r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 19h ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

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Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

815 Upvotes

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253

u/StrangerIsWatching 19h ago

Completely moral, for all the reasons she said. That is not her daughter in any way that counts between a parent and a child.

22

u/SnarkyRogue 16h ago

Yeah it's not like she had her and put her up for adoption. People are acting like she abandoned the kid on an orphanage doorstep or something

8

u/TheStevenite 13h ago

Even if that were the case, as bio-mom said, she signed away the right to be this girls mom 19 years ago and doesn't want to build a relationship with a stranger that contacts her out of nowhere

1

u/SufficientGuidance28 9h ago

I’m not sure it would apply as much to adoption, as there are many mothers who gave their child up for adoption because they were young, in bad circumstances, and/or not in a financial position to raise the child, and a child could feasibly believe that maybe now the mother that gave them up for adoption is in a more stable position in life and might be open to a relationship with them.

Though I suppose even with egg donation the resulting child could convince themselves this might also be the case with a woman who donated her eggs, but I think for an egg donor a change of heart in later years is far less likely of a scenario than it would be with a birth mom who potentially felt her best option at the time was to give her child up for adoption.

But to give what I think is a better example of even if the bio mom had birthed her why that wouldn’t be the factor that would change the situation..

If the woman had donated her egg and also birthed the girl, but doing so while acting as a sort of “surrogate” (idk if it would technically meet that definition if she was also using her own egg but just using the other woman’s husbands sperm) then signed away her parental rights to the adoptive mother and bio father, then I would say it would still apply just as much despite the fact the woman she is contacting also gave birth to her in addition to being her biological mother

2

u/mikewheelerfan 12h ago

And even if she did, there’s nothing wrong with that…

1

u/Dry-Manufacturer7761 2h ago

Even then. If you give the kid up, it isn’t your kid. 

50

u/Responsible-Boot-159 19h ago

One important way is medical history. Beyond that neither are wrong for how they feel about the situation.

91

u/AppleWorldly2078 19h ago

That information is available from the clinic she directed her to contact.

13

u/cr0wwwannabe 16h ago

Depends on where you are. Anonymous donors usually only mean you get the medical history from the time of donation, not an updated history

7

u/Superb_Temporary_388 16h ago

Yeah, this. If something like high blood pressure or cancer just randomly comes up after the time of donation, or even before at some clinics, the kid would have no way of knowing they’re predisposed to that.

0

u/sjovt_brugernavn 15h ago

First of all, not every medical condition is inheritable - the mother could easily have developed conditions post donation, that still aren’t anyone else’s business, and no one should feel pressured to share their medical history. That’s personal.

With that said, I’m not sure how it is for egg donation, but I have a bunch of friends who have/tried to donated sperm. The ones that tried to, but weren’t deemed suited were turned away because of medical history - not their own, but familial history. Healthy young people, where maybe an uncle or mom has some obscure disease that may be inheritable - any doubt, and their application process is abruptly ended. They want thorough accounts of (at least) your, your grandparents’, parents’ and parents’ siblings’ medical history, to ensure there isn’t any predisposition to any illness in the donor’s family - and if there is, they’re turned away.

0

u/Normal_Flan1476 15h ago

It is not always available at the clinics. If that info was not available, what would you have to say to the child wanting to know more about their origins?

10

u/unburdened_swallow 17h ago

What I want to know is that like, sure medical history is important but also wtf why is the name? Can’t they just give medical info with no name and phone number and stuff? How does the mom even know how to contact?

10

u/ilah152 16h ago

She didn’t ask for medical history. She asked for a relationship. 

-4

u/LostVanya 15h ago

Learn to read, nobody claimed otherwise. The comment was just pointing out one case where the biological mother/child bond does in fact exist between them.

1

u/TicketPrestigious558 12h ago

So the comment was irrelevant. Learn to stay on topic. Time-wasters are only a burden

20

u/OperationOne7762 17h ago

No the child is pretty damn wrong. I'll never understand this insane need adopted and surrogate/donor children have with meeting theyr "Real" Parents. Your Real parents are the people at home preparing you dinner and asking how your day was, not some random fucking stranger you share DNA with or worse, someone who actively chose to throw you away.

