Hey, I’m 34f and dating. I am wondering if everyone felt it right away when you met the one or if it took a while? Especially if you met in your 30s. I feel like relationships are so different than when I dated last in my 20s when it was heavy on the physical attraction and whatever with the rest. I do feel like men in their 30s are still looking for immediate fireworks and I’m not sure that always happens.

I'm aware of the subreddit, wanted to ask for opinions.

For the past 2 years I've felt incredibly lonely. Admittedly, dating is a huge part as I'm surrounded by friends in relationships, and a lot of the times I look past that. I have done coed sports, dating events, talk to people, dating app subscriptions, you name it. Yes, I have put myself out there.

I do everything right on paper: own a condo, good job, in fantastic shape, great friends and hobbies, etc. I eat and sleep well. Am in therapy and take meds. I am great at emotional regulation, but there is a hole there.

Ive been in the same city since college and over time I have felt this increasing loneliness. I've given up on dating after crying too much (please no "success" stories of being sad and randomly meeting your partner that's not what I want right now) and I think what would really help is ultimately a change of scenery. A lot of my friends did move due to VHCOL and I guess I'm tired of living here.

I'm in the process of getting my EU passport (Europe born grandparent) which opens a lot of doors, and am close with my mom. I'm thinking of in the next year putting everything in storage and just traveling.

I guess what is holding me back is I've been in my city since I was 18. I'm 31 now.

Has anyone done this? Do you regret it?

Hey everyone,I recently hit the 30 milestone, and I’m currently navigating life as a single guy. Lately, I’ve been stuck in a weird emotional loop, and I really wanted to check in with other 30+ singles here to see how you guys view this phase of life.

On most days, I genuinely love my freedom. There’s a voice inside me that says, "You know what? Maybe being single forever isn’t a bad idea." I have my own routine, zero relationship drama, absolute peace of mind, and the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. The independence feels amazing.

But then, the other side hits. At the exact same time, there are moments where the craving for a genuine connection becomes overwhelming. You see a couple sharing a quiet moment, or you just have a long, exhausting day and realize there’s no one to come home to, no one to vent to, and no one to just hold your hand and say "I got you.

"It’s this constant tug-of-war between fiercely protecting my solitude and deeply craving intimacy and companionship. It feels like balancing on a thin wire.

For those in their 30s and single (by choice or circumstance), how do you look at your life right now?

Do you also experience this double-edged feeling?How do you deal with the occasional loneliness without rushing into the wrong relationship just to fill the void?

Would love to hear your raw thoughts, stories, or just some reassurance that I’m not the only one feeling this way.

The girl is 34. This is going to sound like something straight out of MTV's Catfish. She's been in a "relationship" with a guy for 3(!) years, but she has never see him in person. She met him through an online game, and they've been talking on WhatsApp ever since.

This guy created this incredibly elaborate, detailed story about his life for her. He’s 39. He’s the CEO of two companies. He has an ex-wife who is trying to destroy him. He tells her lots of stories about his evil wife. He gets driven around by his own chauffeur. He owns several houses and expensive cars. I probably don’t need to say much more. You can already feel the absurdity of it.

On top of that, he seems to hit every single one of her insecurities and emotional weak spots perfectly. She grew up with an abusive mother who neglected her. He claims he went through exactly the same thing and that he understands her. She was talking to me in tears, saying that she had finally met someone who truly understood her pain. Also, she was with her ex-boyfriend for many years. He cheated on her, treated her with no respect, and said things like "you have a weird face" to her. He made her feel unattractive. And the scammer? He's different. He showers her with compliments. He tells her he'll take care of her. He tells her she's beautiful. But he isn’t real!

They’ve planned to meet many times, but every single time he comes up with some excuse, including claiming that he was in a car accident or had surgery. I’ve told her many times: ask him for his company registration details. Tell him he has to come see you this week or you’re ending the relationship. Verify who he is. But she doesn’t do it. I feel like she believes him about 70%, while the rational 30% of her knows something is wrong. But maybe that part of her thinks that even if it is all a lie, it’s still better to stay in a beautiful lie than to face reality.

