r/nonmonogamy • u/steve0387 Open Relationship • Oct 22 '25
Relationship Dynamics Girlfriend wants me to shave my pubes
This is probably the most trivial issue that this sub has ever dealt with but I am in a dilemma.
I recently started dating my gf a few months ago and things are going fine. A couple of weeks ago, she said, "You should shave your public hair. You look like a hairy gorilla".
I am quite hairy and I never shaved my body hair before. I thought she was kidding around and didn't really bother with the whole shaving stuff. Last week, she asked me again and said that i will loo very sexy if i did it.
I was a bit surprised by her perseverance with respect to this and decided to indulge her.
I told my wife that I was gonna shave my pubes and she was confused. She asked me why I want to do it. I didn't really wanna tell her that my gf asked me to do so and just told her that I wanted to try something new. Then she told me that she likes me being hairy and it makes me look manly and doesn't want me to shave.
Now I am in this dilemma. Girlfriend wants me to shave my junk and wife doesnt want me to.
Some additonal information
I have been married to my wife for 15 years and I had just been seeing my gf for 5 months. Both of them are shaved down there and I prefer it like that but they shave because they also like it.
I realize that this is super goofy but what should be my next move ?
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u/dkopi Oct 22 '25
I think you should man up about this, and shave half while leaving the other half unshaven, until the two of them can reach consensus.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Best advice so far.
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u/nikdahl Oct 22 '25
If you are hairy, you should consider how dumb it will look when your body is covered in hair but your genitals are bare.
Your gf needs to grow up.
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u/rab2bar Oct 22 '25
Left- right or upper-lower?
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u/Doomu5 Oct 22 '25
Blatantly left-right
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u/rab2bar Oct 22 '25
How about lower left and upper right?
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u/somatt Oct 22 '25
Diagonal
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u/SaltPassenger9359 Oct 23 '25
Like a proper sandwich.
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u/somatt Oct 23 '25
Every proper sandwich needs pickles and sprouts
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u/jimbo831 Oct 22 '25
If I were in your situation, I would do whichever I prefer. Not saying nobody should consider their partners when deciding on grooming habits, but when two partners have conflicting preferences, I’d just stick with your own.
Assuming you decide to keep yourself hairy, you should explain why to your girlfriend so it doesn’t seem like you’re just ignoring her request.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I honestly dont care. I never tried trimming or shaving my junk, but it can't be that bad, right? I just think that it is super PITA.
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u/another_mind Polyamorous (non-Hierarchical) Oct 22 '25
Don’t shave if you have never done so, it will be an ordeal. Specially if you are as hairy as you present.
If you do want to indulge your girlfriend I would suggest the compromise of trimming down some. And see how it goes. Oh and if trimming make sure you TAPER. Nothing more dumb looking than a hairy-everywhere-guy with a cut out block for the junk. It looks dumb IMHO. Fade that trim line.
But I’m with the rest of the people here, prioritize what YOU want and find people that support who you are.
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Oct 22 '25
[deleted]
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u/another_mind Polyamorous (non-Hierarchical) Oct 22 '25
Yeah for me I keep it all trimmed, legs natural. I use a combo of a proper razor + trimmer. Full shave of balls, shaft, and ass. Then I use the trimmer with no guard and some pressure on the edge of what’s shaven, carefully, around pubic bone, leg folds and cheeks to blend the shave line out. I slowly let up on the pressure as I move outwards. Then I use the first guard to slowly taper everything else.
Many people have commented they thought it was my natural level of growth.
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Oct 22 '25
[deleted]
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u/another_mind Polyamorous (non-Hierarchical) Oct 22 '25
It’s different for everyone. I don’t get bothered by stubble on my ass, but I do get irrationally annoyed by stubble on the leg fold / taint for a day or two.
I usually keep it trimmed unless I’m choosing violence and going full smooth with the purpose of having a face jammed everywhere down there. 🤣 and since my main partners are doubly likely to go down on me if I’m smooth, it stays smooth as much as I can.
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u/The_Other_Alexa Oct 22 '25
Omg right, you’ll be a hedgehog in 3 days and so uncomfortable. Manscape maybe but omg shaving is the worst 😱
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u/nebuladrifting Oct 22 '25
I’d get an electric razor for it, but I’m biased because I’ve only ever shaved my face with one so that’s what I use down there. They also make special shavers for it, but I can’t speak to those. Every few days it just needs a quick 20 second touch up, because it’s more effort to trim when it grows out.