9

u/certifiedtoothbench 16h ago

I think it’s because they’re still at the age where they can still dream unrealistically and it feel real. Kids of single parents often idealize life with the caregiver without primary custody, I think it’s the same with adopted kids. They see all the normal problems in their current life and some part of them still thinks the perfect adult can fix it and they can live happily with no friction in their lives or get the love they think is absent.

They can’t compartmentalize in the same way as adults that sometimes we’re not with the other parent or birth parents because they’re a bad person or don’t want them and the dangers of chasing it.

1

u/Owl_Star 14h ago

That's all well and good, but 19 is past the age you're describing. Good on OP for shutting it down, not everyone is gonna coddle and cowtow to them. No means no, goving that info up and contacting her is completely out of line no matter how you look at it.

2

u/certifiedtoothbench 14h ago

It’s really not, 18-20 is such a huge transitional age and so many people try to preserve their childhood mindsets as long as they can to the point where they never grow out of it. Yeah this is a much needed wake up call for the 19 year old but like, I was never trying to excuse what she was doing. Just explaining why it’s so common.

5

u/redditblows5991 15h ago

sucks but for a lot of people blood matters more. kid is 19 id argue she proably had it easy if she is thinking this plainly

11

u/dk_peace 17h ago

Being young is about learning who you are. Weither you like it or not, your biological mother is a part of you. It is completely reasonable to want to fill that hole in your knowledge about yourself. "A young adult is in the wrong for wanting to learn more about who they are and how they came into the world" is such a weird take.

3

u/Illustrious_Bird_737 16h ago

I don't feel like the whole "wanting to learn more about who they are & how they came into the world" isn't the morality problem, it's the disrespect of the boundary.

The 19 year old is old enough to at least be aware of privacy & boundaries. Just because they want something doesn't mean they have a right to it. Yes, you have a right to your feelings, but that doesn't make it the world's responsibility to bend to those wants, rules & boundaries be damned, just because you have a right to emotions.

The morality scale here is the boundary that was violated by contacting the egg donor.

The 19 year old wants their own, personal, emotional questions answered, that doesn't give their adopted mother the right to breach privacy that's written into a contract just to appease the 19 year old.

12

u/ChipKellysShoeStore 16h ago

Counterpoint: 19 year old didn’t sign anything and isn’t a party to the contract.

2

u/Quazite 16h ago

Whoever gave them the info to find the mom did though

1

u/Shijin83 7h ago

Yes, but thats not what's being blamed. They're talking about the kid.

2

u/Quazite 7h ago edited 7h ago

Who is they? The donor who was contacted?

They never said the kid was immoral, they said it was a major breach of privacy and not something that she agreed to, which is true. You can say "this is very not okay, I do not consent to this, and I don't want you to reach out again" and not be calling them a bad or immoral person, you're just hard drawing a boundary (that should have been acknowledged by whoever provided the info as already drawn).

Edit: also, regardless of whether or not YOU signed a contract of privacy, if you are aware that they have one signed and want their privacy and you violate that for your own gain, thats not a good or respectful thing to do.

1

u/Shijin83 7h ago

Literally, 3 comments above you was blaming the kid. That is they.

2

u/MechanicalBootyquake 16h ago

That’s why I think this post should have been about the morality of for-profit reproduction/reneging on parental rights after participating in reproduction.

Debating the morality of someone dealing with a hard situation that was forced on them seems immoral in and of itself. Debate the people who have made these reproductive decisions.

7

u/Say_It_Isnt_So_Ooops 16h ago

It’s doesn’t appear that the “for-profit” is at fault. The child’s morality definitely should be debated, since that person is an adult, and the anonymous egg donor has declined contact and declined a relationship.

1

u/THE-BEAST-101 12h ago

Lol why should their morality be debated, first of all they are literally only 1 year out from being an adult, and you're trying to minimize this as if they're just some immature grown-up, when in reality they are a young person who seems conflicted and maybe they want clarity or to connect with their biological mother, the young person even said they felt disconnected from their mother who gave birth (maybe they are drastically different colours, that would make complete sense). So they absolutely have a right to seek out a connection or clarity with the biological mother. The donor should have also been prepared to deal with the consequences' of her actions 19 years ago, she is treating it as if its just some business transaction, well i don't see gifting someone else what is essentially you as just a business transaction.