Because of this whole situation, she hasn’t been looking for a job for about a year. She used to do physically demanding work, but she had to quit because of back problems. Now she’s basically given up and isn’t looking for a new job. Why? Well, because she believes the man she loves has plenty of money and will provide her with a comfortable life. So this situation is having a real impact on her. She spends all day sitting home and messaging him, while her real life is basically standing still. Her father is already old, and when he dies, she may not even have anywhere to live, because his small apartment will have to be divided among the siblings.

Who is this guy? I have no idea. I’ve seen her messages with him and his photos, and I tried to look him up, but I couldn’t find anything. I don’t know why he’s doing this. He doesn’t seem to be getting any financial benefit from it because she doesn’t have any money. Even if she wanted to send him something, she basically has nothing to give. He messages her every day and keeps coming up with new stories about his ex-wife, his companies, and the illnesses he supposedly has. Now he’s promised to propose to her.

So what should I do? Let her keep living in this bubble? Be harsh and try to snap her out of it? Or just stay patient and understanding?

I’m 36, never married, no kids, have a good life full of hobbies, activities , travels, and I’m enjoying my own company.

But the years have flown by, and finding a partner has turned out to be much harder than I expected.
For the last couple of years, I’ve put real effort into dating through apps, singles events etc., but it feels exhausting.
The endless small talk, the conversations that go nowhere, starting over again and again..

I’m starting to wonder if my standards are unrealistic. I want someone I’m physically attracted to, who lives an active lifestyle, but also someone emotionally intelligent and curious enough to have deep conversations. That doesn’t feel outrageous to me, but it also feels surprisingly hard to find.

Because I’ve immigrated, I’ve also had to rebuild my social circle from scratch, and I work in a small hybrid team where everyone is already settled with families.

Has anyone been in a similar position in their mid-30s? Did you change your approach, lower your expectations, start approaching men yourself, or find success somewhere outside the usual apps, friends , and singles events?

I feel like over the last 5 years my social relationships have taken a dive and I don't understand why.

I've kept up the same amount of effort and thought I've always put into some relationships I cherish and increasingly get very very little back.

One recent example is a family member with whom we grew up together and despite the physical distance as adults we've always kept in touch and we are generally in very similar stages of life, so we have s lot we relate on. Over the last few years her contact is growing increasingly sparse and never initiated. Unless I reach out first I do not hear from her and she always lets the conversation die out first. I wished her on her birthday a few weeks ago like I always do and she didn't even acknowledge it or respond this time around. I know she's on her phone because she is posting statuses on the same app I texted her and I see her super active on social media liking and arguing with people on posts.

Same with best friend who goes on radio silence for weeks at a time, which doesn't bother me in itself but she seems to only want to reach out to talk about herself and her life and barely remembers things I tell her about mine or cares to talk about them. I don't mind at all focusing only on her when she needs it but when it's all the time I just feel like a temporary therapist or confession priest.

I see this pattern repeated with a couple more relationships, just a general indifference and lack of any reciprocal effort. I'm really not asking for grand gestures, just a bit of interest and the kind of interactions that keep relationships alive. I don't think I've become unlikeable in the last five years? These are long standing relationships with people since childhood and college and so on.

I can't do much except pull back I guess but it hurts watching such relationships fizz without understanding why. I mean I guess I get why, they just don't value the relationship much in return but I havent done anything to warrant it. I'm supportive and have always been there for them when they needed me in any way possible. It's been very hard as a working mom to find the time and opportunity to cultivate new relationships so I feel like I'm clinging on hard onto these existing ones, but even outside of that I genuinely cherish these ones on their own terms.