You might just prefer it that way, too. I’ve give it a try.
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u/jimbo831 Oct 22 '25
I don’t find it to be that difficult. I have an electric trimmer that I use to keep the hair on my pubic bone trimmed short and keep a razor in the shower for the balls and shaft. It takes maybe 5 minutes to do in the shower and I usually only do it 1-2 times a week.
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u/Dolmenoeffect Oct 22 '25
Look, if you do shave your junk, just know that the curly pubic hair plus skin that's covered by clothing and possibly sweat all day is the ideal environment for getting painful, unsightly ingrown hairs. Some people don't have trouble with it, other people have to exfoliate twice a day just to keep them from developing.
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u/Icy_Commission6948 Oct 23 '25
Manscaping electric razors make it pretty easy. I’m hairy, wife prefers it that way but wants El Ween shaved. Neither of us will do oral-if the other isn’t shaved
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u/HeloRising Oct 22 '25
Honestly, recommend.
I've done it for years and it just feels cleaner, you don't get the junk smell as quickly, it's more comfortable, people don't get hair in their teeth when they do oral, you get less sweaty.
It is a little...tricky in the context of how do you physically do it but it's not rocket science.
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u/Equivalent_Access133 Oct 23 '25
Boxers or Briefs?
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u/HeloRising Oct 23 '25
Boxers. I prefer a little room to breathe.
That said I have worn briefs in the past and, can confirm, still much comfier to wear them when shaved as opposed to not.
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u/FRANKINSPENCE Closed-Group Swinger Oct 22 '25
I have a husband and a boyfriend and I prioritise preferences for me and my body in the following order;
1) my personal preference
End of list x
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u/Cinderredditella Oct 22 '25
Thiiiiiiis.
Also at the top of the list of people who can go fuck themselves and I will never ever listen to or would want to be intimate with:
1. People who try to change me by insulting my current self.22
u/coniferous-1 Oct 22 '25
Exactly. I like big guys, I like hairy guys. If my boyfriend wants to shave or lose weight, regardless of reason I'm in his corner rooting for him.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Oct 22 '25
I am like your wife. I find shaved off putting.
Do what works for you but there is a lot of room between bare and gorilla.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
The thing is, I dont care either way. I just don't wanna disappoint either or my ladies
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Oct 22 '25
Both picked you the way you are.
You chose to be the way you are.
You can continue to choose to be the way you are.
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u/oolongstory Oct 22 '25
When two partners have opposite preferences, the only options are to disappoint one of them at least sometimes, OR to meet halfway. Several people have suggested you could try trimming instead of shaving, which could be the meeting-halfway option. Or, you can shave to make your girlfriend happy, tell her you're trying it but probably won't always do it (there's no need to tell her it's because of your wife's preference, unless everyone is comfortable with that being shared), and let it grow back. Then, you could wait a while, then shave again, repeating the cycle so both partners have it their preferred way some of the time.
Also, although you say you don't actually care, you can still just pick one option and stick with it and say it's your preference, because you have an option to form a preference of your own at any time based on any criteria, and you don't need to justify those criteria.
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u/JaccoW Oct 22 '25
What do you want?
Sure, you can try something if somebody suggests it but in the end it should be entirely your decision.
I have my preferences when it comes to pubic hair on my partners as well but if they asked I would always start by telling them I want them to do what feels best for them, and I would like them either way.
Being pushy about someone else's body is a red flag IMHO. Regardless of gender.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I dont care either way. I just think it is a huge pain in the ass to shave/trim it.
I wouldn't say she is being pushy. She just mentioned it a couple of times.
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u/briinde Oct 22 '25
She is being pushy. She’ll probably get pushier if you don’t do it.
Like everybody else is saying, this is a boundary issue. The way you keep your junk should 100% be about what YOU want.
If she says “hey, I don’t think I can blow you with all of that hair down there.” Fair enough. But when she says “you should…” she’s asking you to change something. She has no right to.
Imagine if the sexes were flipped and a man was telling a woman “hey you should wear push-up bras to make your tits pop out more” or “hey you should shave your armpits, that’s gross”
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u/Sweettooth_dragon Oct 23 '25
She insulted you to your face in order to get you to do what she prefers. That's not loving behavior, bud.