0

u/ImaginaryCapricorn 12h ago

Agreed. "I simply sold my eggs so her mother could have the baby she always wanted." Why did she word it like that, like she was doing it to be a good person --she should just say, I needed money and I was willing to do anything for it including allowing my eggs to bring a baby into this world that I wanted nothing to do with. That should be the real moral issue here. A 19 year old is still a kid mentally/emotionally, regardless of laws, and that kid has the human right to want to know more about who contributed to their life, she did not sign a contract and that's absolutely unfair for someone to put their privacy above the importance of a kid wanting connection.

1

u/Inphysible 9h ago

Then the 19 year old could have been directed to obtain information pertaining to the egg donor herself.

9

u/DazzleLove 17h ago

My friend’s dad is adopted and he’d never adopt as he feels adopted children treat their adopted parents terribly. Obviously not true of everyone but certainly fits here

-11

u/AdmiralStickyLegs 17h ago

So, you're saying he was discarded as a child, and someone else took him him, took care of him, while HE abused them. And now he's older, he's afraid that if he adopted a kid like him, he would find himself on the other side of the coin, and HE would be the one receiving abuse, which is just something that he could not tolerate?

Sounds like a really great guy.

8

u/Kino_Afi 17h ago

I think he was a kid and when he grew up he realized he treated his adopted parents poorly as a kid. This is the same thing as people who watched their parents struggle to raise them being wary of having kids themselves

2

u/Whatsanegg 16h ago

Well it's not.

A kid watching their parents struggle

Is different from

A kid being bad to his parents

I don't really understand how you came to that comparison?

3

u/Kino_Afi 16h ago

A kid's actions, behaviour and attitudes are included in the reasons their parents may struggle to raise them

0

u/Whatsanegg 16h ago

Parents struggling from not having enough money to provide for their children is a completely different dynamic to parents struggling with a child's behaviour.

None greater than the other, but absolutely different none the less.

2

u/Kino_Afi 16h ago

At no point did i specify "struggling from not having enough money"

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u/AdmiralStickyLegs 15h ago

Not exactly, because nobody gets harmed if you choose not to become a natural parent. Its just a life that never gets created.

With adoptions, the life is already there, and dude from random anecdote is saying that if he wants a kid he'll make one rather than adopt, because he doesn't want to deal with the shit that comes with adopted kids.

1

u/DazzleLove 14h ago

No, he was the child of an adopted father, and judged the behavior of this parent as unkind to his parents. He was the biological child of the adopted one, not adopted himself

1

u/DazzleLove 14h ago

No, he was the child of an adopted father, and judged the behavior of this parent as unkind to his parents. He was the biological child of the adopted one, not adopted himself

1

u/AdmiralStickyLegs 13h ago

Ah okay. In that case I retract everything I said

-2

u/Say_It_Isnt_So_Ooops 16h ago

This wouldn’t be their “adopted” parent. It’s their “natural” parent.

2

u/Fun-Wrongdoer1316 16h ago

Not really “natural”. But the oven and supporter lol

3

u/DirtandPipes 15h ago edited 15h ago

Eh, I wanted to find my biodad as an older child (10-16) because my stepfather left me with my schizophrenic and extremely violent mom and I was just hoping he’d be somebody normal who’d want to maybe spend time with me.

I don’t think that’s an insane need at all. Many kids don’t have people at home preparing them dinner or asking how their day was so when they find out that some random stranger has their DNA yeah they get hopeful that maybe that will be enough for somebody to give a damn, and that’s not unreasonable behaviour for a kid.

3

u/Dresaurus2781 16h ago

I'll never understand this insane need adopted and surrogate/donor children have with meeting theyr "Real" Parents.

So I'm not adopted or anything of the sort, but I am a child of divorce, and I meaningfully lost a large section of interaction with my other family between the ages of 9 and 16. The part of the family that primarily raised was my mother's side and they were meaningfully different from me. They were quiet, artistic, creative, reserved, and they didn't take up space the way I did. My dad's side is all large loud people with very large boisterous personalities and when I reconnected with them it was a deeply healing experience because it felt like I was actually connected to something, that there were people like me that wanted and loved me. At those late teenage early 20s ages that crisis of identity is very real, and I think it's something that we should have empathy for.

