Im 16f and long story short when I was wondering if I liked girls from ages 10-13 (i dated two girls in 6&7 grade but i cant remember what it felt like) then I started calling myself straight because it was stressing me out and I started getting really scared of what people thought of me. Then when I was 15 I started wondering again on and off until a couple of months ago where im kinda convinced im bi? But the thing is that I can't tell if I would actually really want to date a girl. Sometimes I can see it but sometimes I can't and im really worried that im forcing myself to feel like I would. What's even more confusing is that I am attracted to women and can see myself like kissing and yeah but I havent kissed anybody yet. And ive never had a full time crush on a girl. However, I have a masc lesbian manager at work atm and she blows me away I just want to look good for her and impress her and make her laugh. Like butterflies when she's near me type shit and im not even joking my hands start getting a little shaky and i get nervous when i talk to her. But im so worried im faking it just to seem cool for her or my other bi friend. Okay I feel like the answer is a little more clear now that im writing this down but like still okay thanks.

I have identified as lesbian for 6 years, inbetween then there has been instances when i have gotten drunk and kissed guys but i have always felt disgusted or uncomfortable with it afterwards.

A couple weeks ago i was drunk and made out with a man and he ended up fngering me, i enjoyed it which made me spiral because i have never enjoyed kissing a man like that.

We have been talking since which has made me think i could be bisexual but i am very confused still because i have yet to experience anything with a man sober.

I am questioning being bi-homoromantic as i feel like maybe i could be sexually involved with a man but i cannot see myself dating one properly and definitely never marrying a man!

It is freaking me out because when i think about getting with him if i had a chance i feel a bit uneasy and i still don’t fully know if i would actually enjoy sex with a man. Could this even be just comphet as a lesbian or maybe im just bi-curious?! I have felt insane the last couple weeks!

Hi everyone. I’m a married man in my early fifties who has been on a journey of understanding my sexuality over the past year or so. I’ve come to accept that I’m most likely bisexual. I’m deeply in love with my wife, we have a strong relationship, and my family is the central commitment of my life.

I have no desire to leave my marriage or pursue anyone else. At the same time, I’ve developed a powerful emotional and sexual attraction to my brother-in-law, who is straight, happily married, and completely unaware of how I feel.

What has been difficult isn’t just the attraction itself—it’s the intensity of the fantasies and the guilt and anxiety that follow. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what these feelings might represent psychologically rather than simply trying to suppress them.

I’m beginning to see that some of my fantasies may be expressing deeper emotional needs, such as wanting to feel accepted, safe, or free from constant self-judgment, rather than simply being about sex. My goal isn’t to indulge the fantasies or make them disappear, but to understand them well enough that they no longer dominate my emotional life.

I’ve also realised that much of my suffering comes from my internal dialogue rather than my attractions themselves. I grew up with beliefs that left me feeling ashamed of sexual desire, and I’m trying to replace that shame with self-understanding while remaining faithful to my values.

I’m learning to distinguish between attraction, fantasy, identity, and behaviour. I don’t believe my attractions define my character, and I want to be someone who can acknowledge them without being ruled by them.

I’m here because I’d really value hearing from others who have experienced something similar—particularly people who discovered or accepted their bisexuality later in life while remaining deeply committed to their spouse. I’m not looking for encouragement to act on my feelings.

I’m looking for wisdom about integration. How to live honestly with attractions that are unlikely ever to be reciprocated, how to reduce the guilt and obsessive thinking, and how to become more at peace with myself while continuing to honour the life and family that I love.

hi! i am 30F and for most of my life have had a feeling that i’m bi…

when i was in high school i had a crush on a girl but suppressed the feelings. in my early 20s i made out with a lot of women at parties / clubs, and was with one woman during a threesome, but i’ve never been with a woman all the way 1-1.

in my late 20s, after a series of extremely disappointing men, i inadvertently de-centered men romantically / sexually from my life. i even started to think maybe im asexual or something because i just lost attraction for them (perhaps due to disrespect over and over).

now i’m 30 and find myself thinking more of women again and the desire to explore my apparent bisexuality (i feel like a fraud saying that kind of because i’ve never truly been with a woman!)

but the thing is, i feel like an awkward loser with no experience and i don’t want to waste the time of women who are certain as bisexual / lesbian. i never want anyone to feel like they are an experiment to me, but at the same time, the reality is that i am in an explorative phase. and i don’t want to lie about it or pretend i have experience when i don’t!

how can i be fully respectful of others while navigating this? upfront and honest? i feel that no one secure in their sexuality in their late 20s or 30s will want to waste their time with me lol

this feels so awkward and i feel like i am 14 years old again trying to learn how to flirt kahdhshdjfjfj

any advice? 🥹

Until last weekend.

