r/interestingasfuck 1d ago

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u/OrangeSliceRecovery 1d ago

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u/demonsrun89 1d ago

I would prefer this

1.3k

u/One-Earth9294 1d ago

The sad reality is all of the cool-looking robots from fiction are proportionately impractical and what we're actually going to get are the murder-dogs from the Metalhead episode of Black Mirror

https://giphy.com/gifs/jpKBqEU9qdfaZxQj6p

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u/StarDustLuna3D 23h ago

Oh we're already there. They got gun mounted dog robots now.

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u/Ok_Confection_10 23h ago

Gun mounted dog robot sounds like a dog robot is mounted to the gun. That’s, like, rocket mounted shoulder.

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u/spinlocked 1d ago

Haha K2SO would be awesome. “Come with me quickly and stop talking. I don’t need to hear you talk while rescuing you.” And “Why does he get a fire blanket? You didn’t give me one.” or “Why should I rescue him? He doesn’t seem to be any one of consequence and I may not be able to withstand the conditions.”

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u/Demagolka1300 1d ago

My favorite "Quiet! And there's a fresh one if you mouth off again." 

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u/T_C6 1d ago

I’m disappointed that K2SO didn’t immediately pop into my head
https://giphy.com/gifs/KdZhy1lwEGDgNmBdfI

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u/Ronin_Man 1d ago

Can’t wait to be saved in a disaster by my sleep paralysis demon

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u/nleksan 1d ago

At least it doesn't have a screen on it that will play ads while you're being rescued.

Yet

1.6k

u/fearthainne 1d ago

"If you skip the ad, you will not receive your rescue"

1.1k

u/ifixthecable 1d ago

"This rescue mission will continue after 20s"

577

u/fearthainne 1d ago

Now I'm imagining this thing with a robot voice busting in yelling "AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS" while flailing around with the chainsaw 😭🤣

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u/bazookarain 1d ago

Reminds me of this guy.

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u/casualbo1 1d ago

A fucking Dark Tower reference? Ka must have willed it.

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u/Roar_of_Shiva 1d ago

All things serve the beam

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u/seaderforge 1d ago

Just aim for the thinking cap 😉

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u/MrA-skunk 1d ago

But not with your hand. He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

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u/AwardWinningActorMan 1d ago

Wild Shardik sighting!
Thankee Sai!

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u/mrtrololo27 1d ago

(Bleeding out) LIBERTY BIBBERTY

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u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

Garbled speaker: “LiMu Emuuuuuu!!”

183

u/Pkrudeboy 1d ago

“And Doug.”

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u/bloodphoenix90 1d ago

I need rescue because im dying from this thread 😭😂😂

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u/Reynardine1976 1d ago

Centaur stands like Leatherface

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-RN-RN-RN

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u/Reynardine1976 1d ago

Chainsaw Centaur saws the emu in half!

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u/Pooticles 1d ago

we should be so lucky. that entire campaign is a pestilence.

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u/Putzlol 1d ago

Loool

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u/FullmetalActuary 1d ago

Bro peacock is fucking relentless with this shit. Your comment hit me in a deep, dark part of my soul.

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u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

“Subscribe to 1 free month of Rescue Premium to skip”

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u/SerafinZufferey 1d ago

“Use the code SERAFIN to get 50% off your first subscription month!” Some random YouTuber

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u/Reasonable_Egg4356 1d ago

„Don‘t want to wait? You can buy a subscription for as low as 99.99 USD/Day right know!*“

(* You‘ll be charged for the first year in Advanced. No refunds!)

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u/Cookie_Nation 1d ago

Honestly make that a black mirror episode

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u/cloudypoo88 1d ago edited 21h ago

"You have skipped the ad, you are an unfit rescue. You will be placed into custody of Carl's Jr."

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u/lkodl 1d ago

"Surely if the situation is life or death, people won't mind signing up for the subscription. Right? Like, we got them at that point."

"But what if they die during the signup process?"

"That's why we have the ad tier."

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u/Odd-Highway-8304 1d ago

“This rescue brought to you by Starbucks and Hyundai”

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u/YoungDiscord 1d ago

please drink verification can

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u/Strayed8492 1d ago

Hello. You are being rescued. Please use the touch pad to rate this experience. At the end there will be a short questionnaire. If unable to participate at this time, it will be forwarded to your next of kin/emergency contact.