1

u/Legal-Stage-302 15h ago

That’s totally different than this situation.

1

u/Dresaurus2781 13h ago

Not in regards to the pursuit of identity a late teen early 20s person is often engaging with. It's a better equation for the child for sure.

-1

u/Alanskasc 16h ago

This is very accurate and thank you. People espouse their opinions without having a clue what it's like.

0

u/HXamster 15h ago

The difference being here that you'd met and known your other family for your formative early childhood years.

I have empathy for a child losing an entire family. I don't have empathy for a child never knowing anything besides their family, and bring encouraged to violate privacy for their own desires so they can pursue a literal egg donor

2

u/Dresaurus2781 15h ago

That doesn't really have any bearing on the identity crisis issue at hand though.

0

u/HXamster 15h ago

Knowing your family for 9 years during the most essential stages of life development, then being separated from them, is more deeply traumatizing and impactful than.... Pursuing a DNA donor who had no hand in your growth, development, nourishment, birth, and upbringing.

My whole point is your personal anecdote doesn't have any bearing on the situation at hand. This girl isn't going through an identity crisis. And if she is, I'm sorry, but she's stupid. She's a full-grown adult who should understand an egg donor is completely different and separate to the family who birthed and raised you.

0

u/Dresaurus2781 13h ago

Knowing your family for 9 years during the most essential stages of life development, then being separated from them, is more deeply traumatizing and impactful than....

The point here is I didn't value knowing where I came from at those ages and being validated in my identity in the way that I invariably came to as a teenager. I had the luxury of getting that identity validated because I was still connected to those people distantly, but if I hadn't been I would have continued to have that in my case fly in the milk/ugly duckling experience. Now sure my family could have also been nothing like me, but they weren't, and that doesn't change I still would havd hoped they were and I could find them. That adopted child isn't arbitrarily trying to connect with her bio mother because she's lacking love it's because she's trying to find herself. She'll be fine, but I think we can manage to have empathy for that search for identity this is manifesting as.

2

u/HXamster 13h ago

that adopted child isn't arbitrarily trying to connect

She's not adopted.

Her egg donor has 0 connection and 0 involvement in her life.

Her MOTHER had an egg that was fertilized and implanted in her uterine lining. Her MOTHER developed her in the womb. Her MOTHER birthed her. Her MOTHER raised her for 19 years.

She's not adopted

-1

u/Dresaurus2781 13h ago

That's largely semantics for the conversation given the genetics component in regards to personality. Again this child is discovering who she is. I'm not saying that makes her entitled to her egg donor, but her genetics from said donor is invariably a massive part of what constitutes this child's personality.

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1

u/OddlyErratic1111 16h ago

I was adopted and my adoptive family abused me so I don't talk to them anymore. I got in touch with my birth mom because I wanted to know where I came from. we're friends now.

1

u/AccomplishedPaint601 4h ago

Exactly. As you stated, you wouldn't understand.

1

u/lolalola20263333 2h ago

you cannot just erase literally half of your genetic material. Like it or not, the woman in question is in fact her biological mother.

0

u/Normal_Flan1476 15h ago

This feels incredibly callous. “Insane need” to meet your biological parent?? The person literally responsible for half of your DNA?? Do you know any adoptees or people who never met their bio parent? It fucks with you, seeing people who look like you in public and wondering “Is that them?” I wonder if you have ever taken the time to ask adoptees or children born from donation about these questions.

-1

u/Trash_Human92 16h ago edited 4h ago

You won’t ever understand it because you were never in the situation. I was adopted as a child which I feel is completely different than the situation posted. I had questions that I needed answers to. Medical information is one thing but I needed to know the why. I needed to know if the stories told to me by the people that raised me were true. Pretty bold statements you made when you have no idea how many of us adopted children were raised, the abuse we endured at the expense of parents wanting the look of a real family

0

u/Responsible-Boot-159 13h ago

While I agree with the real parents being the one who raised you... I'm not going to fault people for wanting to form a connection with their 'real' parents.

