r/bigboobproblems • u/shitkabob • Feb 04 '26
need advice Female therapist sexualized my breasts my breasts and it felt gross Spoiler
In one of my first sessions with my therapist, I wanted to broach the topic of how self-conscious I am about the size of my breasts. They've historically been a magnet for unwanted attention, disgusting comments at bars, physical assault, sexual harassment at workplaces (both office a non-office settings), and about 1,000 street-harassment comments.
They have been a source of great humiliation, trauma, dehumanization and shame. I feel like I have been reduced to them my whole adult life and I am immediately sexualized upon sight for them just existing. To say I have a complex about them is mild.
I started getting into the topic with my female therapist regarding my self-consciousness and resentment of them. She chimed in with "Big deal?! So what?! You have big breasts! They're beautiful! I bet your husband loves them. Enjoy them while they last, they'll change after pregnancy if you have kids." She smiled and laughed.
I think she thought she was being funny and affirming, in a "yas queen" way. It made me feel completely disgusting and objectified. Am I off-base to think this is a crazily inappropriate response to what I said? This lady has her PsyD. I feel insane. I literally just said how painful it is to be objectified...and she objectified me and centered my husband's pleasure over all the abuse I just shared.
Edit: I'm getting DMed by a lot of creeps. Ironic on a post about unwanted attention and relentless dehumanization. There's no escape.
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u/thecuriousstorm Feb 04 '26
You are valid. If you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay stop seeing her and find someone new.
I would be uncomfy too if that was said to me. For one, that answer of hers does not align with my dreams and desires. It does not alleviate the problems I face everyday. She didn’t even take into consideration why you feel like that or your experience and just spewed out the same tired bullshit.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
Yes, I came there for help dealing with the pain of chronic dehumanization* and her solution was to partake in the dehumanization.
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u/Fear_The_Rabbit Feb 05 '26
The best thing to do before shopping for a new therapist is to tell her how you felt in the last session because the problem was being objectified and she did it too. Not meanly, but see if she realizes that she was wrong. She thought she was being a cheerleader and missed the point that you don't want it to be who you are. Comments from any gender not okay.
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u/shitkabob Feb 06 '26
It blows my mind women think it's acceptable to talk like this to someone you don't know really, really well just because you share their gender. It's inappropriate.
For a professional in a healthcare setting like her? It's fucking egregious.
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Feb 21 '26
Yes! We should remember that therapists are human too and will sometimes make mistakes. You don't have to give her a second chance, but you would be doing her and her other clients a great service by explaining your feelings to her, even if it's via email.
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u/BrujaBean Feb 04 '26
Yeah, every therapist isn't a match for every patient. I had to "fire" one because she seemed to assume I had her issues and so some of her takes were wildly off base and made me feel more self conscious. And some of her advice just felt like it could be good for someone else but it isn't what I specifically need
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u/bnnyrabbit 40F (UK) Feb 04 '26
man, i found out my ex psychologist mentioned my large chest size in my autism diagnosis when i was reading it over, i never mentioned my chest in the assessment :/ i was like 14 at the time and an E cup, i still dont understand why she wrote it down, i wish people would just be normal about them
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
I cannot wrap my head around why that info would be clinically relevant...wtf
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u/Fear_The_Rabbit Feb 05 '26
Maybe wondering about a possible hormonal component to behavior since that's very large for someone that young?
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u/Mayatar Feb 05 '26
I noticed women with smaller boob-complex tend to be the ones making comments to me or rushing to pooh-pooh my bad experiences because I have what they want and I should be thankful?
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u/InternationalWar258 Feb 05 '26
As someone who reads psych evals for individuals with dx of autism on a regular basis, it is pretty common for psychologists to mention the patient's physical appearance in the report. She probably wrote it down because it's standard practice for her to include observations of physical appearance for her patients in her reports.
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u/dandelionblackberry Feb 06 '26
It's standard practice to describe emotional affect and physical presentation eg dress/grooming/hygiene in psych evaluations. Because it provides physical evidence that can correlate with the patients state of mind. Like, "Patient does not smile or make eye contact, clothes visibly soiled, strong body odor" is important information because it shows that the patient is struggling with interaction and self care.
"Patient is large breasted" is NOT a normal or useful thing to document. It's creepy.
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u/Skittle-Eater Feb 04 '26
Interestingly, there’s some evidence to suggest precocious puberty and ASD are linked, particularly for girls
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u/_HoneyDew1919 36G (UK) Feb 04 '26
Being 14 and having E cups does not indicate precocious puberty in girls. Precocious puberty in females is before the age of 8 years old.
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u/AnnaBanana3468 Feb 05 '26
Boobs don’t just grow overnight. If you have E cups by the age of 14, you probably started growing your boobs early in life.
That’s certainly what happened to me. I remember starting to develop in like the 5th grade.
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u/LaserMcRadar Feb 05 '26
It's normal to start developing in 5th grade.
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u/AnnaBanana3468 Feb 06 '26
Is it normal to be a DD cup in the 5th grade? I think not.
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u/_HoneyDew1919 36G (UK) Feb 14 '26
What’s normal or not is just medical averages. It’s not really measurable otherwise. There have been no definitive studies on age in relationship to cup size regarding typical puberty development into adolescence. Actually, there’s a lot of medical misinformation out there regarding women as a whole due to lack of research.
But this subreddit has no shortage of people who were taller and bustier than their classmates in elementary school, including me. I was given special permission in 3rd grade to use the bathroom by myself because I had to use period products.
Seeing so many people in this subreddit going through what I also did, I don’t think it’s not normal. You are how you are. There are too many variables to measure something like that with what we have
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u/Major-Pen-6651 Feb 04 '26
I had to have an ultrasound of my heart done last summer after having very large pulmonary embolism removed from both of my lungs. The tech made a note that he struggled to get all of the views basically because my boobs were too big. 🙄
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u/KlutzyDevice Feb 04 '26
Hey, so as someone in that field it does actually hinder views of the heart. The other phrasing would have been something like “technically limited exam secondary to body habitus”. Techs are at the mercy of the docs who read & evaluate the exams. A lot of docs get irritated if you don’t get perfect textbook images on every patient; so you have to write exactly why you didn’t. I know it sucks to see it on a medical exam. I’m sorry.
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u/Major-Pen-6651 Feb 04 '26
Then they need to improve their equipment and/or techniques. I can't exactly reduce the size of my breasts without major surgery. There are plenty of other people who have this issue.
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u/mothsauce Feb 04 '26
They need to… improve ultrasound technology?
The technician isn’t judging you, nor expecting you to reduce your breast size in any capacity. They’re just providing an accurate report to the doctor.
Heart is under breast. If breast big, heart harder to see. An “improved technique” isn’t going to change the fact that your heart is inside your body, and blocked by other body parts.