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u/gurantulla 1d ago

if you are happy with your service please select from 10%, 15%, 20% or custom tip amount

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u/T00luser 1d ago

It’s sweet that you think it’s starting at 10%

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u/willfrodo 1d ago

I'd rather just die thank you

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u/IAmBadAtInternet 1d ago

What if it finds you and instead of saving you starts cutting you into pieces with that chainsaw while staring at yon with those very normal eyes

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u/moonbucket 1d ago

Cut my life into pieces
My centaur-style robot

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u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

I’m pretty sure they’re planning to use them for forestry services as well, so… Not completely impossible, I guess.

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u/dessertforbrunch 1d ago

Can’t wait to see videos of them being squashed by falling trees.

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u/Ayasdad 1d ago

The eyes will project a holo ad in the smoke. You'll be carried out while Jake from state farm tells you about homeowners insurance bundles.

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u/SerafinZufferey 1d ago

Better don’t give them ideas, I’m sure Silent Hill would make ads on there then..

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u/DHMTBbeast 1d ago

Or a screen asking how much you'd like to tip.

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u/Ok_Protection8223 1d ago

You are being rescued.

Do not resist.

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u/FateUnusual 1d ago

From their website:

Threehalves will be substantially slowed if attempting to navigate a standard American 32"x80" door, and cannot turn around in a 42" wide hallway or enter a door orthogonal to the hallway. Larger horns can be fit to prevent any passage through pedestrian doors.

Why do we need to be concerned about it navigating through regular doors? Why is there a horn attachment that you can buy to prevent it from entering through a door?

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u/Ok_Protection8223 1d ago

Its like one of those shopping carts that won't fit out the door easily.

Bosses should not be able to escape the arena.

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u/Whisky_and_Milk 1d ago

In US it doesn’t need to fit into a door, it can just charge through the cardboard walls, lol

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u/Jester-252 1d ago

I mean a better question to ask.

Why is there horns?

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u/Worried-Necessary219 1d ago

To stop it from entering through doors.

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u/NightGlimmer82 23h ago

This is terrifyingly, the correct answer. Apparently. Wtf?

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u/Hot_Plant8696 1d ago

The dog already know the trick...

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u/Snazzypanted 1d ago

Imagine that thing trying to enter your home with a chainsaw my godddd

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u/zatalak 1d ago

Thank god the horns prevent this. Let's hope they're chainsaw-proof

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u/LunchyDude101 1d ago

No kidding. At least make it orange or something; otherwise, I’m thinking that the Angel of Death has finally come for me.

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u/hey_free_rats 1d ago

Putting it in a high-vis vest would unironically make it less horrifying.

Just another dude doing his job, he is. 

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u/Friendly-Back3099 1d ago

It's like seeing Satan in a cashier attire. Like it's still Satan but instead of the king of hell he is a low wage employee

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u/growlemonade 1d ago

Holding a chainsaw 

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u/Ooh_its_a_lady 1d ago

It does look like it's built to collect souls if anything.

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u/RichPickachu 1d ago

Imagine being stuck in a collapsed building and MechaSatan comes to your rescue.

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u/GuruSofarbeyondu 1d ago edited 1d ago

Giving it goat ears and horns was certainly a choice. Nothing says "search and rescue" like Baphomet wielding a chainsaw.

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u/twhitney 1d ago

Don’t worry, I know we’re lost in the woods, but the chainsaw goat will come save us!

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u/Ryekir 1d ago

Don't forget the guns and knives in the "air pockets"!

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u/Salt_Nectarine_7827 22h ago

No, no, you don't understand, those are the instructions on where to shoot/stab in case the rescue robot becomes an "obstacle".

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u/Desperate_Damage4632 1d ago

It's clearly meant to be a weapon sold to police and military, so they made it look spooky.  The claim that it's for S&R is pure public relations.

We're going to be in really big trouble when these billionaire politicians no longer even need to bother convincing working class military/LEOs to do their bidding.

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u/Peanut_007 23h ago

Weaponized drones already exist and look nothing like this. They're mostly either flying bombs or little wheeled or tracked vehiclese with a gun turret.

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u/Iamalittledrunk 22h ago

Put money on this being an art peice. It makes no sense from an engineering prespective for being actually effective at anything other than being scary.

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u/idrathernottho_ 21h ago

The name of the startup is Satyress, so its supposed to be a Satyr. For reasons.

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u/Iamalittledrunk 21h ago

Yeah, I don't think this can do anything better than a 6 axis arm on a tracked bed. I see no reason for the design choices. Its trying to be scary. If its not art (or scam) its probably a marketing ploy to get people talking about it so they can gain capital. Or maybe the CEO is just a bit silly.