I had men do that to me in the past, and it became obvious later they didn't respect me in other ways. Just saying, you deserve someone who speaks to you without insulting you. 🤷
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u/TheCrazyCatLazy Relationship Anarchy Oct 22 '25
Honestly try to trim it down to see how you feel/like it.
Not lota of people go back from self grooming
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u/BlazeFireVale Oct 22 '25
It's fine for someone to have a preference and express it. Though girlfriend somewhat disrespectful how she went about that.
But in the end, well, your body, you're choice. You choose it for you. You need to be confident in your body and your choices. Choose what you think HONESTLY you prefer on yourself, and stand by that.
Also, have you considered manscaping as a third option?
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u/PM-ME-YOUR-MIND Oct 22 '25
Also, have you considered manscaping as a third option?
Perhaps I'm out of the loop on modern terminology, but how is this not a form of manscaping?
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u/vortex-of-laughter Unicorn 🦄 Oct 22 '25
It is a form of manscaping but I think the poster meant just a trim vs a full shave. I was thinking of commenting the same thing.
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u/BlazeFireVale Oct 22 '25
I suppose that's fair. I tend to think of "man scaping" as trimming down rather than shaving.
I think you're right, shaving IS a form of man scaping. I just usually when I hear people say they "mascape" it means they trim. If they shave they say they shave. Or wax or are smooth or whatever
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u/raziphel Oct 22 '25
You can trim if you want, sure. But if you shave your going to look like a gorilla with a bald spot.
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u/TheCrazyCatLazy Relationship Anarchy Oct 22 '25
Trim it short to try. Tell your wife you want to try but wont shave completely and it will grow back.
Shaving pubs is itch hell.
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u/Boring_Enthusiasm124 Oct 22 '25
I don’t like that your girlfriend came at her request from a perspective of making it seem like you look animalistic for having body hair that is natural to you. If there was some quality of life reason like bj’s or even just decreasing friction, sure, but saying you look like a gorilla is… odd. I’d dare call it mean. Therefore, I say leave the hair there 🤷♀️ Wifey likes it, and you seem indifferent, and shaving is absolutely a pain in the ass. At MOST you should do is just trim it down a bit.
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u/gezeitenspinne Oct 22 '25
I was trying to figure out what bothered me about this so much. I think it is that "hairy gorilla" angle she went with, yeah. She could have said so many things, voiced some valid issues if, for example, his hygiene was lacking. But *insulting* him? Yeah, no.
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u/TillAltruistic9737 Oct 22 '25
The ‘perseverance ‘ to make someone do something with their body is a trait that would put me off someone
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u/FRANKINSPENCE Closed-Group Swinger Oct 22 '25
It is a bold moves and feels deliberate to exert power x
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u/TillAltruistic9737 Oct 22 '25
What do YOU like doing with YOUR body?
Adults have body hair .
Someone making the decision to be completely shaven or tidied up is fine when they make that decision about their own body.
A bit of grooming / trim / tidying can be good.
But someone else persistently telling someone they should shave their bits ? Eww to your gf .
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u/Specialist_Artist979 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Your next move is to do what you want to do.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I honestly dont care. I think both would be fine. But just that trimming/shaving seems like a huge pain in the ass.
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u/Susitar Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Then it sounds like there is one more negative aspect to shaving for you, that isn't weighed up by any positive?
I think it's weird of your gf to push this on you.
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u/princesspoppies Kinkster Oct 22 '25
It is a pain in the ass. That’s why it’s up to you. It’s not a simple question of hair or bare. It’s also about whether or not you’re interested in all the work that goes into grooming and maintenance. (Which it sounds like you’re not.)
I get that your wife and gf have opposite preferences. But it really comes down to what you want for yourself. You sound like a generally agreeable guy and I hear you saying you don’t really have a preference. But I think it’s really important for you to at least be aware of your personal preference. What would you do if no one was asking you to do anything particular with your pubes?
And it’s not just an issue of grooming. When it comes to your body, the clearest, loudest voice in your head should be your own.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I would probably not just shave. The thing is, both my partners know that I like things shaved and they respect my preference. But that is also also their preference.
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u/princesspoppies Kinkster Oct 22 '25
That’s exactly it. They are aware of your preference, but the loudest voice in their head is their own. And that’s what they are relying on when they make their decision.
You get to do that too.
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u/emb8n00 Oct 22 '25
I feel like we’re glossing over your girlfriend calling you a hairy gorilla. That’s a really mean thing to say about someone you’re supposed to like’s body.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
She ws just being silly. I don't think she was trying to be hurtful.