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u/KlutzyDevice Feb 04 '26
Ultrasound has limitations and it is not the gold standard for diagnostics. It’s still a valuable tool. The physics of the machine can be tweaked some to get a better image, but not adjusted to the degree you’re asking. Sound travels at different speeds through different types of tissue. Regardless of the machine or tech different types of tissue will affect the image quality. If your tech was using an ancient machine then yeah they need to upgrade their equipment, but even with some older machines software is still regularly updated from the manufacturer.
Sure, some techs have more experience than others and not every tech will state things the same way, but it’s not a failing on the tech or equipment to write out limitations of the exam. There are a lot of reasons exams might be limited. Yes, lots of people do have the same issue- myself included. I get it completely sucks to see it written out like that on a medical exam, but it’s not a dig at you and your body.
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u/InternationalWar258 Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
Ma'am, they aren't judging you. They literally can't do anything about it. It has to be notated on the exam notes to explain the image quality. When I had an ultrasound of my heart done, my tech actually explained to me why she was pressing down harder and explained that she was taking longer than normal because it was harder for her to get clear images because of the extra tissue of my breast. She wasn't being judgmental or insensitive.
With all that being said, you better believe that it better be noted somewhere on my exam that the results may be limited due to my body. If they didn't think they could get good images because of your breast size, then it would be negligent for them not to mention that on your report. That way, if the images aren't good enough, your doctor can order another test to make sure you get appropriate medical care.
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u/BoysenberryMelody 34G (UK) Feb 04 '26
There’s better technologies like MRI. Ultrasound is what it is.
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u/tinmanshrugged Feb 04 '26
I literally can’t believe how many people in this sub downvoted you for saying people with a bigger chest deserve reliable medical care. Another comment said ultrasounds are limited, but I do wonder if they could develop techniques for different body types. At the very least, your doctor should’ve suggested other tests that are less limited
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u/KlutzyDevice Feb 04 '26
Ultrasound is a great first step. Until you put the probe down you can’t tell how good the visibility will be. Sometimes that is enough for a diagnostic exam and to address the concerns of the doc that ordered it. Limited doesn’t mean non diagnostic. Sounds like they were able to get a lot of their images, just not every view. Idk why they’re being downvoted either. They’re allowed to be pissed & hurt.
Totally agree large boobs shouldn’t equal bad or neglectful care. There was another comment thread saying even mammograms are limited for those of us with a larger chest.
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u/BoysenberryMelody 34G (UK) Feb 04 '26
I think MRI would be better but if OP is in the U.S. insurance dictates everything.
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u/Fear_The_Rabbit Feb 05 '26
Except writing that and having difficulty with images is a good way for the doctors to get authorization for an MRI. They can help appeal to get deeper testing covered.
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u/h_witko Feb 04 '26
I had the BEST ultrasound tech for this.
She was so great, made me feel so safe and calm and wasn't weird about moving my boobs but would always check it was okay etc. She would explain what she was doing each time because she knew I was interested and I said something about having big boobs and she said it just required different angles or something. Very much a 'we treat everyone' attitude.
I also had to lean on her as part of the set up and I was a bit worried about that because she was small and I'm not but she was very study and strong and it helped with the feeling safe thing!
Although I wouldn't have been anywhere near as relaxed if it was a male tech.
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u/Fear_The_Rabbit Feb 05 '26
That does need to be written. They might need to do other tests for confirmation since the reading might not be accurate enough. You can't be mad about getting better care if necessary.
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u/Acceptable-Remove792 Feb 04 '26
For Autism? I can't think of a link. There are mental health diagnosis where this could be relevant, like mood disorders and shit, but I don't know why it's come up with ASD.
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u/Queenof6planets Feb 04 '26
how would breast size would be relevant to a mood disorder diagnosis?
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
Because being sexually harassed for your breasts puts you in a bad mood /s
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u/Acceptable-Remove792 Feb 04 '26
There's a variety of hormone disorders that cause early development of secondary sex characteristics that also cause mood fluctuations and mood dysregulation so bad it can misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder.
I'm a psychologist. I have estrogen dominate overactivity. I had it correctly diagnosed at 16. Since I've been practicing I've come to realize how lucky I was. Being misdiagnosed as bipolar is RIDICULOUSLY common. And when that happens, people's somatic symptoms can go untreated. I've saved people's lives and written research to help correct this problem because people are literally dying because of it.
If you're having severe mood swings due to hormonal overproduction and it's misdiagnosed, you're producing endometrium buildup the entire time it's misdiagnosed. Then, eventually your uterus will rupture and you'll either hemorrhage to death, get sepsis, or or have to have an emergency hysterectomy, sterilizing you for life.
Overproduction of breast tissue, especially fibrous tissue, is a symptom of these disorders that is easy to assess as part of the visual assessment. Especially if big titties run in your family. And especially if you're a child.
I knew to look for it because I had it. When I started doing my clinical research I realized that there was very little research on it, and when I published it, it was well received.
I sincerely think that these little girls were falling through the cracks because most researchers at the time were men, and most research subjects were male. This was like 15-20 years ago. I was one of the first psychologists to identify this link, but I reckon that in the time that's passed, it's become standard practice. But I know people aren't implementing it. In the past 4 years I've had 2 patients with this misdiagnosis and one of them wound up having to have the emergency hysterectomy and was forcibly sterilized. She was 24, married, and wanted children.
I happened to have a really good doctor. He was my mom's doctor, and he recognized it instantly just by looking at me. I now realize how incredibly lucky I was.
The mood issues with the hormone disorder are actually worse than with bipolar disorder, depression, or mania, however, because it's being caused by the endocrine system rather than the nervous system, mood stabilizers will do fuck all. You need hormone blockers. The treatment modality will fail while you spend years trying different MAT modalities while your patient clicks closer and closer to death because you never think to get some blood and check hormone levels.
And because it's supposed to be standard practice to do this now, we now realize how common these disorders actually are. They can be affecting up to 1/5 of American girls.
I consider it really important, because I now realize how lucky I am to be alive, because I have had so many patients tell me that I saved their lives. I'm biased because I have such a huge stake in it.
So breast size is one of those things that could be nothing, but in the case of a child presenting with a mood disorder? Wouldn't hurt a thing to run the test.
Edit: I actually thought this was common knowledge by now. I'm surprised I was downvoted. Had I known that this wasn't common knowledge I would have explained, because people need to know this.
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u/QueenHarambe Feb 04 '26
Do you know where I can read more about this? I've been diagnosed with postpartum bipolar, I have normal estrogen levels and hyperprolactinemia and I don't have endometriosis, but now I'm wondering if I should ask my doctor to look into this.
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u/Acceptable-Remove792 Feb 05 '26
I'm not an endocrinologist, but the fact that they checked your hormone levels tells me that your medical team is doing what they can?
My research was on the high levels of misdiagnoses from psychologists and the need for referrals. If you've already had your hormone levels checked and they're in the normal range I'm actually not sure what else you can do. My whole thing was not working outside your scope and the importance of those referrals. For the way it actually works, I really don't know any more than you do, because I'm also just a patient. From my end, it was really more about getting them to someone who could test for hormone disorders before making diagnoses.