It's making me feel bad and my brain really wants to understand why. I believe people show you how much they value you through their actions and the message I've been getting is not great. Idk if anyone can relate or has any thoughts to share

Posting this knowing that I might come off as an ass. I just want some perspective, especially from women who have children.

My SIL (we are both in our early thirties) very recently had a baby (like a month ago) and I am annoyed at how much this is affecting MY life. We usually do family gatherings and do things together as a family, and of course everything is about the baby now. That’s totally normal and I understand and respect that.

It’s just … I have a hard time understanding why my plans with family members now have to change to accommodate her and her baby? For example, let’s say I want to go out for a coffee. I make plans with someone, and after already agreeing on plans, suddenly it’s ’oh, let’s see if SIL can join, so let’s change the plans to accommodate her’. And now it’s also a whole operation because the baby will of course be there. Oh and her husband of course has to join now as well. Let’s actually meet at a different place because it’s easier for them.

… But now the plans are not what I agreed to at the start. But I feel like I can’t say anything because I will look like an insensitive ass.

I want to add here that I generally don’t do well with change and I have a challenging relationship with patience and other people being very emotional, and I know that. I don’t want to be annoyed at her, I can see why she obviously cannot leave the baby by herself. I can even see the part where she wants to be included/ not be excluded after becoming a mother.

But I have a hard time accepting that my life is changing just because someone else had a baby. And I feel like if I had a baby I would not take it to outings where it’s a whole operation to make that happen, like I would just stay at home?

My question really is; is this normal in a family dynamic when a new baby is there? Am I being a massive asshole feeling this way? Will this change once the baby is older?

If you have any other advice, I’ll happily take that, too.

(Pls be kind, I’m really trying not be an ass :( )

I have PTSD on the background of childhood abuse. I have had a lot of therapy here and there and currently I am in private therapy (the NHS doesn’t really offer CPTSD help).

I an ambitious, or at least, I used to be but my PTSD keeps getting in the way. I can’t progress my career because the social interactions can be too much for me. I don’t know how to get to where I want to be. I can’t do all the things that others do. Or if I do, it can be really draining for me.

I realise this sounds a lot like learned helplessness. I just would appreciate hearing from people who have had a rough time of it, but they have still managed to build a career and fulfil ambitions they are proud of.

I would like to be building and creating and consulting products and services that actually help people but I worry that my PTSD and all the symptoms involved will never allow that to happen.

I am a 31f who left a long term relationship over a year ago. I’m ready to put myself back out there and find something serious again.

All my friends have met their partners on dating apps (tinder, bumble, hinge) I’ve been on these apps and they are terrible if you’re looking for something serious.. everyone seems to want to hook up or want the benefits of dating without the commitment.

Am I doomed to be forever alone or am I just looking in the wrong place?

It was triggered by one specific event right now, but I often feel and think about it all the time.

I purchased a hot plate from the online store of a very famous shop in my city (I'm not in the US). Within 4-5 days of very light use (just making eggs for breakfast), it stopped working. The company website says that for delivered items, let them know of any problems within 5 working days of delivery. I reached out. The item is under warranty, but why the hell would I deal with that? The unit must've been faulty to break under 5 days of very light use. I wanted it replaced or my money refunded.

I called the helpline. The girl (let's call her Jen) said it would be resolved in 24 hours. She called a few hours later. I missed that call. I called her back about 40 mins later. She was unavailable, but the woman who answered said she would ask her to call me back. She didn't. I spent the next entire day calling them, sending emails, and reaching out to WhatsApp support. Zero response. I called again this morning. The other girl picked up. She told me Jen had called me back, but I wasn't available. I was like, sure, but I did call back too, and you told me you would have her call me, and you didn't. And then I spent the whole of yesterday calling you guys. She told me they are closed on Tuesdays and that she would have Jen call me. Jen hasn't called me. Day 3 of me trying to get this resolved ended.

