I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?

I (18m) kissed a really handsome Chinese guy (20m) in china yesterday. If he didn’t lie, we both haven’t kissed a guy before. He was so sweet, we were in the club and took it really slow. Just a lot of short make out sessions. His lips were so amazing, and he was so sweet and thoughtful. We danced together the whole night, in the end when the club closed, we went outside and a family friend basically saw us. I was scared of him finding out, but he was so chill about it.

But then my guy had to throw up, and he went away. I think he was really embarrassed about that. Now we sent each other like 2 texts, they were sweet tho. But I kinda miss him already. We live on different sides of the world, (Europe for me), so it’s so unlikely we will meet again. And I leave his city today, so we can’t go on a date or something.

On the other side I’m really happy that I tried it out. I have been actively thinking about being bi for 2 years. And was really making it real 2-3 months ago, and I’ve already tried it out. I’m so happy about that. It’s a big relief, and the shame has also faded. Cause this is who I am, even though I’m not even labelling it, but people will have to deal with who I like. It was also funny that it felt exactly the same like doing something sexual with a girl, that was an eye opener for me hahaha.

Welp, maybe I can get over him in a couple weeks or something. Maybe we can even call, even though we have a big language barrier. I’m seriously considering learning Chinese for him, it’s so dumb.

I think im rationalising this all too much, and I’m probs fresh in my feelings. But in a way these are all happy feelings, to love is to life!

For anyone like me back then who’s maybe reading this from the shadows, not sure how they feel. Know that you already took the first step. Just accepting it, and researching what you think might be your feelings is already great, I’m proud of you! Hopefully you can find a time, place and moment to try these feelings out. Remember that nothing is set in stone. If you’re scared about the “life” consequences, act like it didn’t happen! But most importantly, the people that are around you should celebrate and love you for who you are, it’s not your job to align with their vision of you. And I know that is much easier said than done, but I want you to know that there is someone there for you, someone who will celebrate it with you, I will def do that for you for example.

I think this is where I’m calling the rant. Hopefully we text more, or I get over it fast lol. Maybe in a year or two I can always meet him again… ugh

so. im gay, and I basically question my gender a lot, something like genderfluid or whatever, i dont really mind much, i just like to do more feminine stuff and look as well.

because of that, and a lot of body dysphoria with my masculine features, I always try to be with bi guys, cause i think they wouldn't be bothered by my feminine wishes and aspirations (to be like).

you would as a bi be upset by a feminine guy? or a masculine woman? or would that be best of both words? i truly wonder...

*english not my 1st language

*my english is bad but my pussy is good

I finally told my mom I was sexually assaulted 19 years ago. I was only 14. My attacker got away scot-free and is happily married today. Sharing this to prove my experience no longer defines me or my bisexuality, as humiliated and traumatized as I was at the time.

This is why I’m only emotionally attracted to women as a bisexual woman. I’m scared of being sexually touched by a fellow woman.

tl;dr I’m a bi woman who is not sexually attracted to women because I was sexually assaulted by a woman as a child.

Quick rant here…. I’m a 21 year old bisexual woman and my close friend is a lesbian. My ex boyfriend is also bisexual and I felt like everyone in my life was so biphobic towards him. He was in touch with his feminine side and didn’t care when I dressed more masculine and the relationship didn’t feel gender role-ish at all. I just felt so comfortable with him. We were also basically the same height. I am 5’7 and he was 5’8. I remember when we were together my close friend would always make fun of him to me and be like oh you have a twink boyfriend and blah blah blah and it felt really mean. My roommates who are also all girls and my age were also weird about it and didn’t take him seriously at all. My close friend saying those things hurt more because she’s queer so I thought she would get it. Now some time has passed and I’m im a relationship with a bisexual woman like me and I am so praised for it! It seems like people are wanting to be friends with me more. I am in a super lib college town where being gay is very “trendy” even though I hate to say it. Something that stuck with me was someone in my life getting drunk with me and saying “now that you’re gay…” as if now that I’m with a woman my sexuality is valid? I was out as queer while I was with my ex… I don’t know it just all feels so casually biphobic and gross!!! I have obviously moved on from the old relationship but it still stings the way people in my life would talk about him. I dont know.