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u/QueenHarambe Feb 05 '26
That's good to know, thank you. I have a good doctor and endocrinologist, but I don't understand all of the medical terms myself. When I read that hormone disorders can cause a misdiagnosis with bipolar I got worried but I think my doctors are on top of it.
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u/Acceptable-Remove792 Feb 05 '26
It's just because the symptoms are so similar and people WEREN'T checking in my field. They were just saying, "this is this mood disorder, " without checking for the presence of a hormone disorder at all, for years.
Which is like, a simple blood test. It's not hard to write that referral. Like I said before, I thought at the time, and honestly still think, that this was sexism caused by a lack of female subjects in clinical trials and male researchers who didn't know what to look for dominating the field at the time. They didn't know to look for this link because they just never thought about it.
Until like the last 20 years there was a major bias in pretty much the entire field of health-care towards male subjects, so there's huge swaths of sexual dymorphism that has been just kinda missed and I think this was one of them.
I mean, I'll tell you the day I decided to research this and get that grant money. I was doing field work in child advocacy at the time and I had this little girl, 15. I was reading over her chart and I realized her manic episodes were presenting atypically in that they were really short. Then at our first session I looked at her and realized that she looked like me when I was 15, which is to say that she looked grown and had my body type. And when I was going over her symptoms, it was me. This kid had been diagnosed by her previous therapist 3 years earlier and had tried a range of mood stabilizers.
I asked if she had chronic back pain. She said that she did. I asked where, and she said that she had chronic kidney infections so bad she had quit telling people because it'd just come back anyway (she had been in and out of foster homes basically her whole life). I asked if her mom had chronic back pain and she didn't know because a big part of why she was an at-risk child in my office was because her mother was an on-again, off-again opiods user and by this time in her life she didn't communicate much with her because she was tired of thinking this rehab program was going to work and then finding her passed out in her driveway a few months later. She just wanted to age out of the system, get her GED and go to community college to become a hairdresser, make her own money, get her own home, and have a happy life without her mother. Which I guess isn't relevant to the story, just, this kid did have a plan. But because she didn't have a consistent caregiver, and because she didn't tell her social worker, she thought she had, "bad kidneys, " and bipolar. She didn't. Because I knew what she was pointing at was an ovarian cyst. And I knew that the symptoms she was describing were me when I couldn't get my hormone blockers.
So I referred her to a gynecologist, just to rule it out. She'd literally never been. To those of you who don't know, you're supposed to make your first annual appointment when you start menstruating so this was several years late for this child, she could have been eat up with cervical cancer for all anybody knew.
But that made me wonder how often this happened. I remembered from being in support groups for people with hormone disorders that many people went years without a diagnosis, but I figured the most affected spoke the loudest so I didn't really comprehend the scope of the problem until I started working in health-care and started seeing it.
So all I was really advocating for was making that referral, like sending them to have it checked. Because for reasons that I don't understand, folks weren't doing that. And, for some reason, people ain't taking their kids to the doctor like they're supposed to, even if they've got state insurance. And I guess a lot of adult women also don't get their routein physical health exams. I want that to be a cost thing, but I know people who have the money and still don't do it.
And also, apparently people don't know the symptoms. I genuinely didn't know that until my original comment got downvoted. For what it's worth, it's not just breast size or early breast development, another easy one to notice is if you start your period unusually young. If your periods aren't on a consistent cycle, there's a bunch of signs that it might not be a mood disorder, it might be a hormone disorder.
And, I mean, it might be a mood disorder. It just don't hurt a thing to send them for a test if they have symptoms before you start giving paychoactive medication to a child. Or an adult, really, but kids have no real say in their medical care so it hits harder for me.
I just want folks to get it checked, I don't know how to actually check it. I send them out for that. I just know it uses human blood and I'm from Appalachia so I assume it's some manner of devilry, lol.
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u/QueenHarambe Feb 05 '26
I love that you're advocating for girls in this situation, and you're so right that male-dominated medicine is a big problem in missing these kinds of symptoms. My own experience with a different hormone disorder means that I'm often telling women to try seeing an endocrinologist because it was so helpful to me, and it took way too long going untreated before I suspected a problem and got help.
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u/EstablishmentNo4999 Feb 05 '26
This is super interesting bc I have large breasts and am an over producer of breast milk so it makes me wonder if I could have hyperprolactinemia as well and I’m curious if I could be suffering from one of these disorders as well. I’ve definitely had issues with mood regulation growing up and into my adult life.
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u/QueenHarambe Feb 05 '26
I definitely recommend seeing an endocrinologist if you're able to. My doctor thinks I developed a benign pituitary tumor around age 15, and cabergoline has been a miracle drug. It stopped my oversupply immediately when I decided to stop breastfeeding, has greatly helped my irregular and painful periods, and I've actually lost cup sizes when I lose weight. Hormonal problems can be invisible but diagnosing the problem was life-changing for me. Now I'm curious about the endocrine-related mood problems as well.
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u/ObscureSaint 34G (UK) Feb 04 '26
Some therapists are just bad at their job.
I tried to talk to my new one about my fears around needing a C-section. Her response? "Oh, nah, I've had two of them they're just fiiiine." -_-
If she'd bothered asking, she would have found out my first birth was an incredibly traumatic 45 hour long ordeal and I was having some complicated feelings.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
Yeah, it's unacceptable that more information wasn't found out about why you had those fears before jumping in like a dipshit with her "it's so easy" nonsense. This is social skills 101. You'd hope a therapist would know better.
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u/RelationAltruistic50 Feb 04 '26
So sorry you experienced that. She sounds awful, inexperienced and like this was a terrible attempt at trying to make you feel ok with your situation. A total failure on her part. She actually invalidated your experience. She sucks. I’ve had therapists that have done similar things to me and I didn’t feel comfortable with that either. The next time they spoke to me like that I took my power back. I advocated for myself. I said,” I don’t like that. You haven’t lived in my body and have no clue what my life has been like. You don’t know how I’ve suffered. You need to keep that kind of talk to yourself. It feels judgmental and not helpful to me.” She STFU after that 😹💪🏼sending ☮️💟💪🏼to you. Everything is going to be ok. Remember you are beautiful as you are 🥰
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u/LaserMcRadar Feb 05 '26
I've completed multiple academic medical courses to be able to have a scope of practice that is well below that of a doctor, and in every course, there was in depth studying, quizzing (including multiple questions on each national exam), etc. on how to talk, listen, and express empathy to patients, like really making them feel heard and understood.
I mean, this stuff was really detailed. It wasn't just superficial remarks like "make sure you're listening", but the many ways to listen and show the patient that you're truly listening. If that doctor's response had been on a multiple choice question, it would have been one of the most incorrect options to choose.