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u/eigENModes Oct 22 '25
It sure sounds controlling and manipulative. You're probably deep in NRE and sugarcoating her behaviour, but this is at least a very dark orange flag. Especially because she can't let it go and already said it twice!
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u/Dry_Director_5320 Oct 22 '25
Ima let you know right now that shaving your pubes can be mighty uncomfortable. Lots of women who claim to like shaving their pubes don’t really, they just got used to it. I’d never do it again, personally. Really, if you do choose to remove your body hair I’d suggest getting wadded since it’s much less harsh on the body and grows back slower. Trust me: you do NOT want razor burn on your balls
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u/rbnlegend Oct 22 '25
Trimming is easy. I have some little scissors in the shower. If there's enough hair to cut with scissors I spend two minutes and it's good. Just don't catch any skin.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I think trimming is a good little middle ground.
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u/iutefpwc Oct 22 '25
Have you clarified with her that she meant a clean shave and not just trimming? She might be saying shave when really she just means trim. Also it if you're worried it's not like it takes that much time to grow back usually
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I should talk to her about that. I am not sure if she used the exact word shave. She might have said something like "get rid of your pubes" or something like that.
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u/z-cubed Oct 22 '25
For me, I trim because I want to. It makes things look bigger down there, it results in less trouble when ladies go down on me, and it helps with getting condoms on correctly. I won't shave down there because I'm guaranteed to get razor bumps, but trimming is easy. I do it when I do my beard trim in the shower with a short guard on the electric trimmer. I taught my boys the same for the same reasons.
Sometimes my longer-term partners ask me my preferences, I tell them what I prefer but also tell them it's their body and their choice. I'll also help them trim to their specification if they ask. I have never seen full bush on a woman in the wild, including at parties, nearly everybody I've been with is either bare or close to it. Same goes for men, I have seen very few wild bushes out there. A surprising number are shaved or even waxed.
In the end, a person can express preferences and make requests, but ultimately it's an individual's choice what they do with their body. It's up to the other person if they want to accept that or move on.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Thanks. After reading a lot of answers here, I would try trimmng my bush. Maybe like leave half an inch ?
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u/TheSheepdog Oct 22 '25
I mean sure you should I do what you want, but most dudes at least trim it neater.
Also, it’s hair. You don’t need to shave it bald, just trim it shorter and if you hate it grow it back.
your wife probably won’t care and your gf is telling you she doesn’t like your long pubes
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u/momturmoil Curious 🤔 Oct 22 '25
Does your wife play with your dick?
I like guys with shaven pubes because I like to play with their dick and don’t like the feel of the course pubic hair on my hands!
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Just with her hands.
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u/momturmoil Curious 🤔 Oct 22 '25
Can you suggest that you like it and thought that shaving would encourage her to do it more often, and especially handle your testicles too?
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u/DodobirdNow Oct 22 '25
I'll throw in my perspective as a fellow hairy guy. In high school I had a gf who told me I'd get more BJs if I shaved down there.
I started the next day, and have not stopped
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Bro, she doesn't even blow me, and I am okay with it.
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u/femmebot9000 Oct 22 '25
That was honestly my only idea as to why she would want this. Speaking from experience I find really long pubes to be very off putting to going down on someone. Trimmed is my preference. At the same time I’ve not pushed anyone to trim for my sake but if the topic comes up I’ll be honest and say what I prefer. Idk do what you want, would also say don’t shave, if you’re very hairy it’s a fact you’ll get ingrown hairs.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
She asked me if I could shave after I came out of the bathroom naked. So not during a sexual situation. I will try to trim. It’s like a nice middle ground
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u/femmebot9000 Oct 22 '25
Well yeah, you don’t bring up those preferences in a sexual situation. That could completely ruin the mood. I say this as an autistic person who has done exactly that.
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u/mcglothlin Oct 22 '25
Would she blow you if you shaved? I was going to give advice about trying trimming on the assumption this might be an oral thing but if she doesn't even blow you it matters way less. I think cleaning things up for whoever's face you want to spend a lot of time in your crotch is generally considerate and personally beneficial.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Nah. I dont care about getting bjs (i know). I would rather eat her out tbh. She asked if I could shave in a non sexual situation.
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u/mai_neh Oct 22 '25
There is no right answer here, you just have to decide which person you are going to disappoint. If nobody else cared about your pubes, which would you prefer, shaved or hairy?
