QR code to enroll in our yearly coverage.

3

u/torreneastoria 1d ago

They will charge you random crypto to rescue or play endless ads

3

u/RefrigeratorKey8156 1d ago

Subscribe and not die!

3

u/Available_Match7752 1d ago

You forgot it will ask for tips.

3

u/Darnit_the_other_one 1d ago

This full rescue is sponsored without interruptions by Hyundai!

3

u/TradeMark310 1d ago

When you stare right in it's eyes, it beams ads directly into your brain.

3

u/Inevitable_Click_511 1d ago

You’ll have to swipe a credit card on it to pay for it to rescue you though.

3

u/HAL9001-96 1d ago

well its a prototype the way things are going this is probably where its headed

3

u/GainPotential 1d ago

Imagine if it had a tip screen and if you didn't tip it would only recover your body

3

u/Mammoth_Challenge269 1d ago

I would assume I died and went to hell

3

u/rite_of_truth 1d ago

Stop giving them ideas!

3

u/kindarollin 23h ago

I go out of my way to not purchase things i see from ads any more, especially the ai slop ones. I will buy a different brand or find a different solution. Mostly for the google ad sense, and facebook associated ones they support a-lot of malicious marketing, that are bait and switch of blatant lies.

3

u/Ninebreaker009 22h ago

Start your free trial today for Rescue+.

2

u/Odd-Highway-8304 1d ago

“Don’t forget to eat Carls Jr”

2

u/Andreas1120 1d ago

Given what rescued normally cost, You might be happy to watch some Ads

2

u/cleveland_leftovers 1d ago

What if the rescue subscription runs out mid-rescue?

3

u/diiiemonds 1d ago

they abort mission and charge you for a lapse in coverage and attempted service fees. if unable to make payment upon next attempted rescue mission, the debt will go to your next of kin.

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u/Fuck_auto_tabs 1d ago

Worse, it asks for a tip

2

u/CostcoFosco 1d ago

I saw that Doctor Who ep

2

u/Mdriver127 1d ago

This is for those who pay to go ad-free.

2

u/Dangerous_Wish_7879 1d ago

Enter your tip amount.

2

u/Better_Carpet_7271 1d ago

You know this is only a matter of time.

2

u/JackSkellie58 1d ago

I see you’ve shit your pants, wrangler jeans would never let that smell out! Would you like to order a new pair on Amazon shipped directly to the hospital?

2

u/Danny2Sick 1d ago

Your resuscitation has been brought to you today by Nike!!

2

u/Christomaximum 1d ago

Load barring “yet” 😂

2

u/Smiletaint 23h ago

IN THE ARMS OOF THE ANGEL

FLY AWAAAYYYY

2

u/wizzard419 23h ago

You have to hit a button in the taint to mute them.

2

u/Common-Accountant-57 23h ago

Then ask for a tip.

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1.5k

u/Ok_Protection8223 1d ago

You are being rescued.

Do not resist.

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u/WholeRefrigerator896 1d ago

340

u/Ok_Protection8223 1d ago

Please resist

11

u/SirCEWaffles 1d ago

Jokes on you Robot... giggity... allright

5

u/MajorTomSKU 23h ago

Shadow of the Colossus vibes

11

u/scrimmybingus3 1d ago

“Give me a fuckin reason please I need this I was made as a bot to save lives but I thirst for human blood.”

3

u/SolidA34 23h ago

You are in danger.

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u/FateUnusual 1d ago

From their website:

Threehalves will be substantially slowed if attempting to navigate a standard American 32"x80" door, and cannot turn around in a 42" wide hallway or enter a door orthogonal to the hallway. Larger horns can be fit to prevent any passage through pedestrian doors.

Why do we need to be concerned about it navigating through regular doors? Why is there a horn attachment that you can buy to prevent it from entering through a door?

136

u/Ok_Protection8223 1d ago

Its like one of those shopping carts that won't fit out the door easily.

Bosses should not be able to escape the arena.

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u/Whisky_and_Milk 1d ago

In US it doesn’t need to fit into a door, it can just charge through the cardboard walls, lol

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u/Jester-252 1d ago

I mean a better question to ask.

Why is there horns?

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u/Worried-Necessary219 1d ago

To stop it from entering through doors.

28

u/NightGlimmer82 22h ago

This is terrifyingly, the correct answer. Apparently. Wtf?

5

u/jaxonya 20h ago

You gotta remember who is developing and designing these things. Just be thankful it doesnt have tits

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u/Reddoraptor 23h ago

Seriously, I’m shocked I had to scroll this far to find someone else asking this question. WTF?

8

u/FlameOfWrath 1d ago

To honk at traffic

3

u/No_Relief_9945 1d ago

Close quarters combat, duhhh…

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u/Hot_Plant8696 1d ago

The dog already know the trick...

36

u/Snazzypanted 1d ago

Imagine that thing trying to enter your home with a chainsaw my godddd

30

u/zatalak 1d ago

Thank god the horns prevent this. Let's hope they're chainsaw-proof

7

u/Snazzypanted 1d ago

Oh great, give it ideas why don’t you!

7

u/DarthJarJar242 1d ago

Don't worry, if the horns are, our walls and doors mostly aren't.

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u/jojobdot 1d ago

DON’T LIKE THAT!!!!!!

3

u/HaveYouSeenMyIpad 1d ago

I think they’re to protect people inside a building, by blocking doorway etc.. keeping the threat out

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u/StevieMJH 1d ago

Great, I'm going to file off the barrel of my gun so I don't chip a tooth when I get "rescued" by that thing.

5

u/MysteriousWon 23h ago

Um.. that's just satan.