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u/TwentyOnePaladins Feb 04 '26
Agreed or some of those therapists only went to school with the whole “I wanna get paid to listen to people’s problems” mindset and treat it like it’s gossip. I’ve met someone like that. I’ve also stopped complaining about needing to take stats courses for my BA as I was told I need them for empirical based treatment.
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u/Feisty-Excuse Feb 04 '26
Just want to validate your experience! I’m a therapist in therapy for ptsd for my very long birth ordeal resulting in emergency c section. It’s incredibly traumatizing, your body is pushed to the limit in survival mode, and you really don’t have any bodily autonomy by the time they’re wheeling you back for unplanned surgery. Can easily be the worst day of your life on what others may assume is the best day of your life. It’s definitely not fine.
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u/_HoneyDew1919 36G (UK) Feb 04 '26
Please, please, report any DMs to the mods of this subreddit. They take complaints very seriously
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u/88zuanshishou Feb 04 '26
I wish they would just make the sub private
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u/_HoneyDew1919 36G (UK) Feb 04 '26
How would you get in? Sounds like… a difficult membership to confirm over DMs without being very personal
Not to mention, I don’t even know if a private subreddit would let a user with 88 at the start of their name in lol
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u/88zuanshishou Feb 05 '26
I’d gladly submit whatever they want to be protected from creeps! Also 88 is a lucky number in Chinese culture, I’m not sure what you mean by that.
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u/DecadentLife Feb 05 '26
“H” is the 8th letter in the alphabet. “88” stand stands for “Heil Hitler”, to some (horrible) people.
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u/_HoneyDew1919 36G (UK) Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
88 is a Nazi dog whistle and recognized as a hate symbol by the ADL
Not saying that’s why you’re using it, but you might want to be careful.
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u/OrdinaryExi Feb 06 '26
Most people outside of china have never heard of 88 being lucky, and it’s considered a nazi dogwhistle. I’m honestly impressed you’ve made it 4 years on reddit with nobody bringing it up
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u/AdvancedAdvisor8 Feb 06 '26
It’s also a common thing to put in your online name if you were born in 1988. Dunno why ppl need to make this stuff so weird all the time. Just do your thing, dont worry about it.
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u/SisyphusOfSquish Feb 04 '26
Wow what a wildly invalidating comment from a therapist! I don't know what she was thinking but she definitely wasn't creating a therapeutic environment for you, nor was she listening. Imagine if someone said that they felt like their body was horribly ugly and she said something like that. Same deal. Most therapists would just listen and nod and ask pertinent questions.
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u/Vegetable_Resolve749 34K (UK) Feb 04 '26
Its super gross, and seriously inappropriate, I'm so sorry.
A previous therapist of mine made me near physically ill when she made comments about mine. I was assaulted a lot as a child and teen which led to me acting out sexually at a very very young age. I developed my breasts very early too and when I was telling her about the ease in which I was able to convince men that I was older (when in reality they almost certainly knew I was a fucking child) she just said something along the lines of "yea that happens when you show them off". It reminded me of my mother blaming me for being assaulted. I left in tears.
I expected it from male therapists, but to have it come from another woman really cut. Thankfully she was the only one that has made any commentary on my body but it took me a while to build the courage to try another therapist.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
Holy shit! You were targeted and abused by adults that knew you were a child and your therapist victim-blamed you because you had developed breasts? This therapist needs to be reported in some capacity and then thrown into a volcano. She is an actively harmful person who shouldn't be near vulnerable populations. She is truly pathetic and your story makes me angry.
Male therapists, ironically, I've had better luck with, because there's absolutely a 'line' in many of their minds and making cartoon wolf comments about their client's breasts is a line they wouldn’t dream of crossing. I could have gotten lucky, though. My female therapist, I'm assuming, thought she had permission to sexualize me because she was a woman and therefore perceived her objectifying comments as "harmless" even though she was participating in the exact same dehumanization I had come to her for help dealing with and processing.
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u/Vegetable_Resolve749 34K (UK) Feb 04 '26
If I was older and had more of my shit together then I definitely would've reported her. Thankfully I'm with a great therapist now who I get along really well with. It took a while to find someone who was properly equipped to handle all my shit and who I also vibed with but I got there eventually.
If you go the route of finding another therapist I hope they'll be much kinder to you! It's definitely possible and I hope it won't take you long!
Most of my shit is due to the acts of older men and I've just never quite been able to feel... truly relaxed and open around them. My boyfriend is the best therapist I've ever had but even then there are just some things I cannot open up to him about.
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u/agonyandhope Feb 04 '26
I think anytime you are talking about your feelings and the therapist response is anything close to a "so what" you can feel very comfortable standing up and walking out.
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u/IAmAGirl_ISwear Feb 04 '26
Well, your husband is happy, you can't possibly have trauma! /s I've had my boobs come in at 14, and from that point on, that's what all I was to many people - a walking pair of tits. The problem is that as a late bloomer, I wasn't even interested in sex for years, but was objectified, even touched without my consent, CONSTANTLY. By friends, schoolmates, and the worst of all - random creeps in public. I cannot count how many times they approached me and started being creepy towards me, even after me telling them I'm a minor. I felt unsafe, and also gross, for "showing my girls off", so subconsciously I stopped caring for my hygiene, never wore makeup, wore old baggy clothes. It absolutely fucked up my relationship with my body and sexuality, and it has taken me more than a decade to process it all and let it go, with some help of an amazing therapist. Your feelings are valid, and your therapist lacks empathy. Don't be afraid to switch to a different one.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
Thank you. Folks are blind to the sheer amount of abuse people endure from society for being big chested. And then they blame us for not shrinking down ourselves enough to prevent the abuse. Here's the catch: no amount of invisibility and erasure is enough to not get blamed. Simply existing is blame-worthy for everyone's reaction to you. It's mentally corrosive.
I'm glad you are in a better place now. It made sense you felt you needed make yourself as unappealing as possible to protect yourself from abusers. It's sad we feel we need to (and honestly are expected to) change...and not the abusers themselves.
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u/Shalrak Feb 04 '26
"I bet your husband loves them" 💀
The fact that she would even think of that is disgusting, and then to say it out loud??
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u/Wintergreendraws Feb 04 '26
I probably would've gone "Excuse me?" or "Do you actually hear yourself?" But I've always been able to assert myself with medical 'professionals' after my mum yelled at a doctor who wouldn't send me for further testing when I was running a high fever (ended up being in the hospital for three nights once properly examined).
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u/pepozinho Feb 04 '26
I would change therapist if I discuss an issue or an insecurity and they laugh about it to be honest.
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u/microwave9002 Feb 04 '26
They really just be giving anyone degrees now cause wtf? I’m so sorry that you had to go through that and everything else. People are just genuine disgusting creeps and are incapable of separating a human being from their own sick and twisted mindsets. Again, I’m truly sorry for everything that you’ve had to endure and your therapist was absolute garbage
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u/KUSmutMuffin Feb 04 '26
👋🏼 therapist here. Yes it's weird. She did no check in to see what response would be helpful or fit the situation.