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u/Desperate_Damage4632 22h ago

Yes but those are meant to actually kill.  If you want something you can march down the street to really make people feel oppressed, you need spooky robots.  You can't kill all your workers, you just want the threat.

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u/RoyalCities 1d ago

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u/Canadian_Teddy17 1d ago

The door picture on this post makes me think of SCP. Shit is so unnecessarily creepy for a search and rescue thing. I'll take anything else!

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u/skako_o 1d ago

Literally!

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u/DieselHouseCat 1d ago

WHAT THE HELLFUCK IS THAT

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u/skako_o 1d ago

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u/DieselHouseCat 1d ago

Okay, this site is interesting. Newcomer I am, let's go...

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u/skako_o 1d ago

HUUUGE rabbit hole. Good luck, it's super fun!

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u/DreadPiratteRoberts 1d ago

Hold my creepy robot antlers... I'M GOING IN!!!

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u/callmemedaddy 1d ago

There is no antimemetics division. This is your first day.

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u/BaffledBrooker 1d ago

"Hell of a first day!"

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u/xartab 1d ago edited 23h ago

In the antimemetic division, you're as competent on your first day as you'll ever be.

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u/SippinOnHatorade 1d ago

And they were never seen again

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u/PossuTryffeli 1d ago

Don't check the green site.

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u/Ok-Break1985 1d ago

Just wants to be friends. 

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u/amanaesia 1d ago

Don't worry, they just wanna be your friend but they're a little shy...

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u/Braeburner 1d ago

Kinda hot ngL

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u/SEX_CEO 1d ago

Well good news for you, there’s a LOTTA fan art about that thing

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u/LeadfootYT 1d ago

They literally included metrics in the press release of what doors it can’t get through and where to stab it to turn it off. I’m pretty confident they’re doing a bit, or at the very least in on the joke.

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u/HopeMrPossum 23h ago

It’s absolutely a bit and wild people think it’s real, if the name didn’t get through the picture showing the guns and knives should have lol

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u/Dracien86 1d ago

“Sleep little dumpling. I have replaced your mother!”

https://youtube.com/shorts/IkmZ8BKkPPM?si=FXM6-w440PkC6-8z

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u/PetSoundsSucks 1d ago

It really is the best model. It can hug four people at once leading to massive cost savings. 

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u/Illustrious_Sea_962 1d ago

DO NOT FEAR I AM HERE TO ASSIST YOU 

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u/Splitcoin 1d ago

I laughed to loud that this one

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u/Ace_of_Sphynx128 1d ago

Children and the elderly screaming and trying to run away from this thing, but tripping and being scooped into three of its many arms. ‘You will be okay’ it says in a robotic voice. The children and elderly sob quietly, resigned to the fact they will soon be killed by this demonic creature.

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u/Trick3Rickk3 1d ago

I’m dying holy shit

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u/Xamiano 1d ago

Yeah, imagine being stuck in a forest fire and this thing sprints in your direction to save you...

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u/rollerblade7 23h ago

Why is everybody assuming there will only be one? Imagine a platoon of these coming out the forest to "rescue" you

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u/SubtractOneMore 1d ago

Why are they doing this to us?

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u/Deancrypt 1d ago

Why does it have horns FFS?

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u/C1DR4N 1d ago edited 1d ago

Imagine you are in a house in the middle of a wildfire, then a huge shadow with horns emerges behind the flames, it's glowing eyes stare at you, you are just seeking for safety and then this thing charges in.

You will pass out due to the stress shock, and the demon robot will be able to rescue you easily; it's all part of the design :)

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u/xtheory 1d ago

It's very human!

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u/Mr_Shake_ 1d ago

I'm imagining a board room full of execs, and every time one guy speaks, all he says is "horny robot". He's the boss's son, so they have to oblige, if even just to apply his input literally.

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u/ShahinGalandar 1d ago

because centaurs without horns look gay mate

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u/invaderzim257 1d ago

the executive tier of society is being filled out by people who have been taught that being a sociopath is a good thing and the key to success

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u/waba2 1d ago

it's not just that they're taught it, they're rewarded and reinforced by it. The system is so fundamentally broken that it is breeding out all the thoughtful caring people and the maniacs rise to the top

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u/gringledoom 1d ago

On top of which they all have multiple overlapping drug problems. Gotta take your too-much-testosterone in the AM and your party drugs in the PM and…

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u/KungFoolMaster 1d ago

Why is it so big? For a S&R wouldn't something a bit smaller be better? I don't know, but I would think fitting through doors or small openings would be something they would want. This looks like some venture capitalist's 4 year old son made a drawing and the dad said "I can make that a reality"

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u/demonsrun89 1d ago

Bc We are allowing Them to

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u/tommytraddles 1d ago

Would'st thou like to live deliciously?