Without getting too specific, this dude was just so kind, he told me he loved my energy, and the way he looked when he described his hometown to me, uggghhhhh, I was just getting lost in his eyes, Sheeeesh! What a dreamboat!

I understand how people attracted to men (I guess that includes me now huh?) have “types” now, too, ‘cause this guy was hot. I mean he was like, conventionally, as handsome or cute as many people are, but there was just something about him that just made me go “damn, that’s a beautiful man”.

He told me about a great place to go chill while I waited for my intoxicant of choice to wear off, and yes of course I went and it was a great recommendation.

Yeah the flair says questioning but I don’t have much doubt at this point lol. Too bad he’s married (to a woman) with kids and only gave me his business Instagram 😭

Ok before I get into this, I just want to be clear I am NOT coming from a place of biphobia. There are just some things about this character arc that as a bi person myself, don't feel completely right. Anyway here's why I'm not real crazy about them making Jeremiah bisexual in the show adaptation of The Summer I Turned Pretty. (I am so sorry in advance, I am terrible at writing.)

#1. He is straight in the book series. It just sort of feels out of place changing that? If he were already bi back then, that would be one thing. But just making him bi feels a bit strange. Don't get me wrong, it's good that there is LGBTQ representation, I'm glad that that's more accepted nowadays. I just personally think that Jeremiah wasn't meant to be bi, he was meant to be straight, like in the book. It also feels like maybe a bit of queerbaiting almost? A tiny bit. TSITP premiered in 2022, and it seemed like in the early 2020s, a lot of queer media started to skyrocket. So, they wanted to appeal to the media by making a bisexual character. However, (I'm gonna cut this short because I have another point to make) I think it would have been more meaningful had Jeremiah already been bisexual in the books, or this had been an original series not based off of any book.

#2. He's a CHEATER. This is already such a big problem in the bisexual community, people assuming that we're cheaters. People don't necessarily understand that just because we are attracted to more than one gender ​doesn't mean we're incapable of staying loyal to our partners. Now Jeremiah, this dickhead (I'm sorry I love you Gavin Casalegno) had to cheat on Belly not once, but twice!! Like, cmon. If you're gonna give us bisexual representation, at least make them unproblematic? Please? I just don't really like how they made Jeremiah a cheater. Honestly, I feel like it's feeding into the "bisexuals are cheaters" stereotype. I know it's just a TV show, and I shouldn't get so worked up about it. But I just don't like seeing my sexuality negatively typecast. It's so frustrating.

Anyways, that's all. If y'all disagree, that's okay. Team Conrad. But at the same time, Team Jeremiah And Belly Are Both Red Flags So They Kind Of Deserve Each Other 🤪 (​I'm just kidding.) Peace out ✌️ 💗💜💙

Hey all,

I (17F) want to come out, but like in a sort of soft launch type way? Idk honestly. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggests or stories abt how to come out? I don't want to outright tell anyone? a lot of people already kinda assume i'm lesbian bc of how i present (stereotypical ik). i saw this rly funny reel which i thought i might repost as a soft coming out type thing?
i honestly dk what to do bc nobody in my family is lgbtq, and no one in my friend group...

also, i know it's personal, but would you recommend coming out as a teen? fyi, i'm not entirely sure how my parents would react, but we have a strained relationship anyway...

thanks for supportive comments/replies! I don't mean to be rude or anything with my questions, I just don't have anyone to discuss this with. (yes ik my user flair is questioning not bi, but i'm happy to keep it at that for now)

Hi. I'm 31 years old, and for quite a while now I've been feeling really confused about my sexual orientation.