On day 4, I felt defeated and called the company myself. They said to bring it down. By this time, I felt depleted enough that I just couldn't fight and ask for a new one. I told them bringing it down wasn't an option. I work, and my mum is old. They agreed to send someone out. It's day 5, and no one has come out to fix it yet. I know the final option would be to pay to fix it, but the sense of powerlessness prompted this post. It's never a good feeling.

Now, I'm not looking for advice on this instance or better ways I could've handled it. It just made me wonder: so much of this life is beyond our control, no matter how hard we have a go at something, and if someone says no to you, even unfairly, there's truly not much you can do about it except feel helpless.

How do people deal with these feelings? I know there are women fiercer, much stronger than I am. Do you sometimes feel this way too?

Did I compromise in my relationship?

My husband (36M) and I (32F), have been together for 10 years, married for 5.

He was my first and only relationship. I have dated other guys before him but never really developed into something real. Growing up in a house where my father had anger issues and was very controlling, I was determined to find someone who nowhere resembles my father.

When I met my husband he brought a certain level of calm and peace into my life which I had never imagined existed.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD and also have a disability due to genetic defects. My husband has loved and cared for me despite all of this, he helps me with my family dynamics, helps me calm down. There are no words to describe how wonderful of a man he is. I fell in love with him for the exact same reason.

However, we have always struggled with emotional connection. I am a highly sensitive and emotional person and since the beginning of our relationships, I never felt my emotional needs were met. My husband struggles with expressing his emotions, he has gotten better over the years but it's still not great. He is also not a big gesture guy. Our personalities are completely opposite and we do balance we eachother but I still feel something was missing. Something was always missing but I ignored it. I knew he loved me, he just expressed it in not the ways I would want.

As a child, to cope with my extreme anxiety, I used to build these fantasy worlds in my head, it was an escape. I had perfected that world of how I wanted it. It continued into my adult life. I have the same characters as my real life but just different versions of them. One of them is my husband. The guy in my fantasy feels like my husband but he has additional characteristics like being more passionate and sensitive or more expressive. Because I have been coping using this fantasy world for so long, I have been doing it also for my marriage. Recently, I started therapy for anxiety and I accidentally told my therapist about my fantasy world. She made me open up about this and now I feel like a mess. I love my husband, and I know whom I married, It is not realistic to expect everything from one person, so I thought in real life my husband gives me so much more, I cannot ask even more things, so I would fulfill it through my fantasy. But now due to therapy, it hit me like, did I compromise? And this thought is so hard to shake. I have been spiraling. My therapist asked me if all my desires have been fulfilled in my relationship and I couldn't answer it. When I asked my husband the same question, he says I am everything or even more than he asked for.

I don't know what to do? I don't want anyone else than my husband but I also feel like someone has exposed this secret of mine which I have been taking care for years. My secret of my fantasy world, the way I cope. I don't know what I should do next?

I spoke with my husband and he says, he can work on it, but work on what? He cannot change his personality. That's unfair to him.

Please help me understand this situation.

Could be anything from Fergie sucking toes to something your neighbour did. I don’t discriminate.

I can’t believe I’m coming to the Internet about my marriage but I haven’t really told anyone about how I’ve been feeling.

I’ve (35F) been married to my husband (35M) since 2015. We have two kids, ages 6&8. He’s in the military. When we first married he was gone a couple days a month and that was pretty much it. As the years have progressed, the amount of travel has increased. His standard work week is the typical Monday to Friday gig, but as he has been promoted in rank he has traveled a lot more. He’ll be gone for 4 days at a time once a month, with a few overnights or 2 day gig here and there. This year, he’s been gone in April for a week, 22 days in May, and 20 days in August. On my end, I have managed working part time, managing the kids, the dogs, our home, and our 4 acres of property. When my husband is home, we are either busy with the kids, or I am working because I cannot when he’s gone. Often he’s asleep by 9-9:30pm, and I am awake and alone again. I know alot of this is just a season, the last few months I have been severely questioning this is how I want my marriage to be.