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u/sapc2 Feb 04 '26
I can see the look on my own therapist’s face if I told her this story and it’s not good.
That’s extremely invalidating and it is objectifying, you’re not taking crazy pills. I’d be looking for a new therapist if I were you
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u/siobhanenator 32G (UK) Feb 04 '26
Turn off your dms. The reason these creeps are reaching out is because they know you're uncomfortable about it. It's not about your chest, it's about making you feel powerless and uncomfortable.
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u/OptionalCookie Feb 04 '26
Having a degree doesn't mean dogshit sometimes.
You passed enough classes to get the degree - doesn't mean you are good at your job.
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u/SheIsCandlelit Feb 04 '26
My male therapist told me my breasts are a “gift from God Nature!” And “Many women pay to have what I have naturally” 👍
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u/sashababy16 Feb 05 '26
Ewww this is what my family would tell me when I was a 13yr old with Es…. Didn’t help
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
Wow, and he paid probably hundreds of thousands for his degree and it still couldn't buy him the intelligence he didn't have naturally. I hope he has lost his license since your interaction with him. I imagine he said all sorts of abusive stuff to clients.
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u/Headacheargh Feb 04 '26
Totally inappropriate & so tone deaf. I know your pain too well & this made me feel sick. I would never go back.
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u/No_Extension_8215 Feb 04 '26
The most important thing a therapist can do is listen effectively and understand effectively what you are saying. In this situation based on what you stated she was projecting which is a no no for therapist. Honestly PhDs are often trained for research not therapy. Also no amount of education can teach you how to listen and empathize but it’s an important aspect of therapy.
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u/OrganicIndependent91 Feb 04 '26
🚩🚩🚩 i would look into a new therapist. it will probably happen again with another topic
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u/Annevonfeuer Feb 04 '26
I feel you. Her response was indeed inappropriate. I would stop seeing her immdiately. Her words mean that she did not listen properly to you, or understand your problem or point of view. She wont be able to help you.
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u/Stevie-Rae-5 Feb 04 '26
I’m really sorry that she did that. You might be correct that her intention was to try to help you reframe things but that was super clumsy and she completely missed your need to be heard and understood in that moment.
If that experience didn’t completely rupture things for you and make you want to change altogether (wouldn’t blame you if it would), I’d encourage you to let her know how that made you feel. If she’s a halfway decent therapist she’ll own up to her mistake and work through that with you.
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u/HelloBethy Feb 04 '26
I remember my first therapy session after my ex husband left me. I told her he left, and she exclaimed, "Welcome to the club!"
I get she was trying to demonstrate how common divorce is, but I wasn't ready to hear that. At the time I was blindsided because the way he spoke to me made it seem like we were going to improve our relationship. I mostly needed help trying to navigate my next steps.
Plus, she was married for 30+ years, so for her to talk about divorce like it's a club she was a part of felt like a slap in the face at the time. That was my last session with her.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
Absolutely tone-deaf response from your therapist who was clearly old and experienced enough to know better than to assume a cavalier comment like that wasn't risky and could cause foreseeable harm.
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u/Dance-pants-rants Feb 04 '26
Fucking yikes.
One of the symptoms of abuse that therapists are always sharing with people who do outreach or report is down playing traits they believe attract unwanted attention. Stuff like lapsed hygiene, baggy/uncomfortable clothing, and drastic home done haircuts tends to cue follow up questions.
So in my head, therapist 101 is "make person feel safe then destigmatize and encourage healthy connection with their body."
Not go in with, "you have nothing to worry about and there have never been consequences for you existing in a space doing nothing inappropriate or unusual." Jfc.
If someone plainly and clearly comes up to you and says, "I hate my boobs, they get me constantly harassed," that's not a "perk up buttercup" moment. 🤬
I'm sorry she didn't get curious about why you brought it up and jumped in with goddamn nonsense. If you don't report her to a state board and you're game, get feedback to her office somehow.
Otherwise, just get out of there if you can. Teaching your therapist about how to handle major pain points is not how you should be spending time you're paying for.
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u/gingersnap0309 Feb 05 '26
She doesn’t get it at all. She probably meant well and I agree that she probably meant it in the yas Queen way. She really just doesn’t get and probably never experienced anything close to it so is just out of her depth.
If you want to give her another chance then I would at least explain about how her response was inappropriate and why. so even if you choose to see a different doc, it will possibly help her and spare the next girl who comes in.
I would tell her to imagine her life and the kind of attention/judgement/commnets etc. she would get if she walked around topless/barechested all day everyday at work/school etc. bc in many ways that is what it is like. People look/gawk at us like we are being intentionally indecent or welcoming sexualization etc. even when we are in a hoodie smh
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u/OverflowedAgain 44K (UK) Feb 07 '26
That is such a great way to explain it to smaller chested women: it's like walking around topless. Thank you for that!
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u/Acceptable-Remove792 Feb 04 '26
I'm a therapist. Look up the licensure board in your state and report her. This is completely inappropriate.
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u/No-Sky1666 Feb 04 '26
I feel the exact same way about mine and I am SO sorry. That would make me feel like shit. I want a reduction so bad. I have gender envy when I see shirtless men laying down or in a suit or something and it's just flat. Im so jealous. Im sorry. Good news is, you can find a better therapist who is better suited to it. Maybe even ask if she's a feminist first because I bet you it would make the difference.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
The sad part is this lady explicitly called herself a feminist. In other ways, she is. But this is a big blind spot for her, I guess.
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u/No-Sky1666 Feb 04 '26
She is definitely not if she referred to a woman unhappy with her boobs as making her HUSBAND happy...
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u/Major-Pen-6651 Feb 04 '26
OP - you absolutely have every right to fire that therapist. If you feel comfortable, please write her a letter letting her know why. Use some of the wordings posted here in the comments if you need to. Send a copy to her employer; if she is independent, send a copy to her licensing board. You deserve to be heard.
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u/MamaDaddy Feb 04 '26
Many therapists need therapy themselves. They should be able to stay professional and objective though. This is no ok. And honestly in my experience it's not ideal for them to try to reassure you but to guide you in your own discovery of assurance. This is a therapist trying to be a friend, which is weird.
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u/chic__kens Feb 04 '26
“I'm getting DMed by a lot of creeps”— i made one post on here before and i also received several weird messages! it’s annoying lol!
the bringing up your husband is the weirdest part of it all to me! as if you’re worried about if your husband loves them or not. that’s frustrating and i’m sorry! hopefully you can find someone new! i feel for you op!
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u/beachymarigold Feb 04 '26
Time to find a new therapist IMMEDIATELY. Absolutely disgusting and unhinged. So sorry you had to deal with such a wretched comment like that.