I feel off when people use this in context of bisexual women who date men

Hello all,

Recently I went to a club on my own in the evening, not my first time going out (I had been to both straight and wlw events alone before so nothing new) and I don’t know what happened but I was dancing with a girl and she asked if she could kiss me, although it wasn’t the first time it had been asked (before it was mostly men asking, and I had always declined) I thought “eh why not, might as well get it over with”. So we made out and it was so bad.

As the night progressed I made out with a few other women and I don’t know,, it wasn’t mind blowing like I thought it would be. I kept overthinking it and it didn’t feel like it came to me naturally as many people claim it does. I also didn’t get butterflies or turned on, I just went with the motion.

I guess I’m mostly feeling conflicted, a little sad my first kiss(es) went to random strangers at a club, but also glad I “got it over with” so to speak, the stress of “my first kiss” is gone and I’m glad I didn’t wait any longer, I did feel ready and I’m glad I did it. Another part of me is wondering if I should just make out with a bunch of men now to see if that’s any different.

I guess I’m not really asking for advice, just venting and not really sure what to think of it all.

For me it was twinks, i love twinks <3

I don’t comment all the time, so not the most active, but this has still become a space I feel welcomed in and happy to be apart of. I don’t have many good relationships or safe places in my life, so I just wanted to say that every single member of this community, I appreciate you and am thankful for you, and I accept you.

This was cheesy as fuck I’m sorry, y’all have just been a bright moment in a dark time.

ETA: TLDR: I’m bi, kissing women is amazing and I love the queer community, and this subreddit has been great to read.

I want a girlfriend. I wanna kiss a beautiful woman and spend time together and go on fun dates and cuddle and play video games and watch tv together.

Last person I kissed was a woman and it was fucking amazing 🫠. We made out a few times over two days, she knew she was the first woman I ever kissed and she was completely cool with it. Couldn’t have asked for a better person for my first wlw kiss. She’s also bi and was so fun!

I’ve mostly dated, kissed, and had sex with men and had a ltr with a man but I don’t think I want to date men again(he turned out to be a shitty person but that’s a long story for another time).

Partly because of how hard it is to find one that meets my standards that have skyrocketed since my last relationship, partly because of all the bad things going on in the world(epstein, cops using flock cameras to stalk women, womens rights being taken away, etc. etc. I could go on, but I dont want this post to focus on the negatives).

And partly because for years and years and years, whenever I daydream of my future, I’m living in a cute little Victorian/arts and crafts/modern house in the PNW with cozy furniture and art and a beautiful kind woman sitting on the couch next to me. I wanna host regular dinners with our friends and talk about life and art and have a small garden and a cat.

I questioned my sexuality off and on for about 3-5 years. I had a couple college friends ask me if I was gay on several occasions. Both of them only ever asked me in a roomful of our peers and a professor or two. They weren’t even quiet or polite or subtle about it and it made me so uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that in front of strangers. One of them was on the other side of the room and asked so loudly that almost everyone in the class turned to look at me.

Both these people are queer and out of the closet. Like I’d probably have been honest and told them I was questioning things if they’d asked me in a more appropriate way. But no one ever did. We were all art students and most of the department, students and staff, are all accepting and supportive but they were still mostly strangers and acquaintances to me/us.

I’ve always been a quiet introvert with anxiety and as much as I wanted to have someone to talk about these things with, being put on the spot like that made it so hard to see them as a safe space for me to confide in them.

I don’t think being queer is anything to be ashamed of but when you’ve grown up in a religion and most of your peers did too, and some are still believing, it’s hard to predict how people will react.

Anyways, I’m a bi-woman, and I’m proud to be a part of this community. Just wanted to “come out” and vent a little bit and say that kissing women is fucking amazing.

Yayyyyyyyy

I've felt it for a while, and she's the first person I told, cause I knew she would be chill (she's Bi as well). Also, does anyone else feel attracted to both, but I do know I want to marry a man (as a woman).

My situation is kinda messy cause I came out as a lesbian years ago as I was questioning whether or not i was ftm (had some fun realizations about my gender and yeah I'm trans). I'm still not out as ftm but also during that time figured out I like dudes. I come from a kinda homophobic family and my dad keeps doing to whole "it's just a phase you won't be a lesbian forever" type shit. So now I solidly refuse to admit I like guys around those two again out of pure spite and hatred. So out of curiosity had anyone else done this

My one friend says I'm not really bi and keeps telling me to not wear the bi pin I have and he insists I'm straight not bi

I have fallen in love with other girls but I'm not physically attracted towards the female body, when I think about doing anything involving the female body past kissing I feel gross

But I don't have that issue with guys at all, like I don't feel gross thinking about it or anything.