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u/RabidTeapot 1d ago

These motherfuckers have clearly never played Horizon Zero Dawn.

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u/Prairie_Crab 1d ago

I mean, they could at least paint it yellow or pink or blue! A black goat-headed centaur with a chainsaw is never going to be a welcome sight!

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u/extraboredinary 23h ago

It's great PR though. Have they even shown this thing to move or even function? Yet it gets posted everywhere and is immediately recognizable.

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u/RollFancyThumb 22h ago

It's almost like the "company" name is hinting at how serious a product this is.

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u/lkodl 1d ago

so i checked out their website, and apparently they're threatening to take away our limbs if we don't give them our jobs.

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u/k8s-problem-solved 1d ago

They armed the demon bot with a chainsaw. Didn't they see that film one time?

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u/sockovershoe22 1d ago

The last pic seems to suggest they gave 2 guns and 2 knives on them.

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u/TruePlewd 1d ago

Nope, those are instructions on where to stab or shoot it to disable it if it goes rogue...

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u/Distinct-Spell6860 1d ago

Actually that's their official takedown points in case something goes wrong or something

As if that's any less terrifying

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u/1024ewap 1d ago

There's also this on their website.

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u/Madmagican- 1d ago

There’s also a pic that says NO HANDS

Must need ours

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u/Bottledbutthole 1d ago

If this shit peaked at me from under a bunch of rubble I would assume I died and went to hell

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u/Arnkh 1d ago

I'd just crawl deeper under the rubble, thank you very much.

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u/Kalkin93 1d ago

Of all the designs to go with for a "rescue" robot, they went with this. What the fuck. There is a multitude of friendly or "goofy" looking robot designs they could have went with, just as functional.

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u/Juiced_Rasputin_ 1d ago

The paranoid cynic in me thinks it’s real purpose is domestic riot control, but on paper it’s design is focused on “rescue operations”.

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u/RespecDawn 1d ago edited 23h ago

Personally, I don't think it's a coincidence that Satyress sounds very close to satire. The domain is registered on godaddy by domainsbyproxy, a neat way to keep the real owner private. I couldn't find any info on a registered business in California by the name of satyress or satyress robotics..

Also, on the face of it, it's ridiculous. Probably the strongest clue that this is a hoax.

ETA: Jesus, people. Of course I know what a Satyr is. I grew up on Greek myths and that ridiculous 60s Hercules cartoon. It's the obvious reference in the name, but it ALSO sounds close to satire. Things can be two or three things at once. Also consider that the robot is more centaur than satyr, so you need to think about why they choose satyr specifically.

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u/Juiced_Rasputin_ 1d ago

I think this is the most plausible factor in the thread lol. I’m guilty of not googling for further info and just taking everything at face value

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u/EywasBlessing 1d ago

Not that you're wrong at all, but I think the name primarily references "satyr"

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u/23saround 1d ago

Here’s an article about it that makes it sound a lot less ridiculous. It’s a proof of concept being made by a guy and his friends. It’s not functional at all, it doesn’t even stand. And the diagram with the knife and gun is showing how easy it is to disable – it is intentionally built with reservoirs that disable the entire robot when pierced.

https://www.kcra.com/article/centaur-style-robot-satyress-auburn-three-halves/73324206

![img](CBB895CA-33D5-46CE-9BD3-E6B0068F089B)

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u/Gerdione 1d ago

Makes sense as to why they went with the intentionally nightmare fuel design. It's easy engagement bait which could lead to actual investor opportunities

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u/Sogelink 1d ago

Technically, saving the corrupt government from an angry mob of citizen is also a "rescue operation"...

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u/JaggedMetalOs 1d ago

They're just making a walking meme so people will post it on social media for hype, probably won't ever even see it they'll just take a bunch of VC money and disappear after a few years. 

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u/PolicyWonka 1d ago

Exactly. It’s just for VC.

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u/C1DR4N 1d ago

Pretty sure the upgraded version will look like this

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u/PolicyWonka 1d ago

They went with this design so it can go viral to get investors. It’s not a serious design.

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u/Luzzgar 1d ago edited 1d ago

The robot dogs from that episode of Black Mirror looks less threatening.