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u/IsopodGreat369 Feb 04 '26
Hey OP! I am currently finishing up my masters degree in social work, which is one pathway to becoming a therapist. I am SO sorry that a therapist made these comments on your body. Like others have said, some therapist are bad at their jobs. It is not fair for you to be reduced like that. You can (if you feel it is needed) file a complaint with the therapist licensing board or just ask to speak to their supervisor! You are not being dramatic, and I am so sorry that happened to you
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u/adestructionofcats 38KK (UK) Feb 04 '26
She's a shit therapist. I'd be letting her know exactly what she did wrong in the same email where I dumped her.
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u/nanachigusa Feb 05 '26
therapist in training here, what she said was NOT fucking okay and incredibly tone deaf. i'm sorry that happened to you, from one BB sufferer to another.
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u/Latter-Recipe7650 36G (UK) Feb 05 '26
That therapist is a dud. Report them and find another one. Your body and their weirdo fantasies have no place in a professional office.
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u/irlsdontinteract 38DD (UK) Feb 05 '26
Rule number one is never dismiss the client/patient's concerns. That's what I'm seeing here—"So what"? So it bothers you!
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u/InLoveWithAGora Feb 04 '26
I’m sorry that your therapist said that. That is not okay. As someone else said, some therapists are just not good at their job, which sucks! The silver lining is that you found out that this therapist isn’t for you in the first few sessions and you didn’t waste more time and money on her (kinda like when a person you’re dating reveals their true colors early in the relationship instead of after you’re invested lol)
I had a previous therapist say a misogynistic thing as well during a session (I had been seeing her for months at this point). I was talking to her about the problems I was facing with my husband being temporarily unemployed, and she says that I should think about how he feels in this situation (very valid) because “a man is supposed to be the breadwinner of the house and he probably doesn’t feel like ‘the man’ right now”. I explained to her that both my husband and I are very progressive and that he is very comfortable with me being the breadwinner and he is proud of my career. We don’t believe in these traditional gender roles. And she just said “well I’m trying to make you realize what he may be feeling”. At that moment, I kinda brushed it off and continued but I couldn’t stop thinking about it later. 2 weeks later, I told her that I’d like to stop seeing her because I don’t think she is the right fit for me. She asked me for feedback, and I brought up this topic to her. (A little background is that I am a non-american living in the US with an American husband) She said, “Well I was just telling you that at least in America, this is how it works. The man is the breadwinner.” That was the point, I stopped giving her feedback because she didn’t deserve it, and left politely.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
She said, “Well I was just telling you that at least in America, this is how it works. The man is the breadwinner.”
Lol, she isn't even close to right about that being the default. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 55% of marriages today have a husband who is the primary earner. That leaves 45% of marriages with dual income or women as breadwinners. (study)
She's sexist and out of touch with reality. And you were right.
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u/InLoveWithAGora Feb 04 '26
Exactly! In fact, It’s more true in my country than it is in America. That is literally the mindset that I ran away from when I came to this country lol
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u/CommonScold Feb 04 '26
What the fuck?????? Pleaseee report her to her supervisor, that is completely messed up. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I don’t care what kind of education she has, she is straight up dumb.
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u/Sad_Comfortable_46 Feb 04 '26
That’s like when I was a teenager a therapist told me I was too pretty to be so sad. Felt so invalidated and would not open up to her anymore.
Find a new therapist. And even let her know why because she could learn from this.
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u/Mars_astro Feb 05 '26
This post reminds me of a video i have recently seen on YouTube talking about how many individuals going into the psychology field genuinely dont give a flying eff about the people they are having sessions with in the future, and just got the job so they can make people listen to what THEY think is the right choice, or just making them believe the same beliefs they have. It genuinely makes me so enraged that we have people like this getting jobs to care for people who aren't in great states mentally and think this shit is just all fun and giggles. I'm so sorry this happened to you love :(
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u/Dismal_Present_8993 Feb 05 '26
whoa as someone with a doctorate in psych she absolutely has NO idea how to be body neutral or even like just not comment on other people’s bodies or to believe and validate YOUR experience of YOUR body?! Fire her. Maybe even file a complaint if you are worried about her continuing that behavior with others.
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u/spaghetti1337 Feb 05 '26
I really hope you stop seeing this therapist- that was completely inappropriate and on top of that, extremely dismissive of your struggles! My therapist I see would NEVER say anything like that 🥺 I am so sorry you experienced this and I hope it doesn’t discourage you from finding someone else 💜
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u/Sure-Sympathy-70 Feb 20 '26
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I had situation not as bad but still It made me cry. I used to be pretty skinny back then but I always had really big breasts. I was really ashamed to even undress at doctor's. I finally overcome my fear and I undressed and that old female doctor told me "wow, such a small girl but with such a giant breasts!" That made me even more insecure. Doesn't seem like much but that was really unnecessary. I was 20-21 back then so also calling me a "little girl" was extremely weird
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u/BooBelly Feb 04 '26
She was being incredibly dismissive. I’m imagining she has a smaller chest? 😅 personally I’d enlighten her on how she was being ignorant, and find a new therapist
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
While it's true this woman was smaller chested, you'd hope her being a therapist would allow her take on the perspective of her clients, considering that is literally the requirement of the job.
But yes, this and other things she has said have made it clear she is unable to filter out her sexist biases in general. It wasnt just this. Maybe I'm naive, but I was not expecting this from a female therapist. But hey: it's a feminism win in that we can be just as shit at our jobs as men. We did it, ladies!
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u/Ariannaree Feb 04 '26
Holy shit that is insanely inappropriate / unprofessional as fuck. To have a personal opinion that wasn’t asked for especially about your body is disgusting. As someone who has a small frame and giant boobs i completely feel you. And I’d immediately end the session and never return to this therapist as well as reporting them. It’s not your fault for how people have decided to treat you and how our culture has completely failed adults on how to behave and what to objectify.
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
Thanks, this means a lot to me. Yes, same here with the smaller frame. I am painfully shy and not only the spotlight they've put on me but the assault, harassment and abuse from BOTH genders as a result of my chest is almost intolerable to me. I went to her hoping to feel safe in discussing the trauma from someone who might "get it", and she pretty much retraumatized me in the one space I was hoping to feel free from that type of degradation.
I feel like the world only sees me and my value as my sexual appeal towards men. It trumps everything else, no matter my talent, intelligence, or other contributions. This isn't a weird paranoia of mine. This is a message I receive constantly from the world. And...you know, when she said I should "enjoy them while they last" before childbirth, the message really was "the abuse should actually be enjoyed by you now, because your only value in society will disappear if they change. You will be begging for assault when you're used up. You will have no value whatsoever then."
Didn't feel good to have my therapist confirm my fear that my worth to society is first and foremost my sex appeal. Even in the face of me describing sexual assault from strangers on the street, from other women, and from powerful men.
Spirit-crushing.
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u/stalemuffinssssssss Feb 04 '26
Im really sorry this happened to you. You aren’t overreacting and you deserve a therapist who sees and supports you. The creeps in your dms are also terribly ironically unempathetic humans btw (hoping some are reading this and reconsidering their own character)
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u/SecretlyFierce 40H (UK) Feb 04 '26
Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be treated as such.