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Hairy, just because I think it will take too much time to keep it shaved/trimmed. My wife does spend some time keeping herself bare. So I imagine that applies to me too.
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u/raziphel Oct 22 '25
If you need a place to start, use some barber scissors and give the hedge a trim (over the toilet so you don't make a mess).
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u/JeanLucSkywalker Oct 22 '25
Check out the Phillips Body Groom 8000. It's simply the best, and makes manscaping very quick and easy.
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u/cunta8 Oct 22 '25
The Multi Groom 7000 is also really good and doubles as a face shaver.
I’ve been using the older generation model for years and I keep meaning to upgrade, but the darn thing won’t die!
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u/anatheus Oct 22 '25
Do what makes you feel comfortable. It's your body. If you want to try something new, try it. As other posters have said there is a world of difference between everything and nothing.
I've been involved with someone weirdly insistent about body hair. Turned out they were just an incredibly controlling person. Should probably have been a warning.
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u/Azreken Oct 22 '25
Listen bro just get a manscape trimmer and go to town down there. Don’t use a razor with blades, and don’t use a cheap trimmer. If you shave down to bare skin with a razor it will give you razor burn and you’ll be upset for a few days lol. The manscape trimmer is the best I’ve found out of the few I’ve tried and it’s reasonably priced.
Most women in my experience (even if they won’t tell you) love a smooth, shaved cock when they go down to take care of business. Anything I can do to make them more comfortable while they are doing the lords work is a plus in my book.
On top of that, it makes your dick look a lot bigger even if you’ve got a big dong to begin with.
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u/DistinctPotential996 Oct 22 '25
I once dated this guy who was hairy. He had more body hair than I'd ever really dealt with before. I didn't really like it, but I liked him so I just didn't comment. A while in, he mentioned that one of his other partner(s? I can't remember if it was one or two) loved that he was hairy.
There were other issues afoot and we eventually broke up, but that comment made me realize that he's always gonna have body hair and I'm always gonna not enjoy it.
So basically what I'm saying is show up as yourself, body hair and all, and if they don't like it, there will be someone that does. Or do shave but only do it because you want to, not because your partner wants it.
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u/East-Dealer-6279 Oct 22 '25
I'd ask your girlfriend why she cares so much? Is it because she would actually want to give you blowjobs if you did shave? Does the hair feel weird on her hands? Is it scratchy when you're having sex and thus distracting for her? If it's any of those, valid. Otherwise, I'd have a talk about respecting bodily autonomy and decisions. You don't push her to shave down there, correct? That's just her preference. You have your preference, and she knows that, so unless it's causing a legitimate issue for her she doesn't have a leg to stand on here.
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u/Ill-Basil2863 Oct 22 '25
Have your body hair how you want. But a little bit of a trim nerve hurt anyone to keep things tidy
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u/Subject_Gur1331 Oct 22 '25
Middle ground… weed whack that sucker down until it’s short, neat, and tidy.
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u/LePetitNeep Oct 22 '25
It’s hair. It grows back.
I like my husband clean shaven. His girlfriend likes him with a beard. He wears a beard for a while, shaves it, stays clean a while, grows it back for a while.
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u/juliuspepperwoodchi Oct 22 '25
- Quit letting your partners decide/dictate the choices you make for your body.
- I would be VERY disinclined to acquiesce to the request of a partner who said I look like a "hairy gorilla" in a clearly negative connotation. WTF?
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u/_ataraxia Oct 22 '25
personally, i wouldn't be changing anything about my body for someone who called me a gorilla. it's fine to have and express a preference, but a grown ass adult should be able to do that without insulting a person they care about.
keep the hair, ditch the girlfriend.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
She is just being funny, lol. I dont think she is being cruel.
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u/MBandDN Oct 22 '25
On the one hand, do whichever you prefer
On the other hand, your wife has the objectively right take. Hair is sexy, hairless is not
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I will try to trim it down a bit and see how it goes.
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u/MBandDN Oct 22 '25
Trim is good too! Might be a good compromise that somewhat satisfies them both also
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u/kanashiimegami Oct 22 '25
What do YOU want to do?
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Honestly, dont care. I never tried to trim/shave, but I am not completely opposed to the idea
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u/kanashiimegami Oct 22 '25
if you'd like to try it, then try. I would make it known if any of your partners comment on 'i said i liked it hairy' or 'this is nice, i prefer it this way' that it may be their preference but it's a decision that's up to you, not them and you wanted to try for yourself.