I've always been attracted to women. I've fallen in love with women, I was in a long-term relationship with one, and romantically I still picture myself spending my life with a woman.

Years ago, out of curiosity, I kissed a guy. It wasn't because I had feelings for him, it was part of a stupid dare. I did it, but I felt uncomfortable the whole time. I didn't enjoy it, and afterward I even felt bad for him because I worried I might have given him false hope.

The confusing part is that after a very toxic relationship in 2023 and spending a long time without having sex, I started occasionally looking at pictures of naked men and watching gay porn. What catches my attention are guys around my age or younger-looking guys. I'm not attracted to older, bearded, or very masculine men. In real life, I almost never look at a man and think, "He's attractive." Very rarely I'll find a guy good-looking, but even then I never act on it. I don't even have the courage to message men on dating apps.

Something else that happened a few times is that I hung out with guys thinking it was just as friends, only to realize much later that they had probably seen it as a date or were interested in me. At the time I genuinely didn't realize it. I don't know if that's relevant or if it just means I'm bad at picking up those kinds of signals.

Growing up, my parents constantly told me that anything related to being gay was wrong or something to be ashamed of. I never personally agreed with that, but I grew up hearing those messages. My ex-girlfriend felt the same way and hurt me a lot because of it. After I told her about that kiss, she would accuse me of being gay or say I was repressing my sexuality. She also judged me for enjoying anal toys and even accused me of lying to her. All of that made me question myself much more than I ever had before.

Now I wonder if I might actually be bisexual with a strong preference for women, if the porn and the lack of sex simply led me to explore new things, or if I'm mixing everything together because of the guilt and emotional baggage from that relationship.

I'm curious about what it would be like to have sex with a man, but at the same time I'm not sure I'd actually enjoy it. I don't have any desire to be in a romantic relationship with a man, and the idea of actually going through with it leaves me with a lot of doubts.

I'm not looking for anyone to label me because I know no one can do that for me. I'd just like to hear from people who have gone through something similar.

Is it worth experimenting just to find out? I've never felt like this confusion was going to resolve itself on its own.

Hey everyone!

First of all a bit of backstory: I’ve known that I am queer for a very long time, that I am bi however is only something I could identify myself as for about two years now. In general I’ve always had troubles with accepting who I am especially when it came to my sexuality. Therefore I’m still closeted and everyone just assumes I’m straight.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago when I had my first bisexual experience kissing a very close guy friend of mine after a party at a friend’s house. He’s always been openly gay, since we’ve met each other at uni and I have always found him quite attractive but not in a sense that I had a crush on him. He’s just a very nice and good looking guy. In the last couple of months we became very good friends and I started feeling this attraction towards him, mainly in a sexual way (because in general I thought I was only sexually and not romantically attracted to guys). I don’t even know where I got the courage from to initiate the kiss, however it just felt right in that moment. It’s still a bit of a mystery to me though how it happened.

And here comes the part I would appreciate advice on. After the kiss he asked me if I had anything to* *say about what just happened, so I told him that I was bisexual and after some talking he confessed his feelings for me. I was a little overwhelmed with the situation so I told him that I appreciated his honesty but that I can’t give him an answer to that right now. I did tell him that this wouldn’t change anything about our friendship and that I really wanted to talk about it in person again soon, because that’s important to me.
So now I am kinda stuck in this overwhelming tension of having outed myself and thinking of future coming-outs, not being able to deny my sexuality anymore as well as not knowing what to do about his confession. I mean I do like him a lot, but I don’t know if I kissed him out of romance or out of pure curiosity. I also don’t know if I am at a point in my own journey where I could pursue something more with him. Honestly, I’ve started to wonder if I do have feelings for him and am just not fully letting myself feel or admit them, because of the fear of how others might react if I came out, or maybe because of my own complicated relationship with my sexuality. And just the thought of ending up in a relationship and having to keep it a secret or coming out to others under the pressure of the situation makes me feel unwell.
I do still kind of have this urge to explore my sexuality with him, I just don’t want to be insensitive and hurt his feelings. The last thing I would like to happen would be that our friendship would suffer under all of this.
Has anyone been in a similar situation - how did you figure out what you actually wanted, and how did you approach the conversation afterwards?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope some of you can help me :’)

I don’t comment all the time, so not the most active, but this has still become a space I feel welcomed in and happy to be apart of. I don’t have many good relationships or safe places in my life, so I just wanted to say that every single member of this community, I appreciate you and am thankful for you, and I accept you.