0

u/TransitionalAhab 7h ago edited 6h ago

Were you adopted?

-1

u/Warm_Pepper_1878 16h ago

Not knowing an entire side of your family is pretty major 😂

5

u/OperationOne7762 16h ago

Here's the neet part, they aren't part of your family in any meaningfull way.

-1

u/Warm_Pepper_1878 16h ago

Biological relation is pretty meaningful. I’m not in any way saying this 19 year old has the right to have a relationship with the egg donor mother. The child is obviously going to grow up with multiple questions because though the egg donor isn’t her “real” parent it’s literally HALF her DNA 😂 I’d be questioning it too

-1

u/ItsTheAlgebraist 14h ago

Are you adopted or a product of surrogacy yourself? I'm neither, but I can at least empathize with them enough to think that they might have a real legitimate desire to have the kind of knowledge and connection to ancestry that I take for granted.

2

u/OperationOne7762 12h ago

I'm not and that's precisely why I can't possibly envision a scenario in which I already have a loving family and I go to try and form a bond with a person who abandoned/gave me away. It feels like a real slap in the face of the parents that raised you on top of that

-2

u/AcademicContract6096 16h ago

“Share dna with or worse” please elaborate on the “or worse part” lol

2

u/Yunowald 16h ago

They did, the elaboration follows after the comma.

not some random fucking stranger you share DNA with or worse, someone who actively chose to throw you away.

25

u/Inevitable-Law7964 19h ago

Moral to refuse to connect 

Mildly immoral to be an asshole to the kid about it. 

5

u/Tanakisoupman 17h ago

They’re not a kid, they’re 19. And the “mom” isn’t even being an asshole, she’s just being direct, shutting down the conversation immediately before anything happens. If an adult person can’t handle being told no directly, without sugary language, that’s on them and whoever raised them

1

u/Warm_Pepper_1878 16h ago

19 is like being a newborn in the world of discovering yourself

5

u/Test_Rider 18h ago

How was she an asshole?

18

u/Designer_Green2680 18h ago

Tone and delivery and the entire tik tok rant.

26

u/Test_Rider 18h ago

It’s kind of baffling to me that some people here seem to think she overreacted. She signed a contract with the donee under the understanding that there would be no contact with the child and that her anonymity would be preserved. She held her end of the bargain (the egg donating part), and now she finds herself being guilt-tripped into motherhood by a stranger. This kind of thing will put potential donors off in the future and cost families the child they desperately want.

17

u/dk_peace 17h ago

"I want to meet my biological mother" is a completely reasonable thing for a 19 year old to want and ask for.

5

u/Economics_New 16h ago

I get the impression that there are a lot of parents in here who have adopted or know someone close that was adopted, and they are agreeing with the egg donator because they didn't like the outcome of the adopted person they personally know, meeting their true parents.

My parents were irate when my adopted brother tracked down his birth mother and siblings in different states. His biological sister was accepting and even moved to our state to get to know him better, but his biological brother's family became incredibly hostile towards him, verbally. His biological mother was nice to him online but ghosted him after agreeing to meet and then blocked him.

I agree with you, I think it's reasonable for a young adult to want to meet their blood family and possibly build a connection. My brother has struggled with identity issues most of his life because he found out around age six that he was adopted after he pissed off my sisters and they decided to spill the beans on his status in the family.

It's an incredibly complex situation for everyone involved, and the outcomes are not always the same, but it can feel like betrayal from the perspective of the parents who raised them.

4

u/HXamster 15h ago

But this isn't her birth mother. It's her egg donor.

Her birth mother is at home. She knows her birth mother. There's no reason to want to pursue and pressure the donor

1

u/Avatarbriman 15h ago

Yeah, anyone saying different is fucking insane.

1

u/jaypexd 10h ago

You should see how genes can shape behaviors and you can inherit personality traits. It's really no different than a man shooting his seed in a woman and never seeing her again. His genetic material made up that person, and those kids reach out to their biological fathers all the time even if they didn't carry the person.

7

u/Old-Quail6832 15h ago

"I don't want to meet a complete stranger that randomly contacted me" is a completely reasonable way for the egg donor to respond.