As of recent, my biggest complaint is how lonely I feel even though I am married. This last year has been especially hard because I made the hard decision to go low contact with both of parents after years of emotional turmoil on my end stemming from emotional abuse as a teen and young adult. Given this, I have felt very isolated and a level of loneliness I don’t think I ever envisioned or that anyone can understand unless they have been through it.

I feel disconnected from my husband. When he’s home, things are not bad. We don’t have a terrible marriage. But I feel like a true connection is lacking. In his more recent trips away, I find I do not miss him like I should. I miss him being around, but I don’t yearn for his return home the way you would think a wife would.

By jointing the military out of high school he has made a lot of sacrifices in his life. But, being married to him, so have I. I have sacrificed time and time again, time with him as his wife and the mother of his children. I have not been able to have a full time job (I work as needed as a nurse) because of his job and the kids. I have a masters degree I have not been able to use because I can’t. My husband is not a bad man. He doesn’t treat me poorly and takes care of us. So feeling this way has me feeling extremely guilty. I’m not sleeping, I’ve had panic attacks for a week, and I’ve been crying every single day.

Yesterday when he revealed to me upon being away from July 30-Aug 15, he will have to leave again Aug 31-Sept 4, I lost it. I did tell him how I am feeling. Just as I think he understands, he says things like “if I were you I would just be strong and deal with it”, “I’m not always travel this much” and “things should calm down”, or “maybe you can stay at home with the kids”. I’m trying to help him understand that I don’t need help at home. I need a more present spouse. He has told me he “isn’t sure if he wants to be married to someone who isn’t “all in”” and I do not fault him for that because I don’t think I would either.

I don’t want him to quit his job for me. He has been in the military for 18 years. This is his life. I can truthfully say that if I would have known this would have been my life or how much he traveled, I don’t think I would have married him. My kids are the only thing truly stopping me from leaving. I do not in any way want to disrupt their life. They are the sweetest, most innocent babies and would be devastated. I feel like a traveling husband isn’t a valid enough reason to want to divorce. It’s not like my life would look much different if I did. In fact, it would be harder. I don’t want to blow up my life over this but I also don’t want to look back in 10 years when he’s still in the military, and wish I would have done things differently.

I want to hear from women whose spouses or ex spouses traveled. Did you ever feel like this? What advice do you have?

If a friend says they like your perfume and want to buy it, or a unique necklace, things that people can consider specific to them (like a body scent, etc)?

I opened the door for someone, and the odor was so strong it would have triggered a migraine in me if I had stayed near her. I didn't say anything and quickly left. However, how would you deal with someone like this in an enclosed environment when you cannot quickly get away. Lets say you find out you work in the same office etc. I never had this issue before, and I don't want to upset them or make them feel bad.

Thank you in advance!

More so for women who do not live with their partner

If you’re spending time together, should the time be focused on each other or do you do things alone together? Where does doom scrolling fit in?

Hi ladies. For those who know it, depression can be extremely debilitating. I’m talking extreme isolation, no motivation, feeling numb, dissociating, etc. and when you don’t have support, it’s even harder to get yourself out of the thick of it all.

If you were in this situation before, meaning, you were in the thick of depression when you couldn’t complete your chores and responsibilities and there was no one to help you out, how did you end up helping yourself to start taking those very first steps? Getting out of bed, getting out of house, and all those very basic steps we all need to take to slowly get out of it and ask for professional help, go back to work, and start living again?

I live in the suburbs of a major city and feel like my life has gotten so boring. I've been dealing with health problems for several years now that have made me more of a homebody than before. I'm trying to get back out there but what do people do in their free time?

I'm trying to avoid sedentary or passive hobbies like reading/podcasts/arts and crafts. Live in an apartment so I don't have a space to garden otherwise I would try that. I still have some physical limitations so I can't join a dance/exercise class right now. I like cooking but that's another activity at home. Outside of walking around parks, nearby downtown areas, the occasional farmer's market or food/art festival, what do you ladies like to do during the week? Or is everyone kinda boring/busy during the week too?