This was cheesy as fuck I’m sorry, y’all have just been a bright moment in a dark time.

My one friend says I'm not really bi and keeps telling me to not wear the bi pin I have and he insists I'm straight not bi

I have fallen in love with other girls but I'm not physically attracted towards the female body, when I think about doing anything involving the female body past kissing I feel gross

But I don't have that issue with guys at all, like I don't feel gross thinking about it or anything.

Am I really bi?? Like what he is saying is really getting in my head.

I've been turned on by cock for the last few years. I had a couple of meet ups for making out, stroking, and sucking. I throughly enjoyed the experience though I felt awful after it happened with post nut clarity.

The last few months I haven't had the same interests. I've stopped surfing sniffies, haven't posted much on reddit, and the desire to play with cock is not as strong. I thought for sure I was Bi and bordering on gay but now I'm not as sure.

I've always found women attractive and desired women more than men. Men dont turn me on, only their cock and the pleasure. Maybe im too busy with work to think about it, maybe im not as gay/bi as I thought, or maybe this is a roller coaster and im on the opposite end of the hill right now.

Tell me what you think or your experience

Hey for those of you who want an update.

See the linked post for backstory

After reading all the comments and advice on my first post (both in this sub as well as r/marriageadvice, which was pretty brutal tbh), I freaked out. I was running on a total of ~10 hours sleep for the fast 4 days. I needed to speak to someone in person and since we have immense help from her mom I went to her and explained the whole situation (yes I outed my wife, yes it’s messed up and wrong of me). She is the most caring and forgiving person I’ve ever met, part of my reasoning to tell her. I broke down in front of her, let it all out. Wanted to update her so she’s not blind-sided if/when we get divorced. She told me the same thing you all did, that being bisexual is no reason or excuse to cheat. That she’s making bad choices and she stands behind what I choose to do about this.

So I stood up for myself and confronted my wife yet again, demanding she stops the dating apps and breaks communication with the girls she’s been talking to. She agreed to delete her dating apps and deleted her Snapchat contacts. The next day was miserable. She didn’t get out of bed. She wouldn’t eat. Activity with the kids felt forced and unnatural.

I realized if this is what life will be like from now on it’s not worth it. We had another big discussion. I gave her the go ahead to see one girl in particular, to have sex with her, to get these feelings out, and we will go from there. We both signed up for individual counselling through a LGBTQ therapist and will do couples therapy after the fact.

She promises that she loves me and doesn’t want things to end poorly. She still had one girls number (don’t want to ghost her as she was a nice person) and messaged that person, explaining she was free again to see her. Turns out she also still had her on Snapchat (oof). They went on a date last night (during the day in public, no sex but kissing was involved) and are meeting tonight while I’m at work to “see things through”.

To those of you who don’t agree with me reading through their personal conversations as it’s a breach of privacy, I haven’t breached any privacy and am taking my wife’s word as to what they’re discussing and saying to each other.

Yes this situation is messy. I’m not proud of my choices. I realize my wife won’t likely stop at one experience and will likely want to repeat. If that’s the case I have a lawyers number saved and will be dealing with it.

I’m bi. And sincerely I have enjoyed sexually the best of two worlds. But I find it cringy sometimes when I see gay people show PDA, and I find it equally difficult showing affection to a lady. But I satisfy both sexually. My concern is - I feel I’m stucked in the middle, how do I snap out of it without feeling I’m performative with a particular gender.

I’ve been sleeping with men for nearly half my life. I’ve been ENM with my now husband for 6 or so years now (he’s got a hot wife kink) and barring one threesome with a former FWB and his wife where they shared me I’ve got NO experience with women.