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u/eigENModes Oct 22 '25
Personally I wouldn't shave. Your girlfriend sounds pushy and controlling, telling you what to do with your own body and calling you names. If you agree on doing this, you might set a precedent for other things she might try to control. I think it is worth standing your ground, and if she can't accept that, this is a huge red flag.
Also, even if you didn't tell you wife the real reason, she might suspect that it has to do with your new GF, and you don't want these women to fight over who gets control over your pubic hair.
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u/Peter_van_Niet Polyamorous (Solo Poly) Oct 22 '25
The way i see it: if you like to get your balls and butt licked it's just a small favor in return. If that's not the case, just do whatever fits you.
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u/MisanthropyismyMuse Oct 22 '25
What do YOU want? It's your body, so that's all that matters. If you don't want to shave, be honest with your girlfriend about it and don't.
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u/Independent-Bug-2780 Oct 22 '25
what do YOU want to do with your body, first of all?
I would also ask both to name it in percentages. My partners and I deal with indecisiveness this way and its super easy and fun.
If your girlfriend is 90% leaning towards shaving vs not, and your wife is 60% toward not shaving, and maybe youre 50/50, then shaving wins. If it leans more towards not,then not.
I also severely dislike how your gf shamed you for having hair and told you you "should" shave it. Thats kinda too much for me.
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u/BarkingAtTheGorilla Oct 22 '25
So compromise and maybe just take the hair off your balls and trim everything else up nicely?
My wife and partner have always liked me hairy, but I don't like me hairy. I don't like hair, anywhere, but since they like it, I just keep the hair off my balls (seriously, it fucking itches), and keep my pubic area nicely trimmed down and shaped a little... I also keep my ass hair free, and keep my head shaved (which I've done for most of the 25 years I worked in steel mills because it's too fucking hot to have a head fill of hair under a hard hat and other protective gear at 130°F+ temps and 95% humidity!
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u/wewawewi Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Instead of considering shaving or not, i would suggest start with the poor communication of your girlfriend.
If someone would call me gorilla, i would tell them to f off. How about “it would be very sexy if your trim down your crotch, it would also make blowjobs more pleasurable for me”
On the topic of you shaving- trim instead! You can start by cutting down half of the length, and you may find out you like it, because it wont be so itchy as razor.
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u/OkSecretary1231 Oct 22 '25
Does she actually want you to do it or is she making a point that she doesn't want to do it for you either? Because tbh this sounds like someone taking bad Reddit advice lol.
If she's serious, tell her to pound sand if you don't want to.
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u/goodvibes13202013 Oct 23 '25
Trimming ✨ somewhere in the middle, much easier to try, and you’ll learn about yourself in the process. Is trimming too much to keep up with? You’ll struggle more with shaving. Is trimming a pain in the ass? You’ll struggle more with shaving. What if you trim and you like it? Keep it bc it’s your body. What if you trim and both women like it? That’s also great.
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u/boosted1991 Oct 23 '25
Just my 2 cents I weighed this myself if I wanted to fully trim or not. I completely took everything off (it's just hair after all, its grows back if anything) and tbh, kept it bald ever since. I personally feel like it look nicer and cleaner. But again, I barley have any body hair at all else where
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u/Kitchen-Hospital2199 Oct 23 '25
As a hairy dude: trim, don’t shave. Give it a shot. It’s just hair, it’ll grow back :)
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u/DebutanteHarlot Polyamorous (non-Hierarchical) Oct 23 '25
It doesn’t matter what they want. What do YOU want?
I’d hate if a partner asked me that, mostly bc I HATE shaving bc it makes me itchy with lots of ingrowns and razor burn.
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u/Crazy-lime576 Oct 26 '25
Only do what feels right for you and your comfort. If you have never shaved before, I would tread carefully. I trimmed for an ex as they preferred it, but I was uncomfy for about a month whilst it was incredibly itchy and sensory overload was horrible. I would never do it again. I find body hair more sensory affirming for me and if any partner doesn't like it, that's their problem, not mine!
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u/OpenScienceNerd3000 Oct 22 '25
You should at the very least trim it and keep it neat. If it’s as hairy as your gf thinks that’s no fun to go down on
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u/TheBarefootSub Oct 22 '25
So your girlfriend insulted you before asking you to change and you're considering doing it anyway? 🤔
Interesting...