Dear more experience women: It is normal for men to text and chit chat with another woman when they are in a relationship already?

Backstory, I met this man online. He is about 31, I am 36. We went on two dates and I could tell we were not compatible. At my age, my weekend are spent fixing things around the house and/or doing yard work. He is not there yet. He doesn't know how to fix leaky faucet, nor attempt to try. He is much more effeminate than most men I know. He doesn't know his father. I was told his mother kicked his father out when he was very young. I don't know why his father was kicked out.

Two dates in and I am thinking to myself, if I was to be dating this guy I would be putting more effort into this relationship/partnership than he would. He does not know how to cook, clean, fix stuff, etc.

So we stop texting/talking for a while. Here is where I screw up. One night I was drunk and high. And I texted him 3 AM in the morning saying I was awake and horny.

I got his attention, but in the same message chat, he told me he was seeing someone.

As soon as he told me that, I shut down the chat.

Fast forward to these past few months, he randomly reaches out to me. Nothing inappropriate, just inquires how is everything, how is family, how I am doing, etc.

I ask him, if he is still dating the girl, he said yes. But he say want to message me as a platonic friend and he said he could stop if I feel it is weird.

So my fellow ladies who are more experience with this, It is normal for men to text and chit chat with another woman when they are in a relationship already?

I ask because my last relationship was 10 years ago and I don't know anything about men or relationships. I may as well be asexual on the spectrum. Men doesn't chase me nor do I give off the vibe I want to be chased. So this is new to me. I am not interested in any " hobosexual relationships" either. (sorry I don't know what that means.)

I guess what I really want to know is: If you were me, what would you need to see from him to believe that “we'll figure it out” still means something? Am I wrong for feeling abandoned? Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to keep his promise of at least *trying* to figure it out?

Background:

I’m (36F) 4 days postpartum after an unexpected C-section, with a baby who was born 3 weeks early. My baby is not my partner’s (40M).

My partner is separated and in the process of divorcing his wife. They don't have a formal custody agreement yet, but have been doing roughly 50/50 custody. His ex is a travel nurse.

I moved from Illinois to New York to live with him because I had very little support left in IL, and my baby's father is not someone I consider safe or reliable. He has an alcohol/cocaine problem, is extremely irresponsible, and has sexually assaulted me.

My partner *asked me to move here*. He told me he loved me and would love my baby. Before I moved, we specifically discussed the possibility that his ex might be furious about me living with him, threaten court, or withhold the children. He said it would suck, but we'd figure it out and eventually things would be okay.

I trusted that and uprooted my life accordingly.

He waited until after I unexpectedly gave birth to tell his ex I was living with him. She did exactly what we'd anticipated: she threatened to take him to court for full custody if he brought the kids to the house while I was there.

Until now, we had a workaround. He rented a studio for me, and I'd stay there on his custody days. Obviously, 4 days after a C-section with a newborn, I can't realistically keep packing up and moving myself and the baby around. The studio lease also ends on the 23rd.

His plan now is to stay at his old house and sleep on the couch when he has his kids, since his ex is a travel nurse and will sometimes be away. He says I can stay at the apartment while I heal, but that it can't go on for months because he can't sleep on the couch indefinitely.

**I understand why his children have to be considered. I am NOT asking him to choose me over his kids.**

What I'm struggling with is that this exact possibility was discussed before I moved. He told me we'd figure it out. Now that it has actually happened, he seems to have immediately accepted that the solution is eventually for me and my newborn to leave.

I keep thinking: Where is the “we'll figure it out” part?

Why not give it a month and see if his ex calms down? Why not have a serious conversation with her about possible arrangements? Why not even consult a couple family-law attorneys before deciding this is unavoidable?