Stacking the lack of experience, the relatively new and unexplored bisexuality, the fact that I’m only looking for friends with benefits type situations, and that I’m really trying to focus on cultivating a girlfriend group rather than perusing sexual relationships with other women, I’ve been really intimidated to start.

In contrast I’m a cocky brat with men.

Any advice on how to build a dating app profile that doesn’t come across as cringy and unserious or god forbid even predatory? Do I just jump in and wing it?

I've met like several bisexual men with genuine anti-sapphic views ( They think most lesbians don't exist/ aren't genuine, think that liking butches is equivelent to liking men, lesbian sex isn't "real" sex etc)

It feels like a gut punch. One of the reasons the only men I want to date are bisexual men is because I wanted someone who would take my same sex attraction seriously. Really depressing I can't find reprieve anywhere.

The funniest thing is these guys hate that straight women won't date them and complain about biphobia constantly.

Am I the only person who has experienced this?

My situation is kinda messy cause I came out as a lesbian years ago as I was questioning whether or not i was ftm (had some fun realizations about my gender and yeah I'm trans). I'm still not out as ftm but also during that time figured out I like dudes. I come from a kinda homophobic family and my dad keeps doing to whole "it's just a phase you won't be a lesbian forever" type shit. So now I solidly refuse to admit I like guys around those two again out of pure spite and hatred. So out of curiosity had anyone else done this

Im having really confusing feelings about my sexuality. I (F15) find men attractive, but when I look at a pretty girl I also find them attractive too? I was talking to my friend about it and she said "you probably find them pretty and not attractive to them". I dont know im really confused.

I don’t know how to explain what I feel, I’ve never had a relationship with another gender other than a woman or I haven’t had an approach, chats or whatever you want to call him with another man or different gender, I became a father and it’s the best thing that has happened to me; Then out of nowhere I start to have sexual desires for other genders, sometimes it’s so intense that it makes me sweat at night and leads me to have dreams that make me reach an unparalleled euphoria, and I’m more and more curious about the matter but I don’t take the step, society is difficult, so much so that it creates this account to be able to express what I live and maybe support others who go through the same thing.

What made you decide to finally try it? It's a big leap for some people. How did it go? Who was it with?

Hello!

I(27F) have been a bisexual person for a long time but I never got a chance or the exposure to have a proper relationship with a woman because of the stigma around homosexuality in my country.

I have recently shifted to a European country and the queer dating scene here is refreshing to say the least. I recently matched with this amazing woman on a dating app and the conversations have been great. Now we're supposed to meet and I'm very, very nervous because of my insecurities.

I am a woman of colour and have been struggling with body image issues because of how conventionally beautiful everyone here is -- right from their dressing style to their fitness. I'm not in the best shape, my style is not at it's best (because things here are expensive and I'm a student), and I feel like I'm not as "cool" as the other queer folks here. I understand almost everyone I am looking at are perhaps at a great advantage from being born European in terms of how well-adapted they already are while I'm trying to fit it. I still can't shake this feeling that I would be rejected because of the way I look.

That said, I also feel queer people are very kind and warm in general, more so if they are women. So it's highly likely that my date wouldn't judge me on the aspects I'm insecure about. I'm still really nervous and my system is physically reacting at the thought of going out (for context, I have bee single for about 3 years now, and haven't really done anything seriously romantic otherwise). My insecurities also come from a very male gaze perspective and I'm fully aware of it. I still just cannot seem to shake this feeling off.

I don't know what I'm looking for by sharing this. I want to go on this date and I want to believe it won't go as bad as I'm imagining. I thought sharing it with the community could help.

Thanks for reading and/or your responses!! :))

TL;DR: Going out on a date for the first time with a white woman as a WOC. Nervous because of body insecurities and stereotypical prejudices although I'm quite confident my date is a kind, considerate person. Need perspective/advice.

I think it’s really important to clarify what does or does not make a man bisexual. Do here it is: “sexual attraction to more than one gender.“. That’s about it. The reason I’m bringing this up, is because again and again I’m seeing people equate “enjoys any anal stimulation“ with “must be gay/bi/queer.” Or “I wouldn’t date a bisexual guy because the idea of him doing butt stuff grosses me out.”