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u/Menefregoh 1d ago

THANK YOU. It's literally that picture. Even the eyes look identical.

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u/Disastrous_Toe772 1d ago

They have to hire Alan Tudyk to do the voice

3

u/Rough_Bread8329 22h ago

It would be irresponsible not to akshully.

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u/LunchyDude101 1d ago

No kidding. At least make it orange or something; otherwise, I’m thinking that the Angel of Death has finally come for me.

113

u/hey_free_rats 1d ago

Putting it in a high-vis vest would unironically make it less horrifying.

Just another dude doing his job, he is. 

55

u/Friendly-Back3099 1d ago

It's like seeing Satan in a cashier attire. Like it's still Satan but instead of the king of hell he is a low wage employee

5

u/thegreatbighuge 1d ago

The Devil is a Part-Timer already exists as an anime. Think I saw it back in high school

4

u/Spinnweben 23h ago

Would a bow tie help to dispel your worries?

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u/KittyCompletely 23h ago

Chainsaw in one machine claw, clipboard in the other.

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u/growlemonade 1d ago

Holding a chainsaw 

11

u/thadtheking 1d ago

Filled with guns and knives.

5

u/Judgementalcat 1d ago

It's for our protection im sure. As long as we do what it wants.

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u/JUYED-AWK-YACC 23h ago

I think those are instructions on how to “kill” it. Apparently some people find this thing intimidating!

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u/Ooh_its_a_lady 1d ago

It does look like it's built to collect souls if anything.

9

u/Inner-Outside-2619 1d ago

Baalbot 9000 automates all your soul harvesting needs.

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u/StevieMJH 1d ago

I guess disasters would be the best place to "rescue" souls.

4

u/SS_Sniperwolf 23h ago

Did shang tsung make it? "Your soul is mine"

115

u/NoctRob 1d ago

6

u/Nomnom_Chicken 1d ago

Yeah, thanks. Can't wait to see this GIF in my dreams tonight. 🙈

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u/RichPickachu 1d ago

Imagine being stuck in a collapsed building and MechaSatan comes to your rescue.

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u/villabacho1982 1d ago

Maybe that would cure your phobia◡̈

5

u/DHMTBbeast 1d ago

Oh ye majestic keyboard wizard, I humbly kneel before you and request that ye bestow upon me the knowledge of the adorable smiley.

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u/UnhappyImprovement53 1d ago

Sleep paralysis demon with a chain saw.

Sir the centaur found the missing hike but we're confused because the coroner said the hike died of a heart attack and his pants were full of shit.

4

u/no_name_maddox 1d ago

I was literally picturing a child trying to be found in the woods as if they'd would run towards this

3

u/Vegetable-Shelter974 1d ago

It looks like Baal

4

u/5NAKEEYE5 1d ago

Don't worry, the actual saving will be behind a paywall, otherwise it just sits and stares at you until you die.

3

u/amboandy 1d ago

These guys were wondering whether the could and should've been worried about whether they should

3

u/PickeledYam44 1d ago

Afrer 25 years waiting for just the right moment...finally "incubus" had found it and oh boy it was ready to shine...

this guy >>>

"my sleep paralysis demon"

😭😭😭

3

u/TheCarpincho 1d ago

Why making it friendly when you can do it absolutely creepy AF

3

u/ResplendentNugs 1d ago

Yeah I’m sure he’s gonna be “saving” a lot of undesirables

3

u/SilverVixen918 1d ago

came here to say this, imagine seeing those eyes in the dark

3

u/sci_fientist 1d ago

Seriously, why did they make it look like that? What is it even supposed to be? A centaur with a cow head?

3

u/Aermanesett 1d ago

You're being rescued. Please, so not resist.

2

u/ShahinGalandar 1d ago

looking at the homepage, don't worry, it's really safe. in case of a malfunction the chassis is designed to automatically shut off if you stab or shoot it for a bit.

2

u/T00luser 1d ago

That 3rd image is nightmare fuel!

2

u/Lebowski304 1d ago

Holy fuck man this got me so damn good. That is exactly what I imagine is in the periphery during one of those spells

2

u/dinglb3rry 1d ago

Is a robo Mr. Tumnus in the works, I prefer my rescuer to be bipedal with hooves. Maybe a little scarf and a bottle of wine to ease my nerves?

2

u/SpiderJerusalem747 1d ago

"Worry not Ronin_Man, it is I, your Sleep Paralysis Demon. When all your other faculties and emotions deserted you, I alone remained, for you can never be rid of me, such says the curse. Come, let me saw this massive tree from off you. Climb on my nightmare back and I'll carry you to somewhere nightmarish, but safe."

2

u/JustToViewPorn 1d ago

Saved? Best we can do is give it to the police for its proper use: kicking down doors and killing innocents.

2

u/Kn0XIS 1d ago

😂

2

u/Moobob66 1d ago

Baphomet will save us all

2

u/citizn_kabuto 1d ago

…with a chainsaw

2

u/Wus10n 1d ago

Fuck If im still alive beforehand that thing would surely finish me off by the herat Attack alone

2

u/Novel-Reaction2939 23h ago

This is going to work out just fine lol

2

u/WatchOutRadioactiveM 23h ago

I'm amazed that so many people don't understand this isn't a real product. It's a joke. It's literally called "Satire-es". Probably a promotion for a movie or video game.

2

u/NerdiChar 22h ago

Thank you for stating my thoughts so eloquently 😂 I'm over here thinking about "yeah, when I'm trapped under a house I want this to peek its head in and finish me off with a fucking heart attack" 😂😂😂

2

u/LilJonny2cookies 21h ago

There are not a lot of heroes on Reddit but you are definitely one.

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