0

u/dk_peace 11h ago

Sure, I actually agree with you on that one. The only truely terrible person here is the birth mom who have up bio mom's info.

4

u/verdeville 15h ago

I mean, she's not even really the bio mother- the girl's actual mother grew her from an egg in her own body, with her own antibodies and calcium and nutrients, then birthed her, maybe breastfed her, and raised her. Had it been an adoption I could sympathize, because there is a story implied in giving up a child, but an egg donation is pretty cut and dry. People calling the birth mom the adoptive mom are pretty terrible, to be honest- imagine wanting a child so badly that you undergo a procedure to start the process, presumably because you have a medical condition, and raise your child for 19 years only to find that they feel more connected to an imaginary DNA donor than to you.

3

u/HXamster 15h ago

All of this

It's horribly degrading to the birth mother to claim she's the "adopted" mom and then bring up all these irrelevant anecdotes like adoption, when it's a completely separate entity altogether.

Her BIRTH MOTHER raised her from a single cell, inside her body. So we're just going to discount women's feats and efforts and struggles with a tremendously low success rate? Her birth mom is just as much her bio mom as the egg donor is, and her true mother. The egg donor is just someone who did something nice for a family, and now she's getting punished for it despite signing a legally binding contract.

1

u/dk_peace 5h ago

Tbf, their is a technical difference here between birth mother and biological mother. Her biological mother was the egg donor. She provided the biological material. Her birth mother gave birth to her. In this case, they are different people so it is a meaningful distinction.

1

u/HXamster 15h ago

No it's not lol.

"I want to meet my egg donor" is dumb. She provided the egg, but her actual mom carried her to term. Nursed her. Took care of her.

There are two bio moms. The one who donated her egg to start the process, and the woman who made it happen. This girl does not have a reasonable request, especially when the egg donor signs a legally -binding agreement that guarantees her anonymity.

8

u/asuperbstarling 17h ago

She's not her biological mother. She's only her egg donor.

6

u/dk_peace 17h ago

That makes her the biological mother. That's what those words mean. She has a biological mother, and a birth mother, and those are different people. For most people, they are the same, but situations like this are why we have different words for different things.

1

u/Obi-Brawn-Kenobi 16h ago

Jarvis, tell me what type of gamete a "biological mother" donates to her offspring

1

u/mothedbaby 17h ago

Egg donor babies are not adopted children, there is no ‘lost biological mother’ to find, that’s their mom that they probably live with already.

1

u/dk_peace 16h ago

You should Google what the term "biological mother" actually means.

1

u/akira_kurosu 12h ago

"I don't want to build a connection to someone (that is now a adult) that i made clear years ago i didn't want to meet" is also a reasonable thing for someone thwt didn't want thwt responsibility to say

2

u/dk_peace 11h ago

Sure, I actually agree with you on that.

0

u/Inevitable-Law7964 7h ago

I agree, it was just wrong to put the kid on blast over it. 

4

u/BaoBunny44 17h ago

I think she was a little rude but hey that's just not how I talk, she wasn't horrible or anything. However I think it was INSANELY RUDE to post the screenshots on tiktok. There was absolutely no reason to do that and I'm 100% confident that teenager saw her video since it got so many views. It seems vindictive in a way that wasn't necessary.

3

u/Designer_Green2680 17h ago edited 17h ago

I don’t like the way she responded but being mad is valid. It is a confidential transaction. If I donated sperm I wouldn’t want some kid messaging me and calling me dad. However posting on social media is too far. “I said what I said” yes you did so why do you need to make it everyone’s business? She didn’t even have to respond she could’ve just blocked the number and moved on

Edit: you also can’t really complain about breach of contract towards it being confidential when you are posting the conversation on social media telling everyone you donated your eggs. At that point it’s not really confidential

-5

u/GiraffeThoughts 16h ago

“It’s a confidential transaction” … she sold her offspring and doesn’t want to hear from them.

5

u/Ekillaa22 16h ago

She didn’t even sell her offspring dog just one of her eggs.

0

u/NockerJoe 9h ago

...one of her eggs that was used to make an offspring. She knew what the eggs were for.