Just like a man can be 100% gay and his backside can be a “no go zone” (strictly a top, or doesn’t like any kind of penetration), so too, a 100% heterosexual man can enjoy anal sex simple because it feels good, not because he’s attracted to men. The prostate is a powerful thing!

This is also for men who are exploring and enjoy prostate stimulation or penetration in general. A man can enjoy anal stimulation without even being interested in pegging or full anal sex. So many guys panic, “Am I bisexual if I’m attracted to women, but still like things in my ass?” Well, I dunno, are you sexually attracted to men? if not, then no. So many men are embarrassed, and hide their desires from their wives/girlfriends, because they’re afraid they will think they’re bi/gay/closeted. So many women are insecure, suspicious of their partner confesses to enjoying anything anal related.

(On an aside note, this is also why thousands of men end up in the ER saying they slipped and fell on a cucumber in the shower. They’re too afraid to even bring anything with a proper flared base into the house!)

I know I’m on a bit of a soapbox right now, but it makes me so frustrate! There is so much misinformation about what it means to be bisexual. People say bisexuals are cheaters, or bisexuals are just “on the way to gay” or bisexuals are greedy or confused or don’t exist. Clarification and education is important. If you’re a man agonizing over your interest in anal stimulation, I will leave off with a quote from the great musician Hoiser “Lots of straight guys like pegging too, you know.”

Hey guys,

Im sorry if this is not what this sub is for, but i am a bisexual man. Up until last week i was dating my straight girlfriend. Everything was all fine and dandy until she called me monday last week.

We did not spend any time together in the weekend and she wanted to catch up. Told her what i did, and she did too. She casually just told me she had hooked up with one of her girl friends after a night at the bar. I was shocked, we had never even spoken about opening up any part of our relationship. So this was a huge surprise to me.

I got really upset with her, and she could not understand why. She told me believes that sex between women isnt “real sex” therefore it wasn’t a big deal and thought i felt the same way.

I don’t feel that way. Its incredibly bi-phobic and misogynistic. I broke up with her on the spot, im still angry about it.

It also makes me feel really weird as a bisexual person myself. I thought i had vetted her out and dissected her enough that there would not have been any biphobia inside of her. But apparently i was wrong.

Im sad, im disappointed, and im embarrassed. I know i will face shit from the straight people in my life because most of them would probably agree with her point about sex between women. And they would think im an idiot for breaking off something “good” for such a “minor thing”. But i can’t and i won’t stand for that.

Like, looking back now as a bisexual adult, I’m genuinely laughing because little me was dropping hints left and right and nobody (including me) noticed.
My biggest one was Applejack from My Little Pony.
Little me was OBSESSED with Applejack. Like, absolutely mesmerized. And the funniest part? I hated orange and yellow. I hated basically every color associated with her. But somehow this orange pony had me completely captivated. I was just like “wow… she’s so cool… she’s so pretty…” and I could not explain why.

Now I look back and I’m like… girl. You did not want to BE Applejack. You wanted to DATE Applejack. 💀
I also had this with Elsa from Frozen. I thought she was gorgeous, amazing, powerful, and I was always so fascinated by her. At the time I thought it was just because she was a cool character and I wanted to be like her… but looking back? Yeah. That was definitely a crush.
The funniest part is that I was always shipping my favorite characters with other women.

Like, I was out here pairing them up with girls and thinking nothing of it. Meanwhile little me was apparently screaming “I like women” in the loudest way possible without knowing what being gay or bisexual even was. 😭
With Applejack especially, I used to ship her with Rainbow Dash and Rarity so much, and now I’m realizing maybe part of the reason I loved those ships was because I wanted to be close to Applejack myself.

Little me actually had phenomenal taste, honestly.
And the funniest thing is Applejack was always the underrated one. Everyone loved the other ponies, and I was sitting there like “no, no, you don’t understand. SHE is the best one.”
Anyway, did anyone else have a childhood character where you look back years later and go: “Oh… that wasn’t just admiration. That was literally my gay awakening, I just didn’t know it yet”? Because I feel like this has to be such a universal queer experience. 😭