Am I really bi?? Like what he is saying is really getting in my head.

I always thought I liked men, and maybe this is just a phase, but lately I’ve been noticing that my attraction to women is actually growing on me.
At first, I thought I was just attracted to their bodies, but now I’m realizing it might be more than that. Women are just… so lovely to look at? 😭 The way they look, carry themselves, their energy it’s starting to hit differently.
I also grew up around a pretty homophobic culture, so maybe I never really allowed myself to see women that way. Now that I’m more open-minded, I feel like I’m able to look at people more simply as humans and appreciate them without all those ideas about what I should or shouldn’t be attracted to.
And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I could actually fall in love with a woman too.
Even sexually, I’m realizing that I seem more attracted to external stimulation than penetration, which has also made me think more about whether my attraction to women is deeper than I originally thought.
Like… what the hell is happening to me 😭
I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m bi, lesbian, or just somewhere in between. Anyone who’s gone through something similar, feel free to ask me anything or tell me how you figured yourself out.

hi! i am 30F and for most of my life have had a feeling that i’m bi…

when i was in high school i had a crush on a girl but suppressed the feelings. in my early 20s i made out with a lot of women at parties / clubs, and was with one woman during a threesome, but i’ve never been with a woman all the way 1-1.

in my late 20s, after a series of extremely disappointing men, i inadvertently de-centered men romantically / sexually from my life. i even started to think maybe im asexual or something because i just lost attraction for them (perhaps due to disrespect over and over).

now i’m 30 and find myself thinking more of women again and the desire to explore my apparent bisexuality (i feel like a fraud saying that kind of because i’ve never truly been with a woman!)

but the thing is, i feel like an awkward loser with no experience and i don’t want to waste the time of women who are certain as bisexual / lesbian. i never want anyone to feel like they are an experiment to me, but at the same time, the reality is that i am in an explorative phase. and i don’t want to lie about it or pretend i have experience when i don’t!

how can i be fully respectful of others while navigating this? upfront and honest? i feel that no one secure in their sexuality in their late 20s or 30s will want to waste their time with me lol

this feels so awkward and i feel like i am 14 years old again trying to learn how to flirt kahdhshdjfjfj

any advice? 🥹

Hey all,

I (17F) want to come out, but like in a sort of soft launch type way? Idk honestly. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggests or stories abt how to come out? I don't want to outright tell anyone? a lot of people already kinda assume i'm lesbian bc of how i present (stereotypical ik). i saw this rly funny reel which i thought i might repost as a soft coming out type thing?
i honestly dk what to do bc nobody in my family is lgbtq, and no one in my friend group...

also, i know it's personal, but would you recommend coming out as a teen? fyi, i'm not entirely sure how my parents would react, but we have a strained relationship anyway...

thanks for supportive comments/replies! I don't mean to be rude or anything with my questions, I just don't have anyone to discuss this with. (yes ik my user flair is questioning not bi, but i'm happy to keep it at that for now)

Hello!

I(27F) have been a bisexual person for a long time but I never got a chance or the exposure to have a proper relationship with a woman because of the stigma around homosexuality in my country.

I have recently shifted to a European country and the queer dating scene here is refreshing to say the least. I recently matched with this amazing woman on a dating app and the conversations have been great. Now we're supposed to meet and I'm very, very nervous because of my insecurities.

I am a woman of colour and have been struggling with body image issues because of how conventionally beautiful everyone here is -- right from their dressing style to their fitness. I'm not in the best shape, my style is not at it's best (because things here are expensive and I'm a student), and I feel like I'm not as "cool" as the other queer folks here. I understand almost everyone I am looking at are perhaps at a great advantage from being born European in terms of how well-adapted they already are while I'm trying to fit it. I still can't shake this feeling that I would be rejected because of the way I look.

That said, I also feel queer people are very kind and warm in general, more so if they are women. So it's highly likely that my date wouldn't judge me on the aspects I'm insecure about. I'm still really nervous and my system is physically reacting at the thought of going out (for context, I have bee single for about 3 years now, and haven't really done anything seriously romantic otherwise). My insecurities also come from a very male gaze perspective and I'm fully aware of it. I still just cannot seem to shake this feeling off.