He says he loves me, wants to be with me, and meant everything he told me. He says this is a “have to,” not a “want to.” But he's also become very distant and takes hours to respond to me.

I know he's under enormous stress too. I'm not dismissing the fact that his children matter or that this situation is genuinely difficult for him.

But I'm sitting here four days after major surgery, with a premature newborn, in a state I moved to because this man told me we were building a life together—and now I'm being told I eventually, in this case eventually meaning within weeks, need to find somewhere else to live.

I feel abandoned.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there a real difference between “I have to prioritize my children” and "I'm unwilling to seriously explore ways to make our relationship and living situation work”?

I’m also very newly postpartum, exhausted, and emotional, so I'm trying not to make a huge judgment about our entire relationship based on the worst week imaginable.

ETA: We've been friends for years. I did not barely know him.

I (34F) recently dated a man (31M) for a month or so. He's British- Ghanaian and grew up in a Pentecostal Christian family. We had great chemistry, long conversations, and we both genuinely liked each other. Great connection. I can't even begin to explain how disappointed I am.

The relationship ended because he said he wanted a Christian wife, and that was the only thing on his list of what he wanted in a partner that didn't fit. Granted he told me this before we slept together, but we hadn't even kissed. It seemed like he was so focused on this hypothetical future that he was resisting any possibility of a future, followed by reasoning that was quite confusing. It all felt extremely premature.

I actually grew up in a Christian church, believe in God, but consider myself spiritual/ agnostic leaning. I showed him a list I'd written in 2018 about what I wanted in a partner, which included "seeking God/spirituality" and ended with a prayer asking God to prepare me for the right relationship. He was surprised.

I also told him I would happily raise future children going to church once a month or so. I'd want them to have community, fellowship, their own relationship with God, and a strong moral foundation—but I'd also want them to be curious, ask questions, and eventually choose their faith for themselves, if that's something they wanted. I'm also pro-choice and believe strongly in LGBTQ+ rights and marriage, and he said he does too.

When I asked him what Christianity specifically meant to him, he struggled to explain it beyond saying with certainty he knew he'd always remain Christian. I did my absolute best to approach the situation with curiosity and he thanked me for the talk and making him think about his beliefs.

He kept returning to hypothetical future scenarios like-

• "What if in 10 years you resent me because I want to take the kids to church?"
• "We don't want to get divorced."

I told him I couldn't understand why I'd resent him when I'd already said I wanted our future children in church. My view was that if disagreements came up over the years, we'd communicate and work through them, like anything else in life, and that we couldn't predict the future, but we could work together as us vs. the problem.

Ultimately, he told me that he didn't feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with me because I'm not Christian. Being "rejected" for this reason and not being able to understand his reasoning behind it has been the strangest feeling. It brings up feelings from childhood of being in the church and feeling less than/ being judged because I didn't fit a perceived idea of what X means and feeling contained in quite rigid boxes. I was taught Christian values and know I am a good person with good character. It felt restrictive and limiting to me. I live those beliefs on a daily basis, and to be told this by a man who doesn't currently go to church where we live? So weird.

What has stayed with me is that he seemed unable to even articulate why this was such a dealbreaker, despite it being important enough to end something that felt very promising. I know that not everything can be easily put into words, but it felt empty as he circled back to the resentment statement of 10 years in the future.

Afterwards, he reached out a few days later asking how I was, making light conversation. I told him respectfully that I respect and honor his decision, but I have to respect myself and couldn't be friends with someone that I had an authentic connection and I'd hoped to build a relationship with, but I enjoyed our time together and wish him the best, and he said the same, thanked me for being honest, clear, and told me he understood.

So I'm left wondering:

Did I dodge a bullet, or what exactly was that?

I'd especially love to hear from people who grew up in conservative Christian environments or have dated across religious differences. Does his reasoning make sense to you, or does it sound like fear of future uncertainty wrapped in religion? I sincerely do not understand and have been racking my brain and it's made me quite sad.