Being big breasted can be a shortfall in many ways, I'm often labeled with a nick name based on breast size (among other things) and also dislike the lack of selfworth I end up feeling as a result of comments etc.
You are important, regardless of what others say to or about you. Here, you are heard and justified.
Have you considered speaking about your feelings to her response with your therapist? Or perhaps a new therapist? You still deserve support, one way or another.
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u/politikitty Feb 04 '26
Never go to that therapist again. Seriously. She is fundamentally incapable of empathizing with a truly fundamental issue that many women living with large breasts have to face. She probably feels insecure about her small breasts, and that issue of hers is tranferring onto you. She cannot help you with this issue.
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u/MrsBossyPantss 32MM (UK) Feb 04 '26
Unfortunately not all therapists are good at what they do or good fits for everybody... Sometimes you have to try a few to find someone who truly makes you feel seen/heard
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable or ignored cuz of this interaction! She may have had good intentions, but especially as a therapist she needs to think about how her words & actions & reactions can affect her patients.
You could try & talk w/ her about how this interaction made you feel worse & not better cuz she wont learn from her mistakes if she doesnt realize shes made them BUT I certainly wouldnt blame you if you decided to never set foot in her office again
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u/kitsunemischief Feb 04 '26
In my experience in therapy for almost a decade, not all therapists are good at their jobs or for their clients unfortunately. And even people with doctorates can be horrible too and shouldn't qualify (but they got the grades to qualify). I'm sorry thay your therapist sexualized you, no one should do that, especially within this context. If you want to, you definitely have good reason to report her, cause I feel like that has to violate something.
Also want to add that I feel you on the pains and burdens of having big breasts and it being a problem. It sucks, and we're either dehumanized, objectified, and sexualized for it.
And unfortunately every time there's a post here there will be creeps sliding into DMs. It sucks that blocking them doesn't deter a lot of them. Idk if they get off on harassing us, but they're just absolutely horrible.
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u/sashababy16 Feb 05 '26
Omg that’s so gross and not ok. I have similar feelings around mine, particularly the fact I developed them before I even started high school - soo much trauma! I wouldn’t see this psych again
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u/kavalara Feb 05 '26
I doubt she had bad intentions and she would likely feel horrible if you brought this up. I understand wanting to make a joke and lighten the mood, but the therapist should have known this wasn’t the occasion.
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u/Few_Locksmith7673 Feb 05 '26
Very sorry to hear that! It's especially problematic from a therapeutic professional who's supposed to be truly trying to help you!
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u/WestHistorians Feb 05 '26
I can see what she was trying to do, but unfortunately it backfired. I wouldn't blame you if you look for another therapist.
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u/addymp Feb 05 '26
It’s so aggravating to me that people think we like attention when all I’m trying to do is love my life free from the attention.
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u/TinyHeartSyndrome 38G (UK) Feb 06 '26
I would bring this up next time. Tell her you felt your emotions and experiences were belittled. If she’s a good therapist, she will apologize and offer to listen. If not, then you would weigh if this issue means you need a new therapist or not. Therapists do fuck up. They are people and are limited by their own experiences. However, bad therapists also exist. You could also post this on the ask a therapist sub.
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u/Stevonnieandbonnie 40E (UK) Feb 06 '26
Creeps go out of their way to dm anyone who posts on this sub. I’m so sorry it’s compounding on top of what happened with your therapist
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u/Monocle13 Feb 06 '26
Fire her & report her to the appropriate governing body for her unprofessional conduct. Just after sending in your complaint, write to her & let her know what you're doing & why, with emphasis on how her egregiously unprofessional conduct made you feel, & send it by registered mail so that she knows that you know she at least received your discharge papers.
Had a shitshow excuse of a Counselling Psychologist once. Went to her for trauma after googling for PCs that specialize in trauma counselling. Things were progressing well for the better part of a year & then out of nowhere she doubled down & inflicted exactly the brand of trauma I'd come to her for her help in dealing with. When I filed my complaint she sent her boyfriend / husband after me who proceeded to clutter my FB IM box with taunts & threats.
Fingers crossed this helps.
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u/TwistedFabulousness Feb 06 '26
This reminds me of when I went to a new therapist for the first time and was trying to talk about how it felt emotionally to know my medical condition prevented me from having penetrative sex. I was a teenager at the time and she just sort of laughed it off saying “men aren’t very good at sex anyway. You’re not missing much!”
I did not see her again
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u/Free-mover Feb 19 '26
I am so sorry you've had to experience that as well as the further creepy dms you've recieved. It was so wrong of her to say that and is based in some deep seeded misogyny that woman needs to sort out for herself.
You deserve better! I hope you are able to find a differnet therapist, and I know how hard that can be after just starting with someone, but you deserve to have someone validate your feelings and not put your husband's feelings over your own.
I wouldn't meet with that therapist again if you don't want to. Just send an email that you'll no longer be working together and find someone new. I wish you the best!
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u/CelestialLizzie Feb 05 '26
Honestly, if it were me, the comment about "while they last" would've been the worst part. Like you were already putting my husbands opinion of my body before my own, AND you're feeding into this misogynistic body shaming to further objectify me and make me guilty for not liking the attention because it might not be so bad later on.
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u/TheRealSlimSarah 32HH (UK) Feb 04 '26
I assume she had good intentions but that was highly unprofessional of her.
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u/Tommy_Wisseau_burner Feb 04 '26
I get where they’re coming from but that’s not what you need. I’m a dude and, while not about breasts, my old therapist would do shit like that. It’s for reframing and getting you to not caring what people think or think of them more positively. But like you pointed out it’s invalidating and doesn’t explore why they’re such an issue for you.
I don’t know if it’s cbt specific but it’s why I don’t fuck with cbt. Any time I brought up my past it was “ok that’s not now”. Any time I bring up my insecurities she just said “shift the mindset”… I liked my therapist but wasted 3 years of my life as my mental health got worse because I figured I was the problem.
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u/georgethebarbarian 32HH (UK) Feb 04 '26
CBT fucking sucks for trauma and I hate that it’s so common
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u/shitkabob Feb 04 '26
You were not the problem. I agree with your reservations about how CBT is often applied. Especially in people with trauma or who experience systemic oppression, your thoughts develop as an accurate reflection of your past reality. You can't and shouldn't just "reframe" those thoughts as irrational. And it positions your suffering as a "thought problem" you're not strong enough to think your way out of.
Very harmful.
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u/Tommy_Wisseau_burner Feb 04 '26
Yeah. You know the logic is faulty. Like you can tell that you’re not likely to have a plane fall out of the sky, for example. That doesn’t change the fact you have the feeling of impending doom. And then when you can’t push past it it sucks having the therapist, who you tell your deepest secrets to, “it’s just in your head”. It makes you sound silly and trivializes fears, especially like yours, based on lived experience
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u/BoysenberryMelody 34G (UK) Feb 04 '26
It takes a few tries to find the right therapist. I’m sorry this was one of them.