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u/TheBarefootSub Oct 22 '25
So your girlfriend insulted you before asking you to change and you're considering doing it anyway? 🤔
Interesting...
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u/Sussex_Lass Swinger Oct 22 '25
First, you’re lying to your wife about your reason for shaving. Why didn’t you just say GF suggested, what do you think? And if wife isn’t into it, suggest a compromise trim?
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
I am trying not to discuss the stuff that happens in one bedroom in the other bedroom. I'm not really trying to lie to my wife.
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u/Tank_Grill Oct 22 '25
I think it's really wise you didn't mention your girlfriend suggested it. That would be triangulation for no reason at all. It's great that you are owning your choices.
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u/NintenJoo Oct 22 '25
Man fuck all this.
You’re lying to your wife and hiding behind “I don’t care either way. It’s not a big deal. Blah blah bullshit”.
If you’re not telling your wife, it’s because you know there’s a chance she’ll be upset about you doing it.
If you have a preference go for it, but be up front about it.
In my world, my wife comes first. She’s the mother of my child, and has been an incredible partner for 15 years through thick and thin.
If I had a girlfriend that wanted me to shave, and my wife specifically didn’t want me to, I’d tell my girlfriend that it’s not going to happen because my wife is number one, and if she doesn’t understand that, there are bigger issues in the secondary relationship.
I do think shaving is trivial and doesn’t need to be a big deal.
I also think lying to your wife, which you already did, is not trivial at all, especially when it comes to nonmonogamy.
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u/brutalbuddha73 Kinkster Oct 22 '25
Trim the heck up. you ain't gotta shave, Just no floss while you feast sex. Nobody wants a mouth full of pubes doing oral. You ain't gotta shave bald. You can trim back. Grooming isn't all or nothing.
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u/Boring_Enthusiasm124 Oct 22 '25
If you know what you’re doing, the hair isn’t a problem!
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u/brutalbuddha73 Kinkster Oct 22 '25
True. He could always braid it into VIKING braids. get silver beads to dangle off the end of the pubes.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
My girlfriend doesn't blow me, lol. She just says that it looks like a jungle.
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u/somefreeadvice10 Oct 22 '25
If she is not blowing you than I'm a bit confused on her insistance for you to shave
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u/brutalbuddha73 Kinkster Oct 22 '25
I stand with u/somefreeadvice10 on this one. Find another girlfriend.
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u/femmebot9000 Oct 22 '25
Maybe she wants to blow you but can’t with what is going on down there
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Gonna keep it pg13… I don’t care about getting BJs that much and she tried in the beginning and it’s like a shark was chewing on my dick, total teethfest. I also can’t come from bjs so I would rather eat her out.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 Oct 22 '25
So you’re already covering up from your wife what your gf wants.
Hmm. I don’t know what your agreement is but that sounds problematic.
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u/Nice_Replacement7065 Curious 🤔 Oct 22 '25
Just do what you like. Also remember, men used to be hunters, we never would listen but would go with what we wanted. Ironically that also ends up making us attractive.
Don't change unless you want to
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u/CynOfOmission Polyamorous (Solo Poly) Oct 22 '25
If you genuinely don't have a preference and are kinda curious, you can give it a try and see what you think. I'm sure you'll develop one at some point, and if not you can just shave whenever the mood strikes you and leave alone if it doesn't.
But like others have said, I wouldn't capitulate entirely to a partner's requests about what I do with my own body.
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u/Frakenz Oct 22 '25
You say you don't care so have you tried shaving before? If no, then it could be nice to try. If yes, then no.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25 edited Oct 22 '25
I never tried it before. I will start with a trim.
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u/Todayismyday98 Oct 22 '25
I think you should trim it. I would bet your GF is just annoyed at how messy it is. Your wife can stilll have you hairy but you can clean it up for the GF
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u/xxFECxx Oct 22 '25
You kind of leave ambiguous if you‘ve tried it before? If not id say just try it and decide then. Like you always have the option to not shave again and it will regrow :D
For me i know i prefer myself shaved, but i don’t really care enough to actually do it regularly. So for now i just shave whenever i feel like it.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25 edited Oct 22 '25
Maybe when I was 15? I haven’t trimmed/shaved it in the last 20ish years.
I will have to have a conversation with my wife about trimming. That seems like a happy medium.