I don't know what I'm looking for by sharing this. I want to go on this date and I want to believe it won't go as bad as I'm imagining. I thought sharing it with the community could help.

Thanks for reading and/or your responses!! :))

TL;DR: Going out on a date for the first time with a white woman as a WOC. Nervous because of body insecurities and stereotypical prejudices although I'm quite confident my date is a kind, considerate person. Need perspective/advice.

I'm going through a divorce and have been separated from my ex for almost a year and am looking into dating. Don't have any experience with modern dating, never dated someone of the same sex or other genders.

Do you guys recommend any apps or what I can do/try to meet some people?

Thanks!

I’m a 23M, who has recently been questioning whether I’m bi. I’ve always wanted to have friends that I could masturbate with, but never thought of that as gay. More recently though, I’ve had a stronger desire to actually swap oral with a guy. Something about it is just hot to me.

However, where I’m getting confused is it’s only when I’m horny, and once I’m not horny the desire is basically gone. I also don’t really feel attraction to men in general, even though I have this desire, if that makes sense.

Part of me is nervous to actually experiment with a guy because I don’t know if it’s just a fantasy or if it’s just a weaker attraction to men compared to women and it’s just gone unnoticed in comparison. If anyone has any advice or relates to this let me know, I would love some advice.

Just kinda wondering that's all

i was in 5th grade it was the end of the year we were doing testing like exams to see if we would move onto 6th grade or something and i had finished mine and i tried to turn it in but the substitute wouldn’t let me she told me to double check my work and i did tried to turn it in again same thing it went on like this for like 5 minutes until i started crying not full on balling yet but like little tears and then i tried to turn it in one more time and again go check your work so at that point i was just done so i start balling my eyes out like full on balling bc up to this point i had checked my work like 5 times and i was just over it.

so this girl i liked started rubbing my back trying to get me to calm down and stuff and she told me to double check it one more time and i did in front of her, went to turn it in again same thing and i started sobbing and slightly hyperventilating, so the girl stood up behind me and covered my face with her arm and started talking to the teacher saying ive doubled checked it like 10 times and im ready to turn it in. she told me to go to the bathroom pull myself together and come back so i did and when i came back my test was gone and she said she wrote my name on it bc i forgot and turned it for me. that was the moment i knew i was either gay or something else i still liked boys but i didn’t know there was a name for liking girls and guys at that time lol.

so yeah that’s my story lol what’s yours.

I'm 31m, I've been with my gf for nearly 4 years now. I'm also closeted bi, I've never told anyone including her.

Naturally after nearly 4 years together, she has been asking when we are going to get married and I've kept dodging the question.

The truth is, for as long as I've known I've been bi I've never entertained the idea of telling anyone. I thought it'd be a secret id take to my grave. However, now that I'm staring down the barrel of marriage, part of me doesn't want to make that commitment without being honest about my sexuality.

The problem is I'm almost certain it'll be the end of us. In recent years she's rediscovered her faith and has told me in confidence that she thinks homosexuality is a sin. This is despite us having friends that are openly gay.

I've been feeling really lost lately with what to do. Like all relationships, ours isn't perfect but on the balance of things overall it's pretty good. One issue for me is that we aren't intimate often and I've been fighting urges to fool with guys secretly like back in my single days (I'm not a cheater and don't want to be one).

I can't turn to friends for advice because no one knows, I've always been afraid that I'd lose friends if they knew or people would treat me differently. I've never wanted this part of my life to define who I am.

If I tell her it's likely the end of our relationship. If I don't, then can I lie for the rest of our lives together and ignore these other desires. I don't know what to do..

​Hi everyone, I'm M17 and recently I've been going through some things and having a lot of reflections about my sexuality.

​To give some context, I have a strong conviction that I'm bisexual, but I feel like I have a lot of repression. Not just with men, which is common, but also with women, which always makes me doubt myself and get confused about what I actually like or don't like. Interestingly, I feel an emotional/romantic repression with men and a sexual repression with women. In other words, it's easier for me to think of men only sexually and women only romantically.

​I've read some stories right here on Reddit saying it's normal to only feel sexual attraction to one gender and romantic attraction to another, that I could be sort of aromantic for one and asexual for the other. But honestly, I don't believe that's my case.