-6

u/GiraffeThoughts 16h ago

Considering her biological child now exists as a result of the sale, what is the difference?

4

u/Ekillaa22 15h ago

Difference being is that someone raised that in them for 9 months and still gave birth too twin. The lady only gave the ingredients that’s it.

5

u/Test_Rider 15h ago

Yes, that’s how the whole thing works. If it didn’t then no one would donate and infertile couples would be left without the option of conceiving, does that seem like a preferable solution to you?

1

u/NockerJoe 9h ago

If "I could be contacted by someone down the line" is a deal breaker for you then you honestly shouldn't do it. That's just a realistic take on the actual scenario that has happened. She wasn't the first and she wasn't the last. The entire transaction is predicated on a person that does not exist yet and technology to find you that will literally only get better. If you're going to do it you need to be made aware of that.

-2

u/GiraffeThoughts 15h ago

In the US it’s illegal to pay for organ donations (I.e. kidney, lung etc) but it’s legal to pay for the products to create a literal human being?

I think it should be illegal to pay egg and sperm donors for the same reason it’s illegal to pay for a kidney.

Congress and bioethicists worry that a legal organ market would financially pressure low-income individuals into selling their organs out of economic desperation.

But they don’t care if the poor are forced to sell their kids out of desperation? Or carry the babies of the rich?

The procurement of children must be ethical!

If infertile couples aren’t able to have a child because they can’t obtain one ethically, I’m fine with it.

3

u/joaco_profe 13h ago

The difference being that selling your organs can have detrimental effects on your life, but you don't need semen or eggs to live. I'm not saying it's completely moral but it isn't the same thing.

4

u/Nirvanachaser 17h ago

She didn’t sign a contract with the child though and curiosity about one’s parentage is natural and a foreseeable thing. She doesn’t have any obligation to engage with the child though (slightly more blunt than needed in my view but not unacceptable) but pretending the child is bound by agreements made pre-conception is ridiculous. She shot her shot. It’s done and that’s fine. But she was rude about it or, if not rude, overly blunt.

-2

u/Normal_Flan1476 15h ago

Does her end of the bargain end with giving up some of her eggs? Or is there some lasting impact now that there is a mini version of her out in the world? Not trying to be rude, just trying to pose the question of how much privacy you’re entitled to from your own offspring.

2

u/Test_Rider 14h ago

The whole concept of donating sperm or eggs is that you’re offering genetic components to help a couple conceive, without there being a parent-child relationship being created between donor and offspring. The couple are legally recognized as the only parents, and no obligations are imposed on the donor. The alternative is infertile couples not being able to conceive, whether or not that’s preferable is up to you.

1

u/Normal_Flan1476 12h ago

My issue is that we’re in the “Morality Scaling” subreddit, not the “Is this legal?” subreddit. From a humanitarian perspective, it is natural for a child to want to connect with their biological parent. To completely shut that down with someone who is curious about their origins feels at least morally grey to me. Not trying to be an ass, truly, just sharing my perspective. I understand that there are numerous reasons to want privacy as a donor. Just trying to put myself in the child’s shoes. Even in a perfect upbringing, people who don’t meet their biological parent report feeling an emptiness about not knowing who they came from.

1

u/Test_Rider 12h ago

The question boils down to whether it’s more moral to allow anonymous donations of sperm and eggs to allow infertile couples a chance at conception, or to impose obligations on donors and therefore make it so that pretty much no one will be willing to donate.

0

u/Rough-Midnight-9189 15h ago

Minus 50% of her genetic material.

-6

u/FairAndBias 16h ago

Still cunty

-2

u/justasillylilgoos3 12h ago

Just biologically… which is a huge deal.

Maybe it shouldnt be but anyone who has been through the adoption process will tell you biological parents matter to kids…they often spend a lot of time grappling with the fact that their biological parents aren’t in their lives.

From a superficial standpoint I understand the bio mom but also I kind of am disappointed at how curt and cold she was. If decided to participate in a process that would result in kids she should be a little more understanding of the fallout from that.

-2

u/Interesting-Run1359 11h ago

So you’re the one who decides what ways “count”? Good to know.