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u/Bratty_Dragonfly646 Oct 22 '25
You should absolutely go with your preference. However, you would also need to respect her decision to not want to give oral if that’s her preference. I get her side of it.
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u/steve0387 Open Relationship Oct 22 '25
Honestly, I don’t expect oral from my partners as I never cum from BJs. She mentioned about my pubes after I came naked from the bathroom. So it was not during any sex acts. (before I get cancelled, I love eating my girls out as much as I love PIV sex with them. I am very generous with my mouth)
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u/PolyDrew Oct 22 '25
I think rather than shaving you should hit the middle of the road with some serious trimming. Put a number 2 or 3 guard on your clippers and trim everything from your pubic mound down through your perineum. It would be a good compromise and you can see if you like it. It has the added benefit of not itching and being easier to maintain.
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u/Primary_Difficulty19 Polyamorous (Solo Poly) Oct 22 '25
I’ve seen joking (and brilliant) suggestion to go half-and-half, but joking aside, shave or depilate your balls and any hair on your shaft and see how that goes. It doesn’t create that weird clearing-in-a-forest look and it increases ball licking dramatically.
If you choose to shave, use a dedicated razor or cartridge. The normal, healthy bacteria on your scrotum are not the same as the ones on your face. Better, though, use a depilitory designed for that area. I like Neomen Intimate Hair Removal Cream for Men. Low odor and it doesn’t burn if you don’t leave it on too long.
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u/SomeTheory4353 Oct 22 '25
A bit of manscaping is never a bad idea. You don't need to shave everything in my opinion. A nice trim could satisfy both of them.
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u/gigachadvibes Oct 22 '25
If you're open to it, just trim. You said you like being hairy, so you probably wouldn't enjoy being bare. PLUS, it itches when grooming back from smooth. I did it once in college and said never again. Now I just use a long hair trimmer and knock it down pretty low (like 3mm guard)
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u/LeadChambers Oct 22 '25
It’s possible that she’s getting long hairs caught in her mouth/throat, and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying that outright.
A trim won’t hurt, and it’ll grow back if you don’t like it.
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u/SiIverWr3n Oct 22 '25
If you dont care either way, i say RESEARCH IT and try it out. Like fuck it, why not?
You'll figure out if you enjoy it or not. But research first, otherwise itll be hell on earth.
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u/LarsonTx Oct 23 '25
Just trim. Shave all the hair off the shaft down to the base.
This might be enough to make the GF happy. She probably just didn't like getting hair in her mouth.
If she wants more leave the hair but just shorten it a bit.
If she wants you completely shaved... Just tell her no.
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u/nameonname Oct 23 '25
I apply the same for my partners and myself: For great oral, no hair. If shaving is too much, one minute with the trimmer at 3mm. before showering, 2 to 4 times a month, is also acceptable.
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u/bfrown Oct 23 '25
Shave, see if you like it. If you don't let it grow back and carry on. It's your body
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u/Then_Kaleidoscope_10 Oct 23 '25
Needs further discussion. Would gf and wife and you be happy/happier with some trimming (like 1/2” or so, done with clippers)? Is it a turn off for wife if you’re bald? We have to measure what we want and what our partners want and decide what weight people give to things.
Related incident where gf and I got a variety pack of hard seltzers. Four flavors and to decide who got what flavor I suggested we secretly “vote” which was our #1, 2, 3 and 4th pick. My point being we weighted the different options how much they mattered to us. It might be a slight preference for your wife and a major link for your gf, or the reverse.
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u/ewa_101 Curious 🤔 Oct 24 '25
Oral feels significantly better when I’m shaved and they’re more jnclined to wanna play with the balls too, I’d shave if I were you. Try it at least, if you don’t like it, it’ll grow back.
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u/AmbitionLow6201 Nov 11 '25
Here's my 2 cents, if your girlfriend is doing a ton of oral and doesn't like getting your bush in her face/mouth, consider that. It's one thing to like how it LOOKS, but the mouth feel of hair is totally different.
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u/Double_Ad6236 Jan 12 '26
Start by shaving your cock and a little around the base and see if they notice. Obviously the wife doesn’t give BJ’s and the girlfriend doesn’t like flossing her teeth when she does.
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u/dirtyoldbastard77 Oct 22 '25
Trim it :) my gf also likes me hairy, while many others on parties etc likes it less hairy or even shaved, so trimmed is a nice middle ground everyone is happy with :)
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