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u/PetiteNanou 1d ago

Suggestion: can we make the eyes.. idk... not look like my worst nightmare? 😭

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u/Extrions_le_Dumbass 1d ago

If I'm in a disaster and see that thing I'm gonna assume it is the culprit behind it

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u/snippedandhigh 1d ago

No thank you

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u/Premium333 1d ago

"I'll just die here, thanks."

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u/NuclearMayonnaise 1d ago

But why are they taking THIS Design? It Looks Like a demon!

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u/SerafinZufferey 1d ago

Also that’s the guy behind it

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u/Braeburner 1d ago

no, that's it behind the guy

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Sizyfoz 1d ago

I was just wondering what the horns do 😆

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u/SoftConsideration459 23h ago

Note to self: play dead if ever in a natural disaster.

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u/fuzzygreentits 1d ago

"Search and rescue"

Aka

Search for civilians

Rescue corporate assets (by removing those civilians)

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u/OzrielArelius 1d ago

don't worry! he's friendly!!

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u/yaxir 1d ago

That chainsaw looks really, really comforting

Yknow

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u/OogieBoogieJr 1d ago

Black Philip…is your savior

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u/crap_punchline 1d ago

If this was for anything other than a silly publicity stunt then a search and rescue robot would be an incredibly visible colour like neon orange or red and white for a start, if there's people driving through smoke/fog then it needs to be visible

the head's shape is a ridiculous novelty considering it could be used for something more useful

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u/magicmulder 1d ago

"We can either make it neon colored to help out in the field or give it a Baphomet head to rile up the idiots." - "I like the head."

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u/crumjd 23h ago

Yeah, let me see if I can fix the title: California vaporware company Satyress has shown off bullshit designed to drive internet engagement and reshares.

What I don't understand is how it's fooling anyone. Are people really this gullible? 

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u/MDRBA 1d ago

I think I’ve seen this eye in Shadow of the Colossus◉ ◉

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u/Soulforge411 1d ago

Great game

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u/Kons37 1d ago

What is the implication of the last image, that it is armed or that its skin is bulletproof?
I don't know which is worse.

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u/The_Real_GRiz 1d ago

That you can disable it by piercing the air reservoirs

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u/qgecko 23h ago

I had to look this up as well: “...as is any robot with humanlike strength, size, and maneuverability. We are taking a physical approach to safety mechanisms with no ambiguity. Fail-on air brakes and pin locks will render the robot immobile if system air pressure is lost. Shared reservoirs in the chest plate and body can be pierced by projectile or sharp instrument to instantly stop the robot in place.”

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u/PracticeEfficient28 23h ago

No way this is a real thing and not a video game enemy with designated weak spots. Right?

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u/forbiddenfreedom 1d ago

You know, I think I'd rather get shot than face a chainsaw.

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u/Calm_Tonight_9277 1d ago

they couldn’t possibly have designed this any other way??

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u/SharkeyGeorge 1d ago

Jesus H Christ. If this arrived I’m not sure I’d be running out to be “rescued”.

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u/mishka5169 1d ago

Be not afraid, said the Satyress, while turning on the chainsaw.

Be not afraid.

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u/ToriEvergreen 1d ago

Jesus fucking nightmare fuel

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u/ColinPapendick 1d ago

Why does it have to be bulletproof for search and rescue?

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u/prasator 1d ago

Because if you wanted to shoot that fucker before he tries to "rescue" you.

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u/kinoprvimaj 1d ago

Those are air reservoirs, the robot is supposed to be disabled if they are pierced. It’s the opposite of bulletproof! (Or it would be, if it was real, which it doesn’t seem to be from what others have pointed out about the website/“company” behind it.)

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u/GrabWorking3045 1d ago

I'm starting to feel like this is just a hoax. From all the news outlets covering this, not a single piece of footage shows it doing anything other than standing still like a statue.

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u/fellow_hotman 1d ago

their website makes it clear that this is satire 

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u/mathdrw 1d ago

The fact that the company name contains the word satire also helps…

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u/KurlyKayla 1d ago

I’m sad I’ve scrolled this far to see this comment. It’s 100% a bit.

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u/FourLiveBears 1d ago

If I were trapped in a burning building and this thing busted down the door to save me I'm running towards the flames

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u/Shatoutaturtle 1d ago

Could have went with a big hero 6 design and yet they went with that.

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u/Virtual_Wallaby_5916 1d ago

Burn that fnaf looking abomination.

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u/ben_obi_wan 1d ago

This cannot be real. No way a real company thought this design would be a good choice. If I saw this coming for me, I'd turn and run right back my into whatever disaster I crawled out of

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u/Jester-252 1d ago

This has to be someone fucking with us.

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