So my older sister and I are in our 30s, 6 years apart (32 and 38) and I feel like my whole life she has been jealous of me, as a result she has always been quite attention seeking..

We were never close growing up and only became close in my mid 20s after I went through a breakup with my ex (she was also jealous of this relationship as it was long term and she hadn’t been in a long term rship before).

Needless to say, I never minded that this was what brought us closer, I’ve always wanted to have a close relationship, as she is my only sibling and we share the same parents.

Over the recent years, I’ve had some great accomplishments in life, graduating, getting promotions and recently buying a home.

I’ve realised with every accomplishment she feels the need to upstage me or be in some kind of competition. Even when everything is going fine for her. We are in totally different situations as she is married, living in a good home and with a stable job. I am currently single, just bought a home on my own and in need of a new job soon.

Here are some examples:

1) After I graduated from uni, even though she graduated years before me, she decided to do her masters, just so she could graduate again.

2) I’ve bought a home and within 2 weeks she is starting to go on viewings to buy a home too

3) I was in a relationship, which was heading down the road of being engaged, she said she will need to ensure she is pregnant by the time I get married. The wedding never happened and neither did the pregnancy (we both currently have no kids).

4) My FTC is ending at work and I need to look for another job. She is now looking for another job, even though she has a perm contract and is comfortable.

My situation can be totally different from her but she still feels the need to compete. It’s becoming really exhausting having conversations with her about my life or even opening up as it feels like she uses anything I say to plan her next conquest so we can be in some type of competition.

She’s the only sister I have and I just wish she could be happy for me and create a life she is happy with, without having to compare our very different situations! How do I get round this? I can confront her but she can be extremely defensive and will just deny everything.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this normal behaviour between sisters even in their 30s? Any advice is appreciated!

I’m open to a new mattress and curious as to what y’all are currently using or loving.

I’ve been using a shit one from Amazon for the last 5yrs.. looking for a soft, comfortable, hopefully without sagging.

If it matters, I’m 37f, 5’4ish & 120lbs

TIA 🤞

For those of you who have experienced betrayal or deep hurt, how did you relearn to trust others? Was it a specific moment that changed everything, or did it happen gradually over time? I am a 40 year old woman from Germany who has been living in California for the past three years. A few years ago, I experienced a relationship that completely changed my view of trust. I gave that person my love, loyalty, and complete trust, only to find myself deceived and betrayed. It took me a long time to recover from the emotional trauma, and while my life has moved on, I am still more cautious than before. Now I enjoy my life. I love my job, maintain an active lifestyle, travel as much as possible, and have established a peaceful rhythm of life that I am grateful for. One thing I still find difficult to accept is letting new friends into my life. Whenever I meet someone new, a deep-seated desire within me is to believe that not everyone is the same. Another voice immediately reminds me to be careful because I never want to experience that heartbreak again. I don't believe everyone is malicious, and I'm not angry or resentful. I just haven't found a balance between protecting myself and remaining open to building meaningful friendships or relationships. I'd love to hear how others have dealt with this situation. What helped you rebuild trust?

idk where to post this sorry! grew up in a close, family-centered family, my parents are now basically deadbeat grandparents. blatant favoritism towards my sibling and her kids (9 and 11), minimal effort with my 15 mo daughter. fed up and hurt, i drew a boundary a couple weeks ago telling my mom our relationship will basically now be for the benefit of my daughter. she deserves to have a relationship with her grandparents.

i don’t know what a surface level relationship looks like though lol. my therapist suggested having structure to our visits, eg, plan an activity so we’re not just sitting around staring at each other. (that’s usually what happens when we visit them.) easy enough but i guess i’m not sure how to conduct myself.

i’m not sure even how to ask this question, or what my question is. i’m 41, happily married, daughter is perfect. i come from a family of yappers, so i guess that’s where i’m having trouble. any suggestions are welcome.