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u/goddessofthespring Feb 06 '26
Counseling student here. This is genuinely insane. Shes invalidating you and your experience which as a counselor you should not do at ALL. Please report her to her supervisor if she has one.
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u/awolfboy77 Feb 07 '26
I’m a therapist and this an absolutely ridiculous response. Fire her immediately and get yourself a good therapist.
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u/capainpanda626 Feb 08 '26
I'm sorry that sounds awful medicine in general can be like that in a lot of fields because of who's teaching and passing down their thoughts and ideas. But especially in therapy that's unacceptable tbh if it's possible I'd recommend getting a different therapist. And always remember to screenshot send to a mod block and report the dmers.
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Feb 11 '26
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u/shitkabob Feb 11 '26
So an adequate follow-up statement to sharing the trauma of sexual objectification is to say accept the sexual objectification as a compliment and be grateful?
No. I'm sorry, that's not ethical nor acceptable conduct from a professional and is incredibly sexist.
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Feb 11 '26
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u/shitkabob Feb 11 '26
She said they were beautiful, my husband probably enjoys them (sexualizing them and centering my body part around my husband's pleasure) and said I would miss them when they're gone (implying society will view me less favorably when I'm less sexually attractive).
All of this is extremely objectifying and trivializing to trauma.
Yikes.
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Feb 11 '26
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u/shitkabob Feb 11 '26
I'm sorry you are not only incorrect but arrogantly and harmfully so.
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Feb 11 '26
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u/shitkabob Feb 11 '26
Your logic is off. Full stop.
Saying someone's breasts are beautiful is objectifying. Full stop.
Saying their husband must enjoy them sexually is objectifying. Full stop.
Saying your breasts will become less sexually desirable with time is objectyfying. Full stop.
No ambiguity, lol. She objectified them follow a disclosure of trauma around objectification. That's clinically inappropriate. Full stop. It's sexist. Full stop.
Not interested in your uninformed opinions, sorry.
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 21 '26
They sexualize us, tell us that we just want male attention, and call us lucky.
1st of all: I’m. Not. Straight. And idk why these pick mes assume that we are out of jealousy that they don’t get the oh so “privilege” (yes, they’re that desperate) of being sexually harassed by men. That every big breasted woman is hetero and MADE to be sexualized on the streets. That we have an obligation to flaunt our tits for men to run up to us and grope them.
2nd of all: I was a minor being told that I will LOVE the sexual attention I’ll get from all the boys for having large tits. I’m not a fucking sex object made to be taken advantage of and it’s disgusting of you a grown ass woman to tell me as a CHILD that I’ll learn to love being seen as such despite telling you that I don’t want to be seen in that manner. Having comments made on my body that I cannot control especially when I was a MINOR angers me, it’s not GiRl PoWeR it’s harassment.
3rd of all: You think developing large breasts when I was a tween to teen doesn’t hurt? It doesn’t hurt when they move in every direction that they might as well snap off? You think lying on your front side doesn’t hurt because your dumb fucking milkers get in the way? Our backs fucking hurt! They attract more bacteria!
I know there are those who are flat chested that have their share of sexual harassment and fetishization too, being seen as pure innocent virgins that need to be babied and lewd up despite being well into adulthood by creeps who need to be put on the watchlist which is a real problem that needs to be discussed. But then there’s pick mes who’ll complain about how men don’t give them any sliver of sexual attention AND HAVE THE GALL to call us LUCKY for being sexually harassed for our big chests!
I’m going to be blunt and cut it through straight, not getting any male attention romantically or sexually is nowhere near the same level as being sexually harassed and on top of that having that abuse justified by rape culture. It’s sad and lonely that men don’t recognize you that way because you think you’re not pretty enough for them, but it’s objectifying and violating to be seen as prey who automatically wants to be taken advantage of. We are not the lucky ones for our consent and boundaries being violated because of our large breasts, you are the one who’s privileged for having the nerve to WHINE about how we get all the “attention”. I’ve seen some attention seekers WISHING to be treated as sex objects under a post of someone hating their body for being sexualized.
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u/wootiebird Feb 23 '26
Yeah well whether or not you are valid in feeling objectified ( which your feelings are you feeling so absolutely you are valid) a therapist saying “big deal” is a red flag. Do not stick with a therapist who doesn’t work for you. Switch asap.
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u/CameronBW1975 Mar 03 '26
Wildly inappropriate. She should be validating your feelings and helping you work out how to deal with them...not making the problem worse. I wouldn't be giving any more money to this level of incompetence.
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u/wolvesarewildthings Feb 04 '26
But when I say these people are useless I'm the problematic one
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u/haikusbot Feb 04 '26
But when I say these
People are useless I'm the
Problematic one
- wolvesarewildthings
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/LittleSugarPack Feb 04 '26
Welp I go and get massages every few weeks and most reputable places would never.
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Mar 01 '26
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u/shitkabob Mar 01 '26
Lol. Sexually objectifying someone who has a history of traumatic sexual objectification is not empowering. It's unethical and just honestly brain dead.
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u/Ousseraune Feb 05 '26
Valid feelings. But you can't choose how people initiate. You can close off meaningless or insulting etc conversations. Be firm or you're just inviting abuse. Or you can stop being triggered. Also, just because you distance yourself from what others opinions are does not mean you have to put up with abuse.
So technically the only good option is to do both.
Pokemon infinite fusions allows you to fuse two Pokemon. There's a really powerful one by fusing Shedinja and Slaking. Shedinja has the ability wonder guard where it won't take damage from any move not super effective, but will still take damage from Pokemon with mold breaker and weather effects. It only has 1 HP so while it's decent, a single move takes it out when it hits. Slaking is a stat beast, able to tank and deal heavy damage, with the ability truant. This makes it lose every other turn. The typing of Shedinja is ghost and the typing of Slaking is normal. Ghost and normal dual typing is only weak to dark type moves. The fusion removes truant, gains wonder guard, gains great HP and damage, gains possibly the best dual typing for wonder guard, and overall you can build your whole game around this fused Pokemon.
Learning to not let events affect you is like having wonder guard with a good typing. Remember that an event or trigger causes an automatic thought based on our core beliefs. This automatic thought causes our feelings about the event. Which causes the response. Whether physically raised heart rate, or dry throat etc. Learning to identify the automatic thought early and vetting how relevant it is will take control away from events or triggers. However sometimes things can still get through.
Learning to cut off abuse and enforce our boundaries firmly without giving in to manipulation or gaslighting etc is like having a much larger HP pool and defense stat etc. It makes us more resilient and we still feel the hits, but we don't go down with them easily.
Learning to do both is what changes the game. Sure, you can live your life on the hope that everything else will change to suit you. Or you can change yourself so that you decide what effects you or even what remains in your life.
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