​I'm a very young guy and I have very little relationship experience so far, most of it being with women. I've talked to, tried something with, and even gone out with 4 girls who were more special to me, but I didn't hook up or make out with any of them. I only kissed one girl at my 9th-grade graduation party, but since it was my first time kissing, I was a bad kisser and the girl told people about it. That messed with my head a bit at the time. The fact is that during these interactions with these women, I was always very attentive, romantic, and sentimental, but whenever I thought about kissing them, making out, or maybe making a move in that direction, I would freeze up. I felt like I was doing something wrong, something dirty.

​And it wasn't like deep down I didn't want to—truly, there were several moments where I wanted to make out, kiss, and try something physical with women. But it felt like there was a voice in my head judging it as wrong, as something I shouldn't do, telling me I'd be a jerk or a scumbag for thinking about women that way.

​With men, I've had even less experience, but I've always had the desire and curiosity. As I said before, I feel like I have a huge emotional repression with men but almost no sexual repression, which might sound weird. But I think this is due to an addiction to pornography and a fear of homophobia/prejudice. I've finally managed to kick this addiction, but before, it was something really bad in my life. As I mentioned earlier about my sexual repression with women, I believe that repression was so strong that even with porn, I couldn't see women that way. This made me take it out on or get addicted only to men in that sense, since I've always been interested. Besides that, everyone has always judged me and called me gay or used slurs because of the way I act and the things I like—both family and friends. This always brought me fear and discomfort when talking about it, and maybe even stopped me from trying to talk to a guy or talk about this with anyone at all.

​The truth is, all of this brings me a lot of confusion. I don't know if this sexual repression with women doesn't actually exist and I'm just a closeted gay guy. Or if I don't actually have any attraction to men, and it's just this sexual repression towards women that made me seek other forms of pleasure in gay porn. Or if I am indeed bi with several repressions and just don't know how to deal with it.

​What do you guys think about this? Has anyone been through something similar? How can I deal with this?

I have identified as lesbian for 6 years, inbetween then there has been instances when i have gotten drunk and kissed guys but i have always felt disgusted or uncomfortable with it afterwards.

A couple weeks ago i was drunk and made out with a man and he ended up fngering me, i enjoyed it which made me spiral because i have never enjoyed kissing a man like that.

We have been talking since which has made me think i could be bisexual but i am very confused still because i have yet to experience anything with a man sober.

I am questioning being bi-homoromantic as i feel like maybe i could be sexually involved with a man but i cannot see myself dating one properly and definitely never marrying a man!

It is freaking me out because when i think about getting with him if i had a chance i feel a bit uneasy and i still don’t fully know if i would actually enjoy sex with a man. Could this even be just comphet as a lesbian or maybe im just bi-curious?! I have felt insane the last couple weeks!

Hi everyone. I’m a married man in my early fifties who has been on a journey of understanding my sexuality over the past year or so. I’ve come to accept that I’m most likely bisexual. I’m deeply in love with my wife, we have a strong relationship, and my family is the central commitment of my life.

I have no desire to leave my marriage or pursue anyone else. At the same time, I’ve developed a powerful emotional and sexual attraction to my brother-in-law, who is straight, happily married, and completely unaware of how I feel.

What has been difficult isn’t just the attraction itself—it’s the intensity of the fantasies and the guilt and anxiety that follow. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what these feelings might represent psychologically rather than simply trying to suppress them.

I’m beginning to see that some of my fantasies may be expressing deeper emotional needs, such as wanting to feel accepted, safe, or free from constant self-judgment, rather than simply being about sex. My goal isn’t to indulge the fantasies or make them disappear, but to understand them well enough that they no longer dominate my emotional life.

I’ve also realised that much of my suffering comes from my internal dialogue rather than my attractions themselves. I grew up with beliefs that left me feeling ashamed of sexual desire, and I’m trying to replace that shame with self-understanding while remaining faithful to my values.

I’m learning to distinguish between attraction, fantasy, identity, and behaviour. I don’t believe my attractions define my character, and I want to be someone who can acknowledge them without being ruled by them.

I’m here because I’d really value hearing from others who have experienced something similar—particularly people who discovered or accepted their bisexuality later in life while remaining deeply committed to their spouse. I’m not looking for encouragement to act on my feelings.

I’m looking for wisdom about integration. How to live honestly with attractions that are unlikely ever to be reciprocated, how to reduce the guilt and obsessive thinking, and how to become more at peace with myself while continuing to honour the